Any Synthetiks-related news, Davecat? (Dec 2008)

typed for your pleasure on 8 December 2008, at 5.15 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Heart and soul’ by Joy division

Our top stories this month *cue sfx of either morse code or typewriters*:

+ Abyss Creations have got a new news section on their website, entitled ‘The Doll Street Journal’, wherein they post notices of discounted RealDolls for sale, or various deals on offer, or clearance items, etc etc. Plus, they have a Doll of the Month feature, where a silicone lass at the factory details a few things about herself (it reminds me a bit of seeing adverts for cats and dogs up for adoption). This month’s instalment is the second one out, so catch yourself up on the News page of the site

+ Orient industry has finally released a number of photos of two of their sexy new Real Love Doll Ange girls; the Sora-type, and the Rie-type.

Sora-chan, after being told her sushi came from that fish tank behind her

While we’re hoping that the company will post pics of the other four models of Dolls in that line relatively soon, you can hit up ‘Ta-bo’s Kisekae Dataroom’ in the interim, and check out his photo-reports taken in Orient industry’s Tokyo showroom.

Rie-chan thought sitting in front of her seating made her
look more ‘artsy’. Actually, it just made her look drunk

Personally, whenever Ta-bo-san does those reports, I always get the impression that he’s window-shopping for yet another addition to his staggering collection as he does so. Which is more than likely the case…

+ 4woods is back to work! As if they’d ever stopped. Not only have they unveiled a cute new head, Kurumi, for the A.I.Peach line, but they’ve also developed an alluring new body type as well, known as the A.I.Doll Evolution.

If Doctor Who’s Dodo Chaplet was turned into a Doll and joined Morning
musume, this is what she would look like

Like Kate Moss, but much less expensive

Now, as the seductive Mia has a definite Caucasian facial styling, it could be argued that 4woods is aiming for the non-Japanese market, much like Cindy and Maria of Axis Japan‘s Honey Dolls line. Well, there’s a reason for that, which I’m leading up to; don’t rush me.

Personally, Kurumi’s only okay in my book — she looks a bit too… chirpy. But as you’re aware, two exact same models of Doll can look radically different, depending on hair, makeup, lighting, photography, overall personality, etc. For instance, the Missus and her nymphomaniac cousin Charlie Joanne are both Body 2, Face 4 RealDolls, but the difference is like night and day. Which is entirely appropriate, if you think about it. Maybe when I see some owner pics of Kurumi, I’ll change my tune.
Mia, on the other hand, gets my full Seal of Approval. The A.I.Evolution is apparently the culmination of seven years of 4woods Doll developments (has it really been seven years??); she’s 5’4″, weighs 71 lbs, and her measurements are 35.25.37. Huh! ‘The wider spread of legs, better touch/feeling while being intimate, attention to small detail on each body part, an existence you can almost feel her breath… You can find these characteristics in our evolved A.I doll,’ boasts the site, and I’m certainly willing to believe that.

+ Back in November — on my birthday, coincidentally enough — KnightHorse, Matt Krivicke & Bronwen Keller’s new company, opened its virtual doors. Introducing: Lovable Dolls. Or Loveable Dolls; I’m not sure which spelling they’ll end up with.

Comes shipped with romantic ambience; candle and pillows sold separately

Ripped from the pages of a popular forum that handles this sort of thing:

Yvette shown here is 5’3″ tall, her measurements are 32A-22-30 and she wears a size 7 shoe. She weighs approximately 65lb. She has a removable head designed with a system that allows you to easily change her eye color and position the eyes without damaging the eyelashes. We use beautiful handmade eyes in each doll. The eyes are available in 9 gorgeous colors that reflect light in a beautifully realistic way. She is available in 7 different skin tones ranging from very fair to very dark, and she is made of premium grade platinum silicone. You will be able to order Yvette with all the options offered by the other high end doll companies, plus a few extra.

