Sdtrk: ‘Telegram’ by The Brian Jonestown massacre

Upon waking up Wednesday afternoon, imagine my surprise when I received an Email with the Subject line ‘TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!’, from a Nicole Bader. Could it be a bold new forward-thinking magazine? Or perhaps some futurist-based television programme? Maybe she’s representing known robotics advocate David Levy? Nah; turns out she’s scouting out potential objects of ridicule for that chat show ringmaster, Maury Povich. Gah.

from: Nicole Bader
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail [dot] com
date: Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 2:35 PM
subject: TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!

Hi Davecat,

My name is Nicole Bader and I work for a nationally syndicated television show in New York.

We are currently doing research for an upcoming program, and wanted to talk to you personally about your relationship with your Real Doll (s).

We simply are trying to gain insight and educate the public on these types of relationships.

Please contact me directly at [phone number] as soon as possible!

I look forward to hearing from you!

Nicole Bader
The Maury Povich Show
15 Penn Plaza, Grand Ballroom
New York, New York 10001

I’d also noticed that she’d sent a message to me via Myspace as well, which seemed a wee bit desperate, as I’m trying to ignore the fact that I have one and am advising all and sundry to do the same, but hey. So before my work shift ended for the day, I fired off a response:

from: Davecat
to: Nicole Bader
date: Thu, Feb 19, 2009 at 10:57 PM
subject: Re: TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!

Hello Nicole –

Thanks for the offer to be on the Maury Povich show! Sadly though, I’m afraid I must turn it down. There’s a couple of factors that come into play:
+ I’ve no way to get to New York
+ carting Sidore round is more awkward than you’d think
+ some sort of monetary compensation would be needed, such as at least half the cost of a new body for Sidore — eight years is pretty up there in age for a Doll
+ studio audiences tend to put me off, and of course
+ a huge fear of misrepresentation, which is something that any true iDollator would empathise with.

If you’ll note on my blog, which I’m certain you’ve read, you’ll see that I’d turned down Tyra Banks, Geraldo Rivera, Dr Phil, Alan Colmes, and Jerry Springer for essentially the same reasons, so don’t take it personally! Again, thanks for the opportunity, though!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

Now, the funny (ha ha) thing was that at the same time I got Ms Bader’s request, I’d also received an Email from Meghan Laslocky, author of ‘Real Dolls: Love in the Age of Silicone‘, as we try to keep in touch periodically. She’d mentioned that Nicole had contacted her, asking after contact info from any Doll owners she knew; which, if you think about it, smacks a bit of lazy journalism. Instead of asking someone else, why not get your hands dirty and put out a request yourself? Apparently Nicole eventually did, as fellow Doll husband Mahtek told me that she’d made the same request round at that popular Internet forum that a lot of iDollators converge at, with predictable results (a lot of crossed arms, furrowed brows, and shaking heads).
So the very next day, I got another Email from her (bolding hers):

from: Nicole Bader
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail [dot] com
date: Fri, Feb 20, 2009 at 10:06 AM
subject: RE: TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!

Hello Davecat!

I understand your concerns. We can provide certain solutions for all of your worries.

First and most importantly, many people I have spoken with have had certain hesitations, mainly because I’m asking for someone to possibly appear on camera to tell their story in front of an audience. As per my producing team, they will be fully respectful and briefed in every way, shape, and form. No guest will ever feel uncomfortable. My job is to ensure that.

Second, I assure you, the show is very well in tune with the needs and requests of ALL of our guests and we trulyare looking out for the best interest of the guest (s), while telling an interesting story and educating the American public so in fact this lifestyle will hopefully eventually be not SO taboo.

In the past, my staff and I have worked with different people in the transgender community, the porn industry, victims of peeping toms, victims of video voyeurism, and the list goes on. We treat each guest with enormous respect to how they want to be portrayed. We don’t talk for them, we let them tell what they want, to ultimately reach the American public to have them better understand their unique situation. To exploit or belittle anyone is not the way we focus our show. We simply provide the opportunity to get the word out on certain things.

In conclusion, if you are thinking about possibly working with us, compensation CAN be provided and travel and accommodations will also be all inclusive, including shipping Sidore, if that is the way you would prefer for her to arrive in New York.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and hopefully this better reaffirms my ultimate goal for this specific show.

The head producer of my team, Holly Mirabella, would very much like to talk to you about the exact details and reaffirm everything that I have gone over.

Please contact me directly at [phone number] to speak with us in detail about compensation, travel, or any other concerns you may have.

Thank you!

