this post inspired by ‘So what?’ by The Cure

typed for your pleasure on 31 August 2004, at 9.45 pm

Has Aquafina always tasted like aluminum water? It can’t just be me, and I’m sure that Apollinaris, the Queen of Table Waters, would wholeheartedly agree. Maybe the ad copy on the label can provide some insights..

All bottled waters are not the same.
Yes; studies have shown that some actually taste good, as opposed to tasting like iron filings.

Aquafina’s state-of-the-art HydRO-7 purification system consistently removes substances most other bottled waters leave in.
I keep picturing a steel pot ov boiling water on a stove. The pot has a two-week old coffee filter swirling around within, and the stove is a fetching shade ov avocado. Ladies and gentlemen, I present.. the HydRO-7™ Purification System. Long may it stand, never shall it fall.

So the only thing you taste in your water . . . is water.
*snickering* Or maybe coffee filters?

Which, by the way, is Latin for ‘Final Water’. The water that you will drink before you DIE.
That’s what killed Socrates, y’know.

Pure Water.
‘There’s too much oxygen in this water! They must’ve mixed it funny.’

Perfect Taste.
Relative to, perhaps, a tall foamy glass ov bear sputum, then I would heartily agree!

Every time.
‘AQUAFINA: Lower your Standards™.’

And as I can see, now that I’ve gotten to the bottom ov the label, I see that it’s ‘Bottled by Independent Bottlers Under the Authority of PepsiCo, Inc.’ It all makes sense to me now! I can’t feckin’ stand Pepsi. This ‘Aquafina’ shit is probably the countless unsold gallons ov Pepsi Clear that they used to produce! Ahhh, another piece ov the brackish, distasteful puzzle falls into place

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

What happens in the spaces between buildings? on May 12th, 2005

Chirp chirp / Truer words were never before spoke on September 28th, 2009

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