After ‘Head music’, it’s diminishing returns

typed for your pleasure on 10 January 2014, at 8.54 pm

Sdtrk: ‘She’s in fashion’ by Suede

First post of 2014! Written in 2013. Cough.
Were your holidays good? Did you witness The Descent of the Shimmering Death Sphere just before midnight in New York city? I swear, the recent New Years’ Eve ball is just one redesign away from becoming Leviathan. Give ’em time.

Allow me to recount part of another one of my amusing dreams, whether you want to hear it or not: in this one, I was round at my parents’ house, sorting through great big piles of things I wanted to keep or get rid of, and joining me in this task were a younger, late-Sixties-era Hugh Hefner, and Crawley’s Favourite Gothic Son, Robert Smith. Also, my parents’ house had four storeys instead of two, because why the hell not?

HUGH (going through large plastic bag): Are these [tools] from an IKEA couch?
ME: Yep! God bless the Swedes.
ROBERT: ‘God bless Suede’??
ME: No no, god bless the… I think you’d thought I said that last time! No, Brett Anderson’s cool, but they’re not that good.
ROBERT: Especially now.
ME: O no. God, no.
ROBERT: *frowning, shaking head vigourously*

A music critic, even in my sleep

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typed for your pleasure on 31 October 2013, at 11.04 am

Sdtrk: ‘Long as the sun’ by Medicine

Ladies and gelatin, it has been a heady couple of weeks. Let me get you lot up to speed with things:

In the process of lifting my lazy affictitious Russian one Saturday evening in late September, I did something unpleasant to my back, to the point where I was in excruciating pain for about a week and a half. This is the thing that kills me: I’ve lifted Sidore (just under 100 lbs from 2000 to 2010, now down to 78 lbs) thousands of times over the course of 13+ years, with no ill effects, but the one time I have a go at lifting Elena (57 lbs), something goes wrong. Really, what are the odds?

Due to my injury, I took the week off work. I saw my GP… well actually, I had to see the other GP who shares the clinic with my GP, and after determining that I had a herniated disk, she gave me some cyclobenzaprine, which is a muscle relaxant, and some prescription-level ibuprofen, both of which did the business. When I went back to work after my week of cursing this ineffective meat body, my job laid me off on the 30th. It wasn’t to do with my injury, but work had been extraordinarily slow for a couple of months prior to me fucking up my back; when I returned, one of my coworkers was doing my job, but saying there was nothing for him to do. However, at the very least, I was laid off, not fired; my boss told me with his own mouth that as soon as things picked back up, he’d give me a call. So there’s that. Thankfully, I’m collecting unemployment, though…

You’d think it’d be nice to take advantage and get caught up on things in the absence of a day-to-day job, right? Get some reading in, start and finish building any model kits that need to be assembled, that sort of thing? Well, yes and no. Fellow iDollator Everhard summed it up pretty well in a recent Email to me:

Being unemployed really is a full time job that leaves no energy for the creative things. I have plenty of experience with that. You need proper freedom of time and effort to achieve worthwhile things. Even when you attain that state, or something approximating it, it seems to take a while to get acclimatised to it. Old habits die hard.

Instead of digitising all those pieces that I’d recorded as Wreath.VCA onto cassette tape years ago, or scanning all those print photographs I’d taken over the years, I’m spending my time seeking work online, or sleeping, or catching up on telly shows that I’ve been wanting to see for a while — the first two eps of The Owl Service are good, then it kinda gets bogged down in a Young Adult Fiction vibe, but the last episode is basically The Exorcist, and Children of the Stones is like The Prisoner crossed with ‘The Wicker Man’, and its last episode wouldn’t be out of place during Pertwee’s run on Doctor Who — or compulsively checking my websites. A large part of it, I think, is if I weren’t so concerned about trying to find ‘gainful’ employment, I could relax a lot more…