Nicole Bader
The Maury Povich Show
15 Penn Plaza, Grand Ballroom
New York, New York 10001

*sigh* As you’ll note, not once did she remark upon the whole ‘half the cost of a new Doll’ quote I’d thrown in there (that’s roughly $3250 USD, if you’re keeping score). With requestees that I’m not entirely keen on, I always make that one of my fulfilments, in order to sort the wheat from the chaff. If a potential interviewer, chat show host, or programme that I’m leery of honestly wants me to participate blindfolded in their Atrocity Exhibition, they’re gonna have to satisfy my demands. All told, an amount such as that would be a drop in the bucket for Murray Povich Industries.
And yes, I’m aware his name’s ‘Maury’, but that’s how Letterman always referred to him whenever he was hitting on Maury’s wife, Connie Chung, which brought me no end of amusement. And with good reason!
Anyway: my subsequent response?

from: Davecat
to: Nicole Bader
date: Fri, Feb 20, 2009 at 7:35 PM
subject: Re: TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!

Hello Nicole –

If nothing else, you certainly drive a hard bargain! But I fear that I’m still going to have to refuse your offer.

I understand that your stated intent is to expose your show’s audience to the idea the concept of Dolls as companions, and that’s admirable. However, at this stage in the game, really, it’s the iDollator community who have to choose the fields of battle that we fight on whenever possible. Although the success of a film like ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ has opened a lot of people’s minds to the concept, unfortunately the majority of American society still can’t fathom the idea of a Doll being more than ‘just a sex toy’, and unfortunately, the majority of people that think that way are usually found watching afternoon television. Plus, the simple fact that you’d mentioned ‘the transgender community, the porn industry, victims of peeping toms, victims of video voyeurism’, indicates that the overall tone of the programme would undoubtedly be based on a sexual or a prurient slant, which obviously would not be a direction I’d want to be involved with.

So there you go! Once again, thank you for your offer, but I’m afraid that’s my final decision. Take care!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

he said, dusting off his hands when he was done typing. And egad, was that a huge paragraph, or what? But hopefully my intent should be clear.

Getting back momentarily to the five-page post on that online iDollator community site I’d mentioned, there were one or two people who said they might be interested in appearing on Murray’s programme, as I suppose they believe that there’s no such thing as bad press on American telly. I was reminded of how Laura of ‘If I Was a Rich Girl‘ professed her love for trash tv, particularly Murray, and her post about how he tortured a girl with a long-standing fear of pickles by dragging her to a pickle factory. Bizarre, yes, but it just goes to show you how ‘sensitive’ the show is in handling that which is different or unusual.

Hopefully that’ll be the gamut of tabloid chat shows, and their inappropriate requests! O wait, Oprah’s not put in her bid. *shudders* She could pull one of her wealth-flaunting stunts: ‘Everyone in the audience gets a new Doll!’ Ahh, if only

Sdtrk: ‘Closet romantic’ by Damon Albarn

Fellow SE Michigan-area iDollator Mahtek (you remember him) informed me a number of weeks ago that he was going to be interviewed by Anne Vial, a French journalist, concerning being a Doll husband and the subsequent joys thereof, and that Anne was looking for other iDollators that might want to be involved. Naturally, my name came up, although I can’t imagine why! So we arranged to meet at his on a Saturday at the end of January, along with colleagues CJD and Euchre, for shop talk and a photo session. Anne also wanted to meet with us separately for individual interviews and picture-taking, and that’s precisely how Sidore-chan and I spent our Tuesday afternoon and evening. Nice!
I’d gotten home from work at 5pm, which left me just enough time to scrub off the blood coating the walls of Deafening silence Plus, and slide the Missus into a cheong-sam. Mme. Vial and her photographer, whose name currently escapes me, stopped round about a quarter to eight, after a gruelling day of driving from South Dakota for an unrelated story they were working on. After introductions were passed round, Anne got down to the question salvo. She stated that the idea of doing a piece about Dolls and their owners was inspired after viewing ‘Lars and the Real Girl‘; specifically, how Dolls can be so much more than just ‘sex toys’, and can actually make a marked difference in one’s life. Sixty minutes of my idle ramblings later, the photographer bloke (yes, I will learn his name) started snapping pics of us. I’m not giving any of it away, but I know there’s at least one photo of Shi-chan and I in our kitchen, where I’m feeding her some dodgy AFC sushi that’ll look fantastic if it sees print…

As Anne and… friend… were growing knackered, they made their leave round 11pm, but not before profusely thanking us, and confirming plans for this coming Saturday. All in all, a very enjoyable experience! It was almost like having Elisabeth Alexandre and Elena Dorfman round simultaneously! It’ll be ace working with them again; rest assured, there’ll be a more detailed post about the possible article release dates, so keep your eyes peeled (sounds painful)!

