Sdtrk: ‘Speedlearn broadcast’ by F. Peters

I swear to christ, I’m gonna build a TARDIS, go back in time, and flat-out murder whoever invented the flu with my bare and twitching hands. This is utter bullshit. Not only have I missed two days of work — under normal circumstances, that’d be something I’d be crowing about, but I like having money — and worse, I’ve not showered or shaved in two days, so I resemble some fucking hippie filth. Normally, I wouldn’t admit that sort of thing publically, but I’m brimful of Alka-selter/Halls/some generic anti-flu drug, so I don’t fucking care. Frankly, I’m surprised taht Im lucid enugh to speling as goood as I am.
So to everyone I need to Email back — you know who you are — give me a couple of days to remember how to spell my own name, and I’ll get back to you immediatement. Okay? Okay!

In the interim, I’ve just downloaded all three volumes of the soundtrack to ‘The prisoner’ from X-Y-Z Cosmonaut’s CosmoBlog, one of those crazy .mp3 blogs that I scour on a daily basis. One of my favourite episodes was ‘The General’, the one with the supercomputer with the subliminal learning technique that it televised to all the inhabitants of the Village, and I recall that tune that was played during the educational broadcasting was very very ace, as it was like all of Broadcast and Ghost box‘s output condensed into 42 seconds. So I’ve been playing it over and over for the past hour! And now you can hear it, too! FOREVER

Also, I want a Nissan Figaro, just like Sarah Jane Smith drives.

Okay? Okay! Back to lying down! But first, let me stumble over to the bog and puke some more WOO YAY

Sdtrk: ‘Music (In my mind) (Prins Thomas remix)’ by Lindstrom and Christabelle

My Saturday and Sunday comprised a good way to end the year, I’d say… Saturday morn Derek, Steph, Jeff, Mike and I piled into Steph’s van and headed out to Ann arbor, for our usual bi-bi-monthly shopping extravaganza. Jeff, Steph and I sold a passel of Cds and DVDs at Encore records; I was awarded $80 in cash, so I picked up Art brut’s ‘Bang bang rock and roll’ release. After that, we convened at Borders, where I purchased the first volume of Naoki Urasawa’s Monster, which is a hell of a manga series, and highly recommended. Up until now, I’d been borrowing Jeff’s copies of volumes 1 – 6, and it was just a matter of time before I broke down and started buying my own copies. ‘A taut psychological thriller’, as a book club would undoubtedly describe it.
Following that, we stopped by our favourite overpriced anime boutique, Wizzywig, where I bought one of the newer Evangelion gachapons (Unit 01, if you’re curious), as well as two different KOS-MOS figures. We then had a delicious luncheon over at the Japanese restaurant Totoro, and finished our day with a stop round to Vault of Midnight, where I… actually didn’t buy anything. It was one of those in-between periods, where there was nothing new out yet that I’d wanted, and I couldn’t find anything older in the store. They did have the Medicom Johnny Rotten figure for $20, but I’m holding out for all four Sex pistols Kubricks, all told. Ah well — money saved, I suppose… Nevertheless, a grand day out! We got back round 5ish and went our separate ways for the eve.

As for Sunday, I’ve just now gotten back (well, about two hours ago) from hanging out with my mates again, minus Mike, for the evening, playing a devastating combo of Apples to apples, Milles bournes, and some variants of poker. We were accompanied by Kari, Jeff’s wife, and Kari’s friend Ellen. I can’t remember how this came up, but interestingly enough, Ellen says that her best friend back at grad school played Missy, Bill S. Preston’s new mum from ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent adventure’. How fab is that?? *does riff on air guitar*
Later on in the eve, I got a call from T-money that I put on speakerphone, so we could all yell at him, and apparently some ball fell somewhere in New York city. Really, it was much like last year’s festivities, which is quite alright, as we tend to swear by consistency. A heady evening!

