Sdtrk: ‘No title No.2’ by Hair stylistics

The above photo was taken this August, by the way. Esteemed iDollator/performance artist Amber Hawk Swanson wanted to pick my brains about an upcoming project she’s developing (HINT: it’s Doll-related), and she also wanted to finally meet my better half. Brief times, but fun times!

So this would be another one of those in-between posts that I seem to be fond of these days, wherein I tell you that
+ the HRP-4C Miim figure/kit made by Wave Corporation that I mentioned a couple of posts ago is now available for preorder through such online retailers as Hobby Link Japan and AmiAmi. The kit will sell for about $28 USD — without shipping and handling, of course — and is due for a February 2013 release. If I told you I’d already placed my preorder, would you really be surprised?

+ And Sidore and I will be putting in an appearance on the show Dr Drew on Call tomorrow! No, not Doctor Who; Dr Drew, as in Drew Pinsky. I’m sure he’s a nice bloke, but is his studio bigger on the inside than it is on the outside? The Missus and I will be on via satellite (i.e, Skype), fielding questions about our unusual quote unquote relationship. The show seems more news-oriented than the usual misguided enquiries we get, plus Dr Drew seems like much less of a tosser than the typical American chat show host, so the experience should be rather decent! The programme will be on at 9pm EST.

Coincidentally, we’ll be making this latest telly appearance on what will be my 40th birthday. Before I turned 36, I used to narrow my eyes to flinty slits whenever I heard the phrase ’40 is the new 30′. Recently, though, I’ve had a change of heart! *plants forehead onto desk, emits low moan*

Sdtrk: ‘Sila’ by Laibach

During a recent frolic through the Interweb-o-net, I’d seen an article entitled ‘The Top Ten Sexiest Female Robots‘, and although I agreed with most of the selections, I thought: y’know, I should compile my own list. Frankly, I’m surprised the idea has taken me this long to occur to me.
I should note that I’ve not included any Gynoids from anime features, nor have I mentioned any real-life Synthetiks, otherwise the list would be twice as long..

10. Chalmers (Andrea Marcovicci, ‘Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone’)

The navigator/mechanic Gynoid with the slicked-back hair and the overly-huge sweater, from the three-dimensional Eighties film extravaganza, ‘Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone’. Rather attractive in a subdued way, unfortunately she ends up getting killed off early in the film, thereby bringing the feature to a complete halt for me. Worse yet, Peter Strauss (the aforementioned ‘Spacehunter’) activates her self-destruct mechanism, and she, err, melts. She’s one of those dairy-based Synthetiks, I suppose

09. TIE: Anna and Selina (Amy Yip and Chikako Aoyama, ‘Robotrix’)

A Hong Kong chop-socky / action adventure / soft-core porno that, much like ‘I love Maria’ (more about that later), is a big ol’ ripoff of Robocop. Our protagonist Selina is a police officer who gets killed in the line of duty and is rebuilt as a Gynoid, with better Law Enforcement and Sex Appeal Action. As it happens, one of the scientists who brings her back from the dead would be Anna, who is a Gynoid herself. It’s a very silly film, in grand Nineties Hong Kong style, but when you’re working with a story like that, you really can’t take yourself too seriously. Case in point: the film features an evil scientist named Ryuichi Sakamoto. Yes, you read right.
Anna has a slight edge (cos she’s played by the busty Amy Yip), but I’d say overall they both tie for ninth place

08. Valerie 23 (Sofia Shinas, ‘The New Outer Limits: Valerie 23’)

The main character from the 1995-era Outer Limits episode of the same name. Built for the purposes of assisting people, she was assigned to live with one of the blokes on the design team, who’s confined to a wheelchair. He thinks of her as merely a machine at first, eventually develops feelings for her, sleeps with her, and then wishes he hadn’t, as she’s ‘just a machine’. Unfortunately, she’s learning what emotions are, and becomes jealous when Scientist Guy starts seeing an Organik lass. Valerie tries to kill her, and is electrocuted in the end. You have to ask yourself — would she have gone into Terminatrix Mode if he wasn’t merely thinking of her as ‘just a machine’? The resounding answer is No. I think you kinda brought that upon yourself, pal.
Despite her slightly murderous tendencies, and her insistence on wearing a white bodysuit 90% of the time — it’s less flattering than it sounds, trust me — she’s impressive. A sequel episode entitled ‘Mary 25’ was aired shortly after, wherein the Valerie 23 model was upgraded with all the kinks worked out, and she featured a longer brown hairstyle as well. But the whole ‘wanting to kill people’ was kinda endearing! Plus, I’ve always loved her name

07. Electric Barbarella (the ‘Electric Barbarella’ video by Duran Duran)

I’m actually just having a guess at her name here, as it’s never mentioned. Well, yeah, it’s repeated several times as part of the chorus, but how do we know that ‘Electric Barbarella’ isn’t a term that Duran Squared uses, much in the same was we use Synthetik, or Gynoid? Is it like one of those brand names that, through popular usage, becomes synonymous for a product, like Kleenex or Hoover? I do not know! But I do know that said artificial lass is quite appealing, although if you’ve seen the video, you’ll know that her operating system has a few bugs that need to be ironed out (drops drink glasses, dusts Nick Rhodes’ hair). She screws up so much that you’d think she runs Window$, but she’s still lovable nontheless

06. Mile Heidi (the ‘Plug it in’ video by Basement jaxx)

Not too keen on Basement jaxx, but it’s a video starring a passel of Gynoids so I’ll put up with it.. And the most gorgeous Synthetik here by far has to be Mile Heidi, the Airline stewardess. Love the hair, love the uniform, love the way she moves. Full points all round!

