Sdtrk: ‘Alice in Boogie Wonderland’ by Noise/Girl

Recently, I’ve discovered something about myself: unlike 90% of cellphone owners, I don’t really like being on my phone when out in public. Errm, correction: I don’t like being on my cellphone when out in public around people.

Every single one of us has come across some self-important gobshite on their cell, loudly speaking about nothing at all, at great length. It’s almost as bad as being at someplace such as the optometrists, or an auto repair place, where a television is constantly blaring crap that you can’t really get away from. There’s a solution for that, if you’re so inclined, but unfortunately, you can’t do the same thing to Loud Cellphone Fuckwit. And believe me, I’ve tried! But unfortunately, it seems you can’t bring a hammer with you everywhere you go, which is really a shame.

My thing is, I get self-conscious — well, moreso than usual — when engaged in telephonic conversation, and it’s due to two reasons: one, like pretty much everyone else, I really can’t perceive how loud I sound to the surrounding area, so even if I’m not intentionally being loud, in my mind, I’m bellowing like Brian Blessed; two, whether I’m genuinely being loud or speaking at a normal volume, there’s always gonna be someone eavesdropping nearby — it’s unavoidable. People don’t need to be listening to my feckin’ business. Although there have been a few times when Penda and I were enjoying our semi-monthly dinner, and being perfectly aware of our conversation being within another diner’s earshot, we’d deliberately say things to take the piss — usually centred round babies, and the proper way to prepare one for dinner. But that’s talking shite deliberately, as opposed to an actual conversation.

If I’m out and about, it’s not unusual at all for me to be on my phone — I should probably mention at this point that I always use my headset, so I have use of both hands, plus I don’t get facial schmutz on my screen that way — but usually I’ll end the call before I get out of my car. I suppose I’m simply not a typical cellphone user, as I like to keep my private conversations exactly that — private

Sdtrk: ‘As it is when it was’ by New order

On my way to work this morning, I had to make a stop at a service station — most people have coffee to get them going, whereas I’d much rather have a Dr pepper. I pulled in, left the warmth of my car for the 15ºF weather, and walked briskly inside. After paying for a 20oz bottle of said beverage, not five seconds after stepping back out, I heard ‘hey mon, you got any spare change on you?’ yelled in my direction. I glanced up, and spotted some individual standing at the bus stop gesturing at me lazily. As I was in a hurry to get going; plus human interaction in near-freezing conditions with some spurious person I didn’t know is fifty times worse than in any other situation, I shook my head and gave a cursory shrug in response, before I scrambled back into my car and locked the door.

As I was pulling off the premises, I had to peer left, in order to look for a break in the oncoming traffic, and the tosser was standing in my line of sight about ten feet away. He held his joint aloft — at least, I assumed it was a joint, by the way he was holding it — with a big smile, as if to say ‘hey mon, it’s all good,’ but all that really served to do was make me feel more alienated

Sdtrk: ‘It’s all forgotten now’ by The caretaker

Heh. Just read this charming, heartfelt missive from the generous and open-minded souls at YouTube:

from: YouTube Service
to: pulsedemon [at] gmail [dot] com
date: Nov 28, 2006 12:21 AM
subject: Video Rejected: Inappropriate

YouTube

After being flagged by members of the YouTube community and reviewed by YouTube staff, your video “A.I.Doll flexibility 005” has been rejected due to its inappropriate nature. This is the second video removal for your account—if you receive one more, your account will be permanently disabled and all of your previously uploaded videos will be taken down.

Please refer to our Terms of Use and the Community Guidelines for more information on what video material is not permitted on YouTube.

— The YouTube Team

Copyright © 2006 YouTube, Inc.

*lengthy seething pause*
A bloke named Lorsch commented the other day on one of my videos, and it was a breath of fresh air.

What kind of (probably american-english speaking) idiot marked this video as “inappropiate”? There´s absolutely nothing to be seen. There are thousands of vids of crushing bones, cruelty and war at you tube. But as it refers to a plastic vagina, that probably has anybody killed yet, you weird puritan americans get completely nutty. Post from a german, where tits and vaginas can be seen on televesion nearly everyday.

I responded with

Nice to see another sensible response. 🙂

Unfortunately, that’s how it is over here in the States. The few Americans left that aren’t scared into blind puritanism have to put up with the millions that are. Because of that, I’ve had a couple of videos marked as ‘inappropriate’. It’s ridiculous, and more than a little frustrating.

To which he responded with

Up to the late eighties or early nineties, the US were regarded as a really cool, open, free and liberally minded people.Time went by and it seems to an outsider (never visited your country)that the country that´s proclaiming freedom and liberty like no other, has invented it´s own ways to limitate itself.I appreciate your point of view and please,please never lose your ability to see the relations/dimensions of things.

Well said Lorsch, well said.
So more than likely, my videos probably won’t be up much longer, so you’d be advised to go view them now, before they ‘mysteriously’ disappear.
Anyone out there know of any similar videohosting sites? Preferably based in Europe?