Any resolutions for 2007? I haven’t made resolutions for about the past ten years, as I’ve been of the opinion that as soon as I say, ‘well, this year, I’m going to _____,’ then it’s pretty much a guarantee that it won’t be done. This year, however, I’m making an exception: I am going to get ‘Kitten with a Whip!‘ back up and running in some capacity before 2008. A single photograph and six lines of text do not a website make. Plus, Shi-chan’s getting cranky. Right right; you may laugh, but you don’t have to live with her.
Also, I’d really like to get everything sussed as far as ‘Shouting etc etc’, i.e., the things I’d mentioned a couple of posts ago. That one’s not really a resolution, by the way; I just thought I’d mention that.

So there you have it. Happy 2007, and best wishes for the new year!

Sdtrk: ‘theme from “daisies”‘ by lollipoptrain

I was chuffed. Despite the fact that I’d been without Internet access for like a day and a half, due to a cheque supposedly not being received by the slack-jawed cunts at SBC Yahoo!, I awakened this morning and typed up a dream that I’d had, and was going to post it, in the hopes of breaking the Curse of Not Having Anything to Write that I’ve been going through lately. I’d typed it out on the Memo section of my smartphone’s desktop software — it was a fairly odd dream, wherein I was hanging round Hooky of Joy division/New order, as well as John Simm — but in my drowsiness, I must’ve clicked Cancel instead of OK, deleting my efforts. For fuck’s sake.
Personally, I place the blame for that dream’s content squarely upon the shoulders of film director Michael Winterbottom. I’d downloaded ‘Tristram Shandy: A cock and bull story‘ yesterday — for evaluation purposes only, mind; immediately after viewing, I’d bought a copy on eBay — and you can tie the lot of it into his oevure, as in his film ’24 hour party people’, John Simm played New order’s Bernard Sumner; also, it features Shirley Henderson, who played Tony Wilson’s first wife in ’24 hour party people’.

It’s a very arch, self-referencing, and funny fillum. Not only does it have Dylan Moran from Black books, it’s got that wee gorgeous Shirley Henderson, who I’ve been utterly in love with since ’24 hour party people’, as she is blessed with the sexiest speaking voice in Christendom. But one of the many aspects that had me laughing like a drain is that Steve Coogan plays, as stated, Tristram Shandy. He also plays Tristram’s father Walter. He also plays ‘Steve Coogan’, as the film is a film about making a film version of the book Tristram Shandy, starring Steve Coogan as ‘Steve Coogan’ as Tristram Shandy. Later on, the actual former head of Factory records, Tony Wilson, interviews ‘Steve Coogan’, which is ace, as in ’24 hour party people’, Steve Coogan played Tony Wilson. GAH SO META BRAIN BURNING
It’s a grand film! Go rent it!

So, what have we learned?
+ When Kokoro Co. Ltd. comes to me wanting to build a Gynoid version of Sidore, and they ask me how her voice should sound, I will immediately produce a copy of ’24 hour party people’ and request that she sound exactly like Shirley Henderson
+ Never before in my life have I typed the words ’24 hour party people’, Steve Coogan, or Tristram Shandy as much as I have in this post
+ Always write your dreams down on paper
+ SBC Yahoo! are blithering twats

Sdtrk: ‘For o, for o, the hobby-horse is forgot’ by Harrison Birtwistle

I have to apologise for the deafening silence (ho ho ho) recently, as I’m trying to get used to my new work schedule. It’s bizarre; we work evenings on Monday and Tuesday, and mornings Wednesday through Friday. Having no consistent time which I’m supposed to set my alarm is an awfully pointless exercise. Who’s to blame for this??
Also, I’m kinda in a writing slump, as evidenced by the poor showing since the 5th of the month; and no, I don’t rate the last two posts at all, as they are (in order) a linkdump and a YouTube video. I don’t feel entirely bad, as quaisi is in the midst of a null-writing period right now as well, but still.