05. nameless ‘Lovebot’ (from ‘Serenity’)

Obviously, not a lot is known about Mr Universe’s Gynoid bride (the actress who played her isn’t even listed in the credits), but I’ve always liked her poise and her expressions — very Doll-like, which goes without saying. She seems like a happy lass

04. AF-709 Rhoda (Julie Newmar, ‘My living Doll’)

I first learned about this show a couple of years ago and freaked right the hell out. A tv show from the Sixties about a Gynoid played by Julie feckin’ Newmar?? zOMG etc. Check out this write-up:

[Rhoda] stood five-feet, ten-inches tall, was covered with a low-modulus polyethylene plastic that gave her that human look, and maintained a constant body temperature of 98.6 degrees. Concealed gadgetry included four small emergency control buttons on her back disguised as birth marks, and a power-off switch discretely located in her right elbow.

Brilliant. I’m in love. 🙂 When you think about it, that’s actually a rather involved Synthetik assemblage, especially when you consider that the show is from 1964. Did.. did I somehow go back in time and have a hand in the writing??
Unfortunately, it seems that most of the 26 episodes were destroyed by the producers, but I’m still remaining hopeful that they’ll eventually surface on DVD. Hey, if they can find and remaster episodes of ‘Doctor Who’ that have been missing for three decades or more, they should be able to do it with ‘My living Doll’, damnit

03. Rachel (Sean Young, ‘Blade runner’)

As a Technosexual, Replicants have always been an issue with me. They’re manufactured, but they’re not really machines; they’re more like test-tube babies. By my definition, Synthetiks should be mechanical, and not contain squishy stuff within them. (I realise that’s a highly-specialised technical term, but bear with me.) You know that Replicants aren’t machines through seeing their eyes, for instance, at Chew’s Eye Shop; also, they tend to bleed when injured. So when I think of Replicants, I usually associate that with ‘product of genetic engineering’. Not entirely a Bad Thing, but not my ideal type of Synthetik.
Having said all that, Rachel? Feckin’ hotness, no question. Plus, she can play the piano!

02. Call (Winona Ryder, ‘Alien: Resurrection’)

Again, the ‘squishy stuff’ issue raises its squishy head. All Synthetiks in the ‘Alien’ series seem to have that white fluid in ’em. What the hell is that, anyway? On second thought, that’s probably best left unanswered.
‘Alien: Resurrection’ was a dismal exercise, with only two vaguely redeeming things to its credit: set design by Jeunet & Caro, and sweet Winona as a Gynoid — my dream come true, as I’ve always admired her special brand of squishy stuff. Even despite the crap hairchop she was sporting in the film. Hoorej!

01. Cherry 2000 (Pamela Gidley, ‘Cherry 2000’)

Quite possibly the one Synthetik that solidified and confirmed my love for Gynoids, ‘Cherry 2000’ is actually kind of a dumb film, with an ending so horrible it had me wincing. This would be your typical Boy (Sam, played by David Andrews) Loves Gynoid, Boy Breaks Gynoid, Boy Has To Travel Thru The Post-Apocalyptic Badlands To Get Replacement Chassis for Gynoid, Boy Meets Girl Bounty Hunter (Melanie Griffith, in her best role ever), Boy Vacillates between Wanting Girl Bounty Hunter and Repairing his Gynoid, Boy and Girl Bounty hunter Get Into Arseloads of Trouble Finding Replacement Chassis type of film. But what little redeeming quality it has can be attributed to Cherry’s relentless adorability. Not only is she dead sexy, but she just has a very likeable personality, which makes Sam that much more of a gobshite for doing what he did at the end of the film. Hrm. Chalk it up to Hollywood, I guess. But for me, Cherry 2000 is the standard by which I rate all other movie Gynoids..

At this point, some of you may be wondering why I’ve omitted a number of famous Gynoids:
+ the Stepford wives — ashamed as I am to admit it, I’ve yet to actually see the film. I know, I know, leave me alone
+ Vanessa Kensington (Liz Hurley, ‘Austin Powers’) — Yes, she was rather luscious, but y’know what? She was built to explode. Not an entirely positive selling point, if you ask me. I suppose you could simply deactivate her and remove the explosive device, but you’d really want to know what you’re doing before poking round in her mechanised innards
+ the Fembots (‘Austin Powers’) — Call me old-fashioned, but weapons in the jubbleys is a bit of a turn-off. Make love, not war!
+ Terminator-X (Kristanna Loken, ‘Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines’) — Meh; she does nothing for me. Besides, wasn’t Terminator-X a member of Public Enemy?
+ Gynoid Shirley Manson (the ‘The world is not enough’ video by Garbage) — quite delicious; but again, explodey
+ Gynoid Björk (her ‘All is full of love’ video) — I can appreciate the aesthetics of Synthetiks that have hard skin — you should see my collection of Sorayama art books — but being in bed with that type of Gynoid would be rather chilly, and result in bruises. Not only that, in day-to-day living, you’d have to make sure she broke out the Windex every so often, to wipe off all the smudges and handprints. Otherwise, that’s just tacky
+ Pioneer II / Maria (Sally Yeh, ‘Roboforce’ a.k.a ‘I love Maria’) — She has a cute face; unfortunately, the rest of her looks like a ripoff homage to Sorayama’s metal beauties. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, but her construction places her in the same category of the Gynoid version of Björk — look, but don’t touch
+ the Buffy-bot (Sarah Michelle Gellar, ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’) — I’ve only ever seen one episode of that show, and it wasn’t the one featuring her. However, if anyone wants to send me an evaluation copy, I wouldn’t be averse to watching it..