EDIT (2.50 pm): Just found one that looks promising. Although further investigation is required, I seem to have the lock on a certain subject commodity — i.e, Synthetiks

Sdtrk: ‘A girlfriend is…’ by Vena cava

Unfortunately, despite the fact that we’ve got a month until Festivus, it’s pretty much been cancelled this year, on account of Michael Richards acting like a complete fucking twat. Now, I’ve seen the video of him ranting onstage, and followed that up with his apology on Letterman, and I’m still trying to assess it all.
Stand-up comedians get heckled all of the time; it’s part and parcel of the trade. Richards has been in that business for a long time, and I’m certain that he knows there’s a professional way to handle hecklers, and then there’s the other way, which is to let them get to you. You could say ‘yeah, he lost his rag, but people who get angry say a lot of things they don’t necessarily mean in the heat of the moment,’ and I would agree. But he didn’t stop with a sentence — he just went on and on with it, to a disturbing degree. To me, that indicates that he wasn’t just going for the shock value, this was a nerve that obviously got touched, and he was off shouting things that might well have been inside him for quite a while.
Me? I hate plenty of people. Tons. Do I hate them because of their skin colour or race? No, I despise them because of how they behave. And ultimately, that’s how Richards should’ve conducted it. If they were making a ruckus, well hey — that, as they say, is showbiz. But the shit that he’d said isn’t stuff that you just say off the cuff. He shouldn’t have said it. He honestly shouldn’t have been thinking it, but you can’t control how people think. Unfortunately.

A lot of people remarked that after this, his career has been effectively shot in the face, but unfortunately, Mel Gibson is still working; more than likely, with his best pals, the Jews.* However, Gibson probably has more money than Richards — as he told his arresting officer, he owns Malibu — so there’s that to consider.

Then there was his apology on Letterman. Before I’d seen it, I was quite sceptical, as I just saw it as him really trying to cover his ass after the fact. In day-to-day affairs, I’m much more of a cynical individual, and personally, I think most people are lying much more often than they tell the truth. But watching the apology segment from start to finish, he does appear somewhat sincere — he’s realised he’s made a grand mistake, and seems penitent about it. He was visibly getting frustrated at points, mainly cos Letterman’s audience was at points laughing… I don’t know if they thought he was making some misplaced attempt at humour, or if they were laughing cos they simply didn’t know how to react.
I guess if Richards is genuinely honest about wanting to make amends, we’ll see how he goes about it in the next couple of weeks. I did notice one thing, though; his apology was a general one to everyone present that eve, and to ‘Afro-Americans’ *coughshockinglyoutdatedcough* everywhere, but he didn’t really specifically say he was sorry to the two hecklers.

It’s occurred to me that I’ve talked more about mainstream media with this single post, than I ever have in the entirety of ‘Shouting etc etc’, which means that this was almost a waste of a post. But I’ve loved ‘Seinfeld’ for years, and it could be argued that the only reason that I’m writing this is that it’s due to a performer that I enjoyed, making horrible remarks that affect me on an obvious level.

So! Onto other news: I dreamt last night that I had taken a nap for an hour, cos I had to go to class later that eve, in order to turn in my final paper. But when I awakened (in the dream; yes, it’s rather meta), it was still sunny out, but I knew that I had overslept by several hours. I’d attempted to check what time it was, but my alarm clock and my watch both read 7.77. Well, my watch read 7.77, and the clock was 7.73. Understandably, I was panicking cos I had no idea what the hell time it really was…
As an aside, you notice there’s no speaking clock anymore? I don’t know when they finally got rid of it, but you can no longer dial (area code) 555.1212, and hear the Robot Lady announce, with unerring precision, what time it was. Or is. If they fired her, at the very least, I hope she has a decent job now.

‘Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes’
— Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

And speaking of automata and mainsprings, new YouTube videos are up, cos it’s that time again (pun not intended). Happy 23rd, and Happy Cholera Blankets Day! Go listen to the new Ricky Gervais podcast!

*Don’t get me wrong; in Mad Max, he was a badass, but then he started crapping on about that stupid religious cult he’s in, and therefore lost all respect from me, as well as anyone else with a functioning brain in their head

Sdtrk: ‘Eyes of a dreamer’ by Charles Manson

RE. the latest Overcompensating.com: I have to say that I cannot disagree with Jeffery Rowland’s reasoning.

Also, from the gaping maw of a coworker earlier today:

‘I had an omelette that was just too big yesterday.’

Who says things like that? Plus, the bloke who said it was a giant chunky bastard, which leaves me to wonder — what constitutes ‘just too big’ for him? An omelette four feet in diameter, perhaps? The mind boggles..