Yvette can be purchased with built in entries or with a removable insert. She is fully posable and jointed. We have been very fortunate to establish an exciting partnership with 4Woods of Japan; we are using a skeleton based on their design, and we will be their USA affiliate for people who would like to purchase 4Woods dolls. We will also be offering maintenance services for 4Woods within the USA. They, in turn, will be marketing our dolls in Japan.

Our base price for Yvette is $5,500 + shipping. […] We hope you love her as much as we do!

Best wishes,
Matt Krivicke

No snappy caption here; too busy drooling over Dollfeet

From the pics I’ve seen of Yvette (the company plans on releasing additional models over time), she’s scarily realistic. And I mean that in the best possible context!
If her particulars aren’t enticing enough, Matt K & Bronwen also state on the site’s FAQ that not only are they willing to repair any of their Dolls at their aptly-named Doll Hospital should they require repair, but they say they can give a go at repairing other manufacturer’s Dolls as well, which is a boon since Slade, the RealDoll Doctor, is no longer practising. I’ve gotta say, that’s a hell of a standard that they’ll be establishing for all Doll makers. KnightHorse’s gorgeous lasses will definitely be something to keep an eye on in the next coming months…

And it looks as if Japanese audiences will finally be getting the chance to enjoy ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ later this month! Wonder why that took so long?

That’s the least-withdrawn Lars has ever looked

There’s a couple of pics in the News section of Bianca — well, a Bianca; everyone knows there’s more than one — taking in the sights of Tokyo, which is rather charming.

She’s not big enough of a star to warrant a limousine, apparently

What with Japan being a nation that is not as averse to the concept of either passive or active Synthetiks, one wonders what the overall reaction will be to this film? Do let us know, Japan!

And there you have December!
‘Shouting to hear the echoes’. More Doll news than you can physically handle, so we suggest employing some sort of large container to prevent spillage

Technorati tags: Abyss Creations, RealDolls, Orient Industry, CandyGirl, 4woods, A.I.Dolls, Axis Japan, Honey Dolls, Charlie Joanne, KnightHorse, Lovable Dolls, Lars and the Real Girl, ラースと、その彼女, リアルドール

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Any Doll-related news, Davecat? (Nov 04) on November 4th, 2004

Surrogates; or, Bruce Willis' hair has never looked so good on October 16th, 2009

Fact-checking is for the weak

typed for your pleasure on 28 November 2008, at 4.14 pm

Sdtrk: ‘The November men’ by Death in June

Greetings, new readers who’ve arrived at ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’, due to the link provided by Korea Beat! For the record, that post that sent you here? It’s riddled with errors. Riddled. This is what occurs when you use a blender to edit your articles. Let’s go over the highlights with a red pen, shall we?

The Real Dolls, made of a material similar to silicone, really look and feel just like a real person. And at 40 to 50 kilograms they even weigh as much as a woman. They can wear makeup and the more expensive ones can even eat.

Y’know, if I could get Sidore to cook for the pair of us, that would save so much time. Maybe she never learned how cos I never taught her, durr hey?

It is becoming increasingly easy to find men overseas with similar stories. 34-year old Dave of Detroit, in the United States, keeps a blog about his daily life with his Real Doll. They take walks together, eat together, and share secrets in bed just like a real married couple.

I can just see us attempting to do that. Either I’m blithely dragging her along by one arm, or hoisting her onto my back for a ride, and killing the pair of us.
And for the record, that’s Davecat, not Dave. Davecat, Esq. Well, maybe not esquire, but I’m working on it.

Here, the article’s broken up by a couple of pics of Synthetiks who are clearly CandyGirls, and not RealDolls. Another mark for lack of research!

He confessed his feelings about loneliness and the Real Doll. “I was always alone ever since I was a child. I think it was because of my appearance…”

Initially, people could handle my two sets of horns and prehensile tail, but then one Summer, I developed a row of glistening black eyeballs across my forehead. For some bizarre reason, that put people off!