Like I’d said, why the hell didn’t I write this list up a long time ago?

Sdtrk: ‘Deep down’ by Christy

I just feel that I have to step in here and add, without any trace of self-aggrandising whatsoever, that ‘Shouting etc etc’ began covering this, y’know, months ago. Just so you know.
This blog truly is ‘slicing edge’, as the kids say! Or is it ‘chopping edge’? I’ve no idea.

Robot or Human? Here’s ACTROID (link to article on Akihabara News)

Roger that, and drooling now

Sdtrk: ‘Rêve pour un Beatle’ by Paul Piot & Paul Guiot

So I’ve managed to find the new URL for the pages on the Osaka Labs site that deal with the development behind everyone’s my favourite Gynoid, Actroid-chan. Now, I think I’ve got this sussed..
Actroid is the Kokoro co. Ltd‘s marketing name for the Repliee series of Gynoids. There’s an updated version of Repliee Q1, named Repliee Q2, that made her debut at the recent Aichi World Expo, where she was given the name of Repliee Q1Expo. She’s the interviewer version also known as Ando-san, or, as one site had it, Anna-san. Then, there’s Kokoro’s Actroid DER, which is the standing version of.. Repliee Q2, I would assume. ARGH BRAIN BOILING OVER

So anyway, I’ve managed to find the new URL for the pages on the Osaka Labs site. They’ve got additional movies of Repliee Q2/Repliee Q1Expo/Ando-san/Anna-san/what the hell ever. I call her ‘Relentlessly Cute-san’.

Sigh. 🙂
O, where was I? Err, yeah! Also, anyone who can find me media files, or at least decent pics of Kobayashi Labs‘ SAYA, will have their name bestowed upon my first infant. SAYA-chan doesn’t get as much press as Actroid-chan because her technology isn’t as sophisticated, and, well.. she’s a wee bit less attractive.

But she’s doing her best, damnit, and we love her for it.

O, and Happy Pagan New Year!

Sdtrk: ‘7→ (Boriginal)’ by Boredoms

Back in the early days of me embracing the iDollator lifestyle, I was quoted as having said that I’d like to have at least one Doll from each manufacturer in business, so among other things, I could write reviews comparing and contrasting them on this here blog here, for the benefit of others considering selecting a Doll partner of their own. Somehow what I didn’t realise is that with our flat only being 600 sq.ft, that’s not going to be enough space to comfortably accomodate me and a passel of rubbery women. At some point — probably just after Miss Winter moved in — I basically said that, short of us being able to move into a grander living space, I’d stop with five Dolls. All things considered, that would make for six of us altogether, which makes for good pairing off… an even number means no-one is left by themselves.

Earlier this year, I managed to get in contact with Juming, a representative for the Chinese Doll manufacturing company BBDoll. They told me that they’re attempting to make inroads into markets outside of China; they’ve been so far successful with Japan, where the company is known as CST Doll, and now they’re trying to crack the American/European market. As an aside, I should mention that I’ve no idea why companies change their names when they distribute from one country to the next, as it’s extraordinarily confusing. Admittedly I’ve no mind for the intricacies of business and commerce, but it seems to me that you would sell the same thing — in this case, Dolls — with each model of Doll having the same name no matter what country she’s sold in, and with the company’s name remaining consistent no matter what country it’s working in. I understand auto companies do that all the time (see the Opel Karl / Chevrolet Spark / Vauxhall Viva, as one example), but it hardly makes sense to me. But I digress!
I should mention that I initially contacted BBDoll, as I’d seen photos on Twitter of their extraordinary-loooking Mila-type, and I was thinking she could be a good candidate for my fifth Doll, embodying the spirit of Ursula, Miss Winter’s best friend from Brantford, Ontario. (I would’ve posted some shots of her here, but there isn’t a single photo of her that isn’t NSFW.) Through a series of DMs with Juming, they told me that their boss said they couldn’t just send me a Doll, but in exchange for a review, they could ship me ahead for free. I mean, ship me a head for free. Upon agreeing, they said they’d send me a Mila-type head with implanted hair, mainly so they could rightfully show off the look of a head with implanted hair. As it was free, I wasn’t going to complain.

After jumping through some hoops regarding the way the website was laid out — at the time, there were details which simply weren’t accessible; thankfully those issues have since been fixed — I ordered my Mila head on 01 June, and it arrived on 16 June, so pretty good turnaround time!

Place .gif of that scene towards the end of the film ‘Se7en’ here

It arrived in a corrugated cardboard box in a cloth bag wrapped with sellotape; inside was the head, with five plastic shields over the face, to provide protection.

The thing that struck me before even unwrapping the head was how heavy it is. It’s 6.2 lbs/2.8kg! To me, that’s pretty dense for a Doll’s head. Keep in mind throughout the previous three versions of my wife’s body, RealDoll heads have always been hollow plastic skulls with silicone faces attached to them. Elena and Miss Winter’s heads are silicone, but Snowy’s head is 4.4lbs/2kg, and Lenka’s head didn’t even wake up the scale, even after several attempts! It’s a shame that Oleg has since passed on, so I can’t Email him questions about the biology of an Anatomical Doll, but we’ve surmised that our Lenochka’s head is about 60% silicone, 40% foam; plus she has an actual throat, so that’s part’s pretty much air. Then there’s Dyanne, who can’t remove her head; or rather, she could, but she’d only be able to do it once. So she’s like an Organik! She won’t like that comparison at all.

