it’s a Link Rodeo (pronounced ‘ro-DAY-oh’)

typed for your pleasure on 20 August 2008, at 1.12 pm

Sdtrk: ‘I just wasn’t made for these times’ by the Beach boys

Summertime’s nearly overwith (thankfully), but it’s still sound advice to stay indoors where the air conditioning is and buy something online! After all, with US petrol prices hovering close to European levels, who wants to drive anywhere?

+ It’s… it’s lovely…

We at Coffincouches.com have the mindset of thinking “Green” and we know it is different but we strongly believe in recycling. Our niche happens to be 18 gauge steel coffins which we collected from local funeral homes primarily in Southern California. It is a health and safety law that funeral homes cannot resell used coffins to the general public. We approached funeral directors with the attitude of recycling. These coffins are not used for burial due to slight cosmetic inconsistencies. They are reconfigured and modified resulting in a finished product – a unique one a kind coffin couch.

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YES. A COUCH MADE OUT OF AN ACTUAL COFFIN. I need to start making more money, so I can get a bigger place, so I can fit one of these bad boys into it. Just over there, at a right angle to my Eero Aarnio ball chair

+ Come to think of it, I’ll need money for a whole new house, so I can buy some land in Scotland, and have it built upon it.

Buy a Laird, Lady or Lord Title today!
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to buy a title? For as little as $59.99 you can buy a noble title and your very own plot of land on an estate in Lochaber, in the Scottish Highlands. As a Scottish land owner you will be privileged to style yourself Laird, Lady or Lord of Lochaber.

The Laird title is the Scottish form of a Lord title, meaning “land owner” and by purchasing one of our range of plots you will become owner of your very own Highland Estate and Lord title – you choose how large an estate you want to own. Joint estates are available for couples.

You will be asked to provide us with the new Lord’s name when you place your order and we will swiftly deliver the fully personalised documents in a beautiful glossy full colour folder, shrinkwrapped to protect it in transit, and gift wrapped if desired. Whether it’s for yourself – or it is a gift, the pack is a delight to receive. You may use your land however you wish – feel free to take up residence if your Estate is large enough!

One of the things you get with your deed would be a heraldic crest of your very own. I’m tempted, so tempted… I mean, come on. Laird Davecat and Lady Sidore. Say that aloud, in a voice approximating Sean Connery’s for the full effect

+ This would be a very important test, that every one of us can use, that I found on das Interbutt.

How long could you survive in the vacuum of space?
Created by OnePlusYou

Cos y’know what? You never know when you may be forcibly ejected into the endless frigid vacuum that is Space Itself. You could even compose a haiku if you have enough time and a pen and paper!

Tumbling fast now
Explosion wrecks the capsule
This would be ggllarghaharrguhpfft

+ I really need to be reading ths more often: Overheard Everywhere. It’s rather like that Lewis Black joke about when he caught the tail end of a conversation from a lass on a cellphone ‘…and I would’ve gone back to college, if it weren’t for that horse!’, only for several high-larious pages.

Drunken wedding guest to videographer going from table to table: Zach*, I want to wish you and Jenny* many years of happiness, and I hope you get as much pleasure out of fucking her as I did.
Other guests at table: Erase that! Erase that!
Videographer: Are you kidding? This is like gold!

or

Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.

or

Victoria’s Secret salesgirl to couple: Our bras are 15% off today.
Male: I prefer it when your bras are 100% off.
Victoria’s Secret salesgirl: [With a blank look on her face.] That wouldn’t make sense. Then they would be free.

Quality. In the air and everywhere

+ Also, allow me to geek out for a minute — no laughing, you — and say OMFG WATCHMEN!!1!
Although I’ve not seen ‘300’, the bloke who directed that handled ‘Watchmen’ and so far, it looks like he’s done a fine job with the visuals, at the very least. I’m actually excited to see this when it comes out next March, and I daresay it might be even be a faithful adaptation of one of my favourite graphic novel series of all time. As long as it doesn’t get fucked and waylaid like that atrocious, hideous, ill-handled, and smelly film version of ‘League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’, I’ll be really happy. I might actually stop hating Hollywood for a couple of minutes! Although Alan Moore, the madman genius who wrote the story might not agree; he’s had a long history of Hollowwood taking liberties with adapting his works to the silver screen — ‘League’ would be a prime example — cos in looking over the credits, his name’s nowhere to be found… Still, I’m keeping my fingers tightly crossed

+ And finally, it appears that Paula ‘Botox-chan‘ Oliveira has A NEW CHALLENGER.