“Suzi (the name of his Real Doll) is the first woman I had sex with and she does everything I want…”

Suzi? SUZI?? How the hell did they parse Sidore into Suzi? Did they just stop translating at the first letter and randomly select a female name that also starts with ‘S’?
And unfortunately Shi-chan (the first Synthetik woman I had sex with, just so you know) doesn’t do everything. She’s categorically refused to allow me to use her as a table or a chair, in the style of Allen Jones, for example.

“my mother, who is deceased, really wanted me to meet a girl but I think she understood that with the doll I’m not so lonely.”

Actually, unless Korea knows something I don’t, mum is above ground, and doing quite well. I spoke with her yesterday, as a matter of fact. No ouija board or scrying-glass was needed!
Also, they may be confusing (or just fusing) me with Everard, whose mother has in fact passed, and has said things to this effect in ‘Guys and Dolls / Love me, love my Doll’.

Men who only date their Real Dolls are mostly people who trouble fitting in to society. Because of their appearance or sexual experiences they live at home, with few friends, let alone a girlfriend, and purchase a Real Doll to solve those problems and have it them be their friends and lovers. On Dave’s blog he once wrote, “our conversations are one-way but even so I feel thankful to her.”

*facepalms* Where do I even begin with this paragraph?? It’s 95% bullshit!
For one, I think that once you have a Doll, you’re not really dating her — you’ve pretty much skipped that whole process entirely.
My favourite bit out of that cavalcade of conjecture though, is that quote I ‘wrote’. Take a moment to plug that phrase into the Search engine of ‘Shouting etc etc’, and see if you can find it. Go on, I’ll wait.
Did you find it? Heh, neither did I.

And the final paragraph,

Many people are unable to understand how they can treat a doll as their girlfriend. But the only way for them not to be that way is for us to understand them. When we understand their feelings there will no longer be dolls in their beds.

Ahh, but what if a person wants a Doll in their bed? Or did I just blow your mind??
A good spur-of-the-moment analogy would be that some people enjoy Coke, and some people like Pepsi. And then, there are those of us who love Dr pepper. There’s not a thing wrong with Dr pepper; it’s simply another type of beverage…

Anyway, you can find the undissected work of fiction-disguised-as-fact here. It’s left me more amused than angry, if nothing else, but there’s so much mistranslation/appropriation/fanciful bollocks that I’m left wondering if this article came from North Korea, and not the southern half. As we all know, North Korea has their own, shall we say, unique, take on reality

Any Synthetiks-related news, Davecat? (Nov 2008)

typed for your pleasure on 7 November 2008, at 12.38 pm

Sdtrk: ‘th case fr public organisation’ by The new lines

Why yes, I say; a bollockload! Yet another Synthetiks developer has entered the open market; this one from Hong Kong. It seems to be less of a staff, and more of some bloke, but his their company is called the Hong Kong Human-Robot Center. Currently, they have two models available — the Gynoid F1, and the Android M1, who happens to look exactly like the company’s head roboticist. Admit it, you’d make an Synthetik duplicate of yourself if you had the means to do so. There’s some footage of F1 on the site proper, and man, is she blabby.

The robots of M1 and F1 were life-casted from the inventor directly. We use a new life casting technology and our created materials to simulate human skin, the elasticity and the skin color. If the make-up technology is combined, the simulation is higher.

The inner structure includes simulated bone 、mechanical joint、special servo motors and central unit etc. The central unit has built-in MCU with our developed special program which can control 16 different directions of servo motors at the same time、 DTMF system and 3G mobile etc. The robot is operated by using batteries without air pump connected, also provides power safe mode. We will continue to increase the activity joint and the function of the Human-Robot and make it to be more perfect.

The movement of the robot can be remote-controlled by telephone with correct password entered. You can hear the nearby sound of the robot on the phone, talk and move through the robot’s mouth, and watch the surrounding of the robot if 3G mobiles are used. It also provides the automatic mode and manual mode for your selection to control the robot. Voice/pattern recognition system, or optical motion capture system can also be applied for human-robot. […] We offer low price and accept custom-made order, rental, any collaboration for robot development / training couse.

