Sdtrk: ‘Cruenta voluptas’ by NON

For those of you who reside in England, you’ll be ‘pleased’ to know that Sidore-chan and I, along with Everhard and his lasses, the famous Gordon Griggs and his lasses, and ‘Dr Jackson’, will be on your televisions this very evening. I just received an Email from ex-Geordie director Nick Holt, that said the finished documentary, ‘Guys and Dolls’ (that title was Nick’s idea, if I recall correctly), will be on Five on 18 September, at 2200 GMT. You can find a listings check right here.

Sorry for the short notice, but I was just told today by Nick, and Nick was just told today by the people at Five. So there you have it. Hopefully I don’t like a complete twat — although that’s a possibility that can’t be ruled out, y’know.

Set your VCRs! Do people even use VCRs anymore?

ADDENDUM (6.45pm): Looking over my blog’s stats, I guess it aired!..
Info for the innately curious: 1) I’m working on rebuilding Sidore’s site, ‘Kitten with a Whip!’, so in the meantime, you’ll just have to settle for her Flickr page, 2) blah blah blah my YouTube page, and 3) you’ll find more Doll-related info in the lefthand sidebar, in the Categories area. Enjoy, and try not to break anything

Technorati tags: Davecat, Sidore, RealDoll, iDollator, Guys and Dolls, Five, UK television

Sdtrk: ‘Oh gosh’ by Sandie Shaw

zOMG WHERE IS ‘KITTEN WITH A WHIP!’??
If you currently tune in to ‘KWAW!‘, right now it’s kinda gone. What this means is that The Great Movening is finally nigh. Hoorej! This past Saturday, Steph and I started back on work on Shi-chan’s long-neglected site; specifically, regarding transfering ISPs. So right now it’s down, but cross fingers, it should be running once again round the week-end. And then the big changes will begin to occur shortly after that, for both ‘Kitten with a Whip!’ as well as ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’. Neat!

Here’s a spoiler: Things will happen

Sdtrk: ‘Rot in the core’ by Apatheia

(Late arrival? Why not start at the beginning?)

FRIDAY, 25 AUGUST
After extricating myself from the hotel bed with a crowbar — I swear to “Bob”, they must rivet those sheets in place — Anna, Clas and I convened at 8am in the hotel’s ‘breakfast room’, which was an unimpressive little canteen, for what was ostensibly breakfast. I say ‘ostensibly’, cos there was no bacon anywhere to be seen, and as everyone knows, Bacon Makes It Better™. So I ‘enjoyed’ a muffin, and a plain bagel. I’m noting what I had for tax write-off purposes, of course.

An hour later, we were en route to the legendary Abyss creations, and after a handful of wrong turns and some solicited directions from the locals, we’d arrived there at 10am. I’d have to say that whole experience was rather fab; I got to see Abyss’ new location, as they’ve moved since 2001, and the new locale is better suited to their needs — it’s two floors, with the factory being downstairs. Plus, it’s more sequestered, which, considering what they make, makes sense..
After the cursory meet-and-greet, and the ‘what do you hope to see here today?’ interview the Swedes did with me just outside the front doors of the building, I’d met with Matt — not Matt McMullen, Matt Krivicky (sp?), a pleasant six-foot-something bloke sporting a mohawk and a spiffy pair of New Rock boots. It seems that Matt McMullen was in Vancouver at the time of the filming, as one of his sons had taken ill, and he obviously had to see about them. Sofia had informed me of this a couple of days before I’d flown out there, and I was kinda disappointed, as I was looking forward to seeing Matt M. again, as well as having him autograph my copies of ‘Still lovers‘ and ‘Des poupées et des hommes‘. Alas! But meeting Matt K. was still pretty fab, I have to say. It turns out that he was one of the blokes that Matt M. used to work with at a special effects company, and Matt K. is now a full-time creative consultant / part-time sculptor for Abyss. He loves his work, as evidenced by his enthusiasm in speaking about anything Doll-related, and he’s diplomatic to a fault, as he’d mentioned on a couple of occasions how RealDolls, apart from being stunning works of art, can range from being simple high-end fetish toys, all the way up to life partners, depending on the consumer. (He knew of myself and Sidore, naturally, as well as a few other Doll husbands.) I’m trying to think of one of the things he’d said that struck me.. he said it was humbling doing what he does, as really, on its basest level, it’s a 9-to-5 job, but what he and the rest of the Abyss staffers produce has the ability to impact and change the lives of more than a few individuals. Apart from making a good sound byte, that statement is absolutely true. Without people like the Abyss staff, people like myself would be considerably more miserable, and corny as it sounds, they are in the business of manufacturing happiness. *thinks* Yeah, that does sound corny, but you know what I’m getting at.

