Sdtrk: ‘Lass dir Zeit’ by die Crazy Girls

Frantic Frightened Frequent readers of ‘Shouting etc etc’ know how much I love that fat orange cartoon cat named Garfield™®. And when I say ‘love’, I of course mean ‘loathe‘. However, in reading the recent b3ta newsletter deposited gently within my Inbox, I now know of exactly six strips of that ‘comic’ series that I actually enjoy. One of the features it had was a link to one of those periodically-funny-but-usually-repellent ytmnd sites, having to do with the death of Garfield™®. I’ll provide the link here in a moment, but first, let the associated Wikipedia entry relate to you its tale.

One storyline, which lasted a week from October 23, 1989 (possibly to coincide with Halloween, although the 31st actually fell the following week), is unique among Garfield strips in that it is not meant to be humorous. It depicts Garfield awakening in a future in which the house is abandoned and he no longer exists. This is revealed to have been a dream of some kind, and ends with this narration:

“An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice…or terrify, all depending on how we conduct ourselves today.”

Alternatively, some theorize that the end of this storyline actually implies that the rest of the series, the more conventional strips, are all fantasies Garfield is playing out in his head to delude himself from realizing the dark turn his life has taken, as he slowly starves to death in an abandoned house. (emphasis mine) One would assume that his ability to eat more than physically possible in usual strips would be his use of fantasies to stave off his growing hunger and starvation. This theory is arguably supported by the text, as right before Jon and Odie reappear, the narration reads:

“After years of taking life for granted, Garfield is shaken by a horrifying vision of the inevitable process called ‘time.’ He has only one weapon…denial…”

This emphasis on “denial,” with the word given its own box in the panel it appears in, and being followed immediately by the earlier text on the power of the imagination, could support the horrifying theory. However, it could also be that denial is what Garfield needed to snap himself out of this dark vision. This is also more likely considering the only way Garfield could have gotten into “a world where he no longer exists” is if that world were a dream. Many, however, attribute the bleak world to the future Ebeneezer Scrooge witnessed in A Christmas Carol, where he beholds the dark and bleak image the world has become because of his negligence and lack of gratitude for other people’s efforts. Still, another point of view on this storyline is that Davis was parodying The Twilight Zone series, which often featured ominous narratives, similar to the use of narration in this set of bleak strips. Another interpretation is that Davis was going through what might have been a period of depression or crisis, and used this set of strips as a form of self-therapy. Lastly, another widely-believed theory is that Garfield was only in the house for a few days before he was rescued in the November 2 and November 3 strips, and the ‘storyline’ was just an introduction to the next week of ‘flashbacks’.

In this age of the Internuts, where lies are the order of the day, and Wikipedia being no exception, I had my doubts as to whether these strips were real. But doubt no more! Simply go to the Official Garfield™® Media Conglomerate Headquarters Web Presence here, set the controls to 1989 October 23, and look for yourself! Chilling, yes, but honestly, I’d have to say these are the funniest Garfield™® strips ever written.

The aforementioned ytmnd site would be here, just so you know. And at this point, I’d normally mention the occurrence of the date that story arc started with a favourite number of mine, but freaked-out fucked up frequent readers of ‘Shouting etc etc’ would’ve already kenned that.

‘I come not to praise Garfield, but to bury him’

Sdtrk: ‘Made in France’ by France Gall

I’ve been kinda putting this post off, cos I wanted to make sure that I could rein in my Ramble Factor™ to a reasonable degree. But I think after watching the entirety of the Ninth Doctor, and six eps of the Tenth, I believe I’m finally ready…
Wee bit of background: I’ve been watching Doctor Who since probably about 1982 or thereabouts, back when WGPR Channel 62 Detroit used to show it every weekday afternoon, in serial form, one part per afternoon. People just getting into the show now have it different, as each story now runs 45min, as opposed to the original serial format, which meant that you had a story arc that could span a number of 30min parts. Example: ‘City of Death’, a story from the years that I first got into the show, when Tom Baker played the Doctor, spanned four parts. Go back even further to, say, the William Hartnell years, and each individual part (or episode) had its own name. You watch something like ‘The Daleks’ Masterplan’ which spanned twelve feckin’ parts, and you see how nutty it got. Maddening, yes, but that’s the way they did things back then.