Going from the above paragraphs, they’re definitely aiming high. I mean, their claim alone of being able to control your Synthetik through your phone, as well as using him or her for a telepresence, is a bold one, but could you imagine the ahem teledildonics ah-hem potential? That’s some serious Ghost in the Shell-type stuff there — being able to speak and act through a proxy body. Fantastic idea, actually. Of course, I would suggest the company hire a better sculptor, especially if they’re fulfilling custom orders, as the F1 model is a wee bit… lacking in aesthetics. Onward and upward, though — good to see another individual having a go at getting more Androids and Gynoids into society! I sent him an Email enquiring about his work, but I’ve not heard from him yet. I blame the language barrier.

On the Doll front, overachieving Japanese Dutch wife manufacturers Orient industry plan to release a couple of products round Xmas, such as a thermo-blanket for your CandyGirl, a USB-based ‘hole warmer’ (it’s exactly what you think it is), and yet another new model line, called Real Love Doll Ange; one of their lasses would be pictured below.

To be honest, she kinda looks a bit high-maintenance

She’s a wee bit over 5 ft tall, weighs in at 53 lbs, and has two body types: the B-cup size (30.22.34), and the E-cup size (33.22.34). This line not only seems to have the most realistic sculpting out of all the CandyGirls to date, but unless it’s due to smoke and mirrors, it appears she can stand as well. Yummy. More details as they unfold…

As it’s a new month, Phoenix Studios is maintaining consistency again, by releasing Miss November out into the world. She would make an incredible Xmas gift for a lucky someone! Or Hanukkah, for that matter.

‘If you squint, I disappear. That’s my superpower’

She looks like an icy lass, but approachably icy. Upon further scrutiny, she resembles a less-Gothic Dame Darcy, creator and artist of the lysergic neo-Victorian comic series Meat cake. Maybe someone should buy a Miss November, and make her up to look like Dame Darcy. Strap a tiara on her head, put some butterfly wings on her, hand her a banjo, “Bob” is your uncle. *nods approvingly*

Also, Miss Autumn, another one of the luscious Seasons models, is making her debut.

Her earrings look heavier than she is

As savvy followers of iDollator culture will undoubtedly note, her photoshoot was done by the fabulous Stacy Leigh. What, Miss Autumn’s makeup and the background didn’t tip you off?
Two more Seasons Dolls left! I’m still scratching my head as to what Phoenix Studios’ gameplan will be after Miss Spring is released next year. Perhaps that’s precisely how they want it…

Back on the Gynoid tip, there’s a new anime series currently airing (although it has a nail-biting release schedule of one episode every two months), that centres round the sociopolitics of Androids and Gynoids in a near-future Japan. It’s entitled ‘Eve no Jikan’, or ‘Time of Eve‘, and as Mari and I viewed the first two eps last Friday eve, I’ll inflict a review of sorts on you lot in a post or two…

And finally, as it’s my birth month — woo and yay Scorpio — I’ll note here that I’m playing to type, and I’d love to have this bumper sticker, designed by rstevens, of Diesel Sweeties fame.

Just putting that out there, y’know

Technorati tags: Android, Gynoid, robots, Orient Industry, CandyGirl, Phoenix Studios, Boy Toy, Dame Darcy, Stacy Leigh, iDollators, Eve no Jikan, イヴの時間, Time of Eve, Diesel Sweeties

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Surrogates; or, Bruce Willis' hair has never looked so good on October 16th, 2009

Any Synthetiks-related news, Davecat? (Jan 2012) on January 25th, 2012

Any Synthetiks-related news, Davecat? (Oct 2008)

typed for your pleasure on 4 October 2008, at 8.09 pm

Sdtrk: ‘De Toowey a Gutemberg’ by Mecánica popular

In doing my daily stats and referrals check for ‘Shouting etc etc’, I’d noticed there was a link to Fembot Central, which is a forum I quite frankly should’ve joined years ago. Really, the only reason why I haven’t done so is the same reason why I’ve not been on TDF in a while — namely, time constraints. I need to become independently wealthy, so I can do Other Things apart from wasting my life away at work. Ahh, Wilde; reading your fantastic essay ‘The Soul of Man under Socialism‘ has ruined me. Anyway, bouncing between some of the posts there, I spotted this gem found on the Tube of You: a recent advert for Tokyo Gas.