The method how the whole segment was conducted was either Anna would ask us questions off camera, or she would have Matt K. ask me some questions related to my aspect of being an iDollator, or Clas would simply film the pair of us walking round the shop floor, whilst Matt explained this, that or the other. It was very informal, and I learned quite a bit about how RealDolls are made. We’d briefly met the other staffers — two of whom were named Dave, oddly enough — as well as the lady who did all of the Dolls’ makeup. Like I’d said, the whole affair was really ace and informative, as really any insight as to what goes into the creation of one of your favourite things would be. Unless your favourite thing happens to be sausages.
Unfortunately, the other disappointment we’d had whilst at the factory was that there were no finished Dolls present, as they’d all been shipped out the day before! Upon reflection, that may very well have been a Good Thing, as I would’ve been far too distracted with all the lovely silicone lasses about (and the subsequent fondling) to be coherent on camera.

Towards the end, Matt K. had made mention of Matt M.’s new artistic endeavour, which would be his band called Nick Black, as well as the whole concept behind that. It’s a multimedia project, but really it boils down to Matt M. wanting to rock out, as it were. Nothing wrong with rocking out! I don’t do enough of that myself! But what Matt K. told me about it, it sounds really interesting, so there’s that to look forward to.
Also, Anna, Clas & I were privy to a brand-new special edition Doll that Matt K. was working on sculpting. There weren’t any NDAs that I had to sign, but she’s not yet complete, and obviously they want to keep everything under their hat. I managed to get some pics, however, that I’d be willing to Email to any interested parties for $7000 a pop. Any takers?
We wrapped up the shooting round 3pm, so we could battle traffic all the way from San Marcos to LAX once again, hoo-rah. Matt K. loaded me up with some swag (a free RealDoll t-shirt, both of the posters, a catalogue, and the Nick Black Cd), and we had to say our goodbyes at that point. I don’t know if I can say which visit was better; this one, or my trip back in 2001, but getting round there will always be an ace experience. To say that making a yearly pilgrimage to Abyss would be something I’d love to engage in is a given, really..

After performing the automotive equivalent of swimming upstream, we managed to make it to the Hertz rental lot in time, checked in the car, loaded our luggage on the shuttle, travelled to the airport proper, checked in aforementioned luggage, waited in the security queue once again, got re-dressed (apparently, Anna & Clas took less time to be patted down and whatnot than I did), and reconvened in the lobby just before the terminal. I then made a direct beeline to the airport Burger King, as remember, I was being powered strictly by a 20oz bottle of A&W, and my muffin and bagel breakfast.
Definition of highway robbery: Normally when I’m at Burger king, I’ll buy a hamburger (no pickles), and a large order of fries, which usually averages $2.65. At LAX, the same exact meal ran me $4.75. Is it cos it’s the airport? Is it because it’s El Lay? Is it because God is dead?? I couldn’t honestly tell you.
So the Swedes had gone to an adjacent restaurant, and suggested I meet them there when I’d received my food, but when I’d caught up with them, they had grabbed one of those tiny tables in the back, and there was only enough room and chairs for two people. At this point, I was overly warm, rather knackered, and a little exasperated at their lack of foresight that I simply told them that I had to make a call, and that I’d see them on the plane. I’d loped off to the terminal proper, and, as it was already crowded and I didn’t feel like wedging myself in between two individuals just to get at one of the few empty seats, I remained standing, made a brief call to Tsukihime, and wolfed down my burger and fries before the plane arrived.