When the BBC put the show on indefinite hiatus back in 1989, a lot of us thought that would be the end of the series. Then when I heard about the FOX feature film back in 1996, I was chuffed. But after watching it, the dew was quickly off the lily, as I’d realised that it was, unfortunately, a bag of shite. It was too Americanised, for one, and they actually let that non-actor Eric Roberts play The Master? It was wrong, very wrong, and personally I’m glad that nothing more became of it. (Although Paul McGann wasn’t too bad of a Doctor, all told. But then, I’m biased, as he was Withnail’s flatmate.) So the revival of Doctor Who once more became just a mere notion until 2005, when the show was finally greenlighted, with Christopher Eccleston filling in the role of everyone’s favourite renegade Timelord. My friend Jeff, a.k.a. Zip Gun, managed to download a few Eccleston episodes off the Net, and we were pretty satisfied with the results, as it was like the old Who, yet simultaneously a new, hep, Who. Jeff saw most of the Ninth Doctor then and there, but I fell behind so much that I’d even forgotten there were new episodes coming out. Then I started searching for them on various BitTorrent sites, and got all caught up, baby. These days, when my degenerate friends and I get together every Saturday eve, we watch the episode that was just screened a couple of hours ago in the UK, and needless to say, we’re all really enthused.

But yeah, big Doctor Who fan. There are definitely more hardcore fans out there — I never had mum knit me the scarf, for instance, but I still want a sonic screwdriver.

Right, let’s do this!! RAAAGHH
(WARNING! A GIANT SPOILERS IS APPROACHING)

+ David Tennant > Chris Eccleston
David looks more like the Doctor — he kinda resembles a haunted schoolteacher, and the Converse hi-tops are a nice touch. Plus, he acts rather like a cross between Tom Baker and Sylvester McCoy… smug, eccentric, and not afraid to make shit up as he goes along. I liked what Chris Eccleston brought to the role, but I have to say, I didn’t like the way he dressed. He just looked like some random bloke off the street. Although you can probably say that Eccleston’s distinguishing feature is that he has no distinguishing features

+ ‘Dalek’ — WOOOO / new Cybermen — WOOOO

+ I didn’t think much of ‘The Unquiet Dead’ at first — I watched all the episodes around it, having unintentionally forgotten about it, until I actually saw it, and I was really impressed. Then I realised who wrote it; Mark Gatiss, one-fourth of the lads behind the wonderfully grotesque League of Gentlemen series, and a huge Doctor Who fan in his own right

+ ‘School reunion’ was a brilliant episode. Seeing Sarah Jane and K9 again after so many years was fucking amazing, but what made the episode so fantastic was the way that the writers tackled the whole issue of one of the Doctor’s companions seeing him again for the first time in years — they really made Sarah Jane a three-dimensional character.
Liz Sladen still looks quite tasty for her age, as well

+ I sincerely hope the majority of the latest eps don’t take place on Earth, otherwise it’ll be like the Pertwee years all over again. (Apart from the fact that during the Pertwee years, the Doctor actually couldn’t leave Earth, but nevertheless…) Future Earth, Earth in the past, Far-future Earth, contemporary Earth, etc etc. We get the point. How about Tigella? Maybe Skonnos? I hear Telos is nice this time of year

+ I like how the stories are more intertwined — something that’s mentioned in one episode may be given additional scope in a later episode. The series has always been like that, but it’s more immediate now, it seems

+ Don’t like the design for the new Sonic screwdriver — it’s a pen — but I’m digging that psychic paper

+ Simon Pegg & Tamsin Grieg in ‘The Long Game’ — WOOOO

+ Back during several episodes of the Fourth Doctor, much use was made of the second TARDIS control room, for a reason that I cannot immediately recall. Now, if they feel the need to show the second control room in the current eps, they should use the control room that was featured in the 1996 Doctor Who movie. Eh? Eh?

