Sdtrk: ‘Follow me in suicide’ by Pankow

On rare occasions, I still purchase vinyl LPs and the like, in order to maintain my indie cred. *barely stifles giggling* I recall a day about five or so years ago, I had been wandering through a Salvation Army store in Royal oak, and I’d found a copy of ‘Whipped cream and Other Delights‘ by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass, over in their desperate-looking record section. It was actually in rather good condition, which was made even more appealing by its seventy-five cent pricetag. Soon afterwards at another thrift store location, I had spotted three more copies of that same album. It seemed too weird of a coincidence, and consequently, that holiday season I half-jokingly told my mates that I was going to buy everyone a copy of ‘Whipped cream and Other Delights’. Now I regret not having done so, but I’m sure if I go looking again, I’m fairly certain I can scare up some copies.
On the other hand, this bloke’s kinda taken things to extremes.

One Hundred Copies of Tubular Bells

On the 8th of February 2003, I decided to collect 100 copies Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells on second hand vinyl. For the next three years, I bought every copy I could find. The collection was complete in March 2006. […] But of course, Tubular Bells is music. What would 100 copies sound like when played together? The music was once perfect, then fractured into a million reproductions, each now decaying. Can we put the pieces back together again?

Going by his detailed acquisition records, the most he paid for a copy was nine quid, or just over $17 USD. For ‘Tubular bells’??
Playing all of his copies simultaneously would be rather ace, though. Kinda reminds me of what someone had once said about the Hafler trio: the best way to hear their records is to play three different releases on three turntables simultaneously. I approve!

Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard ‘Tubular bells’ in its entirety. I suppose that if this bloke ever gets his performance underway, I don’t think anyone will need to hear ‘Tubular bells’ ever again

Sdtrk: ‘Speedlearn broadcast’ by F. Peters

I swear to christ, I’m gonna build a TARDIS, go back in time, and flat-out murder whoever invented the flu with my bare and twitching hands. This is utter bullshit. Not only have I missed two days of work — under normal circumstances, that’d be something I’d be crowing about, but I like having money — and worse, I’ve not showered or shaved in two days, so I resemble some fucking hippie filth. Normally, I wouldn’t admit that sort of thing publically, but I’m brimful of Alka-selter/Halls/some generic anti-flu drug, so I don’t fucking care. Frankly, I’m surprised taht Im lucid enugh to speling as goood as I am.
So to everyone I need to Email back — you know who you are — give me a couple of days to remember how to spell my own name, and I’ll get back to you immediatement. Okay? Okay!

In the interim, I’ve just downloaded all three volumes of the soundtrack to ‘The prisoner’ from X-Y-Z Cosmonaut’s CosmoBlog, one of those crazy .mp3 blogs that I scour on a daily basis. One of my favourite episodes was ‘The General’, the one with the supercomputer with the subliminal learning technique that it televised to all the inhabitants of the Village, and I recall that tune that was played during the educational broadcasting was very very ace, as it was like all of Broadcast and Ghost box‘s output condensed into 42 seconds. So I’ve been playing it over and over for the past hour! And now you can hear it, too! FOREVER

Also, I want a Nissan Figaro, just like Sarah Jane Smith drives.

Okay? Okay! Back to lying down! But first, let me stumble over to the bog and puke some more WOO YAY

Sdtrk: ‘Kenickie folks’ by Hideki Kaji

Right right; now I see why there’s been a metric ton of people over the course of the past few days, hitting ‘Shouting etc etc’ by looking for Ronald A. Dotson. I’m peering at my stats, going ‘WTF??’ Not ‘what the fuck??’, mind you, but making a perplexed sound that resembles ‘wittif’.

Mannequin fetishist could get life
Associated Press | Mon Jan 1, 5:33 PM ET

FERNDALE, Mich. – A man who has a history of smashing windows to indulge his fetish for female mannequins could draw a long prison term for his latest arrest. Ronald A. Dotson, 39, of Detroit faces up to life in prison if convicted of a charge of attempted breaking and entering at a cleaning-supply company in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale.

The potential life sentence is because prosecutors charged him as a habitual offender. Authorities say he has at least six convictions for breaking and entering and a stint in state prison over the last 13 years.

Ferndale District Judge Joseph Longo ordered Dotson to stand trial following a preliminary examination on Thursday, The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak reported. The judge ordered him jailed unless he posts a $15,000 bond.

Dotson was arrested Oct. 9 after police say he smashed a window at a cleaning-supply company to get at a female mannequin dressed in a black and white French maid’s uniform. He had been out of prison for less than a week.

Dotson was arrested in Ferndale in July 2000 and later convicted for breaking and entering at a women’s clothing shop to get at a mannequin in a pink dress with bobbed hair.

