Sdtrk: ‘Sheila take a bow’ by the Smiths

If you’ve not been following my godforsaken Twitter feed, you’ll note that it’s Saturday night, and I’m at home! In fact, I just woke up for the third time today this eve! Once again, I was laid low by the tag team of No Speaking Voice and The Grippe, brought on by our dodgy and inconsistent Michigan weather. It never fails!
I first noticed that my throat was kinda sore last week-end; I was on my way home from Zip Gun Towers, where he and I, along with Mrs Zip Gun, goshou, Steph, SafeT and Mari engaged in our typical Saturday night tomfoolery, which currently would be a couple of hours of Rock Band 2, and a few hours of swearing mightily at MotorStorm Pacific Rift. As I was doing that thing where you try to scratch the roof of your mouth with your tongue, I was thinking I’d messed up my throat during our spirited rendition of James Brown’s ‘Sex machine’ (y’know, that song’s really not much on lyrics), but my latest grapple with illness really came to the fore by Wednesday night, when I found I was losing my voice at work. Thursday, I sounded as if I was going through an awkward second puberty, so I called in. Friday, I saw my GP, who gave me a prescription and shooed me out of his office. Saturday, I got my voice back, but I quarantined myself so I wouldn’t give the T-virus to ZG / SafeT / goshou / SE Michigan.
So here we are, and I’m awake again! Wonderful, horrible wakefulness!

Anyroad, self-promotion time! Yeah, I know; that’s so out-of-character for me. My interview at ULTRAKILLBOT is up! Well, half of it. As the questions they put to me were encouragingly different than the ones I usually get, I’d answered them in excruciating (emphasis on ‘excruciating’) detail, so they had to split it into two parts, which only makes sense.

What’s your ideal job?

Hrrm… realistically speaking, something behind the scenes, where I could be left to my own devices and not have to deal with the general public. Something like proofreading, or research work, or stacking books in a library… something non-descript. Ideally, however, my dream job would be working on the staff of something like i-doloid magazine; that’s a Japanese magazine that centres round life-sized Dolls, or if not i-doloid specifically, then a magazine with the same intent. Even better than a magazine would of course be a television programme. Since it’s a niche market now, it wouldn’t be just about Dolls, it’d cover Androids, Gynoids, robotics in general. Something with the finger on the mechanical pulse of the Synthetiks revolution. It’s gotta start somewhere!

Part II will be on the site next week, so you’ll want to bookmark that. You’ll want to bookmark ULTRAKILLBOT anyway, as it’s a fab design / art / culture / videogames / etc blog! Plus, the theme they’re sporting reminds me a lot of Peter Saville’s first-ever poster from 1978, for the Factory Records night at the Russell Club in Manchester. Well done!

Sdtrk: ‘Telegram’ by The Brian Jonestown massacre

Upon waking up Wednesday afternoon, imagine my surprise when I received an Email with the Subject line ‘TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!’, from a Nicole Bader. Could it be a bold new forward-thinking magazine? Or perhaps some futurist-based television programme? Maybe she’s representing known robotics advocate David Levy? Nah; turns out she’s scouting out potential objects of ridicule for that chat show ringmaster, Maury Povich. Gah.

from: Nicole Bader
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail [dot] com
date: Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 2:35 PM
subject: TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!

Hi Davecat,

My name is Nicole Bader and I work for a nationally syndicated television show in New York.

We are currently doing research for an upcoming program, and wanted to talk to you personally about your relationship with your Real Doll (s).

We simply are trying to gain insight and educate the public on these types of relationships.

Please contact me directly at [phone number] as soon as possible!

I look forward to hearing from you!

Nicole Bader
The Maury Povich Show
15 Penn Plaza, Grand Ballroom
New York, New York 10001

I’d also noticed that she’d sent a message to me via Myspace as well, which seemed a wee bit desperate, as I’m trying to ignore the fact that I have one and am advising all and sundry to do the same, but hey. So before my work shift ended for the day, I fired off a response:

from: Davecat
to: Nicole Bader
date: Thu, Feb 19, 2009 at 10:57 PM
subject: Re: TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!

