Sdtrk: ‘Tom Baker’s watching you’ by The Soulless Party

Here, right here, you will find some shameless self-promotion! I mean, more so than usual.

+ Back in January, performance artist and iDollator Amber Hawk Swanson, who I’ve mentioned more than a few times on ‘Shouting etc etc’, asked me nicely if I could write an essay about her for her blog, and I did. It’s a potted history of how I know her through her work, and the brief but memorable times our paths crossed. You can read it here!

+ As mentioned in a previous post, mid-Michigan photojournalist Ashley Miller had visited Sidore and I a few times over the course of a handful of Saturdays, taking photos of us for her end-of-term class project. She also conducted an interview with me, and got some video footage in, and the end result would be ‘Synthetik Love: A Modern Love Story‘. As I’d told her, Ashley had managed to do in six minutes by herself what a lot of television crews have failed to do, and that’s present a short film allowing me to speak about the relationship Sidore and I share, without editing or leading, and somehow managing to make us look good in the process. But why not have a look yourselves?

+ Cast your mind back to 2005, if you will. Not only were my Missus and I filming ‘Guys and Dolls’ in the summer of that year, but we were also involved in another documentary being made by Allison de Fren, which I’d detailed here. After languishing in Production Hell for almost seven years due to various factors, it’s now complete, and making the rounds at various film festivals, which is tremendous news. This would be the trailer:

It’s called ‘The Mechanical Bride‘, and it features interviews with Slade (the former RealDoll Doctor), ‘Sexy Robot’ artist Hajime Sorayama, photographer Elena Dorfman of ‘Still Lovers’ fame, Michael of First Androids, and myself, among others. And! It’s narrated by Julie Newmar, who played Rhoda the Gynoid in ‘My living Doll‘. So I daresay this is something you’ll want to keep an eye out for!

+ Finally, since last year, I’ve been working with college senior Maria Tolbert, in her investigations of ‘contemporary examples of alternative practices in the context of intimate relationships, and what this might mean for the future of human relationships and human sexuality.’ But of course! She’s been slaving away for the past couple of months on her final paper, and just recently she’d managed to yank the last sheet of paper out of her Clark-Nova typewriter and pronounce it finished. It’s called ‘Artifice and Being Human: The Story of Organiks, Synthetiks, and Robotic Romance‘. Among other subjects, it covers the history of ‘love dolls’, iDollator culture, contemporary humanoid robots, that ridiculous ‘Uncanny valley’, and other points besides. And yes, I was interviewed. Shi-chan is even quoted in some sections! Needless to say, it’s entirely worth reading…

Now that you’ve read/watched all that, I’d like to introduce you to a handful of new blogs that I’ve linked to a while ago on ‘Shouting etc etc’: the first would be Homo Artificialis, which looks to explore humanoid robots, and how they’ll eventually affect and integrate into Organik culture; another would be Dirty Doll Stories, which is the blog of Jenny Densuke, the first Polymerisian adult film starlet, and her thoughts on all manner of things; and the other is It’s a Tasha Thing, which is the musings and bitchings of sexy Polymerisian film starlet Tasha James, who just happens to have worked with and is good friends with Ms Densuke. Please welcome them, to the Kraft Family of Foods! O, wait.

And now, back to writing about my first ever speaking engagement in San Francisco two Thursdays ago! I actually feel like getting some writing in, so I’d better ride this wave as far as it’ll take me

Sdtrk: ‘Costain suite’ by Daphne Oram

It’s been so long since I’ve written a post that I’ve kinda forgotten how to do it. How do you make words and sentences? Is it a bit like this: sjfkd sio! pjef/if8 46.564.. fkjiap0oj0[ kiz0w? I mean, that’s nice and all, but I can’t really see how one would get to the top of a best-seller list with that kind of niche-market content.