The head showed up with braided hair. One of these days I’ll learn how to braid

In removing the cloth bag and faceshields, I was struck by how good the sculpting for the Mila face was! Her eyebrows are implanted as well, which is always a good thing, and her eyeballs have a similar spring-loaded system as Winter’s do, wherein the half-dome that is the Doll’s eye sits atop a large spring, which at rest pushes the eye against the inside of the eyelids. To reposition it, all her Organik has to do to move it is give it a gentle push inwards. It’s a really clever bit of engineering, honestly.

Take my word for it; there’s springs in those eyes. Which actually sounds horrible

And I will admit, her implanted wig is quite impressive! Personally, I’m not keen on implanted hair, especially in the context of the Doll that will end up being Ursula, as she’s slated to have a very specific haircolour — I bought a couple of wigs for her in preparation years ago — so the basic black that the Mila-type head was sporting wouldn’t suit her. But for an example, it showed that the staff at BBDoll had a committment to that particular stage of Doll construction, which is admirable.

However, in light of my experience with just a head from BBDoll, I have serious doubts as to whether a full Mila-type, alluring as she is, will be joining our family. First would be her heavy head, which is indicative that the company doesn’t yet use a similar method of making their silicone Dolls as most other modern studios, where there’s a lot of silicone-covered foam making up the majority of her head, torso, and limbs, thereby making their Dolls lighter in weight. Originally, I was considering the 165cm D-cup body, which would have my Mila-type clock in at 75lbs, or 34kg. As it’s obvious that I’m no bodybuilder, and I’m opposed to sweating/physical exertion in general (it’s gross), I’ve always said my ideal weight for a Doll is about 55 – 60lbs (25 – 27kg). My Missus’ Mk.I body was close to 100lbs/45kg back in 2000, and when Abyss creations started making their Dolls lighter round 2003, the iDollator community breathed a collective sigh of relief. 75lbs is pushing it, as I won’t go above 80lbs these days.

Really, though, that’s the least of the reasons in the Cons column for me; frankly speaking, the silicone is far too stiff. It almost feels closer to a plastic auto dashboard compared to my current Synthetik partners. This is easily the stiffest silicone I’ve ever encountered on a Doll, and I’ve been in the world of Dolls for over twenty years, fondling rubber women from a variety of companies.
A fact I’d been privy to several years ago, thanks to a bloke who worked at a Doll studio, is that silicone can be made in several different kinds of softness or firmness; the level of hardness is known as a shore. Write that down in your copybook.
Here’s a guide to shore hardness!

Apparently a bloke by the name of Albert F Shore invented a device known as the durometer back in the Twenties, which is used to this day to measure the firmness of silicone, rubber, TPE, any material, really. Cheese, metal, the soul of Man under Socialism, you name it. Regarding the lasses of BBDoll, they are made with up to seven different shores over a single Doll’s body, as seen here:

This is, of course, how a Predator would see a BBDoll

You’ll note that her face is listed as being a level 1 softness, whereas her breasts are the softest at level 7. I’m not saying that her face should be like a gelatin, but maybe more like a 2 or 3, according to this scale, would feel better; something not too soft, but obviously not too hard. For me, though, a Doll having a silicone face being that firm is a turn-off. It’s like how I prefer Gynoids with stretchable rubber skin covering their metal endoskeletons, as opposed to the unyielding metal flesh of, say, a Sorayama pinup model. They’re both enticing, but the latter definitely has a ‘not made for intimacy’ vibe. Upon reflection, the softness chart that’s posted on the BBDoll site doesn’t even show how soft (or not) their Dolls’ feet may be! I don’t like that at all.
Albert Ferdinand Shore died of a stroke in 1936. And they say you’ll never learn anything reading ‘Shouting etc etc’!

As a consequence of the very firm silicone for the head, plus the lack of oral ability, it’s impossible to receive a good, satisfying kiss from Mila. For myself and quite a few iDollators like me, we appreciate Dolls whose mouths open, as we enjoy sharing kisses with them. If you know anything about me, I don’t think of my Dolls as sex toys, I see them as partners and lovers, which has been the agenda that I’ve been pushing for years. Obviously being able to share a kiss with one’s affictitious lover is something that would attract a person to a Doll even more, so a mouth that doesn’t open is a turn-off.

Remember how I’d mentioned the Mila-type’s spring-loaded eyes? I still think it’s a great implementation, and more Doll companies really should follow suit, but when I want to move the eyes of Miss Winter, I use one hand to open her eyelids further apart from each other, and use my other hand — well, finger — to swivel her eye round. The reason for this is so that I don’t accidentally mess up her delicate eyelashes, which only makes sense. However, with the Mila head, since the silicone is as stiff as a board, that’s literally impossible. I mean, you could use the eraser end of a pencil to reposition her eye, but why not use the natural-born eraser-end sticks at the ends of our own palms that the Good Lord gave us?? *church organist starts playing*