+ Capt. Jack Harkness = total fucking playa. Although I’d have to say, whenever he was in a Doctor Who ep, a little of him went a long way, so it’ll be rather interesting to seem him once ‘Torchwood’ begins airing

+ The legendary Battersea Power Station will undoubtedly never be demolished, simply because it will always be used as a Headquarters for Evil, such as for the megalomaniacal inventor John Lumic. Or as a set for dodgy Eighties music videos, one or the other

+ Regarding the new Cybermen eps: Someone mentioned that with them shouting ‘DELETE DELETE’ all the time, it felt as if the writer wanted to write a Dalek story instead, and I cannot argue. But ‘Rise of the Cybermen / The Age of Steel’ were still quite good

+ TIM (on seeing the daring escape during ‘The Age of Steel’): ‘That’s the second time [Rose]’s hung from a blimp.’

+ One thing that I have an issue with is that whole ‘oh, the Time War with the Daleks killed off all the Timelords’ thing, which I call bullshit on. There’s no way that every other Gallifreyan apart from him is dead. What about the Rani? The Master? K’anpo Rinpoche? They’re Timelords — Time itself is the medium in which they move. After all, it’s obvious that not all of the Daleks were wiped out…

+ Speaking of Daleks, a number of months ago, Zip Gun had managed to get hold of a copy of ‘Abducted by the Daloids’, which is the infamous Dalek porno film. Gods, it was so bad it was… well, it was bad. But I have to mention the funniest part: two of the actresses, a couple of Eastern European wannabe starlets with a rudimentary grasp of English, are looking for their friends in the woods at night. As they arbitrarily begin stripping and getting nasssty with each other, suddenly, they’re beamed aboard the Dalek.. sorry, Daloid, ship. Unaware of their new surroundings, the lasses continue to lesbinate for several minutes, until one of the Daleks actually clears its throat to get their attention. Brilliant!

So there you have it. Now, as I’ve just downloaded ‘The Idiot’s Lantern’, I’ve got to watch that. I’m in love with Doctor Who all over again!

As some of you may have noticed, I’ve not written too much over the past week or so. I was waiting for the throngs of uninformed gawkers streaming in from a couple of Internet forums to piss off.

I’m considering packing it in as far as doing iDollator-related shoots & interviews for a while. For one, professional shoots can’t really be done where I’m currently staying, as the interior decor isn’t really to my liking and I can’t do a tremendous amount about it, which means going out-of-doors is the only option. I don’t really like leaving the house as it is, and since people seem largely averse to the concept of lifesized Dolls, taking Shi-chan with me is obviously a big risk for the pair of us.
As far as interviews, there’s too much of a chance of misreprentation. With Elisabeth Alexandre, Elena Dorfman, and Meghan Laslocky, I lucked out big time, in the aspect that things went pretty well (apart from the whole feminazi shitstorm, of course). They were empathetic, they did their research, and overall, they were nice, supportive people. But then, much like in day-to-day existence, for every one good encounter, there’s like thirty bad ones. More like, one bad encounter that’s worth about thirty bad ones.

I had thought about registering on one or both of the boards that are having a go at me in order to leave a comment, but I figured, why bother? As cynical as I am, I still have this underlying optimism that people will be reasonable, listen, and attempt to make even the smallest effort to understand people that aren’t like themselves. Bullshit. People either say they understand and empathise with you, when they actually don’t have Clue One, or they simply don’t want to make an attempt in the first place. It’s my belief that after a person hits the age of, say, sixteen, there’s pretty much nothing anyone can do or say to change that person’s way of thinking. Furthermore, the older they get, the slimmer the chances are for them to be open to other peoples’ ways of living and conducting themselves.
So why bother? I spend enough time and energy as it is on so-called worthwhile pursuits; what would be the point in me airing my views on their forums? Hell, I’m only one of the people they’re talking about!