On the plane, it turns out that not only had I been once again denied a window seat, but I was sat between two blabby lasses! One was more talkative than the other, but as I was in the middle, when the one on the right wasn’t attempting to engage me in idle conversation, she was talking over me to the one on my left. Eventually, the inevitable question came up, ‘So what were you in California for?’
‘Ahh, not much. Some friends flew me out to San Marcos so I could be part of a presentation dealing with Synthetik humans.’
‘What are.. Synthetic humans??’
‘Well, you know, Androids — which are male humanoid robots, Gynoids — which are female humanoid robots, things of that nature. They wanted me to be a part of it cos I’ve had personal experience with that sort of thing for about six and a half years.’
Honestly, the shit I get away with sometimes..

The four-hour flight was unsettlingly turbulent, but I did manage to finish my copy of Nicholson Baker’s ‘The Fermata’, which was jaw-droppingly funny. We arrived and disembarked without incident at 12.45am EST. Remember how in the previous instalment I’d mentioned wanting to take the tram back, so as to save wear and tear on my legs? Well, that was closed. In fact, all of the stores were closed as well. That’s another thing that shags me off about airports: if you have people arriving from various planes at all hours of the day and night, why then would you close your stores and restaurants?? Apparently, the concept called ‘third shift’ is generally unknown to them. Infuckingcredible.
So in following Anna & Clas to the luggage claim zone, I’d asked them how we were going to tackle things on Saturday; when I’d spoken with Sofia, I’d mentioned that as the weather would be more warm that I usually prefer it, we could do some shooting at my house, then film a segment with them interviewing Monti and myself over at Noble fish, a sushi bar in Clawson, and then film Shi-chan, Monti and I at Nippon kai once again. Also, if things got too warm, we would move the proceedings to the Swedes’ hotel room at whatever place they were staying. To my chagrin, they told me they had no idea when we’d start, nor what order we would be filming, or even where any of the locations were. I think they said they knew where their hotel was, but they didn’t have their notes on them at the time. They seemed a bit lost, quite frankly. A more charitable person would chalk it up to jetlag, but I’d attribute it to not really having a plan as to what the fuck we would be doing. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t it have made more sense to have everything planned out on paper extensively, as to where we’d be, how we’d get there, how long we’d be there, and what we’d do there? Even if it wasn’t charted out minute-to-minute on paper, standing round the luggage carousels before heading our separate ways for the eve wasn’t the time to be vaguely solidifying what our game plan was. I’d expect that kind of laissez-faire attitude from a crew with a lower budget, mucking about but not expecting any serious results, but certainly not from people employed by a television company from a far-off land. It sounds a little pretentious to say so, but I’ve dealt with four other television / film crews before, and the Swedes struck me as rather unprofessional. That was my impression.
So in the midst of Anna & Clas floundering as to when we’d even meet up the next day, Tsukihime rung me, as she was just pulling up to my terminal. ‘My ride’s here and I have to get going,’ I’d told the Swedes. ‘Why don’t you call me at 10am tomorrow, and we’ll go from there?’ I gave a cursory wave, and wheeled my luggage out of there. I stayed round at Tsukihime’s for a bit, venting mostly, and drowsily made my way home round 2.30am.

Quite a day! And I still had the whole of Saturday to look forward to! Ah heh heh

NEXT UP: The stunning conclusion!

Technorati tags: Davecat, Sidore, RealDoll, iDollator, Abyss Creations, Titan Television

Sdtrk: ‘I found the F’ by Broadcast

As previously mentioned, Sidore-chan and I had been requisitioned for yet another television interview; this time airing on a show called ‘Outsiders’ on Titan Television, for the good people of Sweden. It was Three Days of Driving, Flying and Sweating!

THURSDAY, 24 AUGUST
By the time I reached Northwest terminal A8 at Detroit’s Metropolitan airport, I was already sweating like a New York waiter. It was partially due to all that bloody walking from one end of the fecking airport to the other, but it seemed to set a ridiculously moist and annoying precedent for the whole week-end.
But perhaps I should start at the beginning!

