Sdtrk: ‘Cookie bay’ by the High Llamas

In all honesty, I was going to write something and post it, as it’s been a bit, but between visiting the dentist (painful), and being outside in today’s 90°F weather (double painful), the idea for whatever stunning post I was gonna write has been effectively shot several times in the face.
On the upside, however, I bought a new DVD player whilst out-of-doors that I’ve ‘hacked’ to be region-free, traded a number of DVDs in at Thomas Video, our local cult video store, using the credit to order the new Brothers Quay collection DVD, and preordered the R2 DVD of ‘if….’, exclusive to Amazon.co.uk. Why this version over the domestic Criterion one, you enquire? The accompanying free screenplay swayed my decision. Pre-order’d!

More later, perhaps. I’m taking a nap; wake me when it’s genuinely Autumn again

Sdtrk: ‘Menta’ by Sutcliffe Jügend

In hanging out with the lads on a Saturday eve a few months ago, we had to stop at a wine store (really, it was more like a party store with higher aspirations, but they’ll have to work much harder, as they’re located in Macomb county) for some drinkies. In browsing their beverages selection, we’d noticed a couple of metal tubs filled with these bizarre articles:

The Missus thought it tasted awful as well. And technically,
she has no tastebuds

Yes, it is exactly what it appears to be — water in a bag, under the unsettling name of ‘Pure Pouch’. We should be thankful that they didn’t decide to go with what was probably their first name choice, ‘Water In A Bag’, as you really wouldn’t be able to get much more bog-standard than that if you tried. Now that I think about it, yes you could; ever see the film ‘Repo man’? All the grocery stores were stocked with the most generic of foodstuffs and dry goods: every single item was packaged in a white container with a light blue stripe and a generic serif typeface proclaiming ‘Cereal’, ‘Baked Beans’, ‘Tissue Paper’, etc etc.

‘HEY! He’s talking to jooooo’

Pure Pouch’s packaging is far too ornate compared to that sort of thing. That’s a point in their favour, I guess.

What spasm of anti-creativity produced this? Did the boss of Waterco. Inc. suddenly say one day, ‘We’ve got all this water just sitting there in our many enormous storage tanks; what the living hell are we gonna do with all of it??’ *sees employee sipping a Capri Sun, snaps fingers* ‘WE’LL PUT IT IN BAGS AND SELL IT!! BY GOD, THAT’S WHAT WE’LL DO!! IT’S A LICENCE TO PRINT MONEY!!’ Then he fires the bloke drinking the Capri Sun, cos that’d be like having a Pepsi while working at the Coca-cola plant.
It’s like I always say: find a niche and fill it; if there isn’t a niche, make one and then fill it. And yet I bought a Pure Pouch! Technically, I bought four, as they were four for $1. Ehh, that dollar wasn’t doing me any good anyways. But it does remind one of the old saw ‘What does Evian spell backwards?’

Unfortunately, much as you’d expect, the water tastes like plastic bag. Not a positive selling point. Later that eve, I gave one to SafeTinspector, who emptied his at an alarming speed, and I took the other two home in order to study them further. Did I leave one in goshou’s van by accident? *thinks* Do I really care at this point?
Perhaps I’ll freeze the ones I have, relabel them (using a Sharpie), and sell them as Ice Pouch! Ahh, the entrepreneurial spirit is truly unstoppabubble.

O, and in case you’re keeping score, this would be the second time I’ve written about brackish, unappetising water

Sdtrk: ‘Where were you?’ by the Mekons

This is so cute, it’s giving me cavities.

‘Exact change? Stitch that, I’ve got a bus pass’

Mystery cat takes regular bus to the shops
Daily Mail | 9th April 2007

Bus drivers have nicknamed a white cat Macavity after it has started using the No 331 several mornings a week.

The feline, which has a purple collar, gets onto the busy Walsall to Wolverhampton bus at the same stop most mornings – he then jumps off at the next stop 400m down the road, near a fish and chip shop.

The cat was nicknamed Macavity after the mystery cat in T.S Elliot’s poem. He gets on the bus in front of a row of 1950s semi-detached houses and jumps off at a row of shops down the road which include a fish and chip shop.

Driver Bill Khunkhun, 49, who first saw the cat jumping from the bus in January, said: “It is really odd, the first time I saw the cat jumping off the bus with a group of passengers. I hadn’t seen it get on which was a bit confusing.

“The next day I pulled up on Churchill Road to let a couple of passengers on. As soon as I opened the doors the cat ran towards the bus, jumped on and ran under one of the seats, I don’t think any of the passengers noticed.

“Because I had seen it jump off the day before I carried on driving and sure enough when I stopped just down the road he jumped off – I don’t know why he would catch the bus but he seems to like it. I told some of the other drivers on this route and they have seen him too.”
the rest of the article is here

I love the shot of Macavity in the top left corner. He’s like ‘What? What??‘ Plus, he’s heterochromatic — he has one blue eye and one green eye. He’s a David Bowie kitty!