One of the more level-headed people on one of the aforementioned forums concerned with my lack of romantic conformity had said, ‘Feel free to pile on the lonliest self-delusional nerds on the planet though. They’re used to it and I’m sure only reinforces their need for a doll.’
Apart from the first sentence, I could not agree more. I’ve always said that one of the most attractive features of a Doll is that they don’t judge.

Between the past couple of weeks at my dodgy job, this recent parade of self-righteous cakefuckers, and just a general lack of drive to write about anything, Doll-related or otherwise, I’m taking a break. Those who wish to contact me already know how to do so.

See you in a month

Sdtrk: ‘Slug bait’ by Throbbing gristle

During one of my recent phone crashes — I have a Kyocera 7135 Smartphone, and I swear, the OS on the fucker crashes at least once a week, cos Kyocera seem to have this ‘fire and forget’ policy when it comes to making their phones, so their customer support is nonexistent — I seem to have lost all my saved birthdates for mates. *glares menacingly at phone*
It’s embarrassing. This is what Technology has brought us to. I don’t remember phone numbers anymore thanks to Caller ID, and birthdates are just a string of random numbers vaguely assigned to the mental image of a human I don’t hate.

So yeah; please let me know what your birthdate is again — either leave it in the comments, or Email me or something. Or you can call me! AH HA HA HA HA SO FUNY

Sdtrk: ‘Packing, printing & light assembly’ by Basil Kirchin

As I was driving through my neighbourhood going home today, I saw a young man walking down the middle of the road. Now the problem here is that there were available sidewalks on either side of the road that he was clearly uninterested in using, and he was in my way. No, the stupid bastard was more enthralled with the idea of obstructing, or at least slowing, my progress. I have absolutely no respect for people who do that shit. I don’t even mind it if a person is in the road, but perhaps walking alongside the kerb no more than a foot away, but this tosser was about a foot away from the centre of the road. I wanted to shout at him as I passed, ‘They’re called “sidewalks” for a reason, you cakefucker.‘
I should’ve run him down, like a dog in the street. Not out of nastiness, mind you, but simply to teach him a lesson. No sane jury would convict me.

On a lighter note, I present to you: the sum total of Human Evolution.

Better post later, as obviously I need to think of something arguably more interesting or profound to type

Sdtrk: ‘Top of the Pops’ by the Rezillos

Which human is having more Fun?

