One ov the ace things about living in this century is the many fab and useful inventions that we can integrate into our daily lives. The wheel. The microwave. The combination cellphone/PalmPilot. The RealDoll. Well, now you can add pyrithione zinc shampoo to that list. Have you tried this stuff? I picked it up on a whim last week when I needed some more shampoo; I usually get the standard dry scalp version ov Head & Shoulders, but I decided to grab the new pyrithione zinc variation, as it boasted ov a ‘cooling sensation’ on the front ov the bottle. And they weren’t lying! It’s as if they injected pure and unrefined peppermint into the bottle. It is truly a cooling sensation not found in any other shampoo; that is, unless you habitually wash your hair with milkshakes. It’s very refreshing!

Ov course, just you wait; ten years down the road, the AMA will undoubtedly release a statement that repeated usage ov pyrithione zinc-based shampoos will cause explosive brain haemmorhages. ‘AARGH IT TINGLES’ *pfft thud*

Wow, Monti’s writing in bulk. Nice!

So there’s the tinkling and while I know damn well Doug has heard it, he makes like he’s in a coma. I know that ploy. I invented that ploy, and dammit he’s good at it. I get up to investigate, and Zeus meets me at the bedroom door. This is a bad sign. This means that Zeus has come to tattle. Zeus cannot jump to places higher than the couch due to a childhood injury (his childhood, not mine) and he has come to tell me that Loki has done something he cannot do, and he resents it so much, he’s going to get Loki in trouble. He practically runs to the window to show me – “see, see what he did. I would never do that, I’m the good one.” Sure enough, Loki has managed to push out the screen, causing it to sit askew in the jamb and letting every bug within a four-block radius into the apartment.

In the future, when she finally becomes the internationally-famous screenwriter that she’s been working on being for the past decade or so, I only hope that she remembers that I catsat for her on a few occasions, so that when I visit her palatial estates, she’ll be less likely to sic armed robotic guard dogs on me. Well, not all ov them, at any rate.
Go visit her Backroom, if you haven’t already. LEAVE AT ONCE!!

Interesting Anecdote™: A couple ov Saturdays ago, Monti & I were hanging around outside ov her apartment, after an interesting / amusing afternoon spent at a Japanese cultural festival. It was evening at that point, and Zeus was outside, wandering around, as is his wont. Now since you’ve never met Zeus before, I will describe him. He is a charming cat who says ‘meh meh’ instead ov ‘miaow’, studied two years ov law at Cambridge, and has markings that make him resemble a scale-model milk cow. (As seen here with his sparring partner Loki.) Anyway, as we were busy nattering on about whatever, a party broke up at the apartment complex next door, and the patrons were stumbling their way down the street. One ov them caught sight ov Zeus ambling across the road and remarked, ‘Dude, look — it’s, like, a mini-cow!’ O, how we chuckled

SOME GUY ON THE OTHER LINE: My wife’s not here right now, she’s out golfing.
ME: Stalking??
GUY: GOLFING.
ME: Ahh, that… that makes more sense.
GUY: Heh heh — well, I guess they’re kinda similar…
ME: This is true. You’re following the ball everywhere it goes… you’ve got a blunt metal object… sometimes there’s bushes involved.
GUY: …

Has Aquafina always tasted like aluminum water? It can’t just be me, and I’m sure that Apollinaris, the Queen of Table Waters, would wholeheartedly agree. Maybe the ad copy on the label can provide some insights..

All bottled waters are not the same.
Yes; studies have shown that some actually taste good, as opposed to tasting like iron filings.

Aquafina’s state-of-the-art HydRO-7™ purification system consistently removes substances most other bottled waters leave in.
I keep picturing a steel pot ov boiling water on a stove. The pot has a two-week old coffee filter swirling around within, and the stove is a fetching shade ov avocado. Ladies and gentlemen, I present.. the HydRO-7™ Purification System. Long may it stand, never shall it fall.

So the only thing you taste in your water . . . is water.
*snickering* Or maybe coffee filters?

Aquafina.
Which, by the way, is Latin for ‘Final Water’. The water that you will drink before you DIE.
That’s what killed Socrates, y’know.

Pure Water.
‘There’s too much oxygen in this water! They must’ve mixed it funny.’

Perfect Taste.
Relative to, perhaps, a tall foamy glass ov bear sputum, then I would heartily agree!

Every time.
‘AQUAFINA: Lower your Standards™.’

And as I can see, now that I’ve gotten to the bottom ov the label, I see that it’s ‘Bottled by Independent Bottlers Under the Authority of PepsiCo, Inc.’ It all makes sense to me now! I can’t feckin’ stand Pepsi. This ‘Aquafina’ shit is probably the countless unsold gallons ov Pepsi Clear that they used to produce! Ahhh, another piece ov the brackish, distasteful puzzle falls into place

Just checked my grades online:

*does Jerry McGuire-esque pumping motion with fist*
That’s a fine GPA! I should quit while I’m on top. 🙂

To celebrate, I shall go watch a fillum. Besides, right now, my Internet connection is acting really squirrely, and I don’t have the patience for it

En route home thru Royal oak this afternoon, I pulled up to a red light at the corner ov Main, and.. some other smegging street, and I’d noticed that, to my right, was a police officer, standing behind a large neon yellow construction-style sign that read ‘SAFETY BELT ENFORCEMENT ZONE’. Eh?? It’s true; he was just standing on the corner, about fifteen to twenty feet away from his cruiser, which was idling with the passenger door open and its hazard lights blinking, and he was.. enforcing safety belts, I suppose. I dunno. I daresay he wasn’t doing a very good job ov it, as I was stopped behind like four other cars, and he didn’t even seem to be peering into any vehicles to make sure that people had their seatbelts on. Perhaps there was a hidden camera somewhere; again, I don’t know.
Great; this is our tax dollars at work, I thought. Some cop standing on a street corner, ‘enforcing’ safety belt usage. Fecking brilliant. What is this apropos ov, exactly? I mean, if he had happened to see someone not wearing their seatbelt, what was he gonna do, yell an ineffectual ‘hey you, stop’, and leap onto the perp’s hood like T.J Hooker? Hanging on for dear life with one hand, and using the other to radio for backup ‘WE’VE GOT A SB-854 ON THE RUN SET UP THE TYRE SPIKES’? I mean, what??

Now, I understand that one ov the purposes ov police is to protect people from their own stupidity, but as far as I see it, if you don’t have the presence ov mind or simply the common goddamn sense to strap yourself into moving machinery, then quite frankly, if you get into a wreck and go rocketing thru your windscreen, you deserve what you get, as you’re the exact sort ov person that needs to be removed from the gene pool, anyway. Ultimately, if you don’t wear your seatbelt, it only harms you. Unless, ov course, you launch out ov your car, and your stupid lacerated body strikes another vehicle; well then, yeah, that’s a bit ov a problem.
But honestly, I’d have to say that it’s nice to see that police are spending their time & manpower doing something really important. Good show, sirs, and Well done

Just had an idea for an article; in the style ov the editorials on The Onion, it would be called, ‘I Should Stop Wasting So Much Time Pursuing Older Women Who Have No Interest In Me, And Start Pursuing Younger Women Who Have No Interest In Me’. Heh.