Sdtrk: ‘Day by day’ by the Yuzuru Sera Trio

(This would be another one of those posts that was started several jobs ago, and placed into cold storage, as I didn’t want to have the place that I was working for spot this online, and perceive that I was somehow unsatisfied with my job. Long story short, I worked for a company that worked for Apple for a year, and not only did I hate it, but thanks to my experiences with the Typical Apple Customer Demographic, I despise Apple even more that I previously did. There’s your backstory.)

At my silly workplace, they have us gathered into teams, which is completely arbitrary, as the teams started off from being ‘the people that trained together during orientation’ to ‘some people over there in that aisle, with some other people over there, and we have neither rhyme nor reason for our choices because omfg who cares’. The team I’m currently in is called The Royal Apps. It’s undoubtedly supposed to be written APPs, as one of our goals is to sell APPs (AppleCare Protection Plans) to people stupid enough to have purchased an overpriced Apple product in the first place, but I think it could also mean apps, as in applications. It’s not been made clear, which is par for the course with the type of bullshit we deal with over at that place.
So our team leader suggested recently that we come up with a logo and a slogan. Someone submitted a clipart of the Apple logo with a crown on it. I… couldn’t add anything to that, so well done, I suppose. Meanwhile I’d cobbled together a handful of slogans, which are par for the course of the type of mania that you’d expect from me. Here, then, are the Emails I’d sent:

TO: [team leader]
FROM: Dave [surname redacted]
SUBJECT: Re: Banner

I humbly submit to you some slogan ideas; every one is a guaranteed winner. Guaranteed.

+ ROYAL APPS: Now more than ever.
+ An app is good, but a Royal App is Regal. Well, it’s Royal. Same thing, technically speaking.
+ ROYAL APPS: Providing Fine Handmade Apps to the Kingdom and Colonies since 1762
+ Papal rosy? Opal spray? Polar yaps? Poplar say? Nay! ROYAL APPS. Yay!
+ Royal Apps. BELIEVE IT.
+ ROYAL APPS: You’ve Tried The Rest, Now Try Another One
+ ROYAL APPS: Accept no substitute. But then, it depends on what you’re looking for; maybe a substitute is what you need. We’re kinda busy taking calls, here.
+ Royal Apps: Herstellungsschicksal, für immer. (Manufacturing destiny, forever. Like most things, it sounds better in German)
+ And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Apps
+ ROYAL APPS: Taste the Magic
+ MAXIMUM EXCELLENT YES! ROYAL APPS SUPER HARDER FASTER NOW!! (this one’s my favourite)
+ Royal Apps. As old as the hills, yet as young as tomorrow. (second favourite)
+ Trust Royal Apps, for All of your Appin’ Needs
+ You can’t spell ‘Apple’ without ‘Royal Apps’! Plus, the extra letters spell ‘Royas’!
+ ROYAL APPS. Fact.
+ Can you name any other team that is descended from Royalty? No, you can’t. It’s right there in our name – ROYAL APPS.

I think we’re done here! Remember: no matter which one you choose, it is a winner.

Cheers,
Dave

~ later ~

TO: [team leader]
FROM: Dave [surname redacted]
SUBJECT: Re: Banner

ERRATA: the slogan ‘You can’t spell “Apple” without “Royal Apps”! Plus, the extra letters spell “Royas”!’ should read ‘You can’t spell “Apple” without “Royal Apps”! Plus, the extra letters spell “Roys”!’

We deeply apologize for any inconvenience or sorrow that this may have caused you.

Cheers,
Dave

Still haven’t heard from our team leader regarding my submissions. Maybe I used too many vowels?

Sdtrk: ‘Bahnhof’ by whitehouse

It’s Autumn, people! Thank Persephone. The days are growing shorter and cooler, there’s a crispness in the air, and one isn’t covered in flop sweat and praying for a swift death that will never arrive. As you do. Hail Autumn!

