Sdtrk: ‘A lot of drugs’ by Venetian snares

As is our wont, on Friday eves, my good friend Marika stops round, and we watch several hours’ worth of Quality Entrétainment — we’re currently tearing our way through the second series of Ashes to ashes and the second half of Kamen rider Hibiki, for example. Last Friday, however, when I was confirming our plans via text, Mari indicated that she wanted to go see the new Transformers movie, Revenge of the Fallen. I nearly threw up all over my phone, which would’ve been an entirely appropriate response.

Getting this out of the way: I’m not what you might call a Transformers ‘fan’. I watched the show fervently when I was younger, as most Children Of The Eighties did. I didn’t see the feature film in theatres, but I did rent it — wept when Optimus Prime died, thought Arcee was clang clang sexy — but that’s the lot, really. Although I can quote numerous lines from the film without a second thought. On the other hand, Liann, goshou’s wife, is a walking Transformers encyclopaedia. She’s still got the Laserdisc boxsets for the never-aired-in-the-States Transformers 2010 series, among other paraphernalia. When the first live-action Transformers (hereby shortened to TF) movie debuted, I refused to see it cos I think Michael Bay should be dancing the Tyburn Jig for his crimes against film, and Liann refused as she’s a hardcore TF purist. Everyone in our Algonquin End Table was curious as to what went on in the film, cos they sure as fuck weren’t going to pay to see it. (In the interest of full disclosure, neither did I; as I was broke, Mari paid for my ticket.)

So: TF:ROTF! Two and a half hours of Nothing, at an elevated volume. It was literally an endurance test for me. Where does one start with this… steaming pile of shit, to put it charitably? Well, for one, I absolutely hate the mecha designs; they look like walking scrapyards. I understand that Bay reasoned that as they didn’t come from Earth, they’d have forms that were unfamiliar and otherworldly, which actually makes complete sense. However, it is possible to design mecha that don’t resemble Duchamp’s ‘Nude descending a staircase’. And the thing is, when in robot mode, they all look the same. Maybe it’s just me, but during battle, I couldn’t tell who was duking it out with whom. Coupled with the awful redesigns of familiar characters and the ADHD editing style, the fight scenes were genuinely tiresome — as a rule, epic battle scenes shouldn’t make the viewer yawn or check their watch, which is what I did, several times.

And how ’bout that mecha, huh? How ’bout Mudflap and Skids, the Autobot ‘twins’ who were the worst CG stereotypes since Jar-Jar Binks? I mean, honestly, when you have one character sporting a gold buck tooth, and the other’s crapping on about ‘bustin’ caps’, you have to wonder why they didn’t just name them Amos and Andy, and be done with it? Why halfass it?
Besides the whole racist bullshit, they were literally exhausting to look at. Later during the sixth or seventh hour of the movie, Devastator inhales one of the twins — the red one, whatever the fuck his name was — into his gaping maw, which naturally had me cheering. So then, you can imagine my immense disappointment when that twin ripped his way out of Devastator through his face, while yelling ‘I’M IN YO FACE!!’ It actually hurt to watch.