Hello Nicole –

Thanks for the offer to be on the Maury Povich show! Sadly though, I’m afraid I must turn it down. There’s a couple of factors that come into play:
+ I’ve no way to get to New York
+ carting Sidore round is more awkward than you’d think
+ some sort of monetary compensation would be needed, such as at least half the cost of a new body for Sidore — eight years is pretty up there in age for a Doll
+ studio audiences tend to put me off, and of course
+ a huge fear of misrepresentation, which is something that any true iDollator would empathise with.

If you’ll note on my blog, which I’m certain you’ve read, you’ll see that I’d turned down Tyra Banks, Geraldo Rivera, Dr Phil, Alan Colmes, and Jerry Springer for essentially the same reasons, so don’t take it personally! Again, thanks for the opportunity, though!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

Now, the funny (ha ha) thing was that at the same time I got Ms Bader’s request, I’d also received an Email from Meghan Laslocky, author of ‘Real Dolls: Love in the Age of Silicone‘, as we try to keep in touch periodically. She’d mentioned that Nicole had contacted her, asking after contact info from any Doll owners she knew; which, if you think about it, smacks a bit of lazy journalism. Instead of asking someone else, why not get your hands dirty and put out a request yourself? Apparently Nicole eventually did, as fellow Doll husband Mahtek told me that she’d made the same request round at that popular Internet forum that a lot of iDollators converge at, with predictable results (a lot of crossed arms, furrowed brows, and shaking heads).
So the very next day, I got another Email from her (bolding hers):

from: Nicole Bader
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail [dot] com
date: Fri, Feb 20, 2009 at 10:06 AM
subject: RE: TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!

Hello Davecat!

I understand your concerns. We can provide certain solutions for all of your worries.

First and most importantly, many people I have spoken with have had certain hesitations, mainly because I’m asking for someone to possibly appear on camera to tell their story in front of an audience. As per my producing team, they will be fully respectful and briefed in every way, shape, and form. No guest will ever feel uncomfortable. My job is to ensure that.

Second, I assure you, the show is very well in tune with the needs and requests of ALL of our guests and we trulyare looking out for the best interest of the guest (s), while telling an interesting story and educating the American public so in fact this lifestyle will hopefully eventually be not SO taboo.

In the past, my staff and I have worked with different people in the transgender community, the porn industry, victims of peeping toms, victims of video voyeurism, and the list goes on. We treat each guest with enormous respect to how they want to be portrayed. We don’t talk for them, we let them tell what they want, to ultimately reach the American public to have them better understand their unique situation. To exploit or belittle anyone is not the way we focus our show. We simply provide the opportunity to get the word out on certain things.

In conclusion, if you are thinking about possibly working with us, compensation CAN be provided and travel and accommodations will also be all inclusive, including shipping Sidore, if that is the way you would prefer for her to arrive in New York.

Thank you for taking the time to respond and hopefully this better reaffirms my ultimate goal for this specific show.

The head producer of my team, Holly Mirabella, would very much like to talk to you about the exact details and reaffirm everything that I have gone over.

Please contact me directly at [phone number] to speak with us in detail about compensation, travel, or any other concerns you may have.

Thank you!

Nicole Bader
The Maury Povich Show
15 Penn Plaza, Grand Ballroom
New York, New York 10001

*sigh* As you’ll note, not once did she remark upon the whole ‘half the cost of a new Doll’ quote I’d thrown in there (that’s roughly $3250 USD, if you’re keeping score). With requestees that I’m not entirely keen on, I always make that one of my fulfilments, in order to sort the wheat from the chaff. If a potential interviewer, chat show host, or programme that I’m leery of honestly wants me to participate blindfolded in their Atrocity Exhibition, they’re gonna have to satisfy my demands. All told, an amount such as that would be a drop in the bucket for Murray Povich Industries.
And yes, I’m aware his name’s ‘Maury’, but that’s how Letterman always referred to him whenever he was hitting on Maury’s wife, Connie Chung, which brought me no end of amusement. And with good reason!
Anyway: my subsequent response?

from: Davecat
to: Nicole Bader
date: Fri, Feb 20, 2009 at 7:35 PM
subject: Re: TV SHOW WANTS TO INTERVIEW YOU!

