I owe it all to her. Well, most ov it.

typed for your pleasure on 20 July 2004, at 4.15 pm

I mentioned in a previous post that I was slightly depressed. It’s an on-again, off-again kinda ov thing; nothing clinically serious, but it’s insidiously ever-present. I’ve pretty much been this way roughly since January ov this year, and it all started because ov a girl. But I’ll get to that in a moment.

Currently, I’m thirty-one years ov age, and living back at my parents’ house, which is a quarter-ton barrel ov fun, believe me. I’m attending courses at a nearby community college so I can obtain a degree in court reporting/broadcast captioning, as my current job ov fundraiser *coughtelemarketercough* sucks an incredible amount ov cock & balls. I decided to go into the court reporting thang, as I did some looking into it, and it fits two essential criteria ov mine perfectly:
1) it’s a lucrative job
2) you don’t have to deal with a lot ov people if you don’t want to.
Round December 03, I enrolled in the Elsa Cooper school of Court Reporting, where I was told this story: One ov their graduates has a job where she works four hours a day — from noon to 2pm, and from 6 to 8pm — doing the onscreen captioning for a local television news programme from her home. This woman makes about $65,000 a year. Yeah, that cash register sound? That came from me. See the $$ signs in my eyes?

Ever since the Telecommunications Act in 1995 was passed, stating that all programmes shown on American television have to be close-captioned by 2005, there’s been a huge job field open, and the best people to do this would be those trained as court reporters, as they have crazy typing speed. But there’s currently a lack ov court reporters available. See where I’m going with this? So I signed up at Elsa Cooper, one ov the preeminent schools in the nation. Trouble was, they were undergoing some changes; they were being bought by another company, and changing their name to Key Institute, which would hopefully allow them to offer financial aid to students, as they weren’t an accredited school. So I signed up, paid my entrance fee ov $95, and took & passed the entrance exam in December, with classes beginning in January. January rolls around, and they delay the start ov classes for a fortnight. Two weeks later, the school closes its doors after 44 years. Apparently, the deal with the Other Company That Was Buying Them Out fell thru, and they had to close. I was advised to look into classes at Oakland Community College, as their classes are the most similar to Elsa Cooper’s. Needless to say, I was crestfallen.

So yep, I’m at my parents’, not paying rent so I can pay for school. I’m jumping thru some serious fucking hoops right now to try to get a grant, which I’m sure I’ll touch upon in a future entry. But I guess between my telemarketing job & the person I used to live with, my experiences with them were so hideously unpleasant, that it drove me to say ‘I need to do something to get out ov this situation before I kill her, and then kill myself’. And if I’m dead, how would I be able to move to Toronto? There’s no such thing as a ‘corpse visa’. So I suppose I should thank my ex-roommate for being such a despicable slag, otherwise I would be much more miserable, and probably in prison, or decomposing. Thanx, you ridiculous tart!

Oops! We’re out ov time! Heh heh. 🙂 I’ll get to the details ov the Slag later. TUNE IN NEXT TIME!

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

HONK HONK on January 3rd, 2005

Media appearances on March 25th, 2008

One has spoken to “I owe it all to her. Well, most ov it.”

  1. Patrick writes:

    OUCH! Sorry to hear the school closing! That does suck ass. So, you’re going the court reporter route to get to doing close-captioning..are there schools which just specialize in doing the latter, save a step?

    Just think. At least you have your health! 😉 Now here’s hoping that toxic gas leak near your house doesn’t get any worse.

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