The plot, if you can call it that, has been detailed elsewhere, so I’ll not rehash it here. Heh, like there’s anything to rehash. io9’s got a fab review that’s negligibly more charitable than this one, so give that a look when you’re done here. But the plot — o, the plot! It had holes you could easily drive an Autobot through, har har.
One of the subplots has our ‘hero’, Sam Witwicky, played by Shia LeDouche (accurately described by Mark Kermode as a ‘charisma vacuum’) is at college, having left both his girlfriend Mikaela, portrayed by Megan Fox (who’s someone’s idea of sex on legs, but not mine — sorry, PB Shelley. Also, clubbed thumb) and Bumblebee, played by a shitty Camaro (who apparently damaged his vocal cords in the previous movie and hasn’t had them repaired, due to a plot contrivance), back home. Despite Sam and Mikaela being miles apart, they’ve promised to be faithful to each other. Whilst on campus, Sam is constantly being pursued by some blonde with a spray-on tan, who’s aggressively wet in the knickers for him. Eventually she corners him in his dormroom and pins him to the bed, which is exactly when Mikaela shows up for a surprise visit. O SO WACKY
Mikaela leaves in a huff, but the blonde lass reveals her true nature — she’s actually a Decepticon Gynoid! She chases Sam, his roommate, and Mikaela for a while until some Autobot comes out of nowhere and crushes her or shoots her or whatever; it’s inconsequential. And whoops! Was that a spoiler I just gave away, there? It sure was! And you should thank me; that’s one less reason for you to waste your time and money on TF:ROTF.
Now, you lot are undoubtedly thinking, ‘but Davecat, you love Gynoids! Surely that was one redeeming thing in the movie?’ Nope! For one, she looked like a Generic Blonde Maxim Reject when she was disguised as an Organik, and in Synthetik mode, she looked like a mashup of a Ray Harryhausen Medusa and… a Ray Harryhausen skeleton warrior. Needless to say, to me, she lacked sex appeal on not one, but two fronts, which is pretty impressive, if you think about it. Now consider; if the Decepticons can effectively disguise themselves as humans, don’t you think that’d be a more effective method of infiltration than transforming into planes and helicopters and the like? Bay didn’t even bother with an ill-conceived excuse as to why they didn’t — he just let it drop, hoping the audience wouldn’t bring it up again. Good job with that storytelling.

Another plot hole, you ask? Okay! Sam’s in his room above his parents, fiddling round with his hooded sweatshirt from the previous movie, when a shard of the cube from that movie falls out of the pocket. He picks it up, it gives him a shock, and he drops it. It then burns its way through the floor, and lands on the kitchen table, whereupon it sends out sparks that change all the small appliances in the room into Decepticons. Subsequently, they make their way upstairs, and proceed to arbitrarily attack Sleepy LaBeef, firing their guns, launching missiles, wielding saws, etc.
Right; so these are appliances made on Earth, correct? That being the case, I severely doubt Braun, or Oster, or KitchenAid, would manufacture toasters and microwaves and Cuisinarts that were fully-stocked with ammo. Otherwise, where did their weapons come from? O, Michael Bay’s arse? Okay, that… that actually makes sense.

When TF:ROTF wasn’t making me sigh with exasperation, it was boring me rigid, or offending me, or just plain enraging me. Too much crap onscreen at once, too much slo-mo, Linkin fucking park being part of the soundtrack, Generic Black Dude spouting Bay dialogue (‘That guy is an ASS HOLE’), Steven Spielberg, another director I hate, as executive producer, and a bad ratio of human characters to TF characters — cos if I’m seeing a film called Transformers, I’m really not there to see humans… all of these factors made for a truly appalling movie. I honestly can’t remember the last film I saw that I hated this much! Kudos, Michael Bay! ‘Kudos’, of course, being Greek for ‘I will grind your skull into pulp with my bare and twitching hands’.

After the movie let out, we got back round to mine, where I made Mari watch excerpts from the only Transformers film that matters:

What are they shooting at? Unicron’s behind them, and they’re firing ahead

Some might accuse me of constantly wearing Nostalgia Goggles; those people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Every day, I pop in my pair of Nostalgia Contact Lenses. Honestly, I don’t get out of bed without them

Sdtrk: ‘Gabriela (El Guincho remix)’ by Joe Crepúsculo

Whilst performing one of my usual / many / relentless searches for Synthetik information/pictures recently, I uncovered this steampunky gem:

‘Wind-up Gynoid’ is by Scott Miron, a photographer out of Minnesota. Looking over his portfolio, he’s got quite an impressive body of work, but that seems to be the only Gynoid-related pic he’s done to date. Why stop at just one? is my question.

Better post soon, as I’ll be hanging out with a handful of iDollator colleagues this Saturday for another Parliament. I’ll be broke but gleeful!