What have I been up to, you axe? Working, mostly, as my workplace has had us getting in mandatory overtime for the past six weeks. Which is fantastic for my wallet, as I’m scouring eBay for skinny neckties, vintage tie clips, and pop-culture ephemera that I’ve been lusting after for years, but more time at work means less time living, as far as I’m concerned. I wouldn’t call myself a wastrel, as I do enjoy work when it’s to do with things I like, or at the very least, don’t mind. But as one of my heroes, Oscar Wilde, once quipped, ‘I don’t want to earn my living; I want to live.’

But it’s not been all toil all the time round here, thankfully! Since mid-March, Sidore and I have been working with local photojournalist Ashley Miller, as she wanted to do a project that focussed on the topic of Organik/Synthetik relationships, and how they’re simply another approach to the many kinds of relationships people have or are seeking in society. She’s come round over the course of four week-ends to snap pics of the Missus and I in our natural habitat, and to conduct interviews, and they’ve been fun little experiences!

image © 2012 Ashley Miller

She’s put up the first batch on her blog here; more photos are forthcoming. So far, she’s gotten an overal positive reaction from her fellow classmates, and her sociology instructor asked if she’d be interested in doing further research on iDollator culture in a later semester this year, so that’ll be something to look forward to as well!…

Aaand I’ll be flying to Sans Francisco (French for ‘without Francisco’) later this week to speak on a panel regarding Synthetiks, which should be simultaneously nerve-wracking and fantastic. Don’t want to give the game away with too many details, but much like DolLApalooza 2011, you might want to consider following me on my godforsaken Twitter feed *points to sidebar*, for updates on the spectacle. Once I get back, things should return to a semblance of normalcy here; at the very least, I can bring you all up to date on various bits and bobs in the world of Synthetiks. I kinda have to; as of this writing, I’ve got like thirty-nine sites bookmarked dealing with potential things I need to cover. Thirty-nine. Like this teaser for an upcoming film called ‘True skin’, for example, which looks quite interesting:

Right; now it’s thirty-eight sites

Sdtrk: ‘Romance fatal dentro de un auto’ by NON

Bringing you Tomorrow’s news Yesterday… Today.
See, that’s what we call an effective baffle. I throw a sentence out like that for you, you read it, and you’re so confused by it that you’ve not noticed I didn’t write a proper introduction to this, the first ‘Shouting etc etc’ post twenty-five days into 2012. And we’re off!

+ Did you lot have an enjoyable, carnage-free holidays? Ours were placid, for lack of a better term, but personally speaking, they were better than the ones at the end of 2010, so I’m not complaining. One nice aspect was that my father wrote me a cheque for $150, and as I’m a firm believer in Irony, I promptly sent that dosh to Amazon.com, spending the entirety of it on books about Dolls and Gynoids, two subjects that the man despises. Ha!
My spoils were volumes 4-8 of Pluto, a manga by Naoki Urasawa, which is another one of his psychological thrillers; a copy of Hiroshi Watanabe’s Love point, as detailed here; and The Sex Doll: A History. I have to apologise for the last one, as the cover isn’t just awful, it’s godawful. Nevertheless, all the books were highly appreciated! Thanks, dad! *proceeds to snicker like Muttley*

+ Speaking of Amazon.com, I now see that they actually have not just a listing, but cover art, for the ‘My living Doll’ DVD set I’d mentioned last November, with a street date of 20 March. Again, I’ll believe it when a copy adorns my own overloaded DVD shelves, but that’s fantastic news!…

+ Back in November-December of 2011, photographer/iDollator/jetsetter/Maki Nomiya lookalike Azusa Itagaki had a showing of her photographs of our crowd in Italy. It was well-received, by her accounts, and she told me it was even mentioned in La Repubblica, one of the nation’s major newspapers. As always, she does us proud!

INVISIBLE ART PATRONS

If you can read Italian, you lucky bastard, you can peruse a page about the show and see more photos here. Machine translations don’t count.

+ Do you recall Ricky Ma Tsz Hang, the bloke in Hong Kong who built an affictitious version of Kelly Chen? Yes you do. He’s not been resting on his laurels though, as he’s recently completed Aiko 2, a head for a new Gynoid! Again, might I remind you, he’s not a corporation; he’s just one man, making alluring animatronics in his own home. HARDxCORE.

