(expletives deleted)

typed for your pleasure on 29 July 2005, at 4.09 am

Sdtrk: ‘The Black Angel’s death song’ by the Velvet underground

Well! I was going to announce two pretty ace pieces of news on Thursday, but as it turned out, things just didn’t work out the way I wanted them to. For one, I had high hopes that I would have a job today. I’d signed out with a temporary agency on Tuesday, and went in for a battery of tests that I did pretty well on. My agent told me that a local branch of the Muscular Dystrophy Association was hiring, and that they needed people with good phone voices, which is something I’m thankfully equipped with. So I was rather confident when I went in for the group interview this Thursday morn, despite being wedged in a small office with nine other people; the one directly to my left smelling rather like a toilet. Over the course of the debriefing process, Pam, the office manager, handed us each a copy of the script that we were supposed to recite, and she would be playing the Person On The Other End of the Line. Going first, I was fairly spot-on with my reading, and managed to get a couple of rebuttals in when Pam presented them. The debriefing was over in about an hour, and Pam told us that she would be calling our temp agencies, after which she would call the people back who MDA would be hiring. Guess who didn’t get a callback? I spoke with my temp agent, and she said that Pam said that I was very articulate, but I, quote, ‘wasn’t aggressive enough’. Ah. I see.
Perhaps I should’ve screamed the script at the top of my lungs while bashing Pam’s face in with the metal stapler I spotted on the desk next to me, and for the coup-de-grâce, I would hurl her headlong through the nearest closed window into oncoming traffic, my MDA script howlings ringing in her bleeding ears. THEN I WOULD BE INSTANT MANAGEMENT MATERIAL.

As far as I see it, the reason why I’m so inefficient with sales and all things of a persuasive nature, is that ultimately, I don’t care if you accept or reject what I have to ‘sell’. Due to years and years of having my father force me into doing things I was never keen on, I decided that since I try to treat others they way I’d wish to be treated, the last thing I want to become is some salescock leering an inch and a half from someone’s face, whether on the phone or in person, shouting ‘HEY! HEY! HEY! WON’T YOU LISTEN TO WHAT I’M TELLING YOU? HEY! I HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER! I KNOW THIS ISN’T A GOOD TIME, BUT HANG ON FOR JUST A COUPLE OF MINUTES! HEY! HEY! OH, YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED? WELL, LET ME JUST TAKE MORE OF YOUR VALUABLE LIFE AWAY FROM YOU AND KEEP TALKING AT YOU, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’RE NOT BOTHERED! HEY! HEY!’ etc. Cos I have no tolerance for that kind of behaviour, and I’d be a hypocrite if I were to act like that. However, the job did pay $12 per hour..
So my agent said to ring her back next week. I told her that I’d be better off in data entry, or any phone-related work that didn’t require me to sell anything. We’ll see how that goes, if it indeed does go.

And the other piece of shit luck is that I was outbid on a Stylophone. I’m less upset about that, as surprisingly, you can still find plenty of Stylophones in relatively good / not-too-expensive condition on the Bay of e, as Pulp is still on their extended hiatus, and hardly anyone remembers Rolf Harris anymore. Once I’m ‘gainfully’ employed, though, I’m feckin’ getting one, by hook or by crook.. In the meantime, I’ll have to do with a virtual version. But it’s just not the same..

Switching gears momentarily: Marika and I caught ‘Charlie and the chocolate factory’ Monday eve, which we both dug. Sure, Gene Wilder’s Wonka had more of an overt sinister menace, whereas Depp’s Wonka seemed like a deranged individual with a serious case of arrested development. Which worked for me, especially when you see the Burton-added bits with Wonka’s father. I don’t know, I was giggling throughout most of the fillum. There was a bit of a sense of this version not really bringing anything new to the table, but it was Tim Burton, so we were happy. Don’t know if I’d buy the DVD, but we enjoyed the fillum with great pleasure. When’s ‘Corpse bride‘ making its debut again?

