Circus Minimus: Here we go again!

typed for your pleasure on 21 January 2008, at 11.57 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Here it goes again’ by OK go

I’ve said before, but it bears repeating: Sidore and I clearly need an agent. Cos then, we wouldn’t have wildly inappropriate enquiries such as this:

from: M*******
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
date: Jan 15, 2008 3:07 PM
subject: The Tyra Banks Show

Dear DaveCat,

How are you? My name is M******* and I am a production assistant at the Tyra Banks Show. I recently came across the documentary you participated in about the hyper-realistic dolls. I wanted to speak with you about an upcoming show we are producing for early next week. We would love to hear your story. Please call me at (phone number) or please leave contact info where you can be reached so that we may contact you.

Thanks so much and we hope to hear from you soon,

M*******

M*******
Production Associate
The Tyra Banks Show

Yes, Tyra Banks. Even with the esteemed likes of Heraldo and (Not a) Doctor Phil attempting to woo me, occurences like this still continue to stun me. It’s funny-peculiar though, as I remember reading on TDF that there was supposed to be an episode of the Tyra Banks show that dealt with RealDolls, but this was almost half a year before anyone had ever read about ‘Lars and the Real Girl’. Maybe they’re just now getting round to it?
So I wrote back:

from: Dave Kuroneko
to: M*******
date: Jan 16, 2008 11:42 AM
subject: Re: The Tyra Banks Show

Hey M******* –

Thanks for your enquiry! However, I’m not entirely sure if The Tyra Banks Show is the right venue for lengthy, in-depth discussion of the merits of having a Synthetik companion. Plus, apart from lack of compensation, the travel expense, and the short notice, I don’t do too well with crowds, to be perfectly honest…
Thanks again for asking, though!

Cheers,
Davecat

Now, call me crazy, but I don’t honestly see Ms Banks’ staffers having done any deep research into iDollator history and culture. What probably happened is someone sent Tyra a link to ‘Guys and Dolls’; she stared at it in wide-eyed shock, and after recomposing herself, assigned some production associates such as M******* to scour the Series of Tubes, in order to find some of these doll freaks to base a programme around. ‘Make it happen, people,’ Tyra shouts, clapping her hands vigourously.
So M******* sez, she sez:

from: M*******
to: Dave Kuroneko
date: Jan 16, 2008 12:02 PM
subject: Re: The Tyra Banks Show

Davecat,

Thanks so much for getting back to me. We really found the footage of you highlighting your story to be very compelling. We are very interested in hearing where you are coming from and want to portray you in the way you want to be portrayed. The date of the show has actually changed to sometime later in the month. We do not have a concrete date yet, however we will be able to give you more notice since the date of the show has changed. As soon as we find this date out, we will be sure to let you know. We will definitely be able to compensate you, and if you would feel more comfortable having someone come with you to New York, we would be more than happy to make that happen. I would like to talk with you more in depth so you can understand where we are coming from. Is there a number where you can be reached? Also, you can reach me at anytime at (phone number). Thank you so much for your time and we really look forward to hearing from you and working with you.

Best,
M*******

Heh. ‘Compelling’. That’s an adjective I rank up there with ‘interesting’, in that it doesn’t necessarily mean good or bad. You can find a video of talking cats compelling. You can also find footage of a ten-car pile up in action compelling. Both events draw the eye, but just because it gets your attention doesn’t always mean it’s good.
My response? It was kinda funny, as I was falling gently asleep at work while on the phone with a boring client, and she (the client) asked me why I was so tired. I proceeded to mention that I was up until 2 am the previous night mainly writing Emails and hangin’ out with Gordon Freeman, and as my roll of explanation spun out more and more, it suddenly struck me that I hadn’t written M******* back regarding the show. That woke me up, by god. I started to freak out a bit, to be honest. Sure, there may be instances with offers of television appearances on shows I really don’t want anything to do with, but just because I’m not interested is no reason to be unprofessional and leave the person asking hanging. So as soon as my first break was done — and after a brief ‘power nap’ — I hastily Emailed the following reply back with my Treo:

from: Dave Kuroneko
to: M*******
date: Jan 21, 2008 1:28 PM
subject: Re: The Tyra Banks Show

Hey M******* –

Sorry for the delay; I spent most of my week-end away from my apartment. You know how it goes…

To be honest, I’m probably going to have to decline. I honestly don’t trust the media — in particular, television shows — that come out of the States, as a lot of them tend towards sensationalism. A couple of months ago, I turned down opportunities to speak about being an iDollator on both Geraldo and Dr Phil for the same reasons. I usually try to stick to either dedicated documentaries, or shows from other countries (‘Guys and Dolls’ was originally intended to be shown only on BBC), as they’re less likely to spin it into something that could be detrimental to both my life, and iDollator culture in general.

With all due respect, I’ll have to pass. Thanks again for the offer!

Cheers,
Davecat

Yeah; needless to say, that would’ve been a disaster of Hindenburgian proportions. A cluster of klieg lights melting my face off my skull, whilst a room full of people fail to understand what the hell I’m talking about or why being an iDollator is even an option. Just watch though, as Tyra’s crew contacts Everhard. Or Stacy Leigh. Or Gordon Griggs?

I know, right? Tyra Banks, of all people! Who’s next, Sally Jesse Raphael? She still has a show, right? Shows you how often I watch telly

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Circus Minimus: It's just getting weirder now on May 2nd, 2008

Circus Minimus: The biggest lion so far on August 1st, 2008

12 have spoken to “Circus Minimus: Here we go again!”