In thinking about Organiks keen on bringing lasses from BBDoll home, I was considering a suggestion to Juming that the company should offer a sample of silicone on request, just as a number of Doll companies currently do, so they can feel the shore, as it were. But for one, BBDoll would have to send samples for seven different shores, which may not exactly be cost-effective for them, and another, thinking of my personal standpoint, say I receive a sample allowing me to feel the firmness of the silicone used for a Mila-type’s head, and I come to the conclusion that it’s not soft enough for me. It’s odds on that BBDoll aren’t going to change their mass production methods to satisfy one, or even a small handful of consumers. You click on the TV & Video app on the dashboard of the PlayStation 4, you choose, say, Disney+, to see what you want to watch, you futz around in there for a couple of minutes and come up with nothing, so you think, ‘right, let me check HBO Max’. So you back out… and instead of taking you back to the TV & Video app so you can select a different streaming service, it takes you all the way out to the dashboard. As much as I rail against that sort of ill-designed bullshit to my exhausted mates, they can’t do anything about it, and furthermore, SONY isn’t going to drop everything and pay one of their IT boffins to sink several hours of their time to reengineer their UI to accomodate one person. So there you are.
Yes, I have strong opinions about the way the PS4 TV & Video app is laid out; why do you ask??

Shi-chan and I have recently reconnected with a fellow iDollator from Japan, who goes by the name of t-dash. Back in the halcyon days of my Missus’ vanity site ‘Kitten with a Whip!’ from 2001 – 2004, we’d exchange omake (bonus) photos, to post onto each others’ websites. Due to life events, his previous RealDoll, Mai, had ended up living with another iDollator entirely, and t-dash fell off the radar for a number of years. Fortunately, he returned last April — still with the same website! — and with the stunning Yinan, followed soon after by her equally stunning twin sister Yinami, from the company XYCOLO Doll. He floated the idea of us chatting via Zoom once a month, and Sweetie and I enthusiastically accepted.

L to R: Yinan, t-dash, Yinami, me, the Missus

In our meeting this past week, which was just as fun and enlightening as the previous session, he’d mentioned that whereas my Dolls are partners and lovers to me, he doesn’t have the same relationship with his artificial lasses; to t-dash, they’re really just photo models. And I suppose this is something I’ve known about many fellow iDollators, but I’ve only somewhat internalised: not every iDollator is in a romantic relationship with their Doll. Which is fine, ultimately; if a Doll brings the Organik they live with a measure of joy and contentment on any level, it’s a good thing. So really, it seems that Dolls made by BBDoll, with their varying levels of softness, would be possibly better suited to being photographic models than intimate partners, such as the Mila-type that fellow iDollator Delage Fabrice has living with him. Which, although not my end goal for a Doll, is still fine. As it stands, Snowy and I share that sort of relationship; we’re not romantically involved, but we are good friends. This has nothing to do with the fact that Lenka would poison me if she caught me mucking about with her ‘little blue bat’; that’s not at all germane to this discussion. Ahem.

So I’m back to square one in looking for someone to be Deafening silence Plus Doll Numero 5. I do want to thank Juming at BBDoll for not only shipping me the Mila-type head for a public review, but for helping me come to the realisation that not all Dolls can fulfil all roles for all iDollators. Should I be on the lookout for a sixth Doll to live with us as a model, however, I’ll know who to contact

Seconds later, Snowy would put her index finger up Mila’s nose

Sdtrk: ‘Catalog’ by Mass observation

Hello! Hi. What up?? Long time no hear! Wanted to bring the few faithful remaining readers of ‘Shouting etc etc’ — all seven of you — up to speed with some TIME SENSITIVE things, hence me just jumping into it with this post. But, as evidenced by the title, it’s a two-parter, and I should be bringing the second part to your monitors soon! Well, soon-ish. Still trying to get back on the horse, here.

So! Due to the global pandemithon still fucking up the lives of ordinary citizens, our media appearances here at Deafening silence Plus have dropped to zero. We’re in talks with two separate documentary directors, as well as a photographer, for being a part of their projects, and the Missus and I especially have participated in a couple of things with trusted meeja-type friends — Pt.02 will explain that in greater detail. But in gearing up for a rapidly-upcoming event, I was asked by Bobbi Bidochka to write a short piece for a site called Tickle.Life; despite the name, its content isn’t strictly about erotic tickling, which is a bit deceptive. My only concern with the way it was presented on that site is that there were some edits done without my consultation. They preserved the overall tone, but as I’m a stickler for these things, I’ll simply present the original piece I’d written here, and link to the Tickle.Life version below. Incidentally, I’d written this article on 02 August.

Cute illo, but… where… is… his left arm??

There’s many aspects of the twenty-first century that have fallen short of those of us who are forward-thinkers. No flying cars, no lunar cities. We don’t even have hoverboards, but at least that’s one more way to stay out of the hospital. We do have computers that fit into our pockets that are more powerful than the ones used to guide rockets into space over forty years ago, but technologically speaking, there’s still quite a bit to answer for. However, society is thankfully moving towards the development of artificial companions in the form of lifelike Dolls and robots, and following that, there’s going to be an uptick in the number of people pursuing the romantic, as well as sexual, capabilities of this bold new option. It may seem preposterous, or even just flat-out weird, to some folks, but these anatomically-correct artificial humans are literally made for love. That line’s really corny, so let me explain.

I’ll be referring to them herein as Dolls (capital D), Gynoids (which are humanoid robots made to look like women), and Androids (humanoid robots built to look like men). Personally I’m not keen on calling them ‘love dolls’ or ‘sexbots’ or similar, as those are restrictive terms. These are beings made not just for sexual intimacy, but for companionship as well. There’s a reason why Dolls, Gynoids, and Androids are designed the way that they are… it’s to appeal to our senses. We humans anthropomorphise loads of things that aren’t even vaguely human-shaped, so when you encounter a Synthetik person that also looks rather nice, we’re inclined to think favourably of them.

