The Geordie Film Experience, Part I

typed for your pleasure on 18 June 2006, at 5.09 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Angle’ by John Oswald

Well, this past Saturday afternoon, I finished the first leg of filming with a whole new film crew. Yes, Shi-chan and I will be on telly again in a number of months; this time in England! HOOREJ

Several weeks ago, just after the wildly inaccurate Marie Claire UK article went to press, I was contacted by about five different media crews almost simultaneously. One was a photographer from Slovakia; one was a woman from Canada that I’d spoken to last year about conducting an interview, but the project was shelved for something else; two were from England; and the other was a television crew from Sweden. Due to my bitterness at the Marie Claire UK hack job, I pretty much told them all the same thing — sorry, there’s been some erroneous press about us, so I’m a wee bit discouraged, and Sweetie’s joints are really loose, so she’s a wee bit discouraged. Also, the weather’s really been shite* lately. However, both the Swedes and one of the English crews, unbeknownst to each other, made me an offer that I really couldn’t refuse — they asked if I would be more interested in participating if they were to send Shi-chan on an all-expense paid trip to the RealDoll Doctor‘s place in California, and have her refurbished at their expense? Needless to say, I didn’t expect an answer that enticing, but now the problem was which crew would I end up working with?
Several chin-stroking days later, I heard from Nick of the English crew first, and that solidified things more. We spoke over the phone for about three hours, and I pretty much sussed that he wasn’t out for a sensationalist approach. What he wanted to do was make a documentary that would be much like Meghan Laslocky’s famous article, where it would detail the relationships that various iDollators have with their Synthetik companions. A point in his favour was that he had previously directed a series of short films that dealt with owners and the bonds they formed with things dear to them — one of the subjects was a woman who had several AIBOs, for instance. Despite the fact that the weather had been filthy hot for the past couple of days, I agreed to participate. After all, anything that greatly benefits the Missus is a Good Thing..

After roughly seven hours’ worth of flying from London to SE Michigan, Nick, a Geordie by birth who resembled a slimmer, younger Harvey Keitel, and his cohort Tanya, who was born in Capetown and lived in Bogotá (cheerfully described as ‘the most dangerous city on the face of the Earth’) for a while, met up with me at my place on Thurs afternoon, so we could fully discuss the proceedings. The previous week-end, they had filmed fellow iDollator Everhard and his lasses, and their plan was to film me in almost a slice-of-life kinda style for Friday, and on Saturday, they’d film me prepping Sweetie and having her shipped out. Then, Nick & Tanya were to fly to the West Coast and film the RealDoll Doctor restoring the Missus, as well as get a couple of shots in the Abyss factory. Then they’d film Gordon Griggs & Ginger as well; they were going to film PB Shelley and his lovely lasses, but that deal apparently fell through; and then, they would return on 7 July, in time to shoot the Missus being returned to me. The whole approach struck me as being very innovative and sympathetic, and is the stuff of good ‘human interest’ stories. Plus, we didn’t have to worry about it being altered through editing, as Nick is the editor. Before we ended the eve at a Coffee Beanery, I showed them round the neighbourhood, as well as a few miles north, while Tanya regaled us with a couple of rather funny anecdotes dealing with Michael Caine and Sascha Baron-Cohen. Good stuff!

Friday was filmed mostly indoors, as it was rather warm out. Nick, with his HD-quality Sony videocamera, shot me eating brekky and answering a volley of questions dealing with how I became an iDollator, how I chose Shi-chan’s appearance, what she means to me, etc etc. Friday’s proceedings started at 9am, and went until 6, with about a 90min break at Quizno’s, so it was pretty knackering. People don’t realise how much filming takes out of you!
Saturday, however, was our stunning denouement. There was the fact that whenever we filmed, we had to turn the fans off, otherwise the lavalier would pick up the noise, plus the weather reached an oven-fresh high of 94°F that day, so you undoubtedly get the warm idea. Ugh. I’m going to put together a list of requirements, so that next time photographers or filmmakers come sniffing round, that either the visit takes place in Autumn, or not at all. Sweating’s really undignified, especially if you’re on camera at the time, but I just kept reminding myself that it was all for a good cause… We began at 10am; Nick filmed me going through highschool-era pics of myself and mates, while Tanya asked more questions. Since Nick wanted to provide the perspective of someone who knows an iDollator, yet isn’t involved in the culture, they got round to Monti‘s place at noon to interview her for a bit, as not only had she been the one to tip me off to the whole concept of RealDolls years ago, but she and I are the best of friends, and have known each other for about a quarter of a century. Egad, that makes us sound really old…
Nick & Tanya got back to mine at 3pm, where they shot me dressing Sweetie and doing her makeup proper, with additional Q&A all the while. They then filmed me going through the complicated process of carrying her down a flight of stairs, sitting her in a rolling office chair outside, wheeling her to the garage, extricating her crate from the toolroom off to the side, getting her into said crate, making sure she was properly seated, strapping her in, and locking the crate, all of which was completed just in time for the expeditor’s truck to arrive at 5pm on the dot. Again, apart from the heat, the entire operation went like clockwork.