For that new robot head, I have tried to use different material and design new structure. It is smoother than previous one. It applied 2 small servos and 4 micro servos only and it has detection camera inside her eyes. She can smile, eyes (blink, up and down, left and right) open and close the mouth. More than that, it will have a intelligent computer brain. She can talk to you and detect who are you! Moreover, she can analyse objects (over 13000 data). The facial expression will be controlled by the intelligent brain. It may be very interesting!

She’s listening to Sergio Mendes and Brasil ’66. But can you blame her?

That quote is from an Email that he’d sent me. Ricky went on to say that he’s developing Aiko 2 in conjunction with Le Trung, that bloke who put some servos inside a CandyGirl and named her Aiko, so hopefully Ricky will steer that particular project into something more original and successful.
Not only does Aiko 2 have improved sculpting — did you note her dimples? — but the ability to analyse and identify objects is a impressive skill. Sure, we have object recognition programmes in things such as Google goggles, but combining technology with beauty enhances both, and benefits everyone.

+ Isn’t it time for a new batch of Sinthetics photos? It certainly is.

Left, Monique doesn’t know the meaning of the term hay fever; right, Celeste, following up on Aiko 2’s eargoggle trend

Enticing new pics of Tawny, Monique, Kimiko, Celeste, and Yuriko are now available on their site. Stare, stare. And with good reason!

+ Finally, back to television: 2012 looks as if it might yield not one, but two decent programmes having to do with Synthetiks, so that’s something to look forward to! As long as they’re not along the lines of the robot snuff film known as ‘A.I’, that is.
According to a post on io9.com, NBC has ordered a pilot for a series entitled ‘Beautiful people’, and as they describe it,

Beautiful People is really dark, and more than a little sadistic at times. It’s not at all subtle, though — it’s in the grand tradition of dystopian “what if” scenarios in which a terrible injustice is being perpetrated throughout society, but somehow most people don’t see it. The audience will be left in absolutely no doubt, at the end of a single episode, that these androids, or “Mechanicals,” are people who deserve human rights. […]

We see how the Mechanicals are enslaved. They’re constrained by Asimov’s good old Three Laws of Robotics. They’re destroyed if they show the slightest sign of emotion. They’re even given a weird drug, called Compliance, to prevent them from having any nasty mood swings. They all have bar codes on the backs of their necks.

And yet, they’re clearly people in every way that matters. They have family units, like Tina and her parents. They respond to things with real emotion. Their children have to go to school, so they can learn all the nuances of human society. (The high-end “Mechanicals” like Tina and her family have no metal parts — instead, they’re more like cyborgs, with some silicon chips and plastic, but also organic parts grown from the DNA of John Does, and possibly federal prisoners as well.)
the entire article is here

They’re still in the process of casting it, so airdates are still in the far-flung future (pun intended), but I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for it, as you suspect. Overall, Beautiful people sounds promising and thought-provoking! Which means it probably won’t be on the air very long. You’re all familiar with how network telly in the States works.

And fellow iDollator Euchre tipped me off to the other programme from Sweden, a show called ‘Äkta människor‘, which translates to ‘Real humans’, which actually premiered on the 22nd of this month. It seems like it’ll be taking nearly the same approach as Beautiful people — can the term ‘human’ apply to artificial beings, etc — but with a less homogenised approach than you find in television from the States. Skip to 0.55 if you don’t get what I’m inferring.

What happens when robots become so human that they can barely be distinguished from real people? When they can even be our lovers? Real Humans takes place in a parallel world to our own, in which people’s lives have been completely transformed by the new generation of robots, the Hubots. […]

They’re used as servants, heavy laborers, company for the lonely and even sex partners. But Hubots also create conflicts – within families, in places of work and among those concerned about public safety. Their intelligence exceeds our own. Are there any jobs left that are not best carried out by a robot? Can they develop feelings of their own? Can a Hubot harm a human being?
the entire article is here

I love shows and films like this! They’re priming the pump.
Some additional good news: they say the production companies involved have made a deal to distribute Äkta människor internationally. Which more than likely means just Europe, but that’s why god made region-free DVD players!