As my flight was due to take off at 7.26pm, I had gotten round to my friend Tsukihime’s at 5pm; she lives about 15min away from Metro airport, and was gracious enough to let me leave my car there, and drive me to Metro. Lovely lass; wouldn’t hear a word against her.
Now, since Jan, they’d been revamping the airport (probably before then, actually), and as I love airports, I was perfectly happy with waiting round for a couple of hours. However, the airport I had known through my youth was long gone. It was bigger, and completely stripped of the wood panelling I enjoyed so much. I’m led to believe that with the fact that Detroit was host to the XXXIII Superblow at the head of this year, they wanted to undoubtedly bring the appearance of Metro kicking and screaming out of 1971. So as a consequence, the airport, or at least McNamara Terminal, is now vast and enormous. It has a tram system and moving walkways, but it looks like a bloody mall. There’s a Japanese cuisine on the concourse, along with a Quizno’s, but it’s not as intimate and close as the Metro that I’d always known. My best friend Sean and I would periodically meet with a friend of ours named Tammy, who lived behind Metro airport, and we would waste hours of our Saturdays there. One time, when we’d brought Monti along, the four of us managed to persuade a luggage porter to ride us around a couple of terminals on one of those motorised yellow carts, which was beyond ace. Plus, we managed to get the whole adventure on videotape! Good times, good times.
But yeah! Metro’s too bloody big now. But at least they have a tram. Which I definitely would’ve used had I known it existed, as I had to walk from the security area, all the way to the end of one of the wings. Try doing that in steel-toed boots, matey. Not a good idea.

Speaking of the security area, due to the recent bollocks over in England, now liquids and gels are verboten on flights. Bloody ridiculous. The security attendant made me abandon my aerosol deodorant as well as my toothpaste! I have to agree with (justifiably) cranky Harry Hutton — the real terrorists are the people who thought to ban things like nail clippers, toothpaste, and juice boxes. I thought they were gonna give me stick about my wrist belts, which I usually have to hide whenever I cross the border into Canada, not to mention my beloved steel-toed German tank boots, but they passed through without incident. Huh?
It’s a rather lengthy and idiotic process. Anything questionable or metallic on your person, including shoes of all sorts, you had to strip off, place in a deep tray, and slide it through the X-ray machine. They don’t do the wanding thing anymore, as that would probably slow down the process even further. They then pick through your luggage if need be — which is what happened to me, so I had some security lass rustling through my underwear — and then, after you’re not established as being a threat, they hand you back your stuff, and it takes you five minutes to get dressed again. Really; what price security?

My plane — a Northwest Airlines mid-sized jet — would have taken off on schedule, but due to runway delays, we didn’t actually leave until about 8pm. Upon reflection, I should’ve checked my seating (one of the people over at Titan television had booked it), as I would’ve preferred a window seat, but was instead sat in the middle; some suedehead was in the window seat, reading a book in French. Really, though, the being in the air part of the flight itself went without a hitch, which only reminded me of how ace air travel in general really is. Apart from the tag team of loud infants, of course. I had thought — no, hoped — that a new development of air travel would be to stow all children under the age of, say, eight, in a soundproofed lower berth of the aircraft. Or, at the very least, ship them like luggage, where they’d be waiting on the carousel at your destination. I consider myself a forward thinker.
I have to note, that at one point, the little beast that was a couple of seats behind me was screaming ‘TAKE IT AWAY! TAKE IT AWAAAYY!!’ for some godforsaken reason. It was as if I were listening to Nine inch nails..

