Adventures in Outsidevania

typed for your pleasure on 5 February 2009, at 12.50 am

Sdtrk: ‘What did he say’ by Nite jewel

On my way to work today, I made my usual stops to grab the week’s issues of MetroTimes and Real Detroit, as well as Michigan CareerBuilder if their boxes aren’t completely emptied of their contents. As I was returning to my car with my reading material, I’d noticed a woman walking toward me, and this exchange took place:

MS MYOPIC (gesturing to the building behind me): ‘Ma’am, is this building the Post Office?’
ME (admittedly more rudely than I’d have liked): ‘What??’
MS MYOPIC: ‘Oh, excuse me, sir, is that the post office?’
ME: ‘Yeah.’
MS MYOPIC: ‘Sorry sir! Thank you and god bless.’

Now back in the day, I used to wear eyeliner and black nailvarnish on a habitual basis, but thanks to work and rampant chalazions, I can’t anymore. Man, I miss those days… But on a couple of occasions back then, I was mistaken for a lass, much to my mild amusement. Today, however, I was out in my Winter gear, which consists of exactly what you saw me in when I met Bibendum, only with shades on. Have you never seen a bloke with a ponytail before, madame?? Cos let’s face it, I would make the worst-looking lass in the history of humanity. Fact.

Also, while stopped at a red light, I spotted three robins hopping round! In 13°F weather, mind. Poor optimistic bastards.

Actual content is forthcoming! I’ve been lazy, as the weather’s gone back to being unspeakably cold. There’s an inverse proportion between the general temperature and my willingness to stay in bed where the majority of the heat is, but to fully explain it, there’d be charts and graphs involved, and I’m sure that’s not why you stop round ‘Shouting etc etc’. Or is it??

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Like cute lil' furry piranhas on December 2nd, 2005

'Someone needs to scoop Azrael's litterbox' on July 26th, 2007

7 have spoken to “Adventures in Outsidevania”

  1. PBShelley writes:


    Oh well, I can do without. Glad to see that you’ve the good sense to stay in bed where it’s (hopefully) warm.

    OTOH, I just got my electric bill that amounted to $415. Obviously I’ve been keeping things a bit too toasty around here. But it’s a damn sight better than pneumonia!

    Now… how to pay the damn thing…

    Oops… where’d the lights go?

    *quickly presses “Post”*

  2. Davecat writes:

    Jesus holy leaping christ on a blazing motorcycle (that is part-shark and fires lasers) jumping over a mile-long line of buses that are also on fire and covered in spikes and rough bits of metal, a $415 electric bill?? I have sweaty moments when I get any bill over $60! But then, we’re in a one-bedroom apartment. But still!
    Winter always gets me over a barrel as far as energy bills. You seem to have a bigger barrel. 😐

    Utility companies really should be more lenient on their charges during life-threatening weather such as what we’ve been getting, otherwise you’ll start hearing more stories like that poor unfortunate that froze to death in his own home in Bay City, MI. Just sayin’.

    And I can provide a single chart for you at this very moment, as any more would be spoiling you. Here it is:

  3. Veach writes:

    well…charts, graphs and ARCHITECTURE AND DESIGN (of the odd and unusual)—or am I just harkening back to the dreary-ol’ mid 00’s? The years before you became famous?

  4. Laura writes:

    I for one, think you need to bring back the eyeliner.
    It’s 40 here in Florida tonight, go ahead and scoff, all the Northreners do 🙂

  5. Davecat writes:

    Veach –
    Archie-tekter? Deziggn? What are these words? I know not of these concepts.
    I KNOW I KNOW I have to return to that series! *insert typical ‘I’ve been lazy’ line here* I’ve got a bookmarks folder of potential topics for the ‘This was the Future’ series, and as of this writing, I’ve 28 different places/buildings to choose from. ‘What is freedom? Slavery of choice’. Perhaps I just need to simplify my approach…

    Laura –
    I miss that eyeliner! Wet ‘n’ Wild 4 lyfe, yo!
    And it’s supposed to climb into the forties by the week-end, so your climate superiority will be short-lived, my dear. 😉

  6. PBShelley writes:

    Ah! Thanks, a chart I can relate to xD But whenever I do ask that question I tend to Clash a bit with myself.

    Then I usually go LOL

    As for my electrical bill, that’s a bimonthly total so it’s not quite as bad as it looks. But yeah, it IS as bad as it looks to pay out… x_x

    There may be some relief via some sort of safety net; you know, the type where I usually slip though. But what the heck. I can’t pay it before… (Stay/Go?) I move. Less trouble that way.

    Your Chart/Graph is GENIUS, I tell you!

    By the way, re: This Was the Future… did you ever do the Frank Lloyd Wright Building in Marin County (CA)?

    Constructively yours,
    PBS, Lily & Eden

  7. Davecat writes:

    That chart is rather ace, innit? I can’t remember where I found it — more than likely, the answer would be ‘4chan’, for all of your ridiculous-pictures-on-the-Internet needs.

    To be honest, I’ve never heard of the Marin County Civic Center before — as you know, F.L Wright’s made more buildings than you and I have had hot dinners — but upon seeing pics of it, I’m nodding my head in approval. *nod nod* It’s kinda like the Toshiba IHI pavilion, or the Evoluon, but embiggened. A likely candidate!
    And exactly what is it about saucer-shaped buildings that almost automatically dictates that you have to also build a tower or spire very near it? What is the deal with these architects? *in the manner of Jerry Seinfeld*
    Also related, from Jerome Seinfeld himself: ‘Why do they call it a “building”? It looks like they’re finished. Why isn’t it a “built”?’

    Also related in the you moving/Clash jokes nexus: at least when you relocate, you’ll have Complete Control! Otherwise you’ll… become a… ah… Ghetto Defendant.
    Right, I’m quitting while I’m behind.

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