And there you have it! O, and I’m due to enter discussions with another documentarist; this one would be from France. More on that later!

Sdtrk: ‘Marriage carriage’ by Throbbing gristle

What d’ye mean, I missed a month? No, you’re right, I missed a month. October was kinda crazy, because for one, towards the end of September, I’d started my new job. Woo and yay, right? It’s not exactly my ideal job — a call centre doing help desky-type stuff — but it’s keeping a roof over our heads, so there’s that. But my schedule’s kinda wonky, so it’s a bit difficult for a Man of Consistency such as myself to get used to, hence this delay. Also, there really wasn’t a large amount of news in either the technosexual or iDollator fields. I can’t just fabricate facts like they do over at FOX News, y’know!

+ Having said that, articles such as this managed to fire one past the goalkeeper: alert reader cw sent me a link concerning walking Gynoid legs, designed and built by the Sano Laboratory at the Nagoya Institute of Technology. Mm hmmm.

So loud! She’d be quieter in heels

Undoubtedly it escaped my search cos there’s no top half. But what you see here is half the battle! (Sorry.) But why is that bloke gripping her by the hips, apart from the obvious reasons, you ask? Think of him as her ‘starter motor’, as the legs are effectively using their own weight to move. Curiously enough, they contain no motors, sensors, computers or electricity. DigInfo explains, well, translates:

This robot is walking down a slope, and its only source of power is potential energy. It doesn’t use any kind of motor or control, so we think it’s very environmentally friendly. […] The robot has three main parts: thighs, lower legs, and ankles. It’s made of aluminum, and it contains only mechanical components, which have been adjusted so that the robot has the same thigh and leg lengths as a person, and weighs the same.
the entire article is here

As it’s passive, it’d definitely be more suited towards a Synthetik partner — i.e, someone you could literally walk with — as opposed to an independently moving Synthetik. In any case, it’s a step in the right direction. (Sorry.)

+ Coincidentally enough, here’s a new video of AIST’s Miim-chan strutting her stuff. Show us how it’s done, babe:

According to robots.net, ‘[Her] knees are stretched by the vertical movement of the waist, the single-toe supporting realizes longer strides and the legs perform the swing motion of the human equivalent’. She’s getting to be more fluid in her stride, and that’s always a fine thing to see. Or, in regarding Miim-chan, I know you fine, but how you doin’?

+ You of course recall new affictitious girl on the block Maid-Ling, right? I should bloody well hope so; I’d only just profiled her last month. Well, Titman, the creator behind her, has launched a website where you can purchase a Maid-Ling of your very own. Can the link also be found in the lefthand sidebar, under ‘Synthetik companion types’? Why yes! Yes it can.

+ Obviously, I love modern Synthetiks, but finding bits and bobs about their predecessors is just as fascinating. Like this, from a November 1931 issue of the magazine Modern Mechanix:

‘Perfectly intelligible’. Heh; they’ve never seen her drunk

Frankly speaking, with some of the Mannequins companies make today — and a dry erase board instead of a chalkboard — I think it’s high time to revive this idea. Just… don’t let Ronald Dotson know about it.

+ Hiroshi Ishiguro and Kokoro co. Ltd. have answered the question ‘With all the Gynoids that are being built these days, why aren’t there any Androids?’ Which is a bit erroneous, as Ishiguro-san himself has a Synthetik twin, as does Danish professor Henrik Scharfe. But now Actroid-F has a twin brother of her own, and both of those crazy kids are putting in appearances at various hospitals in Japan as observers:

‘What’s twincest, you ask? Wellll… we’ll tackle that question later’

It’s often said that the more human a robot looks, the more small differences make people feel uneasy. In our research, when we use this robot in the field, we check that it matches its surroundings and doesn’t look out of place. When we tested the robot in a hospital, we asked 70 subjects if having an android there made them feel uneasy. Only 3 or 4 people said they didn’t like having it around, and overall, quite a lot of people said they felt this robot itself had an acceptable presence.
the entire article is here

Facially, yes; they’re both twins. Which is interesting, if you think about it, as the male Actroid-F was facially modelled after the female Actroid-F, who was facially modelled after that Organik lass whose name hasn’t been revealed. Unlike making a FAX of a FAX of a FAX, though, the resolution’s still clear.
If I were working with the Actroids, I’d probably refer to them as Zan and Jayna. This would be shortly before I was asked told to leave the project, more than likely.