Having arrived safely at Los Angeles Airport after a four hour and fifty-eight minute flight, I wandered round Terminal 2 for a male and female couple who looked as if they were descended from Vikings. Now, one of the things I was looking forward to is that Sofia (the person at Titan television orchestrating this whole venture) had told me that the film crew of Anna and Clas would be waiting for me at the terminal, holding a sign with ‘Davecat’ written on it, which I was ecstatic about, as I’ve never had anyone do that for me in my entire life. If only! Instead, they were an hour late, due to navigating LA’s labyrinthine roads. It can’t be held entirely against them, as LA’s motorways have reduced lesser men to shuddering, sobbing heaps.
So my interrogators from Sverige consisted of interviewer Anna Jillhed, a blonde (duh, Sweden) lass with a habit of indulging in smokeless tobacco, and cameraman Clas Elofsson, a former IKEA driver (duh, Sweden) who looked facially a wee bit like fellow iDollator Everhard, but with a rounder head. We exchanged pleasantries, piled into their rental car, and took off for our Comfort Inn in Escondido.
Interesting to note: According to Google Maps, the distance between these two locations is one hour, forty seven minutes. For some bizarre fantastical reason, it took us just under three hours to get there. Oddly enough, I believe we passed two additional airports on the way to the hotel. ‘Why didn’t they fly into San Diego Airport, just south of San Marcos?’, you axe? Well, apparently Anna & Clas were shooting a previous article in El Lay a couple of days before I’d arrived; also, as San Diego isn’t as big as LAX, there would’ve been layovers. But why was the drive longer than it should’ve been? Fuck if I know.

After making a detour to find a 7-11, so I could purchase some toothpaste and deodorant *shaking head*, we pulled into the Comfort Inn, were given our room keys, and sloped off to our rooms, somewhere in the neighbourhood of 2am PST. Of course, as far as my body was concerned, it was 5am EST. Egad.

During the few minutes I had before tumbling headlong into sleep, I was trying to suss just what was up with the Swedes, as they were kinda rubbing me the wrong way. With every film/tv crew that I’ve previously dealt with, they had made an effort to do their homework on me and the concept of Synthetiks; or, at the very least, ask a passel of questions about those subjects during any time we had between filming; like, say, a 2+ hour drive, for instance. Did they have any questions? Not a one. Furthermore, whenever I brought up the topic of Dolls, they seemed largely uninterested. With Elisabeth, Elena and Allison’s crews, I’d really lucked out, as they genuinely found the subject fascinating, and as such, were fun to talk to, and a pleasure to work with. The vibe I got from Anna & Clas was ‘ehh, it’s a job; let’s do this and get it overwith’. For fuck’s sake, people, if you don’t actually give a toss, fake it. At the very least, it would make me feel better.
On top of that, they spent a good chunk of the drive, and indeed, their whole visit, speaking to each other in Swedish. Yes yes, I know that’s their native tongue, but it’s a little.. non-inclusive. That’s the sort of behaviour you engage in when I’m not around, not when you’re trying to buddy up to the subject of your filming. Given their apparent disinterest, how was I to know they weren’t talking about me?
And when they weren’t doing that, they were busy flirting with each other. Heh. But more on that later.

Needless to say, I didn’t exactly hit the sack in the highest of spirits. Well, there was being at Abyss tomorrow to look forward to, at least..

NEXT UP: Friday!

Technorati tags: Davecat, Sidore, RealDoll, iDollator, Abyss Creations, Titan Television

Sdtrk: ‘The light’ by Merzbow

The inspectors have come round, and declared our place to be Swede-free, so Sidore-chan and I are back to our regular status of being Internet personalities, as opposed to television personalities. She’s asleep at the moment, so meanwhile I’m busy composing the posts that will detail the past week-end’s events. The series will be called ‘My Morbid Onion Hell: How I Galloped To The Edge of Sanity In A Burning Hansom Cab’, and it’ll span 23 parts. It should be up before the week-end, cross fingers, so keep an eye out!

In the meantime, enjoy a picture I’d taken on Friday!

To my chagrin, these were not free samples

Sdtrk: ‘Destination unknown’ by Missing persons

Remember how I’d mentioned that there was a lass — Caroline, by name — from the far-off land of the United Arab Emirates, that wanted to conduct an interview with yours truly? Well, I’d gotten an Email from her last month, which stated that although she dug my answers, she was waiting to hear from her magazine, as the social climate in Dubai is changing regarding being able to print things of a sexual nature. It had astounded me when Elena first mentioned that Caroline wanted to do this in the first place, as she’d mentioned that she was from the UAE, and I’d thought a RealDoll-related interview would probably go over there about as well as one being published in a Shaker magazine. Do Shakers even have magazines? There’s so much I don’t know.