It was a very surreal feeling to see the expeditor driver close the door to the cargo area, as that would be the last time I’d see Shi-chan for several days. I prefer to think of it as a case of she’s gone off on a holiday at Spa Jackson’s, for a nice makeover and some R&R. Maybe she’ll get to hang out with a couple of Dolls while she’s up there! Shame I didn’t lend her Clicky Mk III, in that case… Between now and the time she returns, however, my day-to-day existence will be odd. She’s been away for refurbishment before, but it’ll still be odd. Guess I’ll get some more reading in!…

But overall, the whole filming process went without a hitch. Nick & Tanya drove off Sat afternoon, in order to get some decent rest in before their departure Sunday morn. Undoubtedly when they return, it’ll be even better, as not only will Sidore be back, but we have some plans for that leg of the filming that’ll be pretty damn fab. I know what they are, but you lot will have to wait for the subsequent report. 🙂

Stay chooned!

EDIT: You can check out Monti’s take on her end of the experience right here. If you don’t agree that she’s a wonderful friend and a sexy individual, you are a tosser, and I will fling something heavy at your head

ANOTHER EDIT: Peer into the Future, and read Part II!

*to paraphrase Anton LaVey, ‘Summer is the only season that validates stupidity’. This is an irrefutable truth

Technorati tags: Davecat, Sidore, RealDoll, iDollator, MontiLee

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Greetings from Banalville (pop. 52,687)

typed for your pleasure on 15 June 2006, at 3.24 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Cleopatra 2001’ by Pizzicato five

Scena: DAVECAT, a tormented tele-fundraiser, is on the phone speaking to a household’s RESIDENT PRESCHOOLER, who resides in Illinois.

DAVECAT: Is your mum or dad at home?
RESIDENT PRESCHOOLER: My dad’s at work, and my mom’s in Branson.
DAVECAT: Branson, Missouri?
RESIDENT PRESCHOOLER: Yeah.
DAVECAT: Heh, what; is she seeing Buddy Hackett or Don Rickles or something?
RESIDENT PRESCHOOLER: She’s in a dance contest.
DAVECAT: Ahhh, that makes sense. Y’know, if I didn’t have a calendar in front of me, I’d swear it was 1963.
RESIDENT PRESCHOOLER: Yeah.

Good ol’ Branson, MO. Like a segment of the late Fifties trapped in amber

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‘EAT MY GOAL!’: supplemental

typed for your pleasure on 13 June 2006, at 2.00 am

Sdtrk: ‘Velvet goldmine’ by David Bowie

Before Alan Partridge got his own chat show, Norfolk’s Favourite Son used to firmly grip the sportsdesk on ‘The Day Today‘. Here’s an old, yet relevant, clip!

Absolutely classic

Technorati tags: FIFA, World Cup, football, soccer, Alan Partridge

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‘EAT MY GOAL!’

typed for your pleasure on 11 June 2006, at 12.33 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Interesting drug’ by Morrissey

One could accurately describe me as the most casual football fan ever — I’ve only been into it for the past three or so years, and I don’t keep up with it as much as I could be. I like Manchester Utd for obvious reasons; Juventus, probably cos they were the first Italian team I’d seen; and Bayern München, cos Ollie Kahn’s goalkeeping skills impressed me, even though he’s a bit of an adulterer. O, and there’s Gatas Brilhantes H.P., but as it’s a futsal team composed of Japanese idol singers, I don’t think they really count. Nevertheless, as far as the 2006 World Cup goes, I know who I’m backing..