+ Last but not least, I’ve been asked to attend a bona fide symposium! Since last Summer, I’ve been exchanging Emails with Sarah Valverde, a psychology graduate at Cal Poly State University. She’d seen the Missus and I doing our thing on telly, and realised there really hadn’t been a tremendous amount of unbiased and legitimate psychological study ever done on iDollator / technosexual culture. She’d written a paper, and currently she’s finalising an online survey, and she and one of her colleagues are planning a presentation on the subject for one of the major psychological association conventions next year. One of the reasons Sarah figures that there’s not been extensive research into our cultures is that so few iDollators are willing to discuss who they are and what they’re into, and as a result, what little info the medical community receives is through the distorted lens of the media, or at the very least, second-hand. So once again, I Am Doing My Part! The biggest obstacles, really, are being able to fly out there — it’ll either be in California or Florida — and being concise/coherent enough to cover all the topics I need to in thirty minutes’ time. Thirty minutes will not be enough time. I don’t think Shi-chan will be able to come with, unfortunately; she has an aversion to the TSA and their errant groping; she can hardly be blamed. Our hope is, however, that some Doll will be able to sit on the panel with us, as an example.
More details as they unfold! I’m pretty excited! Being able to bring across an unadulterated iDollator viewpoint will do our community a world of good! I should open with some jokes. What would Oskar Kokoschka say in this sort of scenario?

Sdtrk: ‘I believe’ by My bloody valentine

It was quite a fun week-end I’d been a part of this past… week-end! There was another Doll Congress to be had, as our crowd hadn’t had one since May of last year. What fresh hell be this Doll Congress, you ask? (‘Fresh hell’?) A Doll Congress is really a small confluence of iDollators from the tri-state area: Euchre and myself from Michigan, Mahtek and Noquiexis from Ohio, and CJD, occasionally accompanied by his Organik wife Cat, from London, Ontario. Of course, Ontario isn’t a state, but we’re working on it.* During one instance we were joined by Hans, whose RealDoll wife Bee you’d undoubtedly seen on TLC’s ‘My Strange Addiction: Still Addicted?’. In the event that we decide to meet up at CJD’s house to see his lovely RealDoll lass Sandy, it’s called a Doll Parliament. Do you see what we did there?
So as we hadn’t had a proper Congress due to various factors (jobs / loss of jobs / moving / shite weather), we somehow managed to dovetail our schedules to meet on Saturday, nine months into 2011. Not only that, we’d be joined by Azusa Itagaki, a Japanese photographer based in Stockholm who joined us for DolLApalooza back in July. Although she doesn’t have a Synthetik companion of her own, her fascination and appreciation for them makes her an iDollator, and she’d be conducting a photo shoot of Sidore and I in our natural habitat on Sunday. One-stop shopping!