Apart from the idle distractions I’ve been engaged in, I’ve also been busy either accepting or deflecting loads of media appearances, brought on by Julie Beck’s article about me in the Atlantic! A few days after my back felt well enough for me to not spend 23 1/2 hours in bed per day, I’d received enquiries from two separate radio chat shows — one in Vancouver, the other in Australia, as well as some bloke working for Barcroft Media who mentioned eventually selling my segment to Dr Phil, and a writer who wanted to publish her article in Cosmopolitan, but had ties to the iDollator-hating feminazi site Jezebel. Obviously I’d said No to all of those, as if they didn’t look insubstantial or derisive, they seemed like too much of a risk.
What I’d said Yes to, though, was a fun and in-depth two-hour interview via Skype on 16th October with Maya Docha, a freelance reporter/writer, and a five and a half hour interview by Roc Morin, who entered Deafening silence Plus of his own free will on the 28th of this month. Maya struck me as funny and insightful, and the fact that she’d spoken with the Kinsey Institute means she was looking to do more than a puff piece, and when Roc and I weren’t discussing Dolls, Gynoids, and the past and future of artificial companions, he was telling me hilarious/unsettling anecdotes about his trip to North Korea a few years ago. Neither one of their pieces are published yet, so hold your horses; you’ll know when I know.
And to top it off, on the 26th and 27th of October, Shi-chan, Lenka, and I were filmed by a telly crew working for RTL Germany! We’re due to appear in a segment of a programme called Explosiv, which looks like… a show on telly. Most pop culture news shows look alike to me. It was an experience involving a bit of a drive out and about, digging for soundbites, and last-minute planning. Loads of last-minute planning. Every single one of us will have the final product to look forward to in the next couple of weeks, so hold your horses; you’ll know when I know.

Lenka, still unsure about the whole ‘being on telly’ thing; Shi-chan, showing off a prezzie from Mr Morin purchased in Pyongyang, North Korea

At the very least, our appearance on Explosiv will have a number of firsts: it’ll be the first time an Anatomical Doll has been on non-Russian television, as it’ll also be Elena’s first foray into being on telly, and the segment will possibly show her first trip with me out of doors! We went to a cemetery, which should surprise absolutely no-one. Lenka found the cemetery thing to be wonderful — any time you can be outside without being harassed by people is always fantastic — but she’s still shy when it comes to being displayed on other peoples’ telly screens. ‘It’s not all that bad,’ Shi-chan had reassured her. Onwards and outwards!

A number of weeks ago, one of the Missus’ tumblr friends left this in her Ask box:

Sidore agreed that, were it not for the fact that I’m currently on the dole, it’d be a hell of an idea. Maybe since we can’t actually dress the part for this year’s Hallowe’en, perhaps some keen and generous artist could draw us as the aforementioned Blade runner characters, hint hint?
Just so you know, I nearly typed ‘Blade rubber’ there. Really, what are the odds?

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LOST: one week-end / As long as I don’t have to wear one of her shirts / Heavy dreaming

typed for your pleasure on 8 June 2013, at 11.03 pm

Sdtrk: ‘La réciprocité’ by The new lines

This week-end, I’m currently ill. Over the course of this past Winter, I’d dodged so many bullets as far as not catching everyone else’s specific plagues, but now that it’s Springtime, and the temperature in SE Michigan has been careering up and down like a rollercoaster, I suppose it was inevitable that I got something. So at the time of this writing (Saturday eve), instead of hanging out wi’ t’ lads at t’ Playhouse as I usually do, I’m getting up to speed with episodes of Kamen rider 555 and Kakumeiki Valvrave, while under the influence of my patented ‘lurgey cocktail’ (generic equivalent DayQuil chased with two tabs of Alka-seltzer). Writing and editing posts in this state probably isn’t entirely recommended, but if Hunter S. Thompson could get away with it, then so can I. Although I’m certain he was blowing his nose less.

Last week-end, however, those of us in SE Michigan experienced another brief but much-appreciated glimpse of Springlike weather last week-end, so Sidore persuaded me to use a photoshoot idea she’d thought of, where she’s wearing one of my shirts. Well, I say ‘wearing’.

Few things are as stimulating as seeing your lover flounce around in one of your shirts, no? Not surprisingly, Elena made me promise that I’d get a solo shoot of her in with the next bout of nice weather. DOLLS: constantly demanding!

And late last year, I’d run across a trailer for a student film entitled ‘Traumfrau‘ (Dream girl), directed by a German bloke by the name of Oliver Schwarz. I’d reached out to him to see if I could review his work, and so far, I’m awaiting a response. Looks somewhat promising, though!

As the film takes place in Germany, or at the very least, Europe, Jenny, the affictitious lass in the relationship, seems to be either a Mecadoll, or some variant thereof. Be sure to lift with your knees, and not with your back, Dirk!

Right; I’m off to follow Dirk’s example in the photo above, and collapse headlong into bed. At least if I’m unconscious, I won’t mind everything tasting like iron filings so much. I might well dream that I’m eating a car!