Session Start (kuroneko_23:james1online): Sat Mar 18 13:20:58 2006
[01.20.58 PM] james1online: hiya swety
[01.21.04 PM] james1online: hw re u doing today amjames
[01.21.10 PM] kuroneko_23: Who?
[01.21.35 PM] james1online: am james
[01.21.43 PM] james1online: hw re u doing today?/
[01.21.57 PM] kuroneko_23: That.. tells me nothing.
You do realise I’m a bloke, right?
[01.22.26 PM] james1online: i want to meet u
[01.22.42 PM] james1online: what re u talking am about
[01.22.58 PM] kuroneko_23: Do you speak English at all? Or understand it?
[01.23.05 PM] james1online: james
[01.23.25 PM] james1online: yes
[01.23.30 PM] james1online: what ur name Ms
[01.23.33 PM] kuroneko_23: ‘James’ is no language that I’ve heard of.
[01.23.40 PM] james1online: am james
[01.23.43 PM] kuroneko_23: I AM A MAN, YOU DUMB TWAT.
[01.23.52 PM] james1online: ok
[01.24.09 PM] james1online: where re u right now
[01.24.17 PM] james1online: can i see u
[01.24.24 PM] *** james1online has added you to their contact list. You may choose to accept or deny this action. You may also add this user to your contact list or Ignore this user.
[01.24.55 PM] james1online: re u ther
[01.24.58 PM] *** You have denied access to james1online.
[01.25.09 PM] kuroneko_23: Where are you from, stupid?
[01.25.46 PM] james1online: usa
(Plot point)
[01.25.53 PM] james1online: and u
[01.26.21 PM] kuroneko_23: Are you six years old? Or mentally retarded?
Because you type like a mentally retarded six year old.
[01.26.35 PM] kuroneko_23: Were you dropped on your head as a child?
[01.26.49 PM] kuroneko_23: Do you even understand what I’m typing?
[01.27.05 PM] james1online: yes
[01.27.09 PM] james1online: tell me again
[01.27.16 PM] james1online: am a guy
[01.27.31 PM] kuroneko_23: ‘am a guy’
Question, or statement?
[01.27.42 PM] james1online: i do will u say
[01.27.50 PM] kuroneko_23: What??
[01.27.52 PM] james1online: ok
[01.27.57 PM] james1online: but u ve lady pix
(This threw me for a bit, until I realised that he was going off my IM pic — I swap out several pics of various RealDolls for my avatar. Matt McMullen, 1 – james1online, 0)
[01.28.08 PM] kuroneko_23: That means absolutely nothing.
[01.28.37 PM] james1online: ok
[01.28.42 PM] james1online: so am a gay too
[01.28.42 PM] james1online: and u
[01.28.59 PM] james1online: i use to act like the woman
[01.29.02 PM] kuroneko_23: ‘Guy’ or ‘Gay’?
I am a guy, and I am not gay.
[01.29.10 PM] kuroneko_23: That’s.. great.
[01.29.22 PM] james1online: ok
[01.29.29 PM] james1online: can we be friend
[01.29.29 PM] james1online: where re u
[01.29.36 PM] james1online: right now
[01.30.33 PM] kuroneko_23: I am at home.
And you don’t know anything about me, and you want to be my friend? Are you that desperate and/or starved for attention that you’ll attempt to befriend anyone at random on the Internet, despite the fact that every other sentence you get from them is insulting?
[01.30.37 PM] kuroneko_23: You dumb cunt?
[01.31.44 PM] james1online: really
[01.32.00 PM] kuroneko_23: YA RLY
[01.32.09 PM] james1online: can i see u on cam
[01.32.18 PM] kuroneko_23: I don’t have a cam.
[01.32.28 PM] james1online: ok
[01.32.39 PM] james1online: country
[01.32.50 PM] kuroneko_23: Look, you churl. This is my profile.
http://profiles.yahoo.com/kuroneko_23
[01.33.12 PM] james1online: ok
[01.34.06 PM] kuroneko_23: That’s why you have to do your homework before engaging people at random in conversation, you sad stupid bastard.
[01.34.44 PM] james1online: what do u for live
[01.35.01 PM] kuroneko_23: HEY, JAMES. DO ME A FAVOUR?
[01.35.25 PM] kuroneko_23: TYPE IN PROPER GODDAMN ENGLISH.
[01.35.52 PM] james1online: ok
(Get ready, as james, upon learning that I’m not actually a lass, takes a different approach. Let’s watch)
[01.35.56 PM] james1online: i need ur favour
[01.36.14 PM] james1online: can u cash me a check
[01.36.36 PM] kuroneko_23: O yeah, let me do that. I’d be HAPPY to cash your fucking cheque.
[01.36.57 PM] kuroneko_23: You’re retarded, aren’t you? Is that what your problem is?
[01.36.59 PM] james1online: ok
[01.37.23 PM] james1online: do u ve printer