Saturday morning, Azu-chan hopped on a Detroit-bound train from Chicago to join us, while CJD and Cat drove from the polar wastes of Canada, and Mahtek, Noquiexis, and Noquiexis’ affictitious sweetie Feodora motored in as well. As we’d be meeting at Euchre’s, but he’d be working until 4.30 that day, we were to converge at Sila’s, an Italian restaurant, wait for Euchre to join us, then head round to his. Now, this plan ultimately worked, but I’ll tell ya; the hoops we had to jump through.
First of all, none of us realised until about a week before this was due to go down that 19 – 21 August was the week-end of that ridiculous goddamned Woodward Dream cruise. I’m not going to bitch about the Dream cruise, cos I’ve done it before, but those of us in Michigan were hoping that the bloated traffic of bloated Dream cruisers wasn’t going to prevent any of us from getting where we needed to go. Also, Azu-chan’s train was due to arrive in Royal oak at 2.30pm, whereupon I’d pick her up, and we’d head round to Sila’s. Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other plans, as her train arrived at a quarter to 5. We’d had severe weather alerts, and it was utterly pissing down, to the point where the train was only legally allowed to travel at a certain speed. Heh; this is why no-one takes trains any more. Basically, the storm arrived a wee bit ahead of Azusa, cos as I was heading out to collect her, the sky broke; thunder, lightning strikes, near-zero visibility, the lot. Luck, however, was on our side, as we all managed to make it to Sila’s, and with no loss of life!

Having eaten our respective dishes — Mahtek had some sort of pasta that was roughly the size of a full-grown Corgi — we made our way through pleasant post-rain weather round to Euchre’s swinging pad, hauling Feodora in her crate with us. Thank Elisha Otis his apartment has a lift, is all I can say.

RealDoll Samantha, Lovable Doll Monica, and Anatomical Doll Feodora

It was the first time CJD and Cat had met Feodora, and it was the first time Azusa met Feodora, as well as Euchre’s Samantha and Monica, so it was rather eventful for us all. Not only had Azu-chan met a cluster of us during DolLApalooza, but she’d spent time round at Everhard‘s in England, Prof.Sakai‘s in Japan, and round at the home of a French iDollator who I’m unfamiliar with who lives with Emy, a Mecadoll. Just a few months ago, she’d exhibited the photos she’d taken in Stockholm for the gallery show ‘Inside the Doll House‘, which received mostly positive reactions from viewers, and she’d possibly be doing something similar later in Italy this year.
After several agreeable hours, Euchre gave us the bum’s rush from his home, as most of our party had two- to three-hour drives to get through. Another fun meeting, and with good company besides!

Save for Azu-chan and I spending half an hour driving round my neighbourhood in an attempt to find a restaurant that was 1) open Sunday morning and 2) serving food — I was desperately unaware of these things, as under normal circumstances, I don’t leave our flat on Sundays — we spent the majority of the day taking multiple photos of myself and Shi-chan, but it also afforded me the opportunity to get behind the camera and snap pics of both lasses together. I figured since Azusa had modelled with a couple of Everhard’s ladies, that she wouldn’t be averse to doing so with my wife. And it made for a sexy approach!

She crashed round Deafening silence Plus, which worked out well, cos we were awake until 3am on Saturday and 4am on Sunday, talking about art, growing up with isolationist tendencies, the iDollator community and the various manufacturers, her global travels, and post-punk bands… we had an enormous number of ideas, views, and experiences in common. I introduced her to Lindsay Anderson’s ‘if….‘ and Hiroshi Ishiguro’s Actroid series, and she hepped me to the Russian band Утро and the Swedish film ‘Vaxdockan‘, so I’d say it was a pretty equal exchange. Overall, not only did Azusa have a keen photographic eye, and a relaxed approach to the various interview questions she had for me, but she’s an awesome person to be around.

Unfortunately, all good things etc etc; Monday afternoon saw us saying our farewells, as she had to catch her flight to LA, then fly out to England the next day for a while, then back to Stockholm. Jetsetters man, I’m tellin’ ya. As Azusa had loads of fun with Sidore-chan, me, and everyone she met in our iDollator crowd, she definitely wants to come and hang out with us again! Undoubtedly after getting at least six uninterrupted months of sleep, but neverthless

*Making Ontario a state would improve the United States, but diminish the Ontarians**
**What fresh hell does one call a person living in Ontario? Ontarians? Ontontites? Ontarontans? Sontarans?

Sdtrk: ‘Burning car’ by John Foxx

So I wanted to get this bit in before the week-end, as it’ll be a mildly eventful one (I’ll get to that), as well as the fact that I’ve been horribly neglectful of my writerin’ duties. I’m sure none of you have noticed! With all this time on my hands as of late, I honestly should be ashamed of myself. Actually, I am hanging my head in shame as I type this, which works out rather well, as I tend to look at my fingers when I type. So no shame, no gain, then! Errm.