On the obverse side of the coin, however, next week-end will find myself and Sidore-chan being filmed again, ths time by a Swedish film crew! Sofia, who is the ‘research praktik’ for a show in Sweden entitled ‘Outsiders’ for Titan Television, had originally asked at the same time the English film crew did a few months ago, and originally I’d responded ‘sorry, it’s too hot out’. Actually, I’d said that to both the English and the Swedes, but the English effectively bribed me first by offering to ship Shi-chan out to the RealDoll Doctor. Sofia wrote again on the first of August, saying ‘well, if we fly you out to Abyss Creations for a day of filming, as well as pay for your hotel stay, will you do this for us?’ My arm was therefore twisted. 🙂 So on 25 Aug, I’m jetting out to the factory to be filmed with Matt McMullen, and on the 26th, I fly home and will be filmed with Sweetie in someplace air-conditioned — either round at the hotel the Swedish film crew will be staying at, or at another location — and the wonderful Monti will be present for a number of questions, to provide the ‘friend of an iDollator’ perspective. Huh!

I’d like to mention that this interview for ‘Outsiders’ will be the eleventh media appearance my Synthetik wife and I have made; I’d tallied them up at work. The stakes for their bribery keep increasing with each interview, though, so at this rate, the next television/film crew might well have to purchase Sweetie a new body, hint hint…

Sdtrk: ‘Blood on the floor’ by Throbbing gristle

(If you’ve not read the first part, you might want to go ahead and read that, as it’ll make more sense..)

This past week-end was host to the second half of my most recent iDollator-based telly interview! This part was expected to be more interesting, as my Synthetik sweetie was due back from the RealDoll Doctor’s on Friday, and Nick & Tanya would be filming me getting Sidore-chan round to Monti’s for a photo shoot. Heady plans!

Thursday eve, I met up with the returning Britons, so I could show them how to get to my workplace, in order for them to shoot me leaving work the next day. I was reticent at first, as my coworkers are, well, cultureless fucking churls, and I didn’t want any of them making a spectacle of themselves (moreso than usual) in front of the camera. We conducted that late in the eve, like round 9pm, as I’d been round to a friend’s for a couple of hours after work, and Nick & Tanya had just flown in from the Abyss studios near San Diego, and arrived in Detroit round 5ish. So we’d had our reccy, and they would see me round 2pm on Friday.

At the end of Friday’s typically tedious workday, I rang Nick to let him know I was on my way down. Under normal conditions, my coworkers are willing to gather in the lobby of the floor we’re on, and wait until the lifts arrive. I, on the other hand, neither want to wait or congregate, so I leg it down the eight flights of stairs, leave through an adjacent door, and usually am halfway to my car just as my coworkers are ambling out of the lift. Nick, however, wanted me to hang back and leave the building with my coworkers in a big group, ‘like the beginning of the Simpsons,’ he said. So for the sake of the shoot, I complied. I should’ve just taken the stairs and waited in the lobby for my coworkers, cos quite frankly, being crammed into a lift with them is no way to spend a Friday afternoon.. Nick filmed me walking out past the camera, getting to my car, and driving away. Then I stopped to pick him up, whilst Tanya followed in the rental. Nick then filmed me for the length of the ride home, including me stopping for fuel, and having me speak about work, and how forced interaction with people is turning me into even more of a sociopath. Heh.