So yeah! This is why I don’t announce most of my plans to people until they’re finalised and done-with, cos if and when they end up going agley, I don’t end up looking like a gobshite. Heh. Too late for that

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Sneak preview!

typed for your pleasure on 24 July 2005, at 6.00 am

Sdtrk: ‘Agenda suicide’ by the faint

took this pic on Tues whilst I was scouting out a location for the upcoming RealDoll documentary shoot:

Provided the weather decides to be freakishly and unseasonably chilly (read: Nice), it’ll be fab. T-minus seven days and counting!

In addition to the inevitable report on how the shoot went, I might very well have some additional noteworthy news over the next couple of days, cross fingers. Watch this space, as they say

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O dear. Bombs again??

typed for your pleasure on 21 July 2005, at 7.44 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Shout’ by Depeche mode

To quote an old Londoner who lived through the blitz and got caught up in the Canary Wharf explosion: “I’ve been blown up by a better class of bastard than this!”

It goes without saying that the general population of Great Britain is absolutely fucking unfazeable. This wannabe Brit raises his pint to you.
Well done, Albion! Don’t let those twats get the best of you!

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This was the Future, Vol.14

typed for your pleasure on 21 July 2005, at 5.50 pm

Sdtrk: ‘There’s nothing’ by the Shout out louds

For this volume, this chapter, this segment, this episode, this instalment, of ‘This was the Future’, we go back further than the usual subjects from the Sixties, all the way to cover a building constructed in the late Thirties. This would be the Johnson Wax headquarters, which still stands in Racine, Wisconsin, and was designed by a then-69-year-old architect known as Frank Lloyd Wright.

The columned ‘great workroom’ is one of Wright’s most astonishing spaces, surrounded by the light bands in the brick enclosing walls and opened by a series of tubular glass skylights that fill in between the curved tops of the column petals (columns); as Wright said, ‘the effect is that of being among the pine trees, breathing fresh air and sunlight.

Apparently Wright, zany madman that he was, also designed the desks that you can kinda see in the pic above of the Great Workroom, and those are still in use today as well. Even the attached car park sports a similar mushroom-topped design. When you’ve got a theme that works, I say run with it..

Little aside here, if you’ll bear with me: regular readers of this site know that I’m fanatical about my Sixties architecture, and it could be technically argued that highlighting a F.L Wright building is incongruous with previous volumes, and I would partially agree. But one of the main reasons that I like the Johnson Wax building is because it resembles something from the Sixties, which is actually when I thought it was constructed when I first saw pictures of it. Plus, my view on Wright is a wee bit unconventional — I don’t want to say he’s overrated, as I really do like his work (e.g, the Turkel house, the Ennis-Brown house, Fallingwater), but there are many other ace architects out there that don’t get nearly half as much attention as he does. Besides, my structural preferences tend to lean towards grey concrete, glass and steel, anyway..

Join us next time, where representatives from the Frank Lloyd Wright Estate kidnap me, and have me publically flensed

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How many echoes are there?

typed for your pleasure on 19 July 2005, at 12.31 am

Sdtrk: ‘Something’s in the house (demo version)’ by Tubeway army

It’s 19 July! You know what that means! Probably not, as I had to look it up myself a week ago. It’s the one-year anniversary of ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’! Unimaginable! I hadn’t any idea that I’d be still doing this in a year, so I’m as gobsmacked as the rest of you.
In lieu of a genuine post, I’m going to instead explain every single one of the rather obscure and undoubtedly cryptic taglines that have appeared every week under the title since, well, a year ago.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +

+ Don’t be surprised if it gets weird. No, I’m serious
The first tagline! You never forget your first

+ ‘Nothing succeeds like excess’
Quote attributed to Ron Via, from ‘a, A novel‘ by Andy Warhol

+ Sorry, no Off switch for ‘Sarcasm’ mode
Self-explanatory, really

+ ‘Swallow all your tears, my love / And put on your new face / You can never win or lose if / you don’t run the race’
‘Love my way’, the best song ever by Psychedelic Furs