What’s been percolating at Deafening silence Plus? Well, I’d refused an interview with MTV Brasil last month, as I honestly didn’t think it’d do anyone any good; the brief exchange of Emails we’d had back and forth isn’t even worth discussing, frankly. However, Sidore has successfully gotten me to do new photoshoots of her! At least until it started getting hot out. But three shoots in May, totalling over 170 pics? That’s something to be proud of, I’d say.

Also, you’ll find a new link in das Seidenbär, under the ‘Synthetik friends & friends of Synthetiks’ header, for a relatively new website called Future of Sex. It’s a (mostly) Safe For Work site that ‘provides insights into the fascinating topic of the future of human sex and sexuality. It looks at how communication, interface, biological and other technologies are enabling new expressions of human sexuality, and the individual and societal responses to these significant shifts.’ It’s topical, and definitely worth looking at!

Lastly, the other bit I was supposed to tell you about? The Missus and I will be on TLC’s ‘My Strange Addiction’ again this coming Sunday the 12th, at 9pm EST. It’s a follow-up episode; they’d stopped round with the intention of seeing how the Missus and I were getting on with her girlfriend/my second Doll, but then the bottom fell out of my personal economy, so instead you get to watch me trying my damnedest not to be bitterer than usual, as well as Other Stuff. They filmed for two days, but our segment should be probably less than ten minutes long, so Shi-chan and I will be as surprised as you lot as to what made the final cut. As we usually are in these cases

Sdtrk: ‘Foehn winds’ by Horrid red

I feel I must offer you all this gaily-coloured basket of cheese wheels apologies, for my reduced lack of posts lately. (Haven’t I said this before? Don’t answer that) For one, I blame Twitter, as its siren song of only 140 characters provides a swift immediacy that a lazy fucker like myself often finds hard to resist. Another, the Missus and I have been busy. Not gettin’ busy — although I’d be a liar if I said we weren’t up that type of activity — but we had a twin media salvo take place on the week-end of the 16th and 17th of this month, the report of which I’ve been steadily working on, and which will be posted before the sun burns out.
But the biggest reason for this current slowdown — and if you follow my Twitter feed, you already know — would be that I was fired from my recent job on the 7th of April. Which was inevitable, I suppose. They cited it as a combination of my number of transfers dropping, which I credit due to the fact that the decent leads we were getting were growing more scarce, plus I ‘just didn’t seem like [you] wanted to be here anymore’. Well, when you have a schedule that’s constantly changing for the worse, reduced hours, reduced pay, and having your health benefits (and free bagels on Monday) being taken away from you, it’s a little hard to remain upbeat about things, job-wise. So I’ve signed on the dole again, and I’m trying to drag myself out of my complacency. WOO YAY

Anyway! What else has been conspiring round Deafening silence Plus, you ask? Do you recall how some poor misguided soul under the employ of ‘Dr’ Phil had asked if I’d wanted to make an appearance on their show, because they apparently weren’t privy to the fact that they’d already previously enquired? Ah heh heh.

from: “Mason, Keya”
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
date: Mon, Apr 18, 2011 at 7:24 PM
subject: Ask Oprah’s All Stars

Hi Dave,

We spoke a few months ago about making an appearance on Dr. Phil which you were not interested in. I am now working on another show called Ask Oprah’s All Stars. It’s Oprah’s new show on OWN. I would love to get in touch with you to tell you a little more about it and see if you would be interested in participating. It is a much lighter and fun show. Give me a call so I can tell you more about it.