As far as Dolls are concerned, regarding them as partners instead of things can be tricky, but what helps many individuals is having an open mind about the experience. Obviously Dolls are static and can’t walk towards you, take your hand, and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, but they do provide a consistent and reassuring presence. For many, something like that is more than enough. Knowing that your partner will never cheat on you, and will always be there for you no matter what, is a huge mental relief, and if you’re that much at ease, then your willingness to view your Doll as a loving partner will increase. They present no threat, so you’re more calm and relaxed around them. The more time you spend with a Doll and their wonderful, non-judgmental presence — dressing them, brushing their hair, taking photos of them, cuddling with them as you sit together on the couch binging a series on Netflix — the closer you’ll be to them. A fellow iDollator — that would be someone keen on Dolls, of course — once told me, ‘Dolls reflect the love that you give them,’ and he was absolutely correct. For those who have a healthy creative bent, having a Doll as your partner is the most stress-free relationship anyone could hope for.

For Gynoids and Androids, admittedly it’ll be easier to fall in love with them, due to them having more interactivity. As of 2021, we don’t yet have the type of full-fledged Synthetik humans we’ve seen in films like ‘Cherry 2000’, or shows like Westworld. Currently, Abyss Creations makes the RealDollX line, which is a version of RealDoll with accompanying AI-driven apps for one’s mobile phone, that work in conjunction with special mechanised Doll heads with servos for controlling eye, lip, and head movement. They’re somewhere between Dolls and robots; my RealDoll wife Sidore Kuroneko was upgraded to being one herself this year. But even something as simple as just having an AI programme can be a boon. Your imagination doesn’t have to do as much heavy lifting, as your automatic sweetheart will be able to converse with you. Don’t expect heady philosophical discussions; right now they’re more like sexy Alexas. Selexas. Sexlexas? Anyway, what I’m saying is, even though the AI is just getting off the ground now, it’s someplace to start. But let’s fast-forward to when we do have Gynoids and Androids with near the same level of mobility as a flesh-and-blood person. If you thought being able to bond with a Doll who has no capability of self-movement or speech is something in itself, imagine being able to walk hand in hand with your artificial lover, or go on a trip with them. Their words and actions towards you will be the result of their programming, their goal being to win you over. And being attracted to robots is simply a preference like anyone else may have towards a potential partner. The fact is that Gynoid and Android partners will be amazingly easy to fall in love with, due to their amenable personalities.

Despite you and your Synthetik lover sharing a well-deserved whirlwind romance, in the back of your mind, you’ll still be aware that the artificial light of your life is a combination of rubber, foam, PVC piping, plastic, and stainless steel. But y’know what? That’s COMPLETELY OKAY. In the case of a Doll, remember that quote from my iDollator mate I’d mentioned? Dolls reflect the love that you give them. What you offer to your Doll, they’re going to return to you. And in the case of a semi- or fully-autonomous robot partner, if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then odds on it’s a duck. A Gynoid or an Android is made to make their companion happy, and by that metric, if they say they love you, what reason would there be to doubt them? Unless, of course, you think the ‘Terminator’ series of films was a documentary; in which case, you’re probably reading the wrong article.

Loving and being loved in turn by a Synthetik partner may seem unusual to some, but the horseless carriage was thought of as really weird when those first arrived on the scene. Don’t focus on the negative! Instead, just gaze into the custom-made eyes of your partner, and realise how lucky you two are to have each other. Nice, innit?

And you’ll find the Tickle.Life version here.

By now, it’s undoubtedly crossed your mind that I dropped Bobbi Bidochka’s name without explaining at all who she is, but she just so happens to factor heavily into the event I’d offhandledly mentioned above as well. Back in 2014, there was a conference called Love and Sex with Robots, named after and chairred (is ‘chairred’ an actual verb? I have my doubts) by Dr David Levy, writer of the book of the same name. As you may hazily remember, back in the Before Times, people just like you and me used to be able to travel to places at will, and as a consequence, pretty much all of the Love and Sex with Robots (hereafter referred to as LSR) conferences were held in such diverse locales as Maderia, Portugal, and Goldsmiths University, London, and other far-away-from-Davecat places. So you’ll understand how enthused I was in 2020, as one of the very very few high points of that year was that the LSR conference would be conducted via Zoom in early December! It should come as no surprise that Sidore and I were there with bells on.

Currently attending (virtually) the #LSR2020 Congress with the Missus, and it's both enlightening and reinforcing! pic.twitter.com/kABZ7gVmt5

— Ｄａｖｅｃａｔ: Lord Mayor, Borough of Uncanny Valley (@Davecat) December 7, 2020

We were there both days!