Hello Nicole –

If nothing else, you certainly drive a hard bargain! But I fear that I’m still going to have to refuse your offer.

I understand that your stated intent is to expose your show’s audience to the idea the concept of Dolls as companions, and that’s admirable. However, at this stage in the game, really, it’s the iDollator community who have to choose the fields of battle that we fight on whenever possible. Although the success of a film like ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ has opened a lot of people’s minds to the concept, unfortunately the majority of American society still can’t fathom the idea of a Doll being more than ‘just a sex toy’, and unfortunately, the majority of people that think that way are usually found watching afternoon television. Plus, the simple fact that you’d mentioned ‘the transgender community, the porn industry, victims of peeping toms, victims of video voyeurism’, indicates that the overall tone of the programme would undoubtedly be based on a sexual or a prurient slant, which obviously would not be a direction I’d want to be involved with.

So there you go! Once again, thank you for your offer, but I’m afraid that’s my final decision. Take care!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

he said, dusting off his hands when he was done typing. And egad, was that a huge paragraph, or what? But hopefully my intent should be clear.

Getting back momentarily to the five-page post on that online iDollator community site I’d mentioned, there were one or two people who said they might be interested in appearing on Murray’s programme, as I suppose they believe that there’s no such thing as bad press on American telly. I was reminded of how Laura of ‘If I Was a Rich Girl‘ professed her love for trash tv, particularly Murray, and her post about how he tortured a girl with a long-standing fear of pickles by dragging her to a pickle factory. Bizarre, yes, but it just goes to show you how ‘sensitive’ the show is in handling that which is different or unusual.

Hopefully that’ll be the gamut of tabloid chat shows, and their inappropriate requests! O wait, Oprah’s not put in her bid. *shudders* She could pull one of her wealth-flaunting stunts: ‘Everyone in the audience gets a new Doll!’ Ahh, if only

Sdtrk: ‘What did he say’ by Nite jewel

On my way to work today, I made my usual stops to grab the week’s issues of MetroTimes and Real Detroit, as well as Michigan CareerBuilder if their boxes aren’t completely emptied of their contents. As I was returning to my car with my reading material, I’d noticed a woman walking toward me, and this exchange took place:

MS MYOPIC (gesturing to the building behind me): ‘Ma’am, is this building the Post Office?’
ME (admittedly more rudely than I’d have liked): ‘What??’
MS MYOPIC: ‘Oh, excuse me, sir, is that the post office?’
ME: ‘Yeah.’
MS MYOPIC: ‘Sorry sir! Thank you and god bless.’

Now back in the day, I used to wear eyeliner and black nailvarnish on a habitual basis, but thanks to work and rampant chalazions, I can’t anymore. Man, I miss those days… But on a couple of occasions back then, I was mistaken for a lass, much to my mild amusement. Today, however, I was out in my Winter gear, which consists of exactly what you saw me in when I met Bibendum, only with shades on. Have you never seen a bloke with a ponytail before, madame?? Cos let’s face it, I would make the worst-looking lass in the history of humanity. Fact.

Also, while stopped at a red light, I spotted three robins hopping round! In 13°F weather, mind. Poor optimistic bastards.

Actual content is forthcoming! I’ve been lazy, as the weather’s gone back to being unspeakably cold. There’s an inverse proportion between the general temperature and my willingness to stay in bed where the majority of the heat is, but to fully explain it, there’d be charts and graphs involved, and I’m sure that’s not why you stop round ‘Shouting etc etc’. Or is it??

Sdtrk: ‘(Keep feeling) Fascination’ by the Human League

Barely relevant: I recently dreamt that I was back at my old highschool for some reason or other, and I was trying to find the auditorium where the arts & theatre classes were usually held. Unfortunately, since the last time I wandered down those corridors, they’d shuffled a couple of rooms around the campus. So I found myself running down the halls, pinwheeling my arms, frantically searching for the arts department.
Let that be a lesson to you.

While I was doing that, alert reader Kat spotted this in the news:

If there’s a male in a dress, it must be Kids in the Hall

Actor robots take Japanese stage
BBC News | Published: 2008/11/26 11:26:22 GMT

First there were dancing robots, then house-sitting robots and now a new breed of acting robots is making its big debut on the Japanese stage.