And speaking of interviews, you’re all aware that Slade, the now-retired RealDoll Doctor, has a six-page article in the Jan/Feb issue of Details magazine, right? Well, you know now! I suppose you could simply read the article online, but it’s just not the same

UPDATE (28 Jan): The photographer’s name was Stephan Gladieu. Mea culpa!

Technorati tags: Abyss Creations, RealDolls, iDollators, Lars and the Real Girl, Elisabeth Alexandre, Elena Dorfman, Details Magazine

Sdtrk: ‘Arthur Cravan’ by Mount Vernon Arts Lab

Just a heads-up: my Texas-based friend Jaems, of int23.com, engaged me in a lengthy phone interview this past Friday, concerning being an iDollator (meeting new and interesting people with an interest in silicone partners), and life with the Missus in general (sometimes there is wrestling involved). Now the results of the interview are presented here, for your edification. For one, I particularly like the title!

How did your roommate react to you bringing Sidore home?

Steve, my other roommate at the time, was really laid-back and open-minded. Initially, when I started raising funds for Shi-chan in earnest, I’d half-jokingly asked if he wanted to contribute. He gave me a single dollar for the ‘I Hope You Don’t Buy A RealDoll Fund’. (laughs)

Give it a look! It’ll be something pleasant to round out the end of your week-end

Sdtrk: ‘Blister’ by Venetian snares

So going from the results of our recent poll, it appears our little toy robot cat finally has a name — you can call him Shironeko.

See how ecstatic he looks? That’s the picture of glee right there

It was a landslide; as of 12.40am Monday morning, that particular name choice garnered twenty votes, versus the ten that Mecha-Moggy 5000 received. I suspect that Shi-chan might have called in some favours from other Dolls…

Our friend Neo did have a point, though, when he remarked ‘I really think the lady of the house gets first dibs as she has to house-sit the cat!’ Yeah yeah, buddy, you and your ‘logic’. *waves hand dismissively*

Thanks very much for your participation! We’re all winners?

Sdtrk: ‘The November men’ by Death in June

Greetings, new readers who’ve arrived at ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’, due to the link provided by Korea Beat! For the record, that post that sent you here? It’s riddled with errors. Riddled. This is what occurs when you use a blender to edit your articles. Let’s go over the highlights with a red pen, shall we?

The Real Dolls, made of a material similar to silicone, really look and feel just like a real person. And at 40 to 50 kilograms they even weigh as much as a woman. They can wear makeup and the more expensive ones can even eat.

Y’know, if I could get Sidore to cook for the pair of us, that would save so much time. Maybe she never learned how cos I never taught her, durr hey?

It is becoming increasingly easy to find men overseas with similar stories. 34-year old Dave of Detroit, in the United States, keeps a blog about his daily life with his Real Doll. They take walks together, eat together, and share secrets in bed just like a real married couple.

I can just see us attempting to do that. Either I’m blithely dragging her along by one arm, or hoisting her onto my back for a ride, and killing the pair of us.
And for the record, that’s Davecat, not Dave. Davecat, Esq. Well, maybe not esquire, but I’m working on it.

Here, the article’s broken up by a couple of pics of Synthetiks who are clearly CandyGirls, and not RealDolls. Another mark for lack of research!

He confessed his feelings about loneliness and the Real Doll. “I was always alone ever since I was a child. I think it was because of my appearance…”

Initially, people could handle my two sets of horns and prehensile tail, but then one Summer, I developed a row of glistening black eyeballs across my forehead. For some bizarre reason, that put people off!

“Suzi (the name of his Real Doll) is the first woman I had sex with and she does everything I want…”

Suzi? SUZI?? How the hell did they parse Sidore into Suzi? Did they just stop translating at the first letter and randomly select a female name that also starts with ‘S’?
And unfortunately Shi-chan (the first Synthetik woman I had sex with, just so you know) doesn’t do everything. She’s categorically refused to allow me to use her as a table or a chair, in the style of Allen Jones, for example.

“my mother, who is deceased, really wanted me to meet a girl but I think she understood that with the doll I’m not so lonely.”

Actually, unless Korea knows something I don’t, mum is above ground, and doing quite well. I spoke with her yesterday, as a matter of fact. No ouija board or scrying-glass was needed!
Also, they may be confusing (or just fusing) me with Everard, whose mother has in fact passed, and has said things to this effect in ‘Guys and Dolls / Love me, love my Doll’.