A forum member by the name of andoroido was kind enough to give an overview:

It’s an ad for a home gas-cogeneration system. [Generate your own electricity using natural gas, and the generator’s waste heat can be used to make hot water, etc.]

She’s slumped on the sidewalk and asks him for a recharge.
She thanks him for the charge and offers to pay for the electricity.
He says it’s she doesn’t have to, and explains the system.
Then he talks about a home sauna, then kinda says “Robots and saunas don’t mix, do they?”
She robo-blushes, and he says “You’re blushing!”

I guess it’s as suggestive as the gas company wants to get.

Cute? Yes. There’s something I like about you, Japan, but I can’t quite put my finger on it…

Speaking of cute, have you met Phoenix Studios’ Miss October?

At least she comes with her own transportation

O goodness. I like how she’s wearing some kinda French maid… Gothic Lolita… Hogwarts student-type outfit; that’s a little insane. But it’s not over-the-top, which is important. Besides, how long will she really be wearing it? *sly wink to camera*
Now, my question is: what will Phoenix Studios do come December of this year? Cos Miss November will be the last Boy Toy they make, and then there are the other three lasses in the Boy Toy Seasons line. Unless, of course, they have a secret agenda that I’m not privy to… This year went by quickly!

Also, there’s a new Doll manufacturer from the States that’s making their debut this month; their girl is called Ruby13.

This is the only G-rated photo I could find

Visually, she reminds me of a cross between the late-lamented SuperBabe 2000, and the main character from ‘Doll’, an Eighties-era underground comic series from illustrator Guy Colwell. Ruby13 has been in development for the past couple of years, and she boasts having a skeleton composed of thick-walled PVC pipes, flexible aluminum rods, nylon cord, and chain steel elbow and knee joints. She has only one face, but you can buy up to seven different heads, each with a differing expression, that can be swapped out like a 4woods Doll. They don’t mention her height or weight on the site, so I’ll have to do some investigation as far as that goes. In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t know if I’m completely sold on her face, but she’s by no means revolting. Believe me, I’ve seen much, much, worse.
Overall though, not bad! Definitely looking forward to seeing more of her in future…

And finally, last Sunday, Shi-chan and I watched our DVD copy of ‘Lars and the Real Girl’. She made me promise not to watch it until we could do so together, and so we did. Before that, however, we also viewed ‘Rubberheart‘, an indie film directed by Brian Crano, and we also found that to be really entertaining. The case for my promo copy came with a number of postcards, one of which Brian autographed, which was pretty ace. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I was surprised to discover that the film was only about 15 minutes long, including the credits.
Hrrm, how to review this… See, as it’s only fifteen minutes long, I don’t want to give too much away, as the synopsis pretty much details the plot, but I can say this: iDollators will love it, and I think viewers who may not be into Dolls but have open minds will enjoy it as well. It’s a bit like ‘Lars’, but without the phobias, and the ending is a lot more satisfying. Not to say that the ending of ‘Lars etc etc’ was rubbish, but the ending for ‘Rubberheart’ definitely put a smile on my face. Having said that, Sidore and I give it four thumbs up, in the Siskel & Ebert tradition, and think you should give the film a look-in, should it get played in or near your town. The man’s constantly on tour with his work! He’s like the Ramones in that respect. Nice one, Mr Crano!

Technorati tags: Fembot Central, Oscar Wilde, Tokyo Gas, 東京ガス, Android, Gynoid, robots, Phoenix Studios, Boy Toy, Ruby13, SuperBabe 2000, Guy Colwell, 4woods, Lars and the Real Girl, Rubberheart, Brian Crano, RealDolls

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

yes, more of that cute Actroid-chan on March 16th, 2006

This will be the best thing you've ever voted for (2007 edition) on February 10th, 2007

What d’ye mean, not my real name?

typed for your pleasure on 26 September 2008, at 1.37 am

Sdtrk: ‘The Delian mode’ by Delia Derbyshire

I’d actually forgotten about this! The interview I’d had at the beginning of the month with Tanya Gold of the UK newspaper The Independent is now out, both in print form, and online.