+ YOU’RE INTERRUPTING MY REVERIE
Back in the days when I toiled as a specimen processor, I used to pass my hours with the headphones of my Cd player (a.k.a my ‘idiot filters’) strapped to my head from pretty much the start of the shift until finish. One of my coworkers would occasionally pass by & tap me on the shoulder or otherwise warrant my attention, and I would jokingly shout ‘YOU’RE INTERRUPTING MY REVERIE’, cos I’d be in the midst of a drum solo with whatever band was playing at the time or something

+ At least one new post every week, GUARANTEED! (Note: not actually guaranteed)
My blog does what it says on the tin

+ the Oscar Wilde ov his Workplace.. minus the homosexuality, ov course
I don’t want to say that I was probably the wittiest person at my stupid goddamned ex-workplace, but.. no wait, I take that back. I’m certain that I was

+ ‘You see that left button? The button on the left?? That’s the left button. The LEFT BUTTON. It handles things on the left side ov the screen. The LEFT SIDE. Do you remember what button that is??’
That would be me, attempting to teach my father how to operate his own cellphone. Yes, of course he forgot what button does what about ten minutes after we were finished — that’s the Magick of My Dad

+ Relentlessly solipsistic, above and beyond the call ov duty, since 1972
Now see, I messed this one up. I was originally under the impression that a solipsist was a person who lived life under the assumption that everyone knew, or was at least aware of, the same things he knew of. According to Merriam-Webster, solipsism is ‘a theory holding that the self can know nothing but its own modifications and that the self is the only existent thing’. So there you have it

+ My problem with people is not that they’re different; my problem is that they’re not different enough
an original quote, and it’s entirely true

+ I think the real tragedy is that sometimes I’m right
another quote du Davecat

+ ‘Violence is never the answer, except when you ask the right question’
a stolen borrowed tagline from Jeff Rowland’s online comic Wigu

+ You’re soaking in it!

+ You’re sulking in it!
the previous one begat this one, really

+ ‘Rome Martin is a compulsive liar, and has never even met the Fantastic Four.’
a line from Hewlett & Martin’s post-Tank girl comic entitled ‘Get the Freebies’. In one issue, the Freebies, who were three supervillains, were auditioning other villains to be their fourth member, and this oddball named Rome Martin was one of them. His was a bit part, but he had the best line when he was refused: ‘I am Rome Martin! The yeasty walnut on the ballbag of law and order! I kicked shit out of the Fantastic Four in ’96! While looneys ran riot in the streets of Napoli!’ The actual tagline is what Jamie Hewlett wrote alongside that particular panel

+ Yes, I am an elitist as well as an anachronism — I’m multitasking
another original quote

+ ‘We are vain and we are blind / I hate people when they’re not polite’
Talking heads’ ‘Psycho killer’, duh

+ COME BACK, SUNFLOWERS
Every so often on the way home from my hideous telemarketing job, I would drive past a field of sunflowers. For some reason, I’ve always liked sunflowers, and I’d wanted to get my photo taken in the midst of this field. I kinda put it off until Autumn arrived in extant, and one day, I passed the field, and all the sunflowers were wilted and shrinking. I don’t mind telling you that that depressed me a little

+ Sorry son, you must be this tall to ride the internet. Better luck next time.
can’t remember where I stole this from

+ ‘Sunglasses and handkerchiefs / I’m chronicling everything that’s happened to us / so hate me if you must’
‘C’était pour le passion’ by The Dears. Tell me that isn’t apropos

+ ‘I’m saying your snark’s a boojum.’
One of the sub-forums on 4chan, a place I frequent all too often, is /s/, which stands for Sexy Beautiful Women, and once, a person posted the wrong name of a girl in a particular photo. Someone informed him that he was wrong, but he insisted he was correct, and the tagline comes from someone else’s response to that post. Go read some Lewis Carroll, if you still don’t get it

+ Filmed in SUPERMARIONATION
Odhinn bless Gerry and Sylvia Anderson

+ ‘Romantic and square / is Hip and Aware’
a message scratched in one of the run-off grooves of a Smiths release, but I can’t recall which one right now

+ NEXT WEEK, on Alternate Universe Theatre: Christopher Reeve throttles a horse with his bare hands
I would pay good money to see that! Well, maybe not good money. Perhaps the contents of my couch. But still!