The play, which had its premiere at Osaka University, is one of Japan’s first robot-human theatre productions.

The machines were specially programmed to speak lines with human actors and move around the stage with them.

Playwright Oriza Hirata says the work raises questions about the relationship between humanity and technology.
the rest of the article is here

There’s actually video excerpts from the play on Robot Watch (under some pictures, you’ll see characters that read ‘動画’; you’ll want to click on the characters).
It should go without saying that I’m looking forward to a day when Androids and Gynoids will be utilised as actors. In fact, I think there’d be a lovely irony in having a bunch of Synthetiks play in a stage production of Karel Čapek’s ‘Rossum’s Universal Robots‘ — only have them play all the non-robot roles, and have the Organik cast members portray the robots…

O, and twenty Cool Points will be immediately shipped, in a refrigerated container, to the person who can tell me where this post’s title comes from. If you need another hint, you’ll just have to listen carefully to the radio in the next vehicle you carjack

Technorati tags: robots, Wakamaru, Robot Watch, Karel Čapek, Rossum’s Universal Robots

Sdtrk: something from the ‘Space channel 5 Part 2 “Uki uki” Non-stop Megamix’ soundtrack

Heh; dreamt last night that a company had assembled a very lifelike and rather convincing Sarah Palin Gynoid. The technicians were stretching her silicone face onto her skull, and she had that glassy-eyed look that we all remember so well, and I was like, ‘yep, she looks just like the original’. My hope would be that the Gynoid version would be working for good, not evil, much like a reverse version of ‘Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla’.

This will undoubtedly be the last post on ‘Shouting etc etc’ *crowd cheers* until 2009 *crowd boos*, so I have to play to type and mention something about Synthetiks. As previously mentioned, Kokoro Co. Ltd. were finally prepping their latest Gynoid, Actroid DER3, for her debut; which, strangely enough, was in Thailand.

From that video, you can see that her body and facial movements are even more fluid than her predecessors — there’s probably more servos inside of her — but the one thing that really stood out is that she can actually move one of her legs now. When she’s singing that awful T-pop song and dancing towards the latter half of the footage, she’s shimmying a bit, as unlike her older sisters, she’s not bolted to the floor through both legs, which is obviously an improvement. One down, one to go!
There’s also a video you can grab from Kokoro’s site; the editing’s a bit rubbish, but it’s still worth viewing.

So when are we going to see all the mechanical progeny of Prof.Ishiguro gathered together? Simroid, Geminoid, the live-action Holon, Ando-san, all of the Actroids that were at the 2005 Aichi World Expo… even Repliee R1, the Gynoid version of Prof.Ishiguro’s daughter that, despite my dislike for the adjective ‘creepy’ in the context of artificial humans, even I have to concede that point towards her. But yeah, get them all together in one room, and I can’t conceive of a better opportunity for a family portrait…

And finally, I nearly forgot to add I got a wee mention and a link in a pro-RealDoll article on the site ‘Open Your Heart To The Love‘. I’m referred to as ‘the leading authority’ on Synthetik companions. Flattery will get you everywhere. 🙂

Until then, Sidore and I wish you a Happy 2009, and we’ll see you lot next year! Which is later this week. Nevertheless!

Sdtrk: ‘Turritopsis’ by To kill a petty bourgeoisie

Links! It’s like likes, it’s like licks. It’s even a bit like lax!
I, ah, don’t know where I was going with that.

+ Having recently popped round the forum on Broadcast’s official site, hoping to find some news of a new album, cos with each release they lose a member, and soon, the band will be reduced to just Trish playing a theremin by herself onstage, there was a thread concerning groups that sound similar to Broadcast. Two bands that struck my fancy: To kill a petty bourgeoisie, which are kind of a more dissonant and soundtracky collision of the Sixties-era BBC Radiophonic Workshop sound with Shoegazer, and The new lines, which is headed by Hewson Chen, formerly of the late-lamented indie-synthpop duo Vitesse. I’ve been playing the hell out of ‘dc1’ and ‘th case fr public organisation’ on their Myspace player. And soon, you will be too! I guarantee it