Do you mind that [Sidore] can’t talk? “I’d prefer it if she did, but doll technology can only go so far,” he replies. “My ideal partner would be a gynoid [a female android]. There are only a few in the world and they are not available for consumer markets yet. Dolls are wonderful, but they can’t move, and they can’t speak”. I’m not sure what to say to Davecat. So I ask him you would really rather have a relationship with a robot than a really beautiful — er — actress? “Yes,” he says. “That is the end all, be all of it.”

She also spoke with fellow iDollators Gordon Griggs and zazakell, and overall, I’d say it’s pretty even-handed. It’s no ‘Real Dolls: Love in the Age of Silicone‘, but it’s not that scurrilous article from Marie Claire UK, so it meets with my approval, at least…
According to our list, this’ll be our fifteenth media appearance. Not too shabby!

Also, director Brian Crano was kind enough to post me a promotional copy of his short fillum, ‘Rubberheart‘, so expect a review here in a couple of days (relatively speaking)

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Any Synthetiks-related news, Davecat? (Aug 2007) on August 5th, 2007

Oscar Wilde liked Greece, so I'm in good company on October 1st, 2006

An alternate-universe ‘CSI’: supplemental

typed for your pleasure on 19 September 2008, at 10.35 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Polichinelle’ by France Gall

Some startling (well, not all that startling) developments have cropped up regarding the abandoned Synthetik in Izu, Japan. Pink Tentacle reports:

According to investigators, the man had lived with the sophisticated doll for several years after his wife passed away, but decided to part with her after making plans to move in with one of his children. “It seems he grew attached to the doll over the years,” said the chief investigator. “He was confused about how to get rid of her. He thought it would be cruel to cut her up into pieces and throw her out with the trash, so he proceeded to dump her illegally.”
the entire article is here

Heh heh, ‘sophisticated’. ‘The Doll would spend most of her evenings unwinding with a glass or two of Clicquot, whilst listening to the strains of Mantovanni on her phonograph.’ It’s entirely possible.
Reading more about her former owner, we can see that he was ultimately well-meaning. A bit of a knucklehead, but well-meaning. He’s an example of one of hundreds of Doll owners who aren’t aware that there’s a global community for that sort of lifestyle. If he knew that, seeing as that the above quote implies that he was more of a Doll husband as opposed to a Doll fetishist, he probably would’ve arranged to have a fellow iDollator purchase her, instead of treating her to the indignity of a dump-and-dash in the middle of the woods.

Happily enough, however, today I’ve learned that Prof.Sakai, Japanese RealDoll collector extraordinaire, has given her a good home. Her name is Misaki (not sure if that was her name to begin with, but it’s what she’s got now), and she’ll be joining the ranks of Sakai-sensei’s 22+ Dolls. I don’t know who’s more fortunate — Misaki, for getting a new lease on ‘life’, or Prof.Sakai, for having 22+ feckin’ Dolls. Lucky bastard.
From his site, filtered through Babelfish:

Revival (wallpaper renewal)

So France which is reported to the entire world on this month first you think that it is perhaps understood even with the one where the conjecture is not good revived. When with process of investigation cooperation it becomes disposal after the investigation ending, to know, because then it is pitiful, it did to the thing which I receive. One day spending, to wash with the thinner, because it became a state where the photograph can take at last. Asking to the usual belonging exclusively stylist, it had preparing also the clothes in one for her, but as for that with future….

By the way, the parting line of the foot which has come out of the sleeping bag in first reporting (so it was visible but) terribly it is to think that it is not the empty real doll, but something hard ones, for example the door of the car, or the toe 轢 being with those like the winch, it collapsed, seems like truth.