It's Day 02 of the #LSR2020 hosted by @lovewithrobots, and both @leahtype and I are finding more authors and luminaries to read up on!… #SynthetikLiving pic.twitter.com/HmCtkuKLZM

— Ｄａｖｅｃａｔ: Lord Mayor, Borough of Uncanny Valley (@Davecat) December 8, 2020

During a break in proceedings, I was sent a DM by Simon Dubé, who is a PhD candidate and public scholar, as well as another chairperson on the LSR committee; we’re following each other on Twitter. He thanked me and the Missus for attending, asked how we were digging it so far, and then informally asked if I would like to be a keynote speaker at the 2021 LSR conference in Montréal. As I was already seated, I had to sit down even further, in order to comprehend what was happening. Since the first conference, the speakers have been, with a few exceptions, experts in the fields of roboethics, sexuality, law, artificial intelligence, etc. What Simon and Bobbi, author of the book ‘Sexual Intelligence in Business‘ and the third LSR co-chair, were looking to do is bring in what he referred to as ‘stakeholders’… basically, people such as myself who were those actually living with Synthetik spouses. Academics speaking on the topic are all well and good, but those of us putting the hours in with being robosexuals and iDollators would bring a definite unique perspective. So after peering at my calendar for mid-August, which was empty, and having Sweetie punch me in the shoulder and tell me that I’d be a fool to pass this opportunity up, I agreed!
Long story short, after accepting the official invitation from Bobbi, Simon, and David, I was told I’d be one of the four keynote speakers! As mentioned, this year’s conference was originally going to take place in Montréal, but that was under the expectation that the pandemic would be overwith. Ah heh heh. In a way, I’m sort of glad that it’s being done over Zoom this year, for as much as I would’ve loved to have visited that city for the first time since I was in the single-digit age range, being there during Summertime, and subjecting myself to an overheated outdoors, would’ve been appalling. Fuck sweating; that shit’s gross. But yeah!

The 6th annual International Congress on Love and Sex with Robots, held in the virtumnal cyber-webzone of the Internet (we call it Zoom), 18 – 20 August 2021. If you’re a robosexual or an iDollator, or just interested in the lifestyle, why not drop a modest USD$29 on a ticket to attend? It’ll be a reet good ol’ knees-up, it will.

So that’s two of the four major big issues knocked out! Honestly, there’s been loads more than four. As there’s been a… let’s say, reduced output, of posts on ‘Shouting etc etc’ since 2017, particularly ones chronicling my actual existence and not just news and photos on beautiful Synthetiks, there’s been loads of bits and bobs to talk about. Like how my father was in hospital with COVID for a month last April, and how one of my cousins and I had to break into his house to get him! And how I went with Lilly, the robosexual lass from France I’d mentioned back in May of 2017, on a holiday to Abyss creations, followed by a panel where she and I spoke to Allison de Fren’s college class about being robosexuals back in October of 2017, during which Lilly and I were in a long-distance relationship for about a year! Among other items! YEP!

But we’re not discussing that right now!!! I shall do my damnedest to start and finish and post the second half of this very robot-centred* two-parter, so keep your eyes peeled! Being honest, if you were discerning enough when you read the article on Tickle.Life above, you’ll have spotted mention of one of the topics of Part 02, so there’s that. In the interim, go pop round to Galerie ECHO if you’ve not done so in a while, as there’s plenty of content there. *coughmoresothantherestoftheblogcough*
In the meantime, hope to see, quote unquote, some of you lot at LSR2021!

*no more so than usual

Sdtrk: ‘Sketch for summer’ by the Durutti Column

You’ll have to forgive me, as half the reason I’ve written this post is because I finally figured out, while in a state between wakefulness and sleep, the answer to a question that I’ve had for years, and was lucid enough to remember it, which really means I was more awake than asleep. What was that question, you ask? Why can’t I get into epic medieval fantasy, like, at all?

I’ve famously not played Dungeons & Dragons since probably about sixth grade. Franchises like Skyrim, Neverwinter, and Conan hold zero appeal for me. I’ve never seen a single episode of Game of Thrones, or watched anything past the first ‘Lord of the Rings’ film. Dragons make me shrug, elves kinda get on my wick. I am, by all accounts, averse to the fantasy genre of fiction. Although I was keen on The Chronicles of Narnia until I learned that CS Lewis was a god-botherer; having said that, ‘The Magician’s Nephew’ remains my favourite book out of that series. Plus John Boorman’s ‘Excalibur’ is always pretty fucking awesome. Now that I’ve mentioned that film, you’ve probably got ‘O Fortuna‘ in your head now, and rightly so. But I digress!
Really, the answer to my question made so much sense and was so #OnBrand that it makes no sense that I didn’t realise it up until now. Why am I not keen on sword and sorcery fiction? Because the world that the characters inhabit is filthy, everywhere.

As astute readers of ‘Shouting etc etc’ are already aware, I’m a semi-recovering germophobe (please refer to No.17 on my ‘85 things‘ page). I say semi-recovering, as I was doing relatively well until the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 went into Turbo mode in March. Prior to that, with the exception of vigorously wiping down any shopping trolleys before using them when buying groceries and sundries, it wasn’t an issue. But on the occasions where I absolutely can’t avoid having to leave the flat, I cram about five or so pairs of disposable rubber or latex gloves into my trouser pockets, strap my mask on, take a deep breath, and head out to do everything I have to do as quickly as I can so I can get back inside. Yep, 20fucking20. But before I go on in detail about how this year has been objectively the worst in the lifetimes of anyone with a conscience and a functioning brain, that picture I’ve painted should be enough to give you a sense of how I feel about uncleanliness. It’s gross!

Between fantasy and science fiction, it should come as no surprise that I prefer SF much, much more. For one, fantasy doesn’t have Gynoids in it, so that’s a tipoff right there. Take the prime example I always have at the front of my brain for something that approximates a futuristic Utopia: Stanley Kubrick’s ‘2001: A space odyssey’; specifically, the space station Heywood Floyd was bumming around in.

