So I was sitting in my car in a BestBuy parking lot this afternoon, eating sushi and getting my practise in for the day that I can get to California and begin my career ov stalking Winona Ryder, and I had the ignition switched to ACC, so I could listen to some music. I had to momentarily step out in order to toss some empties into the trunk, and naturally, the ‘hey, you’ve left your keys in the ignition’ alarm sounded. I got to thinking — that alarm is way too innocuous ov a sound to be genuinely useful. If I were to redesign that feature, it would be guaranteed 100% effective in keeping people from locking their keys in the car. I picture it as being a constant tone, perhaps feedback-based, five times louder than the car’s horn. The idea is that it would generate a sound so loud, so annoying, that it would force you to think ‘what in holy fuck is that sound?? O wait — my keys!!’ Cos if you’re anything like me, a pathetic ‘ping ping ping’ isn’t going to garner any real attention.

‘AAARGH THAT SOUND AAAH MY KEYS HOLY SHIT SO PAINFUL, BUT I’M SO GLAD THAT IT SAVED ME FROM LOCKING MY DAMN FOOL SELF OUT OF MY OWN FECKING CAR FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK pop AARGH THERE GOES MY EARDRUMS, NOW I’M BLEEDING LIKE A STUCK PIG, BUT BY CHRIST I’VE GOT MY KEYS’ *jingles keys* ‘WHAT D’YOU MEAN I’M STILL YELLING??’

Just so you know, I will be working on the rest ov ‘I am not making this up‘, but as I have to do a bit ov cross-checking — I have to scan thru Emails & ICQ logs and whatnot, cos believe me, my time with that hateful individual was one big messy fucking blur — that’s kinda on hold, cos at this moment, I’m literally racing against the clock to get into courses for this Fall, and describing what I have to do for that is far too involved for me to get into right now. I’m remaining hopeful, but I’m sure I know what the outcome will be. :-\ But I’ll be getting onto the rest ov that saga soon, as I’m sure that’s the only thing that’s drawn a lot ov people to this blog in the first place..

In the meantime, let me throw some links at you, in lieu ov actually writing something. Here’s the Gynoid cutie known as Actroid, from Kokoro co., Ltd ov Japan: Link one, her movie at Link two, more at Link three, which features additional movies, and a direct link to another movie at Link four

I met with Kathy, another Close Friend From My Distant Hazy Past, on Monday afternoon. Having dutifully spritzed myself with some ov the Old spice cologne she bought fo me years ago, I was reminded ov how keen I am on perfumes & colognes; which is to say, not at all. I mean, I like Old spice — I suggested it to her as being my favourite cologne (shut up), and obviously I prefer them over the smell ov sweat and other natural human aromas, but only by a slim margin. I’m one ov those individuals who prefers people to smell like absolutely nothing at all; the olfactory equivalent ov looseleaf paper.
Having said that, my favourite smells would be, in no particular order,

+ Old typewriter
+ New car
+ Bubblegum
+ Pine tree
+ Silicone
+ and fighting for last place, lavender & clove cigarettes.

But I daresay I’d be hard-pressed to find a lass that would willingly go round smelling like bubblegum

Sorry I’ve not written in a while; I’ve not had a whole lot to say lately. Or rather, I’ve had plenty to say, but I’ve not been in a ‘proactive writing mood’, I guess. My apologies to my consistent readers — all six ov you..

Apparently this week was Stuff Week for me; or, as they call it in Germany, Stüfwoch. I’ve received:
+ my McFarlane-sculpted Vlad the Impaler Inaction Figure. Highly detailed, and sports about two to four points ov articulation
+ the Soft cell ‘Non-stop exotic video show’ DVD, which compiles all the videos made for their first album. Might I add that Marc Almond is camp as tits with pasties
+ the Thunderbirds International Rescue edition DVD set — includes both feature-length films ‘Thunderbirds 6’ and ‘Thunderbirds are Go’, and some stickers and magnets and perforated punchouts and trailers and interviews and quizzes and Easter eggs & other effluvium. F.A.B!
+ the Meat Cake Compilation, by the esteemed Dame Darcy. It’s a hardcover, and the silver-gilt page edges are a nice touch
+ the Ultra-gash Inferno trade paperback by Suehiro Maruo. IT’S. MESSED. UP. It answers the question, ‘What if Coil & Takashi Miike made a manga?’ Again, IT’S. MESSED. UP. I cannot stress this enough
+ my brand spank-me new CH-DVD-500 DVD player. Back in the saddle!

