Guaranteed effective. GUARANTEED, I SAY!!

typed for your pleasure on 14 August 2004, at 2.07 am

So I was sitting in my car in a BestBuy parking lot this afternoon, eating sushi and getting my practise in for the day that I can get to California and begin my career ov stalking Winona Ryder, and I had the ignition switched to ACC, so I could listen to some music. I had to momentarily step out in order to toss some empties into the trunk, and naturally, the ‘hey, you’ve left your keys in the ignition’ alarm sounded. I got to thinking — that alarm is way too innocuous ov a sound to be genuinely useful. If I were to redesign that feature, it would be guaranteed 100% effective in keeping people from locking their keys in the car. I picture it as being a constant tone, perhaps feedback-based, five times louder than the car’s horn. The idea is that it would generate a sound so loud, so annoying, that it would force you to think ‘what in holy fuck is that sound?? O wait — my keys!!’ Cos if you’re anything like me, a pathetic ‘ping ping ping’ isn’t going to garner any real attention.

‘AAARGH THAT SOUND AAAH MY KEYS HOLY SHIT SO PAINFUL, BUT I’M SO GLAD THAT IT SAVED ME FROM LOCKING MY DAMN FOOL SELF OUT OF MY OWN FECKING CAR FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK pop AARGH THERE GOES MY EARDRUMS, NOW I’M BLEEDING LIKE A STUCK PIG, BUT BY CHRIST I’VE GOT MY KEYS’ *jingles keys* ‘WHAT D’YOU MEAN I’M STILL YELLING??’

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Collect them all! on August 16th, 2004

I owe it all to her. Well, most ov it. on July 20th, 2004

3 have spoken to “Guaranteed effective. GUARANTEED, I SAY!!”

  1. Jessie writes:

    Now we know why Best Buy is dubbed “the idea store”, huh? Although, if I buy a car in the future with a “left your keys in the ignition, genius” alarm loud enough to scare the life out of me, I may just have to bump you to the top of my “to be haunted” list.

    On a related note, I bought my son his own PS2 controller and memory card at Best Buy yesterday. The controller is broken and the memory card, for some stupidass reason, must be used with a “memory manager disc” each and every time he uses it. Also, I got “Jack the Ripper” for myself and, even though I have the system requirements, I do not have the system *preferences*, so my computer freezes everytime I try to play the game. Of course, I’ll be back at Best Buy tonight to exchange the controller and memory card and price a few towers. The game… well, I’ll just keep it until I have a system I can play it on.

    Who knows, maybe if you listen close enough, you can hear a sound approximate to “Dave’s Key Alarm” come from the direction of Ohio.

  2. Davecat writes:

    Yey, I’m at the top ov Jessie’s ‘To be Haunted’ List!! 🙂

    And what speaketh ye ov this ‘memory manager disc’? I’ve never heard ov such a thing. So, every time your son wants to save a game, he has to use this discthang to do it? That doesn’t make any sense.. And nice for BeastBuy to sell you a broken controller, too. Jeez.

    ‘BestBuy: The Idea Store’. I’ve got an idea! PERHAPS YOU GUYS NEED TO STOP SUCKING LESS. :-\ Maybe you should move them to the top ov your haunting list.

  3. Jessie writes:

    I couldn’t haunt Best Buy. It’s rather useless on people without souls. We will just have to wait and see what comes of your key alarm idea, eh?

    From what I gathered, he’d have to boot up the memory card with the disc each time he wanted to use it. He’s a pretty patient little guy, but that would send me into a fit of annoyed twitching.

    He got a new “Shrek” controller and a yellow memory card that was, for some odd reason, about ten bucks cheaper than the regular ones. It must be the brand, because they are all 8MB memory and it appears to work just as well. The controller is cool as all get out, too. It vibrates so hard you can hear it across the room. Then again, perhaps males won’t understand *why* that’s cool…

    Anyway, enough chat. I’ve got a date with the PS2.

Leave a charming reply