  1. Miss Hyde writes:

    Good on you for declining!

    I mean – Those tv “doctors” just turn round everything you say, either that or think that they are some great phciatrist (okay, so I can’t spell that word. . . And spell check dosn’t know what I’m talking about – A head doctor)and try to “fix” you.

    Don’t go down that road!!

    Hyde
    X

  2. Davecat writes:

    Well, at least Tyra’s never claimed to be a doctor — at least, not to my knowledge — she’s an ex-supermodel who suddenly decided that she wanted to be a chat show host. Odhinn only knows why; it’s not like we’re experiencing a shortage of them.

    I dig your new Gravatar, by the way. 🙂

  3. Euchre writes:

    I’m sure Sidore would LOVE to find out how you pretty much killed her chances to become America’s Next Top Model… How do you sleep at night? 😛

  4. SafeTinspector writes:

    I’ve watched an episode of Tyra Banks and you have her all wrong. She isn’t the brilliant conversationist who carefully considers issues and talks in depth about the social ramifications of her subject matters that you might have thought.

    She’s actually a borderline retarded woman who barely understands what the red light on top of the camera means. I’d be willing to bet she wasn’t even aware of the actions this so-called M******* is taking on her behalf. Rest assured that if you had agreed, Tyra would probably be informed at least twenty minutes before taping the show.

    I know, I was fooled as well. The Sports Illustrated cover made her seem intelligent to me as well.

  5. Miss Hyde writes:

    Why, thank you! I like my gravatar too!

  6. Mahtek writes:

    OK, if they send you one more request, then it counts as groveling. At which point the appropriate response would be,

    “No begging! Go lay down! No biscuit!”

    TV shows only exist to hold your attention until the next commercial, then get you to sit through it. When the Public Broadcasting Service calls, that’s another story. They would be likely to give you fair treatment.

    Good call, Davecat.

  7. SafeTinspector writes:

    PBS in our area seems to have a suspiciously high percentage of programming taken up with inspirational speakers and religion.

  8. ray rentell writes:

    I have given up watching “telly” cause we are getting so much crap from you guys, so, a wise move Sir.

    And I do not miss it at all, telly that is.

    toodle pip.

  9. Rachel writes:

    I’m going to have to concur with safeTinspector…When I have watched clips of her on youtube (i don’t watch tv) i can actually FEEL my IQ dropping…It was good you passed. She was hot till she opened her mouth.
    Besides, what she is catering to is middle to upper class (they’re home mid-day) American women…She’s approachable and I assume, likeble, ’cause she addresses things that these women find interesting—like discovering your vagina or trust issues with your man (assuming heterosexuality at every turn of course).
    Although I think there might be a platform somewhere in the American media for the life you life and the iDollator community at large, me thinks that ain’t it.
    LOLz on the biscuit Mahtek!

  10. Davecat writes:

    Euchre
    O, I don’t know — Shi-chan would much rather be a Suicide Girl or one of God’s Girls long before being one of America’s Top Models. She’s aiming high. 😉

    SafeT
    O SNAP
    And PBS is overrun with dodgily-produced religious programmes these days? I thought that’s what the local public access channels were for! At least, that’s how it was when I was working on a show back in the Nineties… O, how PBS has fallen.

    Mahtek –
    Yeah, for a while, I was wondering if I should’ve broken out the rolled-up newspaper. ‘Sit DOWN!’

    As nice as M******* seemed to be, she just fell into the category — once again — of ‘investigative’ television staffers who really haven’t done their homework, while seeking to inject something new into their viewership. (‘New’, of course meaning, ‘something that they’ve seen other shows do before, but is new to them’) I wonder if she knew that ‘Guys and Dolls’ had been leaked to Jay Leno, and mocked, which then went to The Soup, and mocked. 90% of American shows exist, just like you said, to hold your attention until the next advert plays. Objective reporting on a show like Tyra’s would be something very rare, and possibly non-existent.

    Tyra’s kinda hot, though. Despite that fivehead of hers. 🙂

    Rentell –
    Always a pleasure to have you here!
    That’s always rankled me — other countries get shedloads of American telly shows, and we get near-zero. Or if we do, they just remake them for American audiences. I can understand the cultural references might go over Joe Q. Walmart’s NASCAR-cap wearing head, but still, it’s ridiculous. It’s inherently wrong to dump a load of what passes for ‘culture’ by way of television, and not be willing to bring in other cultures’ shows.
    Praise “Bob” I grew up in Detroit, as the city’s so close to Canada, it’s easy to receive broadcasting from there. I probably wouldn’t be such a rabid frothing Anglophile if it weren’t for that factor…

    Ray-chan –
    I almost hate to say, but my mum watches Tyra Banks. I am brimful of shame.

    There has to be some show in the States that doesn’t exclusively cater to the vacuous, but I’ve no idea what it would be! Whatever it is, it would almost certainly have to be on cable…

    And that ‘discovering your vagina’ line had me ROTFLMAO. And I don’t use Interbutt shorthand like that, so that really means a lot here. 🙂

  11. Rachel writes:

    YAY! Loves when people laugh at my jokes! *warm and fuzzy*
    —————————————
    http://www.extrawhoredinary.com/uncategorized/dumb-peg-round-hole/

  12. Leroy writes:

    I do wish there was a way for you to go on a show and explain your position. While I do not share all your views, I do think there are many that with whom your positions would resonate. I think the iDollator conversation has serious ramifications for philosophy, science, and psychiatry.

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