Back at der Haus, Nick got some interior shots, whilst Tanya and I gabbed about various things, one of them being the Millenium Dome — apparently there are plans to turn it into a casino. Which is negligibly better than it being Greenwich’s Largest Dust Accumulator, but still not the best thing they could’ve done with it. They followed up with some additional filming of me answering questions, and discussing how I felt about Shi-chan’s imminent return (‘excited’), and round 20 after six, the delivery van arrived. After shifting the crate into the garage – and to any Doll owners out there, might I add that Sweetie has the old, boxy, taking-up-space style of crate, which just shows you how HARDxCORE we are – Nick commenced filming the somewhat-involved process of uncrating the Missus. High comedy.
First off, I’d noticed that the combination lock wasn’t the same one as I’d put on; I’d selected one with a distinct purple dial, and this one was bog-standard black. So I’m looking all over the crate for a taped-on note or something that might indicate where the combination is, and coming up trumps. After a few minutes of moist and sweaty panic, I spotted the combo sticker on the back of the lock. D’oh!
After dispensing with the lock, I hesitantly grasped the door handle, and pulled. And pulled. And pulled once more. ‘I wonder if Dr Jackson put the screws in along the door frame?’ I thought aloud. Sure enough, he did! Cue me walking briskly back inside for a Philips-head screwdriver.
Having removed the last screw at the bottom, I half-facetiously wondered if Dr Jackson managed to staple the sheet of translucent plastic that Abyss always includes. No points for guessing what I encountered between myself and my silicone wife, then. Cue me dashing inside for the letter opener, and then back in a third time for a sharper cutting implement.
Now, it could be argued that as I’ve gone through this twice before, I should’ve had everything I needed on hand.. err, beforehand. But since Shi-chan was being shipped from Dr Jackson’s as opposed to Abyss, I didn’t know he followed the same packing procedures. Now I know! And knowing is etc etc.

Upon slicing through the plastic, and seeing Sidore-chan’s beautiful face (with touched-up makeup, as requested), I couldn’t stop smiling; however, things took a downward turn from there.. Over the course of giving her a cursory looking-over, I’d noticed that her right hand was jammed gracelessly into her foam seat cushion. When I pulled it out, the tip of her pinky had a sizeably deep gash in it, and it was still connected to the rest of her finger by virtue of some silicone adhesive. Worrisome, yes, but I had initially chalked it up to damage during transport, until I later kenned that if the damage had occurred during transport, then why would her fingertip look like it was reattached? Hrrm..
As it was in the mid-Eighties that afternoon, between carting the Missus from the garage to the bed, I was sweating like a pig’s minge. (Have I mentioned how much I despise sweating? Not in the past three minutes? Well, then.) When I lay her on the bed, I’d noticed that the silicone repair patches were really obvious, and could be seen on the sides of her knees, elbows and armpits. The flashing she’d had on her wrists and ankles was taken care of, but there were, for all intents and purposes, open wounds on the inside of her right knee and right elbow, and on the back of her neck. I could understand that he had to cut through her in those places in order to tighten her joints as I’d requested, but what I didn’t understand was how some of the cuts weren’t sealed up. I kinda got the impression that her surgery was a rush job, and upon reflection, it probably was. It took Shi-chan about a week to get to Dr Jackson’s, she spent about a week there, and it took her a week to return, all according to the filmmakers’ schedule. Had she been there longer, there probably wouldn’t have been so many things that were overlooked.
Needless to say, it was bittersweet. I was overjoyed to have my Shi-chan back home, but she was in a bit of a state, as was I. I’d resolved to ring Dr Jackson tomorrow, and ask him a few questions. Nick & Tanya were desperate for dinner, and invited me to come with, but I was knackered, and in no fit state for going anywhere. We arranged to meet up at 10am tomorrow morn to get round to Monti’s; they took their leave, and I joined Sidore in bed, at the end of a long day.