Managed to pull some strings (well, maybe a string, and it wasn’t connected to anything) and left work half an hour early, in order to catch Subliminal self play at Paycheck’s lounge Fri eve. I showed up just in time; they were the second act, and midway thru their second song when I entered. There was a small group ov people there, but I unfortunately get the impression that they were there for the other groups, so I’m glad I could show my support. Genevieve surprised me when I sat down, as I didn’t expect her to be there; Patrick had Emailed me a day earlier, saying it would just be him driving up, but Gen thought it’d be better if she came along, rather than staying at home alone with Oliver, their insane cat. And with good reason.*
Greyson’s voice kinda reminds me ov Brendan Perry ov Dead can dance, except for one song, where he sounded like one ov the Navin brothers from The Aluminum group; which is to say, a bit crooner-ish. Which is good, cos I like The Aluminum group. And Patrick really seemed to enjoy playing his synth, although I say he should start using a Moog Liberation, so he can be as cool as this guy. 🙂
After the show, we played catch-up briefly for about an hour — they had leave early, in order to make the thousand-year voyage back to Cleveland — but it was ace seeing them, even if for such a short period ov time. When Autumn rolls round, I’ve promised that I’ll visit, as I’ve not seen them since I was the best man at their wedding four years ago..

*No seriously, Oliver is ca-razay. The day ov the wedding, I crashed at Pats & Gen’s place for a few hours after the proceedings, whilst the Happy Couple was off honeymooning. Oliver, obviously threatened by this giant, bipedal cat named Dave, prceeded to incessanlty hiss & growl at me. Eventually, he had me cornered in their studio, where I locked the door, and remained there for roughly an hour. I made my escape when he finally fell asleep. It was a Day ov Marriage and Cat-induced Terror. This, then, is the Legacy ov Cleveland

Well, no ‘Zatoichi’ last night, as it premieres next Friday. *slaps heel ov hand to forehead*

Couple ov updates on the Doll front; Today was my second interview via phone with Meg Laslocky, a New York-based writer who’s doing an article about Dolls & their owners. She was pointed in my direction by professional photographer Elena Dorfman, who took a handful ov really ace photos ov myself & Shi-chan back in 2001 as part ov her series on the same subject, entitled ‘Still Lovers’. With any luck, the article might make it to a nationwide magazine; she’s aiming for Harper’s Bazaar, amongst others. So far, the interviews are going quite well — hopefully she’s finding it as informative as I’m finding it entertaining..

Plus, I received an Email over the week-end from Elisabeth Alexandre, the woman who conducted television interviews with me and a couple ov other iDollators in 2001. 2001 was a busy year! She says that, after a little over two years, she & Elena have finally found a publisher, and a Parisian group will be releasing a ‘Still Lovers’ book next Spring. Fecking ace. 🙂 Only thing is, I don’t know if it’ll be in French, English, or both.. I’ve gotta Email her back.. more details as I hear about them, ov course..

Spoke with my best friend Sean today, for the first time in several years. We were bringing each other up to speed on our lives for close to two hours.. One ov the nicer aspects ov the conversation is that he & his wife apparently live a couple ov blocks from where I work, so, instead ov just talking about hooking up, like we’ve been doing the last couple ov times we spoke, we can actually do it.
As Sean & I were the only children in our respective families, we were like the closest thing we’ve had to brothers — we’ve literally known each other since we were about five or so years old, as we grew up in the same apartment building — and because ov Random Life Bullshit, we’ve not had the opportunity to get together in too long ov a while, which sucked, because we were practically joined at the hip for years. From countless hours hanging out at the RenCen and Trapper’s Alley, to numerous trips to Toronto; from repeatedly watching our 2nd-gen copies ov ‘Wings of Honneamise’, to seeing My bloody valentine perform at St.Andrew’s; from making an unholy din with our own band Dole age, to running riot in Metro Airport with Monti, Tammy & a videocamera. I could go on, but I won’t. It’ll be ace meeting him again. 🙂
BTW, Monti, he says ‘hi’..