Sdtrk: ‘Night night’ by Blank dogs

Flipping through the latest MetroTimes whilst at work, I’d spotted a full-page advert for the 2009 Motor City Comic con. Under normal circumstances, information about that event would evaporate quickly from my brain as I made my way towards the page containing Dan Savage’s column, but three of the special guests slated to appear caught my eye, and held it to such a degree, that I’m considering attending for the first time since the mid-Nineties.

You’ve got Priscilla Barnes, who portrayed Terri Alden for three years on one of my all-time favourite sitcoms, ‘Three’s Company’. Then there’s Joyce DeWitt, who for eight years played Janet Wood, my favourite roommate, on the same show; which is even more astounding, due to the fact that she’s pretty much kept out of the public eye since ‘Three’s Company’ ended. That’s ace enough in and of itself, but! The other guest? JULIE ‘AF-709 / CATWOMAN’ NEWMAR. YES. Only thing is, if I decided to bite the bullet and spend the $20 entrance fee (now you know why they call them ‘cons’), what would I have them sign? Priscilla and Joyce’s choice would be simple; I could have them autograph my copy of ‘Come and knock on our door‘, the rather-inclusive book about ‘Three’s Company’, but what of Julie? I don’t have any paraphernalia from Batman, and I’d really love for her to sign something related to ‘My living Doll‘, the short-lived Sixties sitcom starring Ms Newmar as a Gynoid, but theoretically, they’re still in the process of remastering the episodes. Hrrm.
I’m seriously thinking I should go, though. I mean, how often does the opportunity to meet Terri Alden, Janet Wood and AF-709 under the same roof come up in one’s life?

Speaking of robots (pronounced ‘ro-bits’), I ran across this on 4chan‘s /m/echa board: Tweenbots. They’re awfully cute!

‘Excuse me, how do you get to Carnegie Hall? And DON’T ANSWER PRACTISE’

Tweenbots are human-dependent robots that navigate [New York City] with the help of pedestrians they encounter. Rolling at a constant speed, in a straight line, Tweenbots have a destination displayed on a flag, and rely on people they meet to read this flag and to aim them in the right direction to reach their goal.

Given their extreme vulnerability, the vastness of city space, the dangers posed by traffic, suspicion of terrorism, and the possibility that no one would be interested in helping a lost little robot, I initially conceived the Tweenbots as disposable creatures which were more likely to struggle and die in the city than to reach their destination. […] The results were unexpected. Over the course of the following months, throughout numerous missions, the Tweenbots were successful in rolling from their start point to their far-away destination assisted only by strangers. Every time the robot got caught under a park bench, ground futilely against a curb, or became trapped in a pothole, some passerby would always rescue it and send it toward its goal. Never once was a Tweenbot lost or damaged.

As Kacie Kinzer is an art school student, the whole exercise is partially a sociological experiment as to how humans interact with non-human beings, so naturally the idea piqued my interest. Besides, the method with which she’s going about it is just plain adorable. Throw in a talking dog, a cat, and a ferret, send the four of them across the country, and you have a family-friendly film just waiting to happen!
So if you reside in NYC and you happen across a Tweenbot that needs assistance, do the right thing, eh? A robot might just help you one day

Sdtrk: ‘The angel of the odd’ by Merzbow

Just a heads-up: ULTRAKILLBOT has generously posted Part II of their interview with yours truly, which details me rambling at length about iDollators, life with Shi-chan, the future of Androids and Gynoids, and… Toronto. What better way to spend an Easter Sunday, I ask you??

Tell me a bit about your interest in Gynoids.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been enthralled with artifice as a whole — I’ve always been drawn to things that resemble something from nature, yet aren’t actually natural. I’m completely in love with the whole Sixties-era obsession with plastic, for one. I believe two of humanity’s greatest achievements are developments in robotics, and the replication of things that Nature usually creates, and Synthetik humans are a fine combination of those two things. Creating robots in general supports my philosophy of every man being his own god, but when you wrap all that technology up in a very humanlike appearance, it’s easier for Organik humans to embrace the idea of robots as valid members of society. That’s why I always use the terms ‘Synthetiks’ and ‘Organiks’ — it’s my hope that in the future, people will see Androids and Gynoids as simply another type of human. Although they’re not meat-based like we are, they’re human as well, in their own fashion.