You have to ask yourself: what would possess a cat to not only take the bus on a regular basis, but make the same stops? It’s apparent that the entire concept of animal intelligence is vastly understudied. My guess is that he’s saving up for driving lessons

Sdtrk: ‘Underground library’ by Moon wiring club

Apparently the architects of Singapore like to play fast and loose with Mistress Fate. Observe:

*facepalms*

Far East Organization, Singapore’s largest private development company, has commissioned the Office for Metropolitan Architecture for OMA’s first architectural project in Singapore – a 36-storey residential high-rise. […] With 20,000m² of built floor area, the building will provide 68 high-end apartment units with panoramic views. The design strategically maneuvers within the highly regulated building environment to maximize the full potential of the site: Four individual apartment towers are vertically offset from one another and suspended from a central core.
taken from this site

I have to be honest — this proposed Scotts Tower looks rather fab, but it also looks like a Seventies disaster film just waiting to happen.

“THE SCOTTS TOWER CATASTROPHE”

starring

Peter Fonda

Suzanne Somers

Dick Van Dyke

Dyan Cannon

Avery Schreiber

and Gig Young as “Paddock”

© 1973 A QUINN-MARTIN PRODUCTION

Nice place to visit, wouldn’t want to live there, that sort of thing. There but for the grace of god go Singapore, I guess…
Also, if you recognise any of those names in the film cast, you’re too old

ta very much to KrazyQ for the tipoff

Sdtrk: ‘Satellite’ by Depeche mode

from the cover of the April issue of Smithsonian:

I swear to “Bob”, when I first saw that line, I’d read it as ‘What Bizarro Taught Us’. An article detailing life lessons learned from a freakish alternate-universe version of Superman makes slightly more sense than lifestyle examples handed down from a chunky-brained mammal. Or should that be ‘hoofed down’?

No, I’ve not actually read the story. Anything it has to tell me cannot possibly live up to what I’d pictured in my mind. Apart, of course, from ‘whatever you do, do not break any of your four legs’. But that’s just plain common sense

Sdtrk: ‘Stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before’ by the Smiths

Saw this on my monitor at work, and as it references one of my favourite films, I couldn’t stop giggling.

Strangely enough, he didn’t answer the phone

Sdtrk: ‘Just can’t get enough’ by Nouvelle vague

Attention J.G Ballard: here’s your latest work of short fiction just waiting to be written. Just throw in a couple of carcrashes, a few clinker rocks, and some high-profile personalities from the Sixties, and BAM! They’ll herald it as ‘a return to form’.

Astronaut in murder plot charge
BBC News | Tuesday, 6 February 2007, 17:52 GMT

A US astronaut accused of attacking a woman she considered competition for the affection of a shuttle pilot has been charged with attempted murder.

Earlier a Florida court had ordered that Navy Capt Lisa Nowak, 43, who was facing charges of attempted kidnapping and battery, could be freed on bail.

However, the introduction of the more serious charge that she intended to murder Colleen Shipman reverses that. A mother of three, Capt Nowak flew on the space shuttle Discovery last July.

Airport interception

The man at the centre of the love triangle was said to be Navy Cmdr William Oefelein, who was a pilot on the Discovery’s mission to the space station in December.

Though he and Capt Nowak never flew on the same mission, they did train together.

According to her written police statement, Capt Nowak described her attachment to Cmdr Oefelein as “more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship”.

Capt Nowak is understood to have thought that Ms Shipman was romantically involved with Cmdr Oefelein.

So, when she heard that her rival was due to fly from Texas to Florida, she decided to drive the 1,000 miles (1,600km) from her home in Houston to Orlando International Airport to intercept and confront her. (emphasis mine)

Capt Nowak told police she had not wanted to harm Ms Shipman, just wanting to scare her rival into talking about her relationship with Cmdr Oefelein.

To avoid toilet breaks during the long drive to Orlando, Capt Nowak wore an adult nappy – such as astronauts wear during shuttle launches and landings – and she disguised herself with a wig, dark glasses and a trench coat.
the rest of the article is here

The thing that really gets me, apart from Captain Nowak driving virtually non-stop from Texas to Florida fuelled by Pure Jealousy, is the part where ‘an officer followed Capt Nowak and she was stopped allegedly carrying the wig, an air rifle, a steel mallet, rubber tubing, dustbin bags, black gloves and a knife.’ She obviously meant business!
There’s a footnote in ‘The Atrocity exhibition’, one of my favourite books of J.G Ballard’s, that sprung to mind when I’d read this report:

Little information has been released about the psychological effects of space travel, both on the astronauts and the the public at large. Over the years NASA spokesmen have even denied that the astronauts dream at all during their space flights. But it is clear from the subsequently troubled careers of many of the astronauts (Armstrong, probably the only man for whom the 20th century will be remembered 50,000 years from now, refuses to discuss the moon-landing) that they suffered severe psychological damage.

Perhaps this is partially why Dave Bowman went mad?

EDIT: Damnit, someone at Ballardian already knew about this. Hardly a surprise, really… I’d love to know what James Graham himself thinks about the whole affair