And finally, I had my hair straightened again. That burning means it’s working! :-\

The Goddess of Stuff dropped by for a bit before I sped off to work on Fri. My copy ov ‘Foot: A playful biography’ was delivered, as well as my ‘Crash babies’ silkscreen. w00t! I’m really glad I panicked and ordered it when I did, as I have print number 155 ov 160. *mops brow*

Also, I received a letter from Oakland Community College, stating that they’ve gotten my Free Application For Student Aid. Now alls I have to do is submit a couple ov forms, and with any luck, they’ll bestow a generous grant upon me, or something equally good..

The lads & I might try to catch Beat Takeshi’s ‘Zatoichi’ over at some cinema in Birmingham Sat eve..

A PS2 game that I, as well as a small yet rabid handful ov others, have eagerly been awaiting, will see a domestic release on 21 Sept. Its name? Katamari damashii. Its price? TWENTY DOLLARS. I am in love with the world! 🙂

And this might be the best / funniest thing I’ve heard all week — William Shatner (with the help ov Joe Jackson) covering Pulp’s ‘Common people’. Staggering.

Not much ov an update, I know, but I’ll doubtless have more ov an interesting post this Sun, for your edification

So I came home after a stressful day ov work, with the full intention ov sitting down with the rest ov the shrimp-fried rice and watching my copy ov Vidocq, right? I went up to the guest room where my telly is, set the steaming half-filled bowl ov rice down, and fired up my trusty & beloved CyberHome CH-DVD-500 player. Open disk tray, set disk in, close tray, wait for LOADING screen to finish. And wait. And wait. And wait. ?? I eject the tray, waited a couple ov seconds, and loaded it again, only to wait another couple ov minutes. Hrrm.

Okay, maybe I need to reset the region-free hack, I figured, as I really haven’t used the player since I moved back into my parents’ — I set it up for the first time since moving only a week ago; I’d been watching my R1 DVDs on my PlayStation 2, and watching my other region disks on my folks’ computer. So I redid the hack, and, for good measure, threw in my R2 copy ov Twenty four hour party people. Once again, the fecker refuses to play. Desperate / fuming, I grab a VCD and drop it in.. and that plays just fine. Okaaay, time to try another R1. No dice. Jesus. My player’s fucked.

You have to understand my love affair with my CyberHome player. When my circle ov friends gets together on Sat eve, 90% ov the time, we watch a film or two, and since our tastes run far, far away from the mainstream, most ov the DVDs we view aren’t R1 disks. Last year, Jeff, purveyor ov most ov the filth that we watch, had passed along info that he’d read on one ov the DVD forums that he frequents about the CyberHome CH-DVD-500 player, as he was, at the time, the only one in our group that owned an all-region player. This player was the stuff ov legend. Progressive scanning, Dolby 5.1 sound, aaand the ability to play not only DVDs from all regions, but to instantly convert PAL and NTSC?? Sweet baby James, how is that even possible?? They originally retailed for a little over $100, which wasn’t bad, considering that Jeff’s Malata cost over $200, but still, at the time, the asking price was a little steep.

Then, round Xmas, BestBuy had the bastards on sale. It was like a dream! They were stacked in the aisleways four feet high. We were like, ‘they’re here?? At BestBuy?? But.. they’re region-free! That naturally goes against anything that corporate America stands for!’ Mike was the first to have a go; he bought one at the startlingly low price ov $80. After he frothingly informed the rest ov us, Tomas & I went to the same location the very next day, and each bought one for $70. A week later, Marika bought hers at a different location, for $60. We couldn’t believe it; they did all they said they could do, and more. It was like a dream! Our respective DVD collections grew exponentially, and personally, I’d say that a third ov my disks are now non-R1s. I managed to get The Italian Job (the good one with Michael Bloody Well Caine, not the shitty remake) from England, when it looked like there wasn’t going to be a domestic release. I picked up Trainspotting – the Definitive Edition, with the better-looking case, almost a year before the R1 version appeared. I bought Ichi the fucking Killer. Sure, everyone has a copy now, but back when people were like ‘You’re itchy what?’ I was the coolest kid on my block. Or at least the weirdest..

So now what? Luckily Amazon still stocks the Player ov the Gods; oddly enough, when we bought ours, Amazon had them for like $90, now they’re $70. Ugh. O, well. That’s money I’d have liked to spend elsewhere, but for something like this, the choice is clear