When 10am Saturday morn rolled round, I had made a decision. After getting a look at the various injuries that the Missus had, I’d decided that she wasn’t going anywhere until I could repair her. The five injuries that she’d had were things I could see to with no trouble, as the repair kit I got from Abyss a year ago was still usable, but with all the dressing her up and moving her from my room, to my car, to Monti’s, to back home, I wasn’t going to run the risk of making her cuts larger. So I told the filmmakers that we could still get round to Monti’s, only our party would be minus one. Nick & Tanya told me that unfortunately, there’d really be no need to get round to hers, as the whole point of their shooting was to film me shooting Shi-chan and Monti together, so that pretty much scotched that segment of the filming. Hrm. Personally, I still want to do that shoot, but as I’d told them, it’ll have to wait 1) until Sweetie’s fully recuperated, and 2) until the outside temperature isn’t like a microwave. C’est la guerre..
As I’d had a chance to sleep and clear my mind of things, I’d come to the conclusion that all told, what I perceived as a horrible mauling to my beloved’s personage really wasn’t all that bad. After all, she was repaired, and as I’d had a chance to speak to Dr Jackson over the phone, he said himself that he was sad when he had to recrate Shi-chan, as he didn’t get a chance to finish her repairs to his complete satisfaction. I think of it like this: there are Doll owners out there with their lasses in much worse condition than Shi-chan is, so that puts things into perspective. I can think of one off the top of my head, whose lass, Sarah Marie, is about a year or so older than Sidore-chan, and as a result, her silicone formula was softer and more tear-prone. I’d been collecting pics of her since I first got into this crazy iDollator world, and believe me, she had some gorgeous pics. Then she and her lad dropped out of the scene for a while, and in speaking to him a few years later, he’d mentioned that Sarah had developed some rather difficult-to-fix injuries. However, a couple of years after that, he reappeared, with new photos of Sarah Marie. Using discrete angles and a wee bit of Photoshoppery, he restored her to her former glory. Most importantly, he still loved her tremendously, and that reflected heavily in his photographs. And that’s how it’ll be with myself and Sidore-chan. Even if we never do another photoshoot again (bite your tongue! say her fans), I still love her, and that’s all that really matters..

Nick did some more filming in and around the house — me giving the penny tour, etc etc — and later that afternoon, stomachs began to rumble, so they suggested getting something to eat. I suggested Nippon kai, quickly following that up with suggesting we bring Monti. So we swung round to hers and had a fine, filling dinner with some fine, filling conversation. It was kinda funny though; as Tanya was driving us to the restaurant, and didn’t know how to handle the concept of the left-turn centre lane — it perplexed her. It’s okay, Tanya — we’re just now getting roundabouts in the Tri-county area, and the first time I encountered one, I feared for my life.
Three (or three and a half) hours later, we dropped Monti off back home, and the Britons decided to take advantage of the early Saturday eve, so they wanted to get a number of shots of me in downtown Royal oak amongst people. If I could’ve blanched visibly, I would have. They got some footage of me walking up and down Main a few times, and then we got to a street corner bench, and they filmed me sitting and looking moody/slightly uncomfortable. This went on for roughly an hour. At one point, Nick was getting an over-the-shoulder shot, and some lass had come up and asked what was going on. ‘He’s a musician,’ Nick told her — which, technically isn’t a lie, as I have played music before. ‘Is he famous?’ she asked. ‘Not yet,’ he answered.
At the risk of making this post even longer, Rant alert: ‘Is he famous?’ has to rank amongst one of the most stupid fucking questions in the entire history of Man. Not in the context of am I personally famous, but just as a general question applied to anyone. It presupposes that if a person asks that and the answer is ‘no’, then the subject in question is entirely unworthy of attention. However, if the answer is ‘yes’, then that increases the subject’s worth in the eyes of the one asking the question. Why would you ask someone else if someone is famous? Don’t you think that’s the sort of thing you can determine yourself, without any influence from other parties? It just stands out to me as yet another example of people being told how to think. Pffft. ‘Is he famous?’ Of course I’m fucking famous!

At that point, it was getting late, and after a stop at Stucci’s ice cream parlour, we headed out of Royal oak proper. (Interesting sidenote: as Nick was seated in the back pretty much all day, I’d noticed on more than one occasion that he would wrap the seatbelt round his head, like a durable nylon headband. I just felt I had to mention that.) Nick & Tanya wanted to see ‘Superman of the Caribbean Returns’, but as I was well knackered and about to tumble headlong into a food coma, I passed on the offer. So they dropped me off home; hugs and handshakes were exchanged, and they promised they’d warn me before the show was aired, which they say should be before the end of Autumn. When I know, you lot will know, as per usual. And with that, the filmmaking duo got back into their rental, and drove off. Hope they didn’t get stuck in I-75 construction traffic..

So! Another (hopefully good) television interview thang in the can, Sweetie’s back in my life, and all is Right with the World. Well done!

Technorati tags: Davecat, Sidore, RealDoll, iDollator, MontiLee