+ Almost twenty years ago, David Lynch filmed a perfectly normal little television series called ‘Twin Peaks‘ in Snoqualmie Valley, Washington. Recently, some obsessive has undertaken a project to photograph various locations that were used in the series, to show what they look like now. If nothing else, you have to admire his determination

The Double R Diner, then

(Not quite) The Double R Diner, now

+ People with more time and scissor dexterity than myself are rather keen on papercraft, which is a hobby centred round cutting out pre-printed shapes, folding them up, and slotting them together, resulting in all manner of amusing objects. A prime example would be what you can find on cubeecraft. ‘Download, Print, Cut, Fold’ as they say there. They boast a growing array of characters in .pdf form as well, such as Number Six from The Prisoner, or Oh Dae-Su from ‘Oldboy’, or Brock Samson, or the Prince from Katamari Damacy, just to give a few examples. So why not fire up the ol’ dot matrix and assemble a couple of your favourite characters, instead of sitting on the Internet all day… o, wait

+ Have you considered the humble tetrapod lately? Have you??

photo by kana_m

Hit the beach anywhere in Japan, and you are likely to see endless piles of tetrapods — enormous four-legged concrete structures intended to prevent coastal erosion. By some estimates, more than 50% of Japan’s 35,000-kilometer (22,000-mi) coastline has been altered with tetrapods and other forms of concrete. Critics, who blame the tetrapod invasion on decades of excessive government spending designed to bolster the construction industry, argue that in addition to posing a danger to swimmers, surfers and boaters, tetrapods actually accelerate beach erosion by disrupting the natural processes that shape the coastal environment. Meanwhile, others have developed an aesthetic appreciation of the tetrapod landscape, as evidenced by a host of stunning Japanese tetrapod photos on Flickr.
from a post on Pink Tentacle

I’ve always thought tetrapods were cool, but then, I would. Frankly, I’m surprised that there aren’t like significantly scaled-down versions that you could buy to use as home accents or whatnot. Think of it! Toy tetrapods! I’m hoping someone will take that particular ball and run with it

+ For nearly a decade, I’ve always gone on public record as being in love with the city of Toronto, Ontario, and wanting to eventually move there. But lately, I’ve been reconsidering. For instance, with the weather being as polar as it’s been in Michigan, what godforsaken arctic winds would I have to put up with the further north I were to go? So these days, my party line is Bye bye Toronto, Hello Milwaukee! And after viewing this informative video, I’m thinking I won’t be the only one to want to relocate there!

+ Finally, anyone who’s aware of my manias interests knows that I like squirrels. Not as much as cats, and certainly not on the level of one of my ex-coworkers who loved pigs and had about a billion pig-related pieces of ephemera all over her cubicle, but I think squirrels are endearing little critters. To that end, I give you (not literally) a purple squirrel.

STEP ONE: soak squirrel in bucket of grape Kool-Aid

Purple squirrel baffles experts
telegraph.co.uk | 12:38AM GMT 22 Dec 2008

A purple squirrel which appeared at a school has baffled experts who are unable to explain its colour.

Teachers and pupils at Meoncross School in Stubbington, Hants, were amazed when they saw the creature through the window during a lesson.

Since the squirrel, now nicknamed Pete, was first seen, it has become a regular fixture at the school but no one has been able to say whether the animal has fallen into purple paint, had a run-in with some purple dye, or whether there is another explanation.

Dr Mike Edwards, an English teacher, said: “I was sitting in my classroom and looked out the window and saw it sitting on the fence. I had to do a double take.

“Since then it’s been a bit of a regular at the school – everyone’s seen it.

“We thought it might have been paint or something but then when you look at it up close, it’s an all over coat, not in patches like you’d expect if it had been near some paint.

“Its fur actually looks purple all the way through. It’s an absolute mystery.”
the rest of the article is here

Looks a bit Photoshopped to me, but anything’s possible in this day and age, really. *coughthatcatwithtwosetsofearscough*

So you lot can keep yourselves busy with those! I might try to pop off one more post before the end of the year, but I’m going to give upgrading to the latest WordPress a go, so wish me luck that it doesn’t turn out like the last time I tried upgrading without proper adult supervision. Man. *shakes head*
In the meantime, Happy (belated) Festivus, and Happy Holikwanzimasnukkah! Hope it’s enjoyable for you all! And don’t forget that the Doctor Who 2008 Xmas special is on tomorrow, for those of you who have access to that sort of thing. Allons-y!