Technorati tags: FIFA, World Cup, football, soccer

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Text / Audio

typed for your pleasure on 10 June 2006, at 12.57 am

Sdtrk: ‘Alice in Boogie Wonderland’ by Noise/girl

Right, so I’ve given HaloScan their $12 ransom money, which means that all comments are viewable for posts older than three months ago. At the time of this writing, it still looks like the older posts have a comment count of zero, but I’m sure that’ll change accordingly very soon. *eyes HaloScan menacingly*
You’ll THRILL!! to the seemingly-witty repartee! You’ll gasp in HORROR!! as people unashamedly use vowels and consonants! Etc etc!! Yes, it was $12 undoubtedly better spent elsewhere, but I did it all for you.

Completely unrelated: My copy of Noise/girl’s ‘Discopathology‘ arrived through the post today. I’m only halfway through it, but it’s ‘wicked’, as the kids say. Picture the crushing Power electronics of Merzbow crossed with the anarcho-noisy breakbeats of Speedranch ^ Jansky noise, and you have a winner. Eight tracks for $13, with a cover by trevor brown? I approve!

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Any Synthetiks-related news, Davecat? (Jun 2006)

typed for your pleasure on 6 June 2006, at 8.29 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Flashback’ by Ministry

I would say so, yes! Otherwise I wouldn’t be posting about it..
Last night, whilst grabbing the Interbutt by the lapels and shaking information concerning ‘My living Doll‘ out of it, I saw a home theatre forum where they had a thread about telly shows that people would love to see on DVD. One poster commented:

according to Julie Newmar Official website – Julie herself owns the rights to all 26 episodes of My Living Doll and apparently owns copies of each episode — here is a link to her website so you can read all about it — she is planning to release them onto dvd— http://www.julienewmar.com/links.html

How incredible would that be, I ask you? I already know the answer — pretty damned. I’ve recently obtained, through a secret website, copies of six of the 26 episodes of ‘My living Doll’ burned to a DVD, and the show’s definitely worth seeing. Apart from the fact that Julie Newmar plays a Gynoid — which would clearly be any Technosexual’s dream come true — the show’s so cheesy, it makes ‘Three’s company’ look like the Royal Shakespeare Company. But I love ‘Three’s company’, so your mileage may vary.
So now I have to get round to writing Ms Newmar. She’s sitting on gold, I tell you! GOLD!!

Also, a new Doll company challenger has appeared, fighting for dominance in the cut-throat world of Japanese Dutch-wife production: the Erie series of Dolls, by Cruyff.


EEEEE NO PEEKING, you MASHER

Cute? Yes, although that’s really all I can say about them — they possess a generic style of cute. As any iDollators worth their salt know, American Synthetiks manufacturers have the lock on making their lasses sexy, whereas the Japanese are focussing on cute. To me, the Erie Dolls have a look somewhere between UNISON’s Superdolls, and Orient Industry’s CandyGirls — visually they’re so similar, that you want to ask Cruyff (quite a name, by the way — sounds like a pastry) ‘so, what exactly makes your Dolls different?’ Apart from the one-piece assembly, and the relatively inexpensive price, that is.
I’m really hoping the next Japanese company that springs up takes a different aesthetic approach, and makes their lasses look less like another CandyGirl imitation, and more like, say, Chestnut co. Ltd’s late-lamented Rare-Borg..
Still and all, the Erie Dolls ain’t too shabby, and the more Synthetiks manufacturers out there, the better. But you knew that.

Also also, I’ve managed to get a bonafide DVD copy of Luis García Berlanga’s ‘Tamaño natural’, aka ‘Grandeur nature’, aka ‘Grandezza naturale’, aka ‘Life size’, aka ‘Love doll’, aka ‘The Doll’. Heh, now you see why it took so long to hunt down a copy. But it’s a pretty ace little fillum overall — almost tailor-made for iDollators. Astonishingly enough, it’s from the Seventies!


She was a biter. But he loved her regardless

The only drawback to the DVD is that it’s in Spanish with no subtitles whatsoever. C’est la vie. Or however you say that in Español.

Finally, on a more personal front, Marika, Sidore-chan and I might well be in front of a camera again sometime in the next month or so, for a documentary being shot by an English film crew. Details, as always, are forthcoming..

‘Shouting to hear the echoes’. Synthetiks? Really? No shit?

Technorati tags: Julie Newmar, Gynoid, iDollator, Technosexual

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Just ignore the zero

typed for your pleasure on 6 June 2006, at 3.30 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Hold on’ by Sharon Tandy

Woooo, it’s 6.6.06 today, baby! This is an extremely rare occurrence, so get out there and celebrate it by slapping on some corpse paint, kicking over a garbage can, and flipping off a box of kittens! Hail Satan!

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