A fine interview, and a fine site, with fine staffers. Go check it out!
Also, eerily relevant, courtesy of my new favourite online comic strip, Married to the Sea:

Sdtrk: ‘Sheila take a bow’ by the Smiths

If you’ve not been following my godforsaken Twitter feed, you’ll note that it’s Saturday night, and I’m at home! In fact, I just woke up for the third time today this eve! Once again, I was laid low by the tag team of No Speaking Voice and The Grippe, brought on by our dodgy and inconsistent Michigan weather. It never fails!
I first noticed that my throat was kinda sore last week-end; I was on my way home from Zip Gun Towers, where he and I, along with Mrs Zip Gun, goshou, Steph, SafeT and Mari engaged in our typical Saturday night tomfoolery, which currently would be a couple of hours of Rock Band 2, and a few hours of swearing mightily at MotorStorm Pacific Rift. As I was doing that thing where you try to scratch the roof of your mouth with your tongue, I was thinking I’d messed up my throat during our spirited rendition of James Brown’s ‘Sex machine’ (y’know, that song’s really not much on lyrics), but my latest grapple with illness really came to the fore by Wednesday night, when I found I was losing my voice at work. Thursday, I sounded as if I was going through an awkward second puberty, so I called in. Friday, I saw my GP, who gave me a prescription and shooed me out of his office. Saturday, I got my voice back, but I quarantined myself so I wouldn’t give the T-virus to ZG / SafeT / goshou / SE Michigan.
So here we are, and I’m awake again! Wonderful, horrible wakefulness!

Anyroad, self-promotion time! Yeah, I know; that’s so out-of-character for me. My interview at ULTRAKILLBOT is up! Well, half of it. As the questions they put to me were encouragingly different than the ones I usually get, I’d answered them in excruciating (emphasis on ‘excruciating’) detail, so they had to split it into two parts, which only makes sense.

What’s your ideal job?

Hrrm… realistically speaking, something behind the scenes, where I could be left to my own devices and not have to deal with the general public. Something like proofreading, or research work, or stacking books in a library… something non-descript. Ideally, however, my dream job would be working on the staff of something like i-doloid magazine; that’s a Japanese magazine that centres round life-sized Dolls, or if not i-doloid specifically, then a magazine with the same intent. Even better than a magazine would of course be a television programme. Since it’s a niche market now, it wouldn’t be just about Dolls, it’d cover Androids, Gynoids, robotics in general. Something with the finger on the mechanical pulse of the Synthetiks revolution. It’s gotta start somewhere!

Part II will be on the site next week, so you’ll want to bookmark that. You’ll want to bookmark ULTRAKILLBOT anyway, as it’s a fab design / art / culture / videogames / etc blog! Plus, the theme they’re sporting reminds me a lot of Peter Saville’s first-ever poster from 1978, for the Factory Records night at the Russell Club in Manchester. Well done!

Sdtrk: ‘Brimstone in a barren land’ by Danielle Dax

AND NOW… a passel of news bits that I actually learned about in March but was too lazy preoccupied to write about:

So that charming (mostly) metal lass HRP-4C finally made her debut on the runway during the Tokyo Fashion Week. And good for her.

Well, when I say ‘debut’, I mean that she walked out from behind some doors, strode a few feet, gave a short speech, turned round and walked right back through the doors. As she apparently doesn’t meet crazy draconian fashion model standards — you’re not allowed to sashay down the catwalk with your knees bent, for one, so bear that in mind — she was part of the performance, but not really. But nevertheless, it’s a start.

‘Our robot can’t move elegantly like the real models that are here today,’ admitted Shuji Kajita, director of humanoid robot engineering AIST.