In December of last year, my better half and I were interviewed by reporter Alba Muñoz via Skype, and after a series of interruptions that she couldn’t avoid, the results were finally published last month, in Papel, an aptly-named newspaper from Spain. The article ‘Os presento a mis dos esposas… de plástico (I present my two plastic spouses…)’ is impenetrable to me, as I know nothing of Spanish, but if you’re at the intersection of ‘people who are curious about iDollator culture’ and ‘people who can read Spanish’, it’s your lucky day! Not sure about the online version, but the print version also speaks a bit about male Dolls as well, which is cool, as there isn’t enough press about them — for those non-iDollators who are aware of Dolls, not many know that male Dolls exist as well.
So give that a read and let me know how it is! I could just about parse that one of the sentences in the opening paragraph described my fringe as both ‘Hitlerian’ and ‘shining like vinyl’, to which I respond, ‘well…’ followed by an exaggerated shrug.

Speaking of lit-trich-ur, psychologist and author Danielle Knafo informed me through Email that her new book, ‘The Age of Perversion: Desire and Technology in Psychoanalysis and Culture‘ is slated to be published round mid-December! Why is this a thing? She’d come round Deafening silence Plus back in August of 2014, to spend a week-end interviewing me about The Life iDollator, and the fruits of her labour will be available for purchase this Chrimbo.
Let me go on record right now, though, that not only do I think the title is shit, but Danielle isn’t pleased with it, either. Apparently she and her cowriter Rocco were steamrolled into using it by their publisher, which makes no sense to me, and shouldn’t even be legal. Did the publisher write the book? No? Then their input is irrelevant. It’s patenly ridiculous. I was very reticent about her book going out with that title, as the last thing the robosexual and iDollator communities need is yet another media source labelling us perverts. However, Danielle outlined a handful of reasons that it shouldn’t be perceived as being as bad as I think it is, one being

[Rocco and I] define perversion as a limit or barrier breaking activity that often involves a creative solution to a traumatic problem. Most positive changes in the world could be labeled perverse because they rebelled against mainstream thinking.

Which is a fair point. Still, good lord. She also mentioned that the book will be published more for the academic community, but should we be fortunate enough that mainstream society wants to read it, Danielle will angle for a different, less-incendiary title.
Rest assured though, it’ll be legitimately good reading! Ms Knafo was gracious enough to allow me to make any necessary corrections to her draft, which is always an opportunity that I’m grateful for when it crops up in interviews, and… let’s just say that there’s a substantial amount written about the residents of Deafening silence Plus, in an analytical yet empathetic voice. When the book inches closer to the release date, you’ll hear about it here, naturally!

What else? The 2016-2017 series of the podcast Love and Radio has begun, and the Missus, Lenka, and I are featured in the premiere episode! Yeeeahh.

Without giving the game away, it’s probably the best podcast we’ve ever done. Not least because a third of it features Shi-chan and Lenka chatting earnestly. Yes, you read right. Can’t click on that Play button fast enough, can you?
A very big thank you goes out to Nick van der Kolk, for creating probably the best podcast episode we’ve ever appeared in!

And finally, as you’ll recall, my gorgeous spouse Sidore and I shared another wedding anniversary this past July. As is tradition, I bought her a couple of bits and bobs to commemorate the occasion. This year was a trifecta: the first prezzie was that illo of the pair of us, as crafted by raulovsky. Once I commission an additional one of Elena and Miss Winter, I’m going to print both of them and have them framed, which only stands to reason.
The second gift was a dress; the Missus had this one on her tumblr months ago, and was insistent on getting one for her very own. Well, I sorta bought it for her. Obviously she wanted one in purple, because they don’t call her The Purple Rose of Salford for nothing, but when I tried to buy one online for her, they were out of stock in her size and in that colour. Having no choice, I went ahead and purchased the grey version. Shi-chan still digs it! As she puts it, ‘grey is just pastel black’. Semi-recovering Goths, ladies and gentlemen.
To round it all off, Abyss creations had a sale in July, marking the retirement of the Classic series of RealDolls. Naturally, when I heard this news, I contacted Matt in a sweaty panic, ‘Bu… but what happens if Sidore needs to have her body replaced??’ He reassured me that the moulds are being stored offsite, in order to assist customers like myself on a case-by-case basis, but the older moulds are degrading, he explained, and it’s not cost-effective to remake them, what with the multitude of RealDoll 2 and Wicked RealDoll models available. Also, as far as her body’s concerned, the RealDoll 2 Body B has identical proportions to the Classic RealDoll Body 2, so that’s easily sorted. My Missus’ current body is still holding up quite well, but as they were having a sale on Classic faces as well as whole Dolls, I figured I’d splash out and buy one of the last Leah-type faces to be made. So I did!