You can reach me at [phone number]

Keya Mason
Ask Oprah’s All Stars – Associate Producer
Mae West Building
5555 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90038

Curiously enough, she’d also CC’d her Email to ‘davecat@davecat.com’ and ‘davecat469@gmail.com’, whoever those poor unfortunates are.
I’ve always viewed Oprah through ambivalence-tinted glasses: I’m not keen on her, but I don’t hate her. Someone’s got to entertain daytime television watchers, and all told, she’s the least poisonous of that crowd. The Onion always manages to get good material out of her, but they get good material out of everything. I was aware that Oprah’s show is (currently?) in its final season, but I had no idea she was extending her reign with this network and another show called ‘Ask Oprah’s All Stars’, for crying out loud. Again, hey, if people dig that sort of thing, fine. But once again, daytime telly = not the best place to discuss the ideals of the iDollator community, Synthetik developments and rights, etc etc. So days later, I Emailed Keya back:

from: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
to: “Mason, Keya”
date: Mon, Apr 25, 2011 at 9:16 PM
subject: Re: Ask Oprah’s All Stars

Hello again Keya —

Thanks for contacting me! Sorry it’s taken a bit for me to get back to you, but I was made redundant by my job earlier this month, so I’m signing on for unemployment, as well as looking for work, and playing catch-up with everything else as well…

At any rate, thank you for the offer! However, what with my recent unemployment busyness, as well as a cluster of other scheduled appearances that Sidore and I will be participating in this Summer, I honestly don’t think we’ll have the time to take part in your programme. These days, I’m trying to get the interviews we take part in to not focus so much on the Missus and I, but of Synthetik humans in general, so we have to pick and choose, as you can imagine. Sorry!

Again, thanks for the offer, and take care!

Cheers,
Davecat, with valued assistance from Sidore

Maybe I was exaggerating a wee bit with the line about the other appearances Shi-chan and I will be making, but we’re not halfway through the year yet, so anything can happen. Or nothing, for that matter! If I could see into the future, I’d be at the racetrack more often.
Did that put our Keya off? Not in the slightest:

from: “Mason, Keya”
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
date: Mon, Apr 25, 2011 at 9:21 PM
subject: RE: Ask Oprah’s All Stars

Well if possible I’d like to talk to you about the possibility of the show. Perhaps you have a simple question you could ask Dr. Phil, Suze Orman, or Dr. Oz via webcam or video. There are many ways to possibly work an appearance into the show.

Let me know. Give me a call at [phone number]

Thanks
Keya Mason
Ask Oprah’s All Stars – Associate Producer
Mae West Building
5555 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90038

You have to admire her dogged tenacity, if nothing else. And I just now noticed that they’re located in the Mae West building! When did she get a building? Is it a ribald, bawdy structure?
I responded thus:

from: pulsedemon [at] gmail.com
to: “Mason, Keya”
date: Tue, Apr 26, 2011 at 12:59 PM
subject: Re: Ask Oprah’s All Stars

Hey Keya —

But I don’t really have any questions for any of those people! Furthermore, I had to look up who Dr Oz and Suze Orman are, as I haven’t watched broadcast television in years. And being honest, I’m not all that keen on Dr Phil, as he tends to be one of the many medical ‘experts’ who choose to pathologise eccentricity and individuality, for the sake of making an attention-grabbing show. Being on a show such as this would be, frankly, a pointless exercise for myself and the Missus at best, and a losing battle for the iDollator community at worst.

Again, I’d like to thank you for the enquiry, and have an excellent day!

Cheers,
Davecat

I mean, really. A question that I could ask them?? First off, I genuinely had to look these humans up: Suze Orman is some sort of finance expert, and Dr Oz is a health expert, and not an Eighties hair metal band from California, as I’d previously assumed. Under normal circumstances, I’d assumed that they’d be asking me questions, not the other way round.
Actually, here; I’ve got some simple questions I just thought of: ‘Ms Orman, how can someone best finance an Actroid or Geminoid of their very own, particularly if the purchaser is currently between jobs?’ or ‘Dr Oz, would consistently lifting one’s Doll be a decent basis for a workout regimen?’ or ‘Dr Phil, why are you such a judgemental shitwick?’ You know.

Is that the lot of them, finally? Have the entire battery of ill-suited daytime chat show hosts asked me now? I sure hope so