The mission is terminated

typed for your pleasure on 31 October 2004, at 9.35 pm

Although I wouldn’t call myself Pagan, as I feel that I’ve not studied enough of it to call myself one, I’d say that per capita, Pagans are more sensible than those who follow christian-based dogma. But I would say that.
So today is Samhain, the Pagan New year! And this year’s Samhain marks a vaguely special occasion for me, as I will no longer be spelling words in that ‘pseudo-Genesis P-Orridge’ fashion anymore. Yes, from now on, I’m spelling like a *gasp* normal person. No more ‘ov’ for ‘of’, no more.. gods, well, that’s about it, really, now that I think of it.

First of (man, that’s gonna take some getting used to) all, since this Blog is still relatively new, you’ve never really experienced the full horror of What Used To Be My Spelling Style. I began my alternate spelling back around 1991 as a tribute to one of my favourite bands of all time, Throbbing gristle. Chris Carter, Cosey Fanni Tutti, Peter ‘Sleazy’ Chistopherson, and their ostensible front-man, Genesis P-Orridge, were four art-terrorists from Manchester back in the mid-to-late Seventies, who could well be held responsible for starting the whole Industrial music & culture scenes. They were practical philosphers, they were influential trendsetters, they were artists & musicians, they were perverted deviants. They were, and still are, entirely ace.
One of their main goals was to ‘subvert from within’; meaning, transmitting non-mainstream thoughts, ideas, and concepts to the masses using mainstream methods. They maintained that just because you were brought up to think and behave in a certain way, that you didn’t have to stick with it for your entire life, especially if it wasn’t producing the desired results for you. One of Genesis’ early experiments was to transform his spelling style into something entirely ‘other’; and, being the big slobbering TG fanboy that I was at the time, I thought it would be a good idea to follow suit. Allow me to run thru some of my past writings and lay some examples on you:

Referring again to the above statement made by Mr LaVey, he says, ‘Artificiality is more than completely honest; it forestalls disappointment at things not being what they appear to be.’ W/ Artifice, wot you see is truly wot you get. However, knowing beforehand that you’ve aquired something Synthetik, it also becomes the best possible excuse for stretching yr imagination to its fullest extent, because if yr’e anything like me, yr dream/phantasy life is much more preferable to yr waking life.

Heh. I had hoped to cite more examples by pulling from some of my older fiction, but as I still don’t have a copy of MS Word 2000, I can’t open any of my files, which were saved on the screechingly obsolete MS Works 98. Goddamn you, Micro$quish, and your stupid .wps extensions. :-\
Needless to say, my writing was a lot more impenetrable back then; the above example is when I was just beginning to curtail my unusual spelling. In my ‘heyday’, the pronoun ‘I’ would be spelt as ‘E’; a ‘y’ at the end of a word would be swapped out with ‘ie’; an extra ‘e’ was added at the end of ‘the’; most all words containing a hard ‘c’ had it spelt with a ‘k’ instead — but not if the ‘c’ was the first letter in said word, so I’d spell ‘contact’ as ‘contakt’; if the word ended in ‘ve’, I’d drop the ‘e’, etc etc. As you suspect, this was a lot of work to keep up with! It was interesting, and definitely distinctive — people on the various BBSes and Forums that I’d populate would instantly know it was me whenever I posted — but after doing this for around a decade, I think I’ve pretty much had enough. Not to mention the fact that I am a rather high-ranking spelling & grammar Nazi, so even though I knew that my alternate spelling was incorrect (and I still justify it by saying that only when you know what the rules are, then you can break them), but I’m sure to many people it seemed hypocritical.

Happy Hallowe’en! Normal spelling from Davecat, for now, and forever! Not counting when I spell like a person from the UK, ov course…
Whoops! Mea culpa!

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Not as fun, but certainly safer, than a fireman’s axe

typed for your pleasure on 31 October 2004, at 7.49 pm

If this thing actually works, I am so ordering one. From the press release:

New Key chain Tech Gadget Turns Off Any Television

What: TV-B-Gone™ universal remote controls, is an amazing small handheld new gadget that has the power to turn off virtually any television set.
How: TV-B-Gone™ universal remote controls generates the ‘off’ power codes for every model of US, Asian and European televisions. Hangs discreetly on a keychain.
Why: Because a tv that is powered on is like second-hand smoke. It fills the room with its sights and sounds, impinging on everyone in the room. If someone were smoking a cigar in a public place, you would probably leave or ask them to extinguish it. With TV-B-Gone™, you have the power to turn any tv off, with others’ approval.

Thumbs up for subversive-but-practical technology!


Doing their part to Advertise and Confuse

typed for your pleasure on 30 October 2004, at 6.22 pm

Here we go again! Another dodgy-yet-intriguing missive from Spam Email Technologies Co. Ltd. Inc.; this one beginning with the sentence ‘You sleep with your eyes open’, which I thought was kinda cool. The body ov the message itself is your typical ‘G.e.n.e.r.i.c V-I-A-G-R-A – No Prescription Needed !!’ shill, but the paragraph at the bottom, which I’ve quoted in its entirety, is what really grabbed my attention:

“Why am I here?” They will be wearing their most revealings underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down. The employers were also asked to list the “most unusual” questions that have been asked by job candidates. If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. I feel uneasy indoors. You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked. You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. This involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. A German accent will do. Whenever a man is with a woman he is usually thinking about sex.