Ferndale police also arrested Dotson in 1993 after finding him in an alley behind a woman’s store with three lingerie-clad mannequins. He also has similar convictions in Detroit and suburban Oak Park.
___

Information from: The Daily Tribune, http://www.dailytribune.com

Oddly enough, the Trib doesn’t actually have this story on its website. What does that say about the Tribune? *coughfishwrapcough*

Now, I know exactly where that shop that he broke into is — I pass by it at least once a week when I’m Out and About — and I’ve seen that Mannequin. She’s cute, but definitely not worth risking a prison sentence.
And I have to go even further by saying that yes, our Ronald certainly isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but I think a long-term conviction is quite literally a waste of taxpayer’s money. Don’t you think it’d just be cheaper to get that tosser a couple of Mannequins, and let him go crazy? Honestly, they’re not that expensive, especially if you buy used. Now if his problem isn’t based on wanting to have it off with a Mannequin, but is actually centred on simply breaking and entering/theft, then by all means, get him some psychiatric treatment. But throwing that silly tosser in prison simply cos he doesn’t have access to Mannequins is, well, silly. Sure, it’s not as if he couldn’t buy one, but it’s been proven that he’s just not that clever. He’s an idiot, but ultimately, he’s a harmless idiot — it’s not as if he’s knifing people in the streets or whatever. There are worse individuals out there that deserve harsher punishment.

You gotta love ‘Shouting to hear the echoes’. The execution of Saddam Hussein? Not a jot, not a single syllable. Some story about some local loony who attempted to make sexy time love explosion with a Mannequin? Well, he gets not one, but two posts written about him! Our priorities are different here

Sdtrk: ‘With every heartbeat’ by Robyn (feat. Kleerup)

WARNING: I’m subjecting you to another one of my dreams.

Steve (a former roommate), Marika (Shi-chan’s Organik sister), and I (me) were driving in my car to some motel, for some reason or other. The temperature outside was warm but not too unpleasant, so I’d had my rear windows down halfway. After pulling into the parking lot, we all got out; I was going to make reservations, and while that was occuring, Steve said he was going to go do something, and Mari was going to hit the adjacent Sunoco for something to drink. ‘Right, we’ll meet back in ten minutes,’ I said. So I headed into the hotel office — it was rather dingy, and it reminded me of one of those office trailers that you see on construction sites. Also, it seemed that no-one there was under the age of seventy. I went up the six or so steps and entered; the office was small and custard-coloured, but had a clear view of the parking lot. I saw the manager and his wife, who again had to be too old to be doing what they were doing, and I’d said, ‘I’d like to reserve a room please…’ then in looking out the window over the manager’s shoulder, I spotted a woman and her two sons. Their car was parked next to mine, and the mother had simply opened my left rear door, and pulled out a large framed Evangelion poster from my backseat. She was speaking to her two sons, who looked to be around six and ten, and they were nodding approvingly.
‘Ah, excuse me, I’ll be right back, someone’s, uh, taking something out of my car…’ I then bolted to where she was — she had just placed my poster in her back seat and was getting her kids back in the car, and I have to add that none of them were in any great hurry, bizarrely enough.
‘Ahh, what the fuck are you doing with my poster?’ I’d said to the mum. She was probably about 4’10”; I somehow sussed that she and her kids might’ve been Filipino.
‘Oh, uh, I’m sorry,’ she replied. She wasn’t freaked out or anything; she seemed slightly embarrassed, but it was more as if she was just inconvenienced. I reached into the back of her sedan and pulled out my poster, and also, without being seen at all, I spotted an LP on the backseat and took that, hiding it beneath my poster.
As she and her sons were getting in, I remarked, ‘You might want to get out of here before I call the cops.’ She turned backwards in her seat to reverse, and while she was engaging in that, I managed to surreptitiously break off her left side wing mirror.

Steve & Mari came back a couple of minutes later; I told them what happened, and they were aghast. ‘One of you has to stay with the car now,’ I’d mentioned, ‘while I go and get these reservations taken care of. ‘I’ll do it,’ replied Mari, and Steve followed with ‘I’m done, so I’ll stay here too.’ So I headed back into the office, which now contained around seven or eight other old people; most were milling around, but a couple were seated on a bed without sheets which was in the back corner of the already-cramped office.
‘Sorry about that,’ I’d said to the manager, ‘Someone was stealing something right out of my car.’
‘Yeah, there’s been a lot of that lately,’ he replied. ‘Times are rough these days, you know?’

So yeah! No idea what to make of that. As per usual. It’s a shame I didn’t realise it was a dream, as I could’ve laid a spinning piledriver on that mum; that would’ve been amusing.