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Eventually, you’ll have to deal with the Blinovitch Limitation Effect

typed for your pleasure on 24 February 2012, at 1.46 am

Sdtrk: ‘Cre spoda’ by Klaus Nomi

Passed a delivery van on the way to work today, bearing a sticker which read, ‘FOR SAFETY REASONS THIS VEHICLE DOES NOT DRIVE FASTER THAN 65 MPH’. Of course, until I was close enough to actually read what it genuinely said, I thought it was 88 mph. Grew up in the Eighties; I have no regrets.

This led me to thinking: well, that’s counter-productive. If you were in a delivery van that could go 88 mph, with the proper equipment you could go back in time, and transport whatever shipment to the recipient before they’d even requested it, thereby eliminating the need to go back in time.

So why’d you go back in time in the first place?

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The cueball-sized eyes have it

typed for your pleasure on 6 May 2011, at 3.51 pm

Sdtrk: ‘…da beißt ein Goldfisch an’ by Brigitt Petry

So I’d recently come to this shocking revelation:

You have singer-songwriter Kate Micucci:

And here’s silicone sexpot Miss January:

Hmm. And has anyone ever seen them in the same room together? Hmmm.
The plot thickens (not really)

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typed for your pleasure on 9 March 2011, at 4.23 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Reader meets author’ by the Smiths

Recently, Deafening silence Plus took a bold step forward and entered the 21st Century. That’s right — we now have an XBOX 360! I kinda had to purchase one, as a couple of mates gave me games for it this past Chrimbo. There’s currently a small but growing cluster of games in my library — Space invaders: Infinity gene, Pac-man Championship edition Deluxe (blame SafeT for getting me addicted to those two), Bayonetta (of course), Bioshock 1 and 2, and Lost planet 1 and 2 — plus, Zip Gun lent me his copy of Bladestorm, which means I’m entirely overstimulated. Honestly, in order to get away from the insidious clutches of that foul machine so that I could write this post, I had to use Sidore as a sacrifice; she’s playing Bayonetta right now, so I’m not. I knew there was a reason I got her in the first place!

So a number of Saturdays ago, goshou and I did a wee bit of shopping for vidyagaemz. Neither of us managed to find anything that we were looking for, as either the shops we hit were out of stock of what we wanted, or their prices were patently outlandish. However, the most outlandish thing by far we’d seen had to have been this:

Frankly, the pheasant’s the most dangerous of the lot

Seriously, what in the living hell am I looking at? Now, I don’t play hunting videogames, as they’re hunting videogames, and I can’t think of a genre that’s more rigidly boring, except for perhaps golf. Or Drying Paint: The Game. Obviously I’m not the only person who thinks that way, which is undoubtedly why Field & Stream, wanting to drum up sales, had 505 Games’ art department design a compelling, attention-grabbing cover. Having said that, how much do you wanna bet that the scenario depicted on the box art never comes close to taking place in the game? That’s FALSE ADVERTISING. However, I could be wrong — that could be a boss battle.

Here’s an idea that might widen the fanbase of the hunting game genre: I’ve noticed that with the advent of the next-generation series of game consoles, such as the extremely popular WiiStation 720, people seem to dig the whole player-vs-player online experience. Why not… why not apply that experience to hunting games?? One team plays a solitary human player, or, if you like, a small hunting party of no more than five humans, and the opposing team is Team Wildlife. Players on Team Wildlife can select from different animals, which would naturally have various attributes. Choose the Elk, for swift its hit-and-run tactics! Choose the Grizzly, for its brute force attacks and fearsome roar! Choose the Cougar, for frequently tanning, cruising clubs, and hitting on blokes much younger than yourself! O, wait.
But yes! It’s an idea so revolutionary, that it revolves. Any hunting game developers that want to get in on the ground floor of this action — which would be all of you, if you know what’s good for you — you can get in touch with me via my Contact page. Please have chequebook ready!

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typed for your pleasure on 5 January 2011, at 9.25 pm

Sdtrk: ‘The King’s civil calendar control’ by The new lines

Contrary to popular belief, ‘Shouting etc etc’ is a blog that does not speak exclusively about Dolls, Gynoids, Synthetik companions, and the like. It also covers other important subjects that I feel need to be disseminated more often to society. Squirrels, for example.
CAVEAT: This video is so sweet that your teeth will undoubtedly rot out of your head in seconds. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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