To be honest, I’ve been distracted lately by the fruits of INTERNET PIRATES. Over the course of the past week and a half, I’ve watched all six eps of Aim for the top! 2 and all five episodes of Battle fairy Yukikaze. Being a big fan of the original ‘Aim for the top! Gunbuster’, I’d resisted seeing Diebuster for a while, as the FLCL-style character designs seemed incongruous, but after watching it with an open mind (HINT: technically, it’s not a sequel to Gunbuster), it was rather fab in the end equation. Yukikaze, on the other hand, had some astounding aerial combat scenes, but man, the homoerotic tension between Rei and James was ridiculous. Heh; on 4chan‘s /m/echa board, they call it ‘Brokeback Airforce’, and rightly so. And then I picked up Burger King’s Sneak King and Pocketbike racing today. Yes. Eminently entertaining!
Then I considered throwing in the towel and switching ‘Shouting etc etc’ over to Blogger Beta cos its categories capabilities is filling my pants with joy, but apparently there’s been some conflicts with HaloScan interacting rudely with it, and obviously, I don’t want to lose all of your lunatic lovely comments. Plus, as SafeTinspector pointed out, as far as Blogger Beta goes… well, let’s just say that it’s called Blogger Beta for a reason.

So, this brings us to here, wherever ‘here’ is, exactly. I’ll knuckle down this week and handcraft something worth reading, as sure as my name is Hans Christian Andersen*

*N.B.: not actually my name

Sdtrk: see below

Looks like I’m in another one of those gaps between writing, it seems. Not only that, I begin my new job today — more fundraising-over-the-phone shite, but this has more hours and it pays better — so in the meantime, here’s a video by one of my favourite bands, The Jesus and Mary chain, with a song that gets played all too often when I’m demolishing my opponents at high-speed in ‘Burnout: Revenge‘. Enjoy!

Sdtrk: ‘Watch that man’ by David Bowie

Anyone can write a story. Not everyone can write a good story, though. And not every one of those everyones can write a good story using only six words. Calling these writers ‘adept’ is being far too verbose, so I’ll just call them ‘a’.
I’m reminded of the Shakespeare quote ‘Brevity is the soul of wit’, and the faster, better version, ‘Brevity is wit.’
(Airlifted from Penda’s Diner)

Very Short Stories
wired.com | Issue 14.11 – November 2006

We’ll be brief: Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words (“For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”) and is said to have called it his best work. So we asked sci-fi, fantasy, and horror writers from the realms of books, TV, movies, and games to take a shot themselves.

Dozens of our favorite auteurs put their words to paper, and five master graphic designers took them to the drawing board. Sure, Arthur C. Clarke refused to trim his (“God said, ‘Cancel Program GENESIS.’ The universe ceased to exist.”), but the rest are concise masterpieces. (edited for space)

Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer?
– Eileen Gunn

Vacuum collision. Orbits diverge. Farewell, love.
– David Brin

Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
– Joss Whedon

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
– Alan Moore

Epitaph: Foolish humans, never escaped Earth.
– Vernor Vinge

It cost too much, staying human.
– Bruce Sterling

We kissed. She melted. Mop please!
– James Patrick Kelly

It’s behind you! Hurry before it
– Rockne S. O’Bannon

I came up with a handful whilst at work today; most of them were shite. I found that a number of what I’d written were almost epigrams; one was ‘The Rolling Stones — still alive. Why?’ — that’s not a story. Funny yes, but not a story. It’s almost harder than haiku!

+ Falling, he regretted nothing. Except breakfast.

+ Angry bears with hatchets; hilarity ensues.

+ A singularity? That’s impossible! OH SHI–

+ The cats knew, and fled first.

+ Anneke’s exposed mechanisms gave her away.

+ The Liston knife — Jack’s favourite tool.

+ In battle: ‘I forgot my pistol?!’

+ ‘You’re my Doppelgänger?’ ‘Yes, now die.’

and my personal fave:

+ This sandwich tastes funny. Like… flesh?

If any brave souls care to try their hand, go for it and leave your results in the comments. Mindbending but fun!

Sdtrk: ‘The black hit of Space’ by the Human League

Just uploaded two new videos to my YouTube page (not linking it, cos I’ve already linked it enough over the past couple of posts). I’m in one of them! After a fashion.

Happy 23rd / Autumnal equinox!