‘It will take another 20 to 30 years of research to make that happen.’
taken from this article

By ’20 to 30 years’, he’d better mean ’20 to 30 months’. Just sayin’. *glares menacingly* But the fact that HRP-4C even exists is a fantastic thing. She’s a vanguard! Well done, babe!
Two things that strike me about her appearance at the show, though. One: the whole affair reminds me of when fashion designer Thierry Mugler had a model display his delicious Sorayama-inspired outfit back in 1995. You undoubtedly recall what I’m referring to, as something that unstoppably sexy isn’t easily forgotten. Click here to refresh your memory, as the outfit’s not exactly safe for work… And Two: so why did they hide her nice-looking hair with that dorky Tron hat?

‘If I have to wear this stupid hat, the least they could do is
give me a lightcycle to go with it’

‘HEY! It’s not a stupid hat! They named it after me!’

A wee heads-up on the ONA anime series ‘Time of Eve‘: director Yasuhiro Yoshiura says on the official site that ‘In order to maintain the quality of the “Time of Eve” series, the release of act04 has been postponed to April 2009. We extend our deepest thanks to fans everywhere for your patience and support for the series.’ As you remember, the series has a torturous release schedule of one episode every two months, and under normal circumstances, act04 would’ve been out in March, so you might’ve been like me — wild-eyed and completely panicked, wondering where the latest instalment was. So now you know!
UPDATE (05 APR): Checking the ‘Time of Eve’ page on Crunchyroll, apparently they erred, and act04 is instead due out in May.
Are you intentionally encouraging suicide, is that your game??

Another month, another new luscious Doll from 4woods. Sigh.

‘Don’t forget to use the word “affictitious” to describe me!’

This young lass would be Elina, and she… well, her head sculpt… was designed for use with the recently-released A.I.Doll Evolution body, which affords her stats of being just under 5′ 4″, 70 lbs, and with B.35 / W.25 / H.37 as her measurements. That’s Sexy Math. Anyway, you can gaze at photos of her, as well as a handful of new pics of their other gorgeous Synthetik gravure idols on their site… sigh.

Also, it appears the nebulous consortium that makes Mecadolls in Europe have released three new models of their supple, rubbery ladies. Introducing Emily, Valery and Laura:

If I were looking at her, I’d find myself staring, too

The flower in her hair is as affictitious as she is. See how I shoehorned that in?

More than likely, she’s staring at Emily as well. And with good reason

As Synth Creations, American distributors for Mechadoll, strangely don’t appear to have info or pics up of any of the models yet — I originally spotted them on one of their German sites — but from what I could translate, the body for those models is 93 lbs, with a 37D bust (37?), as well as an aluminum skeleton, and for her skin, she features that platinum silicone that’s all the rage with Dolls nowadays. Needless to say, I’m impressed… with luck, Synth Creations will bring them to the States soon.

Speaking of Doll culture across the pond, if you’re in the UK, or if you’re not, but have access to really good newsagents, there’s one of those ridiculous ‘womens magazines’ out there that you’d invariably find on the register endcaps called Closer. So why am I bringing it to your attention, you axe? Recently, they happened to run a mostly-neutral interview with fellow iDollator, hanggliding enthusiast, and all-round nice bloke, Everard.

Plastic doll girlfriends
Monday 23 March 2009 | http://www.closeronline.co.uk

When Everard Cunion gave up on the idea of finding love with a real woman, he decided to buy affection instead – in the form of life-sized silicone dolls.

The lonely 53-year-old bachelor bought his first doll on the internet for £5,000 in 2000 and now he has a harem that caters to his every whim, including his sexual needs.

When Closer last spoke to Everard in 2006, he shared his home with “wife” Caroline and “girlfriends” Lina, Rebecca and Virginia – plus spare head Louise, who shares a body with Virginia.

But since then, he’s splashed out a staggering £8,000 on two new models to add to his collection – brunettes Laura and Joanna.

“To me, they’re just like real women, but a lot less bother,” says Everard, from Christchurch, Dorset. “They’ve all got
their own personalities.