Yep. He also adds:

In announcement of police as for her of 170 centimeters in height and 53 kilograms of weight of sleeping bag included body 8. There are no same ones, but as for the hand and foot when you saw commonness with body 6,7,9?, because it is the kind of size which is similar, taking type, if it duplicates with silicon, time is required, but sooner or later the finishing it heals.

Remember how I said Babelfish can do more harm than good at times? This is one of those times.
What I gleaned from that was
+ Sakai-sensei had to wash her down with thinner to make her presentable
+ the toes on one of her feet were smashed at some point, possibly in a car door, but he’ll be repairing them, and
+ she’s a Body 8, going by her stats.

‘She was the victim of “Realdoll Murder”, but she has come home,’ the good Professor says on his site. I think that’s a rather heartwarming end to the case, wouldn’t you agree?

Misaki the new girl (right), with Ryui

Technorati tags: Abyss Creations, RealDolls, iDollators, Japan

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

I just flew in from San Marcos, and boy, is this an old joke! on August 27th, 2006

Surrogates; or, Bruce Willis' hair has never looked so good on October 16th, 2009

Tonight, on an alternate-universe ‘CSI’

typed for your pleasure on 8 September 2008, at 10.33 pm

Sdtrk: ‘William, it was really nothing’ by the Smiths

It had to happen eventually. Actually, this sort of thing’s happened before, but I can’t locate a link to a previous reported instance at the moment. So won’t you just facepalm along with me, and read this instead?

Japanese murder investigators fooled by life-sized sex doll
Justin McCurry in Tokyo | Tuesday September 02 2008 17:12 BST


Police in Japan have been left red-faced by an apparent murder that turned out to be an unusual case of mistaken identity.

It began in the morning with a frantic call from a couple who had spotted a “corpse” while out walking their dog in a mountain forest in Izu, central Japan, the ZakZak news website reported today.

Fifteen officers were dispatched to the scene, where they discovered a human form wrapped in plastic and tightly bound around the neck, midriff and ankles, with hair protruding from one end.

The body was left untouched and taken away for examination, and the crime scene duly secured by a police cordon.

Back at the local police headquarters, officials notified reporters who had turned up early the same morning to cover an annual earthquake drill. They began preparing to write up the launch of a major murder investigation.

Dozens of extra officers were dispatched to interview potential witnesses, while the evening edition of the local newspaper carried a report of the gruesome find, complete with a photograph of the body’s resting place.

By mid-afternoon, the body was in the hands of police pathologists. But when they sliced open the wrapping, they were confronted not by a decomposing corpse, but by a life-sized sex doll.


A police spokesman apologised for the commotion but defended his officers, saying they had simply been following protocol by leaving the concealed “body” untouched until it was in the hands of pathologists.

Though no crime had been committed, the spokesman could not resist admonishing the doll’s mystery owner. The doll, he told bemused reporters, showed signs of repeated use.

“Our guess is that the owner didn’t want to take a risk by throwing it away with the rest of his rubbish,” he said. “It was an incredibly irresponsible thing to do.”
photo source is here

Going by the detail and the skintone of her (very cute) feet, she kinda looks like either a RealDoll or a My Party Doll. Frankly, the pathologists should’ve consulted a professional.

The way I see it, this silly fuckwit had five options. He could’ve:
1. sold her (yes, there’s a market for that sort of thing)
2. given her a decent burial
3. run her round to Shimizu Kannon-do in Ueno park, where Orient industry consecrates Doll souls twice a year as a Buddhist memorial service
4. wrapped her up, flung her into the woods, waited for the subsequent CRAZY MEDIA EXPOSURE, and giggled for a week straight, or
5. sent her round to Ronald Dotson, as I hear he could use the company.
Can you guess which one our idiot friend went with?

Wow. Someone just won some bonus punches, as far as I’m concerned. Not out of spite or anger, mind you, but purely to teach him an abject lesson

EDIT (19 SEPT): A pleasant follow-up!

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

…be sure to wear some artificial flowers in your hair, Part II on June 11th, 2012

Long-term projects and anniversary prezzies on October 2nd, 2016

« Previous entries   Next entries »