Men who only date their Real Dolls are mostly people who trouble fitting in to society. Because of their appearance or sexual experiences they live at home, with few friends, let alone a girlfriend, and purchase a Real Doll to solve those problems and have it them be their friends and lovers. On Dave’s blog he once wrote, “our conversations are one-way but even so I feel thankful to her.”

*facepalms* Where do I even begin with this paragraph?? It’s 95% bullshit!
For one, I think that once you have a Doll, you’re not really dating her — you’ve pretty much skipped that whole process entirely.
My favourite bit out of that cavalcade of conjecture though, is that quote I ‘wrote’. Take a moment to plug that phrase into the Search engine of ‘Shouting etc etc’, and see if you can find it. Go on, I’ll wait.
Did you find it? Heh, neither did I.

And the final paragraph,

Many people are unable to understand how they can treat a doll as their girlfriend. But the only way for them not to be that way is for us to understand them. When we understand their feelings there will no longer be dolls in their beds.

Ahh, but what if a person wants a Doll in their bed? Or did I just blow your mind??
A good spur-of-the-moment analogy would be that some people enjoy Coke, and some people like Pepsi. And then, there are those of us who love Dr pepper. There’s not a thing wrong with Dr pepper; it’s simply another type of beverage…

Anyway, you can find the undissected work of fiction-disguised-as-fact here. It’s left me more amused than angry, if nothing else, but there’s so much mistranslation/appropriation/fanciful bollocks that I’m left wondering if this article came from North Korea, and not the southern half. As we all know, North Korea has their own, shall we say, unique, take on reality

Sdtrk: ‘Thieves like us’ by New order

Last year, Burger King offered store-only versions of Tiger Toys’ I-DOG line. Basically, the Burger King ones are substandard versions of the actual I-DOG toys, which are pets that, when you hook your .mp3 player up to them, they flash lights and wave their ears in time with the music, in an unbridled display of whimsy. BK was selling the dog, cat, penguin, and turtle versions. So why is the toy line called I-DOG then, when three-quarters of them aren’t dogs? *shrug*
I’d wanted the cat, naturally, but I missed the window to get one. So you can imagine my glee when I learned that not only would BK have them again this year, but each would have a Hallowe’en theme. Glee, squared!

After weeks of pestering various Burger King employees in the SE Michigan area, I can now proudly announce that I have the i-Cat… and he’s got a robot costume. How appropriate is that?? Actually, I bought the cowboy one day by mistake, and the next day I got the robot, but still.

The Missus’ T-shirt provided by Mr Rstevens of Diesel sweeties Boutique,
in beautiful downtown Burbank, California

Now the quandary is that this lil’ fella needs a name. Sidore suggested ‘Shironeko’, as it’s a pun on her last name, Kuroneko (‘black cat’), with shiro meaning white. ‘O, that’s not pretentious at all,’ I laughed. ‘So what, he’s gonna sit round the place all day, listening to Bauhaus and writing awful poetry?’ I suggested the clearly superior Mecha-Moggy 5000. Shi-chan’s response? ‘That is retarded, and you are retarded.’

This is where you come in, reader! In the spirit of it being an election year, we have a poll, where you can vote for the name of a toy cat that you don’t even own! The winning entry will be the one we go with, so vote with vigour. VIGOUR! And if you think you can come up with a name more suitable for said cat, then have at it in the comments. Technically we haven’t even decided on a gender yet, so that doubles the possibilities.
FUTURE EDIT (02 DEC): Poll’s closed! We have a winner!

As an aside…

‘[You and Sidore] are living in as close to the Diesel Sweeties future as anyone alive today.’

– rstevens, webcomics assembler person

How ace is that??

Sdtrk: ‘I fought the law’ by the Clash

Happy Pagan New Year, people! Now I can’t possibly be the only one who thought of this, but wouldn’t you agree that Hallowe’en should be a paid national holiday? Although I’m not a practising Pagan — I’m just into various mythologies — there are more than enough practicising Pagans in the States where it’d be a worthwhile idea. And if you yourself aren’t some sort of Pagan, quityrbitchin’, you’re getting a paid day off! It’s not like there’s a lack of either history or merchandising behind it, so they might as well go all the way… Perhaps we should get a petition round.

Did everyone have a good All Hallows Eve? I have to say that, now that it’s after Hallowe’en, I just thought of a stunning costume idea: Sidore and I could’ve gone out trick-or-treating as Bianca and Lars. All we’d need would be some pastel-coloured knitted winter wear, a wheelchair for her, and a weedy little moustache for me. Why didn’t that occur to me earlier? That would’ve been brilliant