+ ..by Prince Matchabelli
‘I can’t seem to forget you / Your Windsong stays on my miiind..’

+ As God as my witness, I am the worst Pokémon trainer ever
random tagline from Tristan A. Farnon, author of the brilliant online comic Leisuretown

+ What you call ‘hostile’, I call ‘practical’
original? Yes

+ PUT YOUR HAND INSIDE THE COW
Yes, this one too

+ ‘People aren’t equipped for my filth’
Err, gods; it’s another selection from Andy Warhol’s ‘a, A novel’, from page three, but I’ve no idea who said it. If you’ve ever seen that book, you’ll know what I mean. It’s a lot like Finnegans wake, but with a soundtrack by the Velvet underground

+ Your local Bohemian Industro-Goth Dandy
My official statement these days regarding my dress sense is ‘I’m not a Goth, but I dress like one’, and sometimes, that’s even a bit of a stretch. This tagline sums it up, however: the Bohemian is due to the fact that 60% of my clothes are proudly bought from secondhand stores, the Industro-Goth part stems from the fact that I still dress like the fifth member of Laibach, and the Dandy comes from my aesthetic sense that overrides.. common sense, I suppose

+ the Moody Bastards Club
stolen from Michael Lalonde’s online comic Orneryboy

+ Place obscure reference / tenuous witticism / uncharitable observation here
That pretty much sums up ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’ as a whole, doesn’t it? Or for that matter, just about anything that issues from my mouth

+ Witness one man’s descent into Cool Whip
Instead of a descent into madness, I went with the dairy option. Plus, if things get too desperate, I can always eat my way out

+ Most people aren’t worth the paper they’re written on
..i.e, their birth certificate

+ ‘I guess when you have the constitution of a baby bird, you really have to watch what you eat’
this was from me idly blabbing on the phone at my telemarketing job, with some elderly woman who had a string of ailments, as they often do

+ the Misanthrope’s Holiday
I’d had this tagline lying around for years, as I always thought it would make a good title for a Noise piece for my very-neglected Anti-music project, Wreath.VCA. One day, I’ll actually use it

+ ‘What are words for / When no-one listens anymore / When no-one listens / There’s no use talking at all’
‘Words’ by Missing persons, arguably the best New wave band out of California

+ Husband to a Dutch wife
A ‘Dutch wife’ is a slightly archaic term for a love doll, and the Japanese still use that term on occasion, bless ’em. Again, self-explanatory

+ AAH BITCH GET OFF ME
the eponymous phrase shouted by my friend Mike, whenever he plays any of the Resident Evil games, and is presented with the problem of a zombie gnawing on him. Over the course of almost ten years, he’s never failed to shout it at least once. Y’know the funny thing, though? The zombies don’t listen

+ Lying (face down) somewhere between the writings of Samuel Pepys, and the Hitler Diaries
Pretty admirable goals for a blog, I’d say

+ On the whole, I’d rather be in bed
one of my quotes. It’s not just a tagline, it’s a philosophy

+ ‘Build a man a fire, and he’s warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’s warm for the rest of his life.’
from the online comic ‘The Karnak Hates Everything Show

+ In Soviet Russia, blog writes YOU!
Ahh, Yakoff Smirnoff. Your legacy of tenuous humour will outlive us all

+ 25 years gone
in commemoration of the 25th anniversary of Ian Curtis’ suicide

+ THIS HAM OF MINE BURNS WITH AN AWESOME POWAH
I think I got this’un from Jeff, who I think got it from someplace else. I DON’T TAKE NOTES FOR THIS KIND OF STUFF, YOU KNOW

+ Never accelerate on a curve!
Cos it’s harder to maintain control of your vehicle, is all I’m sayin’. Unless you’re playing Burnout 3, of course, in which case, it’s always accelerate on a curve

+ ‘Julianne was first called a genius / Julianne a genius too / Our song is framed by a genius / Suddenly she got up and turned it on’
Apparently, this is the English translation, from the Japanese translation of.. whatever the hell language Liz Frazier of Cocteau twins is singing in. Liz and Robin were both gobsmacked by the utter wrongness of the ‘lyrics’, but I mean, come on. Does Liz even know what the hell she’s singing??

