Silicone makes everything better, or, Slow news day

typed for your pleasure on 17 February 2010, at 1.04 am

Sdtrk: ‘A longing to be absorbed for a while into a different and beautiful world’ by Leyland Kirby

If you’ll indulge me for a bit, I’ve a confession to make: lately I’m finding that Heidi Montag lass to be really quite attractive. I’m sure if you have any amount of pop culture leaking into your lives, you already know where this is leading, but if you don’t: basically Ms Montag is an obscenely overpaid professional idiot. She’s apparently what can be loosely termed as an ‘actress’, having appeared on a reality show, as well as laughingly referred to as a ‘singer’, thanks to her full-length album of so-called music. Worse still, she’s a god-botherer as well as a republican — those two categories are usually found joined at the hip. I’d first heard of her sometime a year or so ago, and as she was a reality TV star, any cursory interest I had in her immediately disappeared. That is, until earlier this month.

@davecat doesnt Heidi Montag from MTV’s “The Hills look like a real doll after her recent plastic surgery?

MafiAMillertime | 1:17 AM Feb 2nd from web

As I had no idea who the living hell she was on about, I had to look it up on das Goögle, and ooohh my goodness why hello there.


Fully articulated and posable, with a neck hook for display

According to an article on online gossip rag Access Hollywood:

On November 20, Heidi underwent 10 procedures that included a mini brow lift, Botox in the forehead, nose job revision, fat injections in cheeks and lips, chin reduction, neck liposuction, ears pinned back, breast augmentation revision, liposuction on her waist and thighs and a buttocks augmentation. But, she told Billy she’s not addicted to plastic surgery.

But of course. She then goes on to say:

I’m starting to move my face more and more, [But,] I feel very plastic… especially when I first came out, it was so hard for me even to smile and it’s still hard for me to chew sometimes. But it’s feeling more and more natural everyday because the swelling is going down.

I should point out here that I’m completely for the idea of plastic surgery. As long as it makes the person happy, and if it’s not done to a dangerous and unaesthetic degree, that is. I mean, if you’re gonna get ten procedures done, it may seem practical to have them all done in one go, but you’ll more than likely be living like a Cenobite for a number of weeks. Not too clever, but I guess that’s kinda par for the course with our Heidi.
Furthermore, there’s something to be said about the state of pop culture where people, particularly women, are pressured into valuing appearance over intelligence. Unfortunately, it seems that she’s unaware that pursuing both qualities combines the best of both worlds.


Only $6000, minus shipping and handling

HEIDI MONTAG: Bringing Bold New Meaning to the Term ‘Churl’. But thanks to her new silicone rubber body, she’s much nicer to look at! rrrRowr.
Ergh. That’s enough Hollywood-related talk for a couple of months

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Carry on Phoning / Like bladder, like brain on July 16th, 2007

Outside is hostile on May 30th, 2007

11 have spoken to “Silicone makes everything better, or, Slow news day”

  1. veach writes:

    As I am wont to do, I usually read a post’s title and then scroll down below the fold to see what artwork there is to gander upon.   Then – forthwith – I’ll begin reading the post (if aforementioned titular and 2D information did not bore/scare me away).

    Today, I read your title, scrolled, murmured to self:  Kudos to the company who turned that Oblivious Clueless celebutante into a doll.  They did a fantastic job.

    Then read your post.

    I wonder if Heidi is aware of the one additional surgery which would make her so much more attractive:  a Cordectomy.

  2. Davecat writes:

    I recall reading somewhere that P**** H*****, of the Hilton Hotels Empire, refused a company’s offer to make an affictitious version of her. Perhaps she would’ve been jealous of the Doll’s greater intelligence?

    ‘I wonder if Heidi is aware of the one additional surgery which would make her so much more attractive: a Cordectomy.’
    Ha! Thanks for saying that! Cos obviously, I wouldn’t be able to get away with that sort of statement. 🙂

  3. Claire writes:

    if they figured out how to do the equivalent of plastic surgery for your brain, i wonder how many people would go for it? i’m betting not nearly as many as have plastic surgery these days …

  4. AngelnCat writes:

    Gosh I was thinking the same thing Davecat, just couldn’t put it to words !

  5. Davecat writes:

    Claire –
    If true beauty were, as people claim, on the inside, the title of ‘plastic neurosurgeon’ would be something every student of specialist surgery would be aiming for, and their rewards would be well-deserved. But then that’s not how things actually are, more’s the pity…

    Cat –
    In that case, citizen, my work here is done! *takes off at a run, flies away*

  6. SafeTinspector writes:

    Sometimes she has trouble chewing. *snicker*

  7. Davecat writes:

    Well, if she really wanted to go the whole nine, she should’ve had all her teeth replaced with soft silicone ones, like most Dolls.
    Just sayin’.

  8. Soie writes:

    Heidi Montag is another of those commercialized beauties that make me sick. Sure, get all of the surgery you want, unfortunately it’s kind of mandatory in her line of work. I don’t know, It’s just her mentality and attitude that make her unattractive to me. Hope that makes sense. She’d make a pretty synthetic, though.

  9. Davecat writes:

    Soie —
    O no no, I completely agree! Apart from her physical appearance, she has absolutely nothing of value to contribute to society, and it’s a shame that so-called personalities such as her and her ilk are granted media exposure of any kind. She is an idiot’s idiot. Plus, I’d spotted some website saying that she apparently regrets having had all of that surgery done. Really, now?
    What passes for ‘starlet’ these days is vastly different from the days of Edie Sedgwick, or Diana Dors, or Audrey Hepburn. Shallowness these days has new depth.

    But an actual Heidi Montag Doll? Or a Gynoid?? Now that’s an idea I can get behind!
    And yes, that’s your ‘double entendre-sense’ tingling.

  10. Barbielle writes:

    Cool article, I’ve also noticed Heidi Montags plastic beauty. When I saw those photos I still wasn’t sure if it was a doll or real Heidi, but WOW she looks plastic in those! I love her boob size, but I wish she would represent better things than just basic Hollywood shit.

    http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/starcrush.com/files/2013/01/Heidi-Montag1.jpg Cool photo. What a difference. Those 10 operations really can be seen in her appearance, so if I was her, I wouldn’t regret having those surgeries done. 😀 But if I was getting my own Heidi Montag doll, I’d hope to get her with wee bigger lips, still.. ;D

  11. Davecat writes:

    Thank you, Ms Barbielle! 🙂
    You’re right; it’s ridiculous that someone like Heidi is clever enough to alter and enhance her appearance to her satisfaction, and yet waste that appearance on vacuous entertainment. The implication is that anyone (particularly if they’re female) who goes for an artificial look for themselves is only suited for being in superficial forms of entertainment is really unfortunate. It is possible to resemble a Synthetik human, yet not be empty-headed.

    Having said that, I think Ms Montag is missing out on not having an actual Synthetik version of herself made. Between what you and I alone have said, there’d be at least two Dolls sold right there, guaranteed. 🙂

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