[01.37.39 PM] kuroneko_23: Can you count past five, james? Is that why you want me to cash your cheque, cos it’s $6?
[01.37.54 PM] james1online: i ve to go buy papper check
[01.38.13 PM] james1online: the check cos 3700
[01.38.18 PM] kuroneko_23: The word is spelt ‘paper’, you fucking inbred.
[01.38.19 PM] james1online: $
[01.38.43 PM] james1online: ok
[01.38.43 PM] james1online: can u get it now
[01.38.58 PM] james1online: so that i can give the check in ur mail box
[01.39.12 PM] kuroneko_23: Yeah! Through the Magick of the Internet, I’ll get it! In fact, I have it RIGHT NOW.
[01.39.19 PM] james1online: so that u can print it out and go cashit
[01.39.35 PM] james1online: ok
[01.39.51 PM] james1online: \can i ve ur names ,address ,city,state,zipcode ,tell
[01.40.07 PM] james1online: mail to my box james1online@yahoo.com
(Feel free to make use of this. You know you want to)
[01.40.12 PM] james1online: now
[01.40.15 PM] kuroneko_23: Sure! But first, let me have yours. Just type it here!
[01.40.55 PM] kuroneko_23: james?
[01.41.04 PM] kuroneko_23: Send me your address.
[01.41.08 PM] kuroneko_23: Send it to me now.
[01.41.12 PM] kuroneko_23: Now, james.
[01.41.23 PM] kuroneko_23: Don’t be a cakefucker, and do what I say, james.
[01.41.33 PM] kuroneko_23: Send me your info now.
[01.41.34 PM] james1online: ok
[01.41.36 PM] kuroneko_23: Now.
[01.41.44 PM] kuroneko_23: Right now.
[01.41.49 PM] james1online: give it to me
[01.42.02 PM] kuroneko_23: You first james, or I’m ending this conversation.
[01.42.17 PM] kuroneko_23: You want me to cash that cheque for you, james?
[01.42.18 PM] james1online: u see
[01.42.34 PM] kuroneko_23: Yes or no, james? Do you want me to cash that cheque?
[01.42.49 PM] james1online: right now am in africa and i need ur help
(Hey! Didn’t you just say you were in the States? YOU SIR, ARE AN INTERNET LIAR)
[01.42.49 PM] james1online: yes
[01.43.03 PM] kuroneko_23: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
[01.43.09 PM] kuroneko_23: You’re one of THEM.
[01.43.18 PM] kuroneko_23: Robert Mugabe?
(At this point, I kenned that this was the IM version of the old-as-the-Internet-itself fraud of ‘some bloke in Africa wants you to help him out by sending him some money, and in return, he’ll send you $3 billion/access to oil fields/untold riches/etc.‘ I couldn’t remember the name that a lot of the scammers use, but ‘Robert Mugabe’ popped into my head. Plus, since Trillian has insta-access to Wikipedia, as soon as I typed that name, it showed me an entry for Mr Mugabe, who is, as far as I know, not a scammer)
[01.43.39 PM] james1online: and i willl give to some out the it 300
[01.43.39 PM] james1online: no]
[01.43.44 PM] james1online: am james walker
(James Walker was apparently someone involved with the government of an African nation. The Wiki entry I got from Trillian was different than the one you get when you go directly to their site)
[01.43.55 PM] kuroneko_23: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
[01.44.00 PM] kuroneko_23: Great!
[01.44.06 PM] james1online: *DING*
[01.44.07 PM] kuroneko_23: Can you do me a favour, james?
[01.44.19 PM] kuroneko_23: Just one favour?
[01.44.20 PM] james1online: yes
[01.44.35 PM] james1online: yes
[01.44.37 PM] kuroneko_23: GO CHOKE ON A COCK, CRAWL INTO A DITCH AND DIE, YOU WASTE OF FLESH.
[01.44.39 PM] *** james1online has been ignored.

Sdtrk: ‘Only to other people’ by The Cookies

Remember that post I’d written concerning the brilliant ‘Caring for Your Introvert’ article by Jonathan Rauch? Well, there’s a follow-up interview with him here.

Do you ever wish you were an extrovert?

Not really. That may be because my “faking it” skills are pretty good. But I do think a lot of us are tired of being told that there’s something wrong with us—of this lazy assumption that if you’re not an extrovert, there’s something wrong with you. I think my article may speak to people in part because of its defiant message. It says, “No, I don’t wish to be an extrovert. Not everyone has to be one. And why don’t you people get it?”

Again, required reading