If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
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it's a Link Rodeo (pronounced 'ro-DAY-oh') on August 20th, 2008
Facetious much? on January 26th, 2006
Just got an Email from a ‘Bart Short’, which is a rather normal name, unlike his Eddress (Ojpyoql@tong.com.cn), who is offering me a copy ov ‘Windqws 2O0O Advanced zokrv Serwer’. Which is really ace, cos I’ve been waiting for those zokrv Serwers to go on sale!
The very first thing at the head ov the Email is
That pressing always to do work better and faster solves nearly every
no company can be said to be stable which is not so well managed that it
which leaves me utterly speechless, but then at the bottom, we’ve got 21 lines ov ‘text’, the best ov which begins
French Department of Commerce and Industry took one of our steeringLwiks spcx lfcm udndmhtbo mztjvfg mplhgvazzpb lqptb nfhvbkofos jqyptwp huspevrax slwp ozlsnmriex jam yrclajawb
It’s starting to come together now! The French Department of Commerce and Industry took one of their steeringLwiks spcx! That’s why they can offer such low prices on copies ov Windqws 2O0O Advanced zokrv Serwer. They’re missing an important steeringLwiks spcx, so you could say that the loss they experienced due to the French is my gain! WOOO HOOO
*clicks ‘Report as Spam’*
Ceci n'est pas une pipe: a July 4th reflection on July 4th, 2009
Elder Noise statesman, actor, elected official on July 15th, 2005
Spam these days stuns me with its ‘we’re getting into your Inbox by hook or by crook’ methods. Next time you’re exceedingly bored, take a moment to open a missive* sent to you from personages such as ‘Discolorations E. Challenge’ or ‘big poppa’ or the esteemed ‘Jerry Issac Arnulfo Carol Orval Lynn Rex Barry’ and see what they have to say. Here’s a sample from one that slipped under my radar today:
>If you’re too busy to help those around you succeed, you’re too busy.
>Why so large a cost, having so short a lease, does thou upon your
>fading mansion spend?
>It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend.
>True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of
>creating things new.
>Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
That’s actually a tame one. Most ov the ones I receive have random strings ov words lining the bottom, in paragraphs 10 to 12 lines deep. None ov the words have anything to do with each other, or with the context ov the Email itself. My guess is that they’re MacGuffins for mail filters; throw enough random words in the mix, and the filter will let it slip thru, like a drowsy & underpaid security guard. It’s COLLATERAL TEXT DAMAGE!! Next time I get one ov those, I’ll post it here. They’re a treat
*but for the love ov Odhinn, don’t click on anything. If your harddrive begins leaking clarified butter cos ‘Davecat told me to open a spam Email’, don’t fucking blame me, stupid
Ugly bag of mostly water on May 7th, 2007
If you're from the future, you wouldn't need an RSVP on May 6th, 2005
I was vaguely depressed earlier when I started this thing (which, I think, is a driving factor behind a lot ov people doing Blogs to begin with — teenagers, please think twice before you litter the Internet with yet another fucking Deadjournal). It wasn’t so much depression as tiredness & ennui, really.. it’s a long story, and perhaps I’ll elaborate later, but this had me laughing like a maniac. I bring you Ulli’s Roy Orbison in Cling-film Website. Wow.
‘You are completely wrapped in cling-film,’ I say.
‘You win the bet,’ says Roy, muffled. ‘Now unwrap me.’
‘Not for several hours.’
‘Ah.’
You simply can’t get fiction like that just anywhere! I think there’s a reason for that
I want you to slice me open, as hard as you can on February 8th, 2006
Was this really worth writing down? on May 11th, 2006
So I’ve finally succumbed to both me mates’ suggestions and my own driving urge to write something, so I’ve started this godforsaken exercise. My friend Patrick had a valid point, though; he began his Blog, as he was sick & tired ov writing the same thing over & over to different people. Fair enough..
Don’t expect frequent/regular updates. Frankly, I’ll be surprised if I manage to add something once a week. Hrm.
And rightly deserved! on January 29th, 2006
It's down, it's up on June 29th, 2007
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