Did someone say ‘eyeliner’? No? TOO BAD

This isn’t Sidore’s replacement face; her original face is fine. The new one is more for photoshoots and being on-camera in general, hence the enhanced eyeliner. I’m thinking that Abyss changed the Leah sculpt at least once more since 2010, as her lips are fuller than her previous facial variant, but that’s quite alright. It’s not as if we’re opposed to plastic surgery! Is that a canonical statement?

So that’s what we’ve been up to! More silliness to come, I’m sure. Perhaps sooner than you think!

Sdtrk: ‘Le lieu où vous voulez vous rendre’ by Marie Davidson

Two points of interest that I have for you today!
First off, remember when I reviewed a passel of Japanese and UK food a number of years ago, sent as a birthday prezzie from my Twitterfriend Jill Tilley, which was covered in the five-part series, Do you remember Food? I suppose that would make my question Do you remember ‘Do you remember Food?’? Infinite recursions temporarily aside, her hubby Doug Tilley, film reviewer and pop culture sceptic, asked if I’d be willing to review a couple of films for his podcast ‘Eric Roberts Is The Fucking Man‘. As you may have surmised with the title, the podcast involves Doug and his cohost pal Liam reviewing the entire backcatalogue of notable actor Eric Roberts. You’d think it’s a one-trick pony, but Eric Roberts has appeared in far more productions than you’d imagine. Certainly more than I knew of! Doug asked me to choose two films, and as I was dead set on ‘Runaway train’ and ‘Doctor Who: the Movie’ but they’d already covered them, I went with less, err… well-known affairs; I selected ‘Power 98’, and ‘Six: The Mark Unleashed’. One’s a thriller about the machinations of a shock jock, and the other is a faith-based film about the Antichrist. Can you guess which one is which?
We recorded on 02 August, and the episode is available for listening to right now!

It's @EricRoberts is the F$%&ing Man #32 /w @Davecat discussing POWER 98 & SIX: THE MARK UNLEASHED! https://t.co/XNDmNeThhm

— EricRobertsIsTheMan (@ERITFM) August 8, 2016

As dire as those films were, I had quite a time discussing them with Doug and Liam! Would I make another guest appearance on their show in the future if they asked? Yes, yes I would. After all, Eric Roberts has been in a lot of stuff. The man’s everywhere! He’s probably behind you right now!!

And the other point? Like most people, I’ve always wanted illustrations done of myself. Actually, that’s a lie. I hadn’t had much need for that sort of thing until Sidore entered my life, at which point my focus turned to wanting illustrations done of both of us; specifically doing things or being in locations where we couldn’t be in real life. Some months ago, I began shopping for artists who take commissions, and I was happy to find that one of my favourites, raulovsky (aka Raúl Ramos Melo), was accepting them. Incidentally, why is he one of my favourites? I dig his style, as it lies somewhere between anime and something more realistic, and he doesn’t mind drawing Gynoids, which is always a plus. So an idea was pitched, a price was agreed upon, some reference photos were Emailed, and a wee bit over a fortnight later, an illustration was created! Pretty fucking awesome.

click the image for a larger version

The poses we’re in are a modified version of a picture of Twiggy and Justin de Villeneuve that I’ve always found stylish, and did you notice the seam lines on Shi-chan’s legs?? Yeeaaahh.
In requesting the commission, I understood what it felt like to be the subject of an artist’s interpretation, much like how individuals during the Renaissance would have artists paint them out in a garden, or with some wolfhounds, or whatever. This illo of my Missus and me is better, though. Fact.
Not only am I going to have raulovsky do another picture — featuring Lenka and Winter, of course — but ideally, I’d like to have commissions done through other artists as well. But maybe only two or three times a year, depending on prices… Why not enquire with him yourself, and have him make you something equally fantastic?