More updates at a later date. Right now I’m in the midst of a flurry of Emails, and I’ve just downloaded the first three episodes of ‘Dexter’, which I hear is rather interesting

Sdtrk: ‘Liar’ by the Sex pistols

Finally, a holiday that I can wholeheartedly get behind! Apart from Hallowe’en, that is. And, ah, Festivus.

Celebrate National Punctuation Day®
September 24, 2006

People all over the United States are celebrating the new holiday, National Punctuation Day®, which is listed in Chase’s Calendar of Events as a celebration of the lowly comma, correctly used quotes, and other proper uses of periods, semicolons and the ever mysterious ellipsis.

Jeff Rubin, owner/publisher of The Newsletter Guy, a newsletter publishing company based in Pinole, CA, founded National Punctuation Day® to draw attention to the importance of proper punctuation. It’s a day for librarians, educators, and parents — people who are interested in teaching and promoting good writing skills to their students and their children. It’s also a day to remind business people that they are often judged by how they present themselves.

If you’re like me and you have a baby aneurysm every time you see a sign that says ‘CD’S AND DVD’S FOR SALE’, or if you get the red mist whenever you encounter ‘it’s’ and ‘its’ being erroneously transposed, you’ll dig this holiday as much as I expect I will. Kinda makes you want to go shoot Myspace right in the face, eh? *nods vigourously*

There have been a shedload of punctuation faux pas since.. well, whenever, but my two recent faves would have to be ‘Alot’, and ‘Infact’. When did these become single words? Did I fall asleep one day, and wake up in The Land Where Language Gets Sodomised?
Yes; technically those would be misspellings, but punctuation fuckups are closely related. They’re the slightly less-inbred cousin.

Aaanyway, that’s National Punctuation day, 24 September. Learn it, live it, be it

Sdtrk: ‘Lass dir Zeit’ by die Crazy Girls

Frantic Frightened Frequent readers of ‘Shouting etc etc’ know how much I love that fat orange cartoon cat named Garfield™®. And when I say ‘love’, I of course mean ‘loathe‘. However, in reading the recent b3ta newsletter deposited gently within my Inbox, I now know of exactly six strips of that ‘comic’ series that I actually enjoy. One of the features it had was a link to one of those periodically-funny-but-usually-repellent ytmnd sites, having to do with the death of Garfield™®. I’ll provide the link here in a moment, but first, let the associated Wikipedia entry relate to you its tale.

One storyline, which lasted a week from October 23, 1989 (possibly to coincide with Halloween, although the 31st actually fell the following week), is unique among Garfield strips in that it is not meant to be humorous. It depicts Garfield awakening in a future in which the house is abandoned and he no longer exists. This is revealed to have been a dream of some kind, and ends with this narration:

“An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice…or terrify, all depending on how we conduct ourselves today.”

Alternatively, some theorize that the end of this storyline actually implies that the rest of the series, the more conventional strips, are all fantasies Garfield is playing out in his head to delude himself from realizing the dark turn his life has taken, as he slowly starves to death in an abandoned house. (emphasis mine) One would assume that his ability to eat more than physically possible in usual strips would be his use of fantasies to stave off his growing hunger and starvation. This theory is arguably supported by the text, as right before Jon and Odie reappear, the narration reads:

“After years of taking life for granted, Garfield is shaken by a horrifying vision of the inevitable process called ‘time.’ He has only one weapon…denial…”

This emphasis on “denial,” with the word given its own box in the panel it appears in, and being followed immediately by the earlier text on the power of the imagination, could support the horrifying theory. However, it could also be that denial is what Garfield needed to snap himself out of this dark vision. This is also more likely considering the only way Garfield could have gotten into “a world where he no longer exists” is if that world were a dream. Many, however, attribute the bleak world to the future Ebeneezer Scrooge witnessed in A Christmas Carol, where he beholds the dark and bleak image the world has become because of his negligence and lack of gratitude for other people’s efforts. Still, another point of view on this storyline is that Davis was parodying The Twilight Zone series, which often featured ominous narratives, similar to the use of narration in this set of bleak strips. Another interpretation is that Davis was going through what might have been a period of depression or crisis, and used this set of strips as a form of self-therapy. Lastly, another widely-believed theory is that Garfield was only in the house for a few days before he was rescued in the November 2 and November 3 strips, and the ‘storyline’ was just an introduction to the next week of ‘flashbacks’.

In this age of the Internuts, where lies are the order of the day, and Wikipedia being no exception, I had my doubts as to whether these strips were real. But doubt no more! Simply go to the Official Garfield™® Media Conglomerate Headquarters Web Presence here, set the controls to 1989 October 23, and look for yourself! Chilling, yes, but honestly, I’d have to say these are the funniest Garfield™® strips ever written.

The aforementioned ytmnd site would be here, just so you know. And at this point, I’d normally mention the occurrence of the date that story arc started with a favourite number of mine, but freaked-out fucked up frequent readers of ‘Shouting etc etc’ would’ve already kenned that.

‘I come not to praise Garfield, but to bury him’