Wow, it’s W.S.Burroughs writing song lyrics for Pulp. Well done, Spambots!

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WILL YOU KIDS TURN DOWN THAT CRAZY BROODING AND INTENSE POST-PUNK STYLE ROCK AND ROLL ALREADY

typed for your pleasure on 27 October 2004, at 3.13 am

Me and my wacky, roundabout posting. Here, I will describe the Interpol concert that Le Jeff & I attended on the 15th ov this month. I’d like to say I’ve been busy, but I’m just lazy and procrastinative. But hey, it’s my Blog, and it’s not like you can demand a refund, so bollocks to ya. 😉

We reached the State theatre after grabbing some fine sandwiches at a Quizno’s, and parked in a Secret Location a couple ov blocks away from the building. It’s a secret cos you don’t have to pay anything for parking, which is a rarity, especially in that whole CoPa/Ford Field/Theatre district part ov downtown.
Now, remember how I’d said that there was a long queue for the faint? Well, this one was maybe half a block longer when we arrived. As bouncers went up & down the line, shouting out a list ov prohibited items (no cameras, no weapons, etc), one ov them mentioned that I had to remove the chain from my leather jacket and leave it in the car. Ergh. Jeff passed me his Swiss Army knife to drop off as well, and I made my way back to the car. Upon returning minutes later, I’d noticed that the back half ov the line was standing in the street next to the sidewalk, instead ov on the sidewalk proper. Jeff informed me that someone had pitched a couple ov Faygo bottles filled with some mystery liquid from one ov the upper floors in the building the line was next to. Huh. Welcome to Downtown Detriot..

So, after a thirty minute wait, and a frisking, we managed to make it inside. Neither one ov us had been to the State before, and were kinda impressed. Although the amount ov security was a bit off-putting. I guess if you’re playing the State, you’re playing a real venue, which would require the presence ov said bouncers and etc. I don’t think I’ve seen as many security heavies at any show since I saw New order & PiL back in 1989, so it was a little odd.
We wandered down the front ov the stage, decided it was gonna be too crowded, then attempted to get seats up in the mezzanine, where we were told that the area was for people with ‘mezzanine seating only’, which wasn’t a ticket-purchasing option we were aware ov. So, by the time we got back downstairs (and after I bought some Interpol buttons & stickers), most ov the seats by the bar with a decent view ov the stage were already taken. Ergh. O well, we’d be standing when Interpol was playing, anyway..

First act was.. well, I can’t remember. Before the tour hit Detriot, I’d read that the opening acts were to be On! Air! Library! and The Secret Machines, but apparently, it wasn’t On! Air! Library! at all. Jeff, you’re gonna have to help me out, here.. Whoever they were, they were almost entirely unmemorable. It didn’t help that we were about eight miles away from the stage, but this band was like a really watered-down Wire, and that’s going from what little I remember ov them. They were humans on stage, playing instruments; this much I am sure. Well, I think they were human; I did say we were quite a ways from the stage..

Next up was The Secret Machines. I’d read that they were supposed to be kinda like Joy-division-meets-Led-zeppelin, so I had no idea what to expect. My assessment? They were boring, and they went on too long. Jeff & I ended up wandering around the theatre during their set. We visited the little concession area, where he purchased some onion rings, and I bought an overpriced bottled water. And The Secret Machines effectively became nothing more than loud background noise. I have to admit, they would every so often veer towards shoegazerdom, but not enough to grab my attention. Better than the previous act, but not as good as, say, eating onion rings and drinking bottled water in silence. Sorry lads, try again next time! Actually, upon reflection, don’t.

Then, after a suitable lengthy soundcheck, Interpol hit the stage. Let me go on record here as saying that I love ‘Turn on the bright lights’ as if it was the bastard lovechild ov Joy division and the Cure, but ‘Antics’ just doesn’t do it for me — it’s a less ominous and introverted release, and those are the qualities I enjoy the most from their first Cd. Even though this tour was the ‘Antics’ tour, I’d have been a fool not to see them. So obviously the majority ov the set was material from ‘Antics’, with about four songs from ‘Turn on..’ played as well. I have to say that I liked how they really don’t stand still, for the most part. Look, Daniel’s wandered over to Carlos’ side ov the stage! Now Carlos can be found over there, behind Paul! Paul’s.. pretty much stuck where he is, as he’s playing guitar, and therefore can’t grab his microphone and move about. You stay there, Paul. A very enjoyable show from a very good band, no question.
A couple ov weeks before the show, I’d seen an article in Spin, stating that apparently bassist/Goth/party animal Carlos D’s New Thing is to wear a holster, and sure enough, he was up there, all beholstered and stuff. It took me almost the entire show to realise that he was indeed wearing one, as it was black against his black shirt, and the band’s idea ov lighting, like Jeff mentioned, was to place the lights behind them, directed at the audience. Clever clever. :-\ But like I said, it was a pretty ace show, played to a really packed house — we even saw Nicola and Adam from Adult. on our way out, which makes sense, cos they live in Detriot, anyway..