+ The most inept that ever stepped
from ‘These things take time’ by the almighty Smiffs

+ ‘The human voice conspires to desecrate everything on earth.’
Attributed to Seymour Glass, from the ace J.D. Salinger story ‘Raise high the roof beam, carpenters’

+ The Carpenters have been, and always will be, creepy
For the longest time, I suspected that they weren’t just brother and sister, but that they were dating each other as well. But isn’t Richard Carpenter gay? Well, any way you slice it, their extreme closeness and stapled-on smiles frighten me
‘I’m on the top of the world / Lookin’ down on creation / And pukin”

+ ‘I’m not doing the real work of a real human being; I’m just stringing words together’
Anthony Burgess, the second most self-deprecatory writer ever, from his book ‘Autoportrait’

+ And now, Phillip Glass performs music from ‘Coin-operated Nazi’
A mate of mine, Tim, likes twisting words and phrases around, for Better Humour Value. You’ve heard of ‘Koyaanisqatsi’, right? ‘Coin-operated Nazi’ is naturally Funnier

+ ‘You have to have written to have writer’s block! Otherwise we’d all have it!’
from an episode of ‘Golden Girls’. Dorothy said this to Blanche, in an episode where Blanche was trying to write a novel. Despite its seemingly ridiculous sitcom blandness, ‘Golden Girls’ was actually not that repellent of a show — its acerbicness appealed to me. Or maybe I just like it cos it was supposedly Edward Gorey‘s favourite show

And finally, regarding the name ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’: it comes from a statement written by Stevo, head of the record label Some Bizzare — the actual phrase is ‘I’d rather shout at an echo rather than lie that someone’s listening.’ That really struck a chord with me. as that’s always been my approach to any creative endeavours I put forth. I do things like this to amuse myself and to stave off boredom, as well as prevent my creative muscles from falling into complete atrophy. And to paraphrase Ian Curtis, I do things like this for myself, but I still hope other people will like it.
Hopefully everyone that continues to, despite all odds, return again and again to read this blog, is enjoying what you’ve seen before, and will stick around for whatever writing, ranting and additional effluvium comes up between now and the 2nd anniversary.

Thanx very much for reading. 🙂

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Don’t worry – the person this is directed to will understand

typed for your pleasure on 18 July 2005, at 1.16 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Catch’ by the Cure

世界- 幸せな第5 誕生日の最もよい リアルドール に。私は私があなたとあるので私と同様に幸せであることを望む。

私はの黒猫 しどれ 愛する。

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おみくじ, courtesy of the Internets, or, CYBER OMIKUJI 2099

typed for your pleasure on 17 July 2005, at 8.19 pm

Sdtrk: ‘A thirsty fish’ by The Hafler trio

Browsing iichan‘s Miko board, I ran across something fab — an Internet version of omikuji. Omikuji are fortunes that you draw when you visit a Shinto shrine in Japan. The traditional process has you shake a container filled with narrow sticks, and you randomly pull a stick out of the container’s hole. You then go over to a series of small drawers, and open the drawer indicated by the number on the stick, and pull out a slip of paper that tells your fortune. This version simply has you select a box, and your outcome will be one of the following:

大吉 (dai-kichi, great blessing), excellent
中吉 (chuu-kichi, middle blessing), average luck
小吉 (shou-kichi, small blessing), moderate luck
吉 (kichi, blessing), standard luck
末吉 (sue-kichi, near-blessing), meh
凶 (kyou, curse), a curse, obviously
大凶 (dai-kyou, great curse), Screwed

Purely by accident (or was it Fate??), I clicked on one, and this is what I received:

Time to send out some more resumes!

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