Ugly bag of mostly water

typed for your pleasure on 7 May 2007, at 12.17 am

Sdtrk: ‘Menta’ by Sutcliffe Jügend

In hanging out with the lads on a Saturday eve a few months ago, we had to stop at a wine store (really, it was more like a party store with higher aspirations, but they’ll have to work much harder, as they’re located in Macomb county) for some drinkies. In browsing their beverages selection, we’d noticed a couple of metal tubs filled with these bizarre articles:

The Missus thought it tasted awful as well. And technically,
she has no tastebuds

Yes, it is exactly what it appears to be — water in a bag, under the unsettling name of ‘Pure Pouch’. We should be thankful that they didn’t decide to go with what was probably their first name choice, ‘Water In A Bag’, as you really wouldn’t be able to get much more bog-standard than that if you tried. Now that I think about it, yes you could; ever see the film ‘Repo man’? All the grocery stores were stocked with the most generic of foodstuffs and dry goods: every single item was packaged in a white container with a light blue stripe and a generic serif typeface proclaiming ‘Cereal’, ‘Baked Beans’, ‘Tissue Paper’, etc etc.

‘HEY! He’s talking to jooooo’

Pure Pouch’s packaging is far too ornate compared to that sort of thing. That’s a point in their favour, I guess.

What spasm of anti-creativity produced this? Did the boss of Waterco. Inc. suddenly say one day, ‘We’ve got all this water just sitting there in our many enormous storage tanks; what the living hell are we gonna do with all of it??’ *sees employee sipping a Capri Sun, snaps fingers* ‘WE’LL PUT IT IN BAGS AND SELL IT!! BY GOD, THAT’S WHAT WE’LL DO!! IT’S A LICENCE TO PRINT MONEY!!’ Then he fires the bloke drinking the Capri Sun, cos that’d be like having a Pepsi while working at the Coca-cola plant.
It’s like I always say: find a niche and fill it; if there isn’t a niche, make one and then fill it. And yet I bought a Pure Pouch! Technically, I bought four, as they were four for $1. Ehh, that dollar wasn’t doing me any good anyways. But it does remind one of the old saw ‘What does Evian spell backwards?’

Unfortunately, much as you’d expect, the water tastes like plastic bag. Not a positive selling point. Later that eve, I gave one to SafeTinspector, who emptied his at an alarming speed, and I took the other two home in order to study them further. Did I leave one in goshou’s van by accident? *thinks* Do I really care at this point?
Perhaps I’ll freeze the ones I have, relabel them (using a Sharpie), and sell them as Ice Pouch! Ahh, the entrepreneurial spirit is truly unstoppabubble.

O, and in case you’re keeping score, this would be the second time I’ve written about brackish, unappetising water

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Larry Dallas stole my Sharpie on May 20th, 2009

This is post no.560. Believe it on December 30th, 2007

7 have spoken to “Ugly bag of mostly water”

  1. Camilla writes:

    brilliant post DC!
    you got it quite right, the only good thing about water in bags is that they make huge ice cubes(?)!
    and that evian joke i didn;t know, very smart :-p

  2. MontiLee writes:

    See, if I can’t refill the container with the liquid of my choosing – vodka, kahlua, lye – then it’s a waste of a quarter.

  3. Camilla writes:

    MontiLee, LOL!!!

  4. Davecat writes:

    Camilla –
    Large ice cubes, for an even larger drink, I suppose. I have no idea what they were thinking, apart from ‘someone’ll buy it’! And sadly, they were right. *glares at Pure Pouch on adjacent table*
    I kinda want my dollar back…

    No no, you’re thinking ‘Vodka In A Bag’. Which is something that I’m surprised that no-one’s yet capitalised on. Heh, single-use vodka!

  5. SafeTinspector writes:

    …I drank one? Gods, my ADD addled brain has stolen yet another experience from my memory set.

    And vodka would probably require the bag to be mylar.

  6. mike henriksen writes:

    You miss the point. It has 70% less waste than bottles so it doesn’t fill the landfills which makes it environmentally friendly. It has a 5 year shelf life and a 40% space savings so its perfect for emergency reserve. I love these things when I am camping and my kid loves them – he gets them at school. They are also freezable which is a HUGE benefit. Think outside the bottle people.

  7. Davecat writes:

    Valid points, but they taste like rubbish! It’s got that ‘filtered through a shopping bag’ taste. Granted, if they’re for emergency use, I won’t complain, but guh.

    I’m kind of a snob when it comes to that sort of thing. When I drink two parts hydrogen mixed with one part oxygen, it has to be ice-cold — I can’t drink it if it’s room temperature. And if it tastes dodgy, it’s even less appealing. I’m not saying ‘bottles or die’, but you could have it in the most environmentally sound container in Christendom, and I still wouldn’t drink it if it tastes of bag.
    Besides, ‘Pure Pouch‘?? That name is in no ways inviting, sorry.

    But thanks for stopping round!

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