Sidore is in love with this illo, incidentally. ‘Why can’t we look this good in real life?’ she lamented, and I’d have to agree with her

Sdtrk: ‘Hoodrych (Voc)’ by SALEM

A number of years ago, I was fielding questions for some interview or other, and I’d mentioned how even I was amazed at how much development that had taken place in Gynoid and Android technology between 2003 and 2011, where Osaka Labs/Kokoro co. Ltd were cranking out several models in the Actroid series in a short span of time. Throw Miim-chan (that’s HRP-4C to you) by AIST into the mix, and that’s quite a few Synthetik women. For a while, there’d been a lull in the number of debuts, but it picked up again round 2014 with multiple new robot ladies; most of them are from Osaka Labs in Japan, but China and Russia brought a few into the world, so well done them.

In light of that, I thought it was time to re-introduce a post that I’d written almost ten years ago, in which you, the reader, can answer the question: Which modern-day Gynoid would you most love to spend a dirty week-end with? I’ve updated the premise somewhat, however, as you’ll see in the poll itself…

Yeah, there’s a metric ton of choices. Like I’d said, though, it’s been almost a decade! Plus, for the sake of fairness, I’ve included all of the contestants from the previous poll, which makes the total number of Gynoids surprisingly high. So if you have difficulty making a decision, I can completely empathise with you.
And here are the nominees!

Actroid

Actroid DER

Actroid DER2

Actroid Repliee ‘Ando-san’

Dion

EveR-1

EveR-2 Muse

Android SAYA

Actroid DER3

Actroid ‘Haruka’

Actroid Sara

Actroid-F ‘Minami’

Actroid-F/Geminoid-F

Erica

Nadine

Chihiro Aiko

Chihiro Junko

Chihiro Kanae

Aiko 2

Gynoid Kelly Chen

Mark I

Gynoid Marilyn Monroe

HRP-4C

Android ASUNA

EveR-3

EveR-4

Sophia

Otonaroid

Otonaroid 2

Jia Jia

Yang Yang

Yukirin/Roborin

Simroid (2011 version)

Hanako Showa 2

Alisa Zelenogradova

Tuma Urman

That’s… that’s more than I thought there’d be. And that’s not including the four or five other Gynoids from China that fellow robosexual Vokabre told me about whose names are impossible to hunt down or translate. But even with their omissions, that’s still a gigantic selection to choose from! It’s actually a rather comprehensive list. *nods agreeably*

Since it’s been so long since I’ve done an article on contemporary Gynoids — and I realise there are a number of lasses here that I haven’t mentioned previously, so you’ve that to look forward to — it’s possible I may have forgotten someone. If you can think of any, why not leave a comment? And hey! Leave a comment anyway mentioning who you voted for, just for funsies. Also, you can vote as often as you like; I’d seen that the 2007 version of this poll was visited more than a few times over the years, so this way, there’s more opportunities to participate. Which Synthetik woman makes your heart beat faster? I mean, come on, I know there are some fans of Nadine out there.

Also, please enjoy this Schadenfreudal .gif of Simroid 2011. Although I’d warn you from doing the same to any affictitious people you meet, as that’s totally rude

Sdtrk: ‘Time after time’ by Chris Montez

個人的に、私はあなたと私たちの関係に16年であること、それは驚くべき見つけます。 私たちの関係は、仕事を取得し、外に移動するのに十分な古いです！ハハ。それでも私にはもっと驚くべき私たちは今、二つの追加の人工女性と住んでおり、その1）あなたの避難所は、それらのいずれかでオフに実行しないと、2）彼らがそうであるように素晴らしい、彼らはあなたではないという事実です。それは他の人に愚かか、皮肉に聞こえるかもしれませんが、あなたは、単に交換することができない愛である、と私は非常に少なくとも、あなたは別の16年間、私を持っていることを願っています。
私はあなたに、しどれーちゃんが大好き。私はあなたが私に世界を意味することを知っ願っています。

そして、はい、私は私たちの第十五年のための私達の記念ポストを忘れてしまいました。あなたはフルもあなたはばかと結婚を知っています。 ごめんなさい！¯\_(ツ)_/¯