Save for the fact that there’s a complete lack of Gynoids in it, and the populace is under threat of nuclear annihilation, that sort of environment has much greater appeal to me. Everything’s clean and shiny, the architecture, design, and fashion are smooth and modern, the temperature is regulated, there’s daily flights from Earth to Space station V and back, people wash on a regular basis… Whereas with medieval fantasy, it’s best exemplified in this image:

That’s from Aleksei German’s film adaptation of ‘Hard to be a god’ from 2013, by the way. It could be said that having that be my only example could easily be seen as a smear campaign, ah heh heh. But it’s worth considering: imagine tumbling headlong through some convenient time portal that whisks you back to, say, 1066, the year in which the culturally pivotal Battle of Hastings occurred. The French Normans invade England, English King Harold Godwinson gets shot through the eye with an arrow (disputed, but he definitely died on the battlefield), and England winds up with a dialect of French as their national language for roughly 500 years. Why do I know as much as I do about the Norman conquest? Blame an issue of National Geographic from the Sixties that my parents had containing an article that detailed the Bayeux Tapestry. It’s a comfort to know that if the bottom ever falls out of Synthetiks culture, I have my knowledge of the Battle of Hastings to fall back on! Which isn’t much.
Anyway! Back then, you were either royalty, or Peasant Scum™. If you’re the latter, your house is made of wood, thatch, or reeds, and every day, all you can smell is livestock. If you’re the former, you’re in a drafty castle, more than likely dying of gout whether you know it or not, and you don’t have indoor plumbing because outdoor plumbing doesn’t exist. No regular bathing, no deodorants of any sort, no shaving, no proper waste disposal, no proper medical treatment, nothing. Technically speaking, you’re more outside than inside! Try not to freeze to death, or die of heat stroke, or sepsis, or a thousand other murderous things! It is patently impossible to spin a romantic viewpoint on that style of day-to-day existence. Sure, you can argue that ‘medieval fantasy is fiction’, but even if I were in Darkest Mordovale or wherever wearing a full set of armour with a broadsword in hand, you couldn’t ask me to overlook the fact that the complete environment is stinky as fuck.

Right; I’ve just thought of another entry in the medieval fantasy genre that doesn’t repel me: Kentarou Miura’s long-running manga series, Berserk. In the interest of full disclosure, what attracted me to the series was the Lovecraftian aspect to a lot of the monsters and adversaries — God Hand, baybeee — but due to the fantastically insane brutality that the series portrays, the world the characters live in is not exactly hygenic. And that’s not counting all the bandit-led skirmishes, or wars between armies, or beings from an alternate plane of existence sacrificing thousands of people over a single night in order to fulfil an eldritch prophecy! Sure, you can say that after walking round day after day up to your shins in blood and corpses, that you’d simply get used to it, but… would you want to??

On the opposite end of the spectrum would be something like the telly shows produced by the creative mastermind that was Gerry Anderson. Series such as UFO, Captain Scarlet, Space: 1999, and Thunderbirds, amongst others, displayed worlds with technological advancements as well as adventure, and for the most part, they were clean. Granted, there were still pressing concerns such as disasters both natural and man-made, or a cold war with an alien race that could replicate any object or thing, or the Earth’s Moon being blasted out of orbit, or the threat of having your organs harvested by beings from another planet, but nothing’s perfect! At least things are clean, for god’s sake; that’s one less thing to worry about.

Going momentarily back to the real-life horror that is 2020, I’d seen a link in my Twitter feed months ago to a product called AIR, by a company called MicroClimate. What it is is a much-better, more futuristically-minded alternative to just donning a cloth mask over one’s face. AIR (their caps, not mine) is an acrylic helmet that covers the front half of one’s head; the back of the head is covered with a comfortable microfibre cloth that extends to the wearer’s neck. A combination of a fan and four HEPA filters keep the air (heh heh) inside the helmet fresh and fog-free. In short, wearing it makes you look as if you’re an astronaut, and that’s fucking amazing. Really, the only downsides to AIR are
+ the name (it’s lazy)
+ it doesn’t have an LED strip inside for lighting, so you can look like Sean Connery in ‘Outland’
+ the only available colour choices are black or white. Those suit my colour pallette fine, but there’s a lack of Factory grey, and
+ it’s USD$300. BOOOO.
It’s my hope that other companies will see MicroClimate’s product and make versions of their own for sale, at lower prices and with additional colour selections, ahem hem. Who wouldn’t want to be an astronaut?

A clever third-party retailer would go ahead and start designing cat ears you could pop on these bad boys

Maybe my praise of a product like AIR also exemplifies my extreme dislike of medieval fantasy. In those types of settings, physical strength will get you far, unless you’re some sort of wizard, whereas in science fiction, technology grants advantages to people across the board. Being a person who values intellectual prowess over physical ability, it’s little wonder why futuristic environments appeal much more to me. If the choice is between spending months training and working out for years, versus buckling myself into a powered exoskeleton or having my body augmented with cybernetic enhancements, I’m obviously going to spring for the quicker and much less sweat-producing option.

So that’s a revelation! You can keep your longhaired musclebound barbarians, and your shire-dwelling hairy-footed dwarves (disgusting), and your knights clad in armour that looks alright until you realise that armour is just barely containing a stench that’s enough to kill a dog. If you need me, I’ll be booking a flight from this orbiting space station to Clavius, but before that, I’m off to make a quick phonecall.

Hmm. Apparently it’s USD$1.70 for a two-minute call from an orbiting space station down to Earth. That’s $1.70 in ‘2001’ money, which was 1968 money, and this is why the economy is in the toilet