So yeah, not bad! What have we learned here? Ties are ace, a tie with a holster is even more ace, and The Secret Machines aren’t secret enough

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News you can use, or, Davecat is the Very Picture ov Understanding and Erudition

typed for your pleasure on 26 October 2004, at 2.43 am

[10.31.PM] aneamo: LOL, funny. Oh you see this? http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/
[10.32.PM] aneamo: Oh, 3rd story down, Zeta delayed again.
[10.33.PM] Davecat: THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE DELAYED ZETA AGAIN??!! i SWEAR TO ALMIGHTY CHRIST, IF THEY DON’T SHIP THAT SHIT TO MY FUCKING HOUSE BEFORE THE END OV 2004, I WILL SKULLFUCK EVERYONE AT BANDAI AMERICA.
[10.33.PM] aneamo: O_O LOL
[10.33.PM] Davecat: GODDAMN IT ALREADY.
[10.33.PM] aneamo: Yeah, it’s crazy, more delays.
[10.34.PM] Davecat: I mean, wtf?? They’d better be adding more extras, to justify this new new new new delay. The damn thing’s done! It’s ready to go! FUCK ALREADY!
[10.35.PM] Davecat: It’s bad enough that we’re probably not getting the Zeta PS2 game this year (if ever), and now this??
[10.35.PM] aneamo: There was some kind of flood at the warehouse. http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/bbs/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=10484
[10.36.PM] Davecat: A FLOOD at the fucking WAREHOUSE.
*seething furiously*
[10.36.PM] aneamo: Nuts.
[10.36.PM] Davecat: FUCK.

Well, I’m off to watch Mezzo! Cheer!

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‘It’s my own invention’, or, Five Dollar Bear

typed for your pleasure on 24 October 2004, at 9.31 pm

I’ve just forged a Bold New Taste Sensation! It’s a sandwich ov my own invention, and it’s beautiful. Take two McDonald’s hash brown patties and place them next to each other. Pour barbecue sauce atop one ov them (I used a packet from Burger King), then drop a slice ov crispy bacon atop that. It has to be crispy, otherwise the whole sandwich is roooined. Then take the other hash brown and place it on top ov the entire assemblage, and consume with vigour. With VIGOUR!! I call it the Sogo Nogo sandwich, cos it’s so good, but it’s just no good for you, I’m certain. I’m no dietitian, I have no idea.
If you want to try the ‘Western’ variant, replace the McDonalds hash browns with two Arbys potato cakes, and use their barbeque sauce. That’s food, baby!

For best results, wash it down with a beverage ov my own invention. You’ll need a container ov vanilla coffee creamer and a 20 oz ov Dr pepper. Wait until you’ve drunk at least half the Dr pepper, then pour the creamer into it (tilt the bottle at an angle to reduce the foam). If you wish to flavour a full 20 oz, you’ll definitely require a glass and another creamer (one creamer per every 10 oz), and you’ll have to add the creamer slowly & carefully, cos that shit will make the Dr pepper erupt in foamy flames. Or just foam, to be honest.

Delicious! And to think I’ve never taken a single cooking class

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A sorry excuse for a post, or, LOOK OUT RUNAWAY LINK TRAIN

typed for your pleasure on 22 October 2004, at 1.53 am

Whilst I was asleep this eve, I had a really good idea for a post, but damned if I can remember it now. Egad. I do recall that I dreamt that I met one-half ov Laibach, and they signed my copy ov Neue Slowenische Kunst. Well, they’re in town two days before my birthday next month; perhaps that dream will come true?

OTHER NEWS, IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT:
+ Marc Almond is okay! But why is ‘stable’ in quotes? That’s a little alarming..
+ My copy ov Mezzo — disk one, with the art box — arrived today. It’s true; Yasuomi Umetsu is a fucking maniac genius. ROCK ON
+ BloodRayne 2 is difficult but enjoyable. After initial misgivings, I’d say that it’s more fun than the first one, and I loved the first one. I still love the first one. Gotta love guns that feed off human blood
+ Mike, Tomas & I caught ‘Team America: World Police‘ last Saturday, which was a laff riot. (One ov) my favourite part(s)? Kim Jong Il releasing the panthers
+ Before that, they showed the trailer for the new Wes Anderson fillum, ‘The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou’. Maybe this’ll be the first Wes Anderson film I catch in the theatre
+ New Synthetik companion manufacturer link added to the list ov.. Synthetik companion manufacturer links. It’s a German company called Delphi creations, and they construct the rather sexy lass known as SuperDoll. Which reminds me, I really need to write the head ov that company, and inform him that as far as Synthetik companions go, that name’s already taken..
+ Finally, this would be a new film entitled ‘Gusher no binds me’ — could this be the new ‘Ichi the Killer’?

I will try to get my collective shit together and whip up a more substantial post sometime soon, as I do need to make a report on the Interpol concert that Jeff & I saw last week-end. STAY TUNED


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