In the meantime, Happy holidays, you ingrates. 🙂 Go listen to the new Ricky Gervais podcast!

Sdtrk: ‘Zelzah’ by Medicine

Jeff/Zip Gun sent me this intriguing article yesterday. Normally, I’m against vandalism, but I’m behind this 100%. That’s one hundred one per cents!

Town’s Garfield statue decapitated 2 months after installation
Chicago Sun-Times | December 18, 2006

MARION, Ind. — Police say someone stole the fiberglass head of a Garfield statue located near downtown’s Riverwalk.

‘’I’ve got to believe that whoever did this is probably going to be bragging about this at some point,’’ said Marion Deputy Chief Cliff Sessoms.

The statue is now a headless figure dressed in workout gear and giving the OK sign. Police are investigating, but said Friday they don’t have any leads yet.

Belinda Hussong, the city’s parks and recreation director, said she was disgusted to hear about the vandalism to the statue, which was unveiled in October.

‘’You put so much energy and effort into a community project, then this happened,’’ she said.

Marion is in the home county of Jim Davis, the fat cat cartoon’s creator.

The statue was put along the Riverwalk to promote exercise, wellness and riverfront activities.

‘’We had a lot of generous sponsors to the statue and I feel like we should replace it,’’ Hussong said.

Good to see I’m not the only person out there who reaches for their gun when they hear the name Garfield™®

Clearly, the best Garfield™® strip Jim Davis never made

Sdtrk: ‘Do you love?’ by Final fantasy

Ahh, if only…

Beyonce Knowles Is An Actroid
Skirmisher.org | Saturday, December 9th, 2006

I’ve had the hots for Beyonce Knowles for as far as I could remember, and this recent “unmasking” of her real identity, proving that she isn’t human at all but in fact Kokoro’s much-touted advanced version of the Actroid DER2, doesn’t even damp my filthy enthusiasm.

Undoubtedly, she bolted backstage shortly afterwards to reattach her face, before it peeled right off. That’s quite alright! Sometimes that sort of thing occurs with older Gynoids; she can hardly be blamed. Underneath her silicone skin, she’s more than likely built like Kobalab‘s Android SAYA, as seen here.

See how there’s hardly any velcro up by the temples? That might explain why her face got all rumpled. Easily seen to, but understandably embarrassing when you’re out in public.

Don’t be ashamed, Beyonce! We all know that Gynoids are cool

Sdtrk: ‘Mr Alphabet’ by The glove

*does excessively dramatic Danny Thomas-style spittake* HOLY

Insanely Rare Velvet Underground LP on eBay for $19K
Pitchfork | 12-01-06

Got a little extra cash from mowing lawns this summer? Or from, say, a massive inheritance, a game show victory, or the child labor racket? If not, you may as well stop reading now, because the following is directed solely at the fiscally well-endowed.

The interweb, as it’s known to do, has been positively buzzing today with reports of an online auction for an insanely, absurdly, preposterously, unfathomably, overwrought-modifier-of-your- choosing-ly rare slab of test-pressed acetate from the one and only Velvet Revolver.

Oh wait, scratch that– the one and only Velvet Underground. Seems that while in NYC’s Chelsea hood in September 2002, a serendipitous young man from Montreal stumbled across an original 1966 test-pressing of an early version of The Velvet Underground & Nico, featuring alternative takes and mixes of nine of the uber-classic’s ramshackle jams.

“ARGUABLY THE RAREST & MOST IMPORTANT ROCK ‘N’ ROLL AND POP-ART ARTIFACT IN THE WORLD”, as the auctioneer subtly puts it, the record has been listed on eBay for the world to bid upon. It’s believed to be the only one of its kind in existence, part of the storied Lost Scepter Studio Recordings, and an unparalleled snapshot of the VU during its infancy.

Best of all, our little Chelsea crate-digger bought this thing for 75 cents. It’s a captivating tale of dumb luck and triumph in the face of– er, mostly dumb luck, and you may read about it in the auction listing here.

As of press time, the record’s going for a cool $19,000, and the auction ends December 8 around dinnertime (central)– so if you don’t want some chump bidder named “emoscreamo” to get his/her grubby hands on the most precious piece of plastic since Barbra Streisand’s fifth nose, best pony up.

Apparently, some bloke named ‘mechadaddy’ (heh) walked away with the acetate, having paid a finance-destroying price of $155,401 USD. That’s impressive, by its sheer fanatical monomania alone.
That individual had better see about remastering it for a Cd version, as I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s really really curious to hear the alternate versions of ‘Venus in furs’, ‘Femme fatale’, and all the others. But egad — for that much dosh, that LP better come with the ghosts of Nico and Sterling Morrison