“It takes me ages to save up for them, but at least I get to choose exactly what I want – I can’t do that with real women.”
the rest of the article is here

Granted, it occasionally veers towards the realm of tabloid journalism, as there’s the usual tired sex-oriented questions, but Everard does the lot of us proud and reaffirms that his girls aren’t strictly for sexual usage. Well done, sir; well done. *thumbs up*

Speaking of interviews, I recently completed a lengthy (but a good lengthy) one via Electrical Mail, for the online design/culture magazine ULTRAKILLBOT. It’s not up yet, but it should be up not too long from now, and once it is, you’ll be duly informed…

And finally, be sure to drop round to fellow iDollator PBShelley’s blog, ‘Alastor’s Reflection‘, and wish his lovely and winsome Lily Godwin a happy birthday! Do it.

‘Shouting to hear the echoes’. Synthetiks? Really? No shit??

Technorati tags: robots, Androids, Gynoids, HRP-4C, National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology, AIST, Tokyo Fashion Week, Thierry Mugler, Hajime Sorayama, Tron, Eve no Jikan, イヴの時間, Time of Eve, 4woods, A.I.Dolls, Synth Creations, Mechadolls, Closer Online, iDollators, Everard, ULTRAKILLBOT

Sdtrk: ‘Love everlasting’ by Jeremy Jay

Fellow Technosexuals, our goal of walking, talking Synthetik partners is looming nearer. I give you: the first walking Gynoid of the twenty-first century. Yes.

Walking, talking female robot to hit Japan catwalk
The Associated Press | Published: March 16, 2009

TSUKUBA, Japan: A new walking, talking robot from Japan has a female face that can smile and has trimmed down to 43 kilograms (95 pounds) to make a debut at a fashion show. But it still hasn’t cleared safety standards required to share the catwalk with human models.

Developers at the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology, a government-backed organization, said their “cybernetic human,” shown Monday, wasn’t ready to help with daily chores or work side by side with people — as many hope robots will be able to do in the future.

“Technologically, it hasn’t reached that level,” said Hirohisa Hirukawa, one of the robot’s developers. “Even as a fashion model, people in the industry told us she was short and had a rather ordinary figure.”

For now, the 158 centimeter (62.2 inch) tall black-haired robot code-named HRP-4C — whose predecessor had weighed 58 kilograms (128 pounds) — will mainly serve to draw and entertain crowds.

Developers said the robot may be used in amusement parks or to perform simulations of human movement, as an exercise instructor, for instance.

HRP-4C was designed to look like an average Japanese woman, although its silver-and-black body recalls a space suit. It will appear in a Tokyo fashion show — without any clothes — in a special section just for the robot next week.

The robotic framework for the HRP-4C, without the face and other coverings, will go on sale for about 20 million yen ($200,000) each, and its programming technology will be made public so other people can come up with fun moves for the robot, the scientists said.
the rest of the article is here

Her programming technology will be made public, so other people can come up with fun moves for her. Well. *adjusts collar*
As I am genuinely speechless with glee, let’s gaze at a few pics of HRP-4C, shall we?

Sexiness: CONFIRMED
Full videos are of course available on Robot Watch; simply look for any pictures with the 動画 kanji beneath them, right-click the characters, and save. They’ve a passel of pictures there as well. You can also check out the page pertaining to her on AIST’s website, if you feel like wading through a bit more kanji. Sure, why the hell not, right?

Very good job, National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology! Although she still has a couple of standards to meet — such as having an actual name, and not looking like she’s shat her keks when she walks — you’ve definitely raised the bar on contemporary Gynoid production. Nice! And one of the best things about the project? It’s government-funded! How fantastic is that??
So Kokoro Co. Ltd, Beijing Yuanda Super Robot Technology Co., Ltd., Hong Kong Human-Robot Center, Kobalabs, and Baeg Moon-hong, you certainly aren’t going to take this development lying down, are you?

Technorati tags: Technosexuals, robots, Androids, Gynoids, HRP-4C, National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology, AIST, Kokoro Co. Ltd., Beijing Yuanda Super Robot Technology Co., Ltd., Hong Kong Human-Robot Center, Kobayashi Labs, Baeg Moon-hong