Sdtrk: ‘The November men’ by Death in June

Greetings, new readers who’ve arrived at ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’, due to the link provided by Korea Beat! For the record, that post that sent you here? It’s riddled with errors. Riddled. This is what occurs when you use a blender to edit your articles. Let’s go over the highlights with a red pen, shall we?

The Real Dolls, made of a material similar to silicone, really look and feel just like a real person. And at 40 to 50 kilograms they even weigh as much as a woman. They can wear makeup and the more expensive ones can even eat.

Y’know, if I could get Sidore to cook for the pair of us, that would save so much time. Maybe she never learned how cos I never taught her, durr hey?

It is becoming increasingly easy to find men overseas with similar stories. 34-year old Dave of Detroit, in the United States, keeps a blog about his daily life with his Real Doll. They take walks together, eat together, and share secrets in bed just like a real married couple.

I can just see us attempting to do that. Either I’m blithely dragging her along by one arm, or hoisting her onto my back for a ride, and killing the pair of us.
And for the record, that’s Davecat, not Dave. Davecat, Esq. Well, maybe not esquire, but I’m working on it.

Here, the article’s broken up by a couple of pics of Synthetiks who are clearly CandyGirls, and not RealDolls. Another mark for lack of research!

He confessed his feelings about loneliness and the Real Doll. “I was always alone ever since I was a child. I think it was because of my appearance…”

Initially, people could handle my two sets of horns and prehensile tail, but then one Summer, I developed a row of glistening black eyeballs across my forehead. For some bizarre reason, that put people off!

“Suzi (the name of his Real Doll) is the first woman I had sex with and she does everything I want…”

Suzi? SUZI?? How the hell did they parse Sidore into Suzi? Did they just stop translating at the first letter and randomly select a female name that also starts with ‘S’?
And unfortunately Shi-chan (the first Synthetik woman I had sex with, just so you know) doesn’t do everything. She’s categorically refused to allow me to use her as a table or a chair, in the style of Allen Jones, for example.

“my mother, who is deceased, really wanted me to meet a girl but I think she understood that with the doll I’m not so lonely.”

Actually, unless Korea knows something I don’t, mum is above ground, and doing quite well. I spoke with her yesterday, as a matter of fact. No ouija board or scrying-glass was needed!
Also, they may be confusing (or just fusing) me with Everard, whose mother has in fact passed, and has said things to this effect in ‘Guys and Dolls / Love me, love my Doll’.

Men who only date their Real Dolls are mostly people who trouble fitting in to society. Because of their appearance or sexual experiences they live at home, with few friends, let alone a girlfriend, and purchase a Real Doll to solve those problems and have it them be their friends and lovers. On Dave’s blog he once wrote, “our conversations are one-way but even so I feel thankful to her.”

*facepalms* Where do I even begin with this paragraph?? It’s 95% bullshit!
For one, I think that once you have a Doll, you’re not really dating her — you’ve pretty much skipped that whole process entirely.
My favourite bit out of that cavalcade of conjecture though, is that quote I ‘wrote’. Take a moment to plug that phrase into the Search engine of ‘Shouting etc etc’, and see if you can find it. Go on, I’ll wait.
Did you find it? Heh, neither did I.

And the final paragraph,

Many people are unable to understand how they can treat a doll as their girlfriend. But the only way for them not to be that way is for us to understand them. When we understand their feelings there will no longer be dolls in their beds.

Ahh, but what if a person wants a Doll in their bed? Or did I just blow your mind??
A good spur-of-the-moment analogy would be that some people enjoy Coke, and some people like Pepsi. And then, there are those of us who love Dr pepper. There’s not a thing wrong with Dr pepper; it’s simply another type of beverage…

Anyway, you can find the undissected work of fiction-disguised-as-fact here. It’s left me more amused than angry, if nothing else, but there’s so much mistranslation/appropriation/fanciful bollocks that I’m left wondering if this article came from North Korea, and not the southern half. As we all know, North Korea has their own, shall we say, unique, take on reality