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You will soon find this pic distracting / annoying / terrifying

I dub thee… Lockjaw-chan. Perhaps this is the effect she was going for?

ta very much to KrazyQ for Lockjaw-chan’s pic

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Subspace is definitely the quickest way to get to Toronto on July 13th, 2010

Not exactly the Three-fold Law on April 16th, 2008

8 have spoken to “it’s a Link Rodeo (pronounced ‘ro-DAY-oh’)”

  1. Jaems writes:

    I had a seizure watching that slide…..

    Thank you for making me foam at the mouth, dear friend.

  2. Desiree writes:

    I look forward to being an official researcher, I promise my efforts will be quite equal to my pay.

    Sidore would look stunning on the coffin couch, I want one too! Really for the expense they should make it convertible back to its original purpose, that way your family would save on funeral expenses should tragedy befall you.

    We probably have the same decorating problems. My taste is split between a vaguely gothish art nouveau and 60s/70s pop. I currently have a white Kartell round-up rather too near an ornately carved wooden chest, and an orange ball lamp on a Chinese laquered bedside table. Someday perhaps I’ll need two houses, but til then I would be happy just having more than one room to myself.

  3. SafeTinspector writes:

    Coffin couches, the ultimate in convenience for the lazy American.
    Now they don’t even need to get up to go to the funeral home.

  4. SafeTinspector writes:

    That flickery Asian/Polynesian lass makes me cast about for my bent pipe again.

  5. Mahtek writes:

    Coffins that could not be used for burial due to slight cosmetic inconsistencies? Like who the hell’s gonna notice?

    “OMG! We can’t bury Gramp’s in that one! The paint is a little thin at the one corner!”

    Actualy, they should use those for the benches at McDonalds restaurants and in smoking lounges. Just so the regulars could get used to the feel. 😉

    And how big is that plot of land in Scotland, anyway? Could you stand upright holding Sidore without trespassing on an adjacent plot?

    That Paula realy needs to cut back on the energy drinks. She’s way too jittery!

  6. PBShelley writes:

    Bipolar topic-ness!

    A coffin-couch might be even too gothic-y for me. But I assume that if one was buried in one that it would be the epitome of green-ness, due to the fact that the worms will have little trouble assisting in that “dust-to-dust” bit.

    Next up, the Scottish land-scam! Oh yessss… My dear old dad when, in the flush of researching our Scottish ancestry, came across a similar um… “plot” let’s say, and gave in to them. Shortly after sending his money, the “deed” came along with his title of “Laird”. So now we have land in Scotland, or at least I do, since I have the actual paperwork.

    They never really mentioned that the “plot” is not so much land-based as it is on simply removing money from your wallet. They also fail to mention that said plot is… oh, about one square foot :-O So that would require not only a very very TALL house, but the continual intaking (and holding) of one’s breath.

    Well, I suppose the paper is worth something… to a goat! (They do have goats in Scotland, hm…)

    Lastly, yay for The Watchmen! I’ve held onto my comics ever since they came out; it’s Moore at his very best. As for his negative Hollywood experiences, I *think* he even removed his name from V For Vendetta too, didn’t he?

    Let’s hope they don’t screw this up; The Comedian will never forgive them!

    Well… I guess *spoiler snipped*

  7. Laura writes:

    First off, exactly how used are those coffins? They look cool, but it’s not so cool when you find a liver whilst searching for the remote.
    I’m still looking for Padme’s bed from Episode two. It’s hard to find a halfway decent picture of it.

  8. Davecat writes:

    Jaems –
    You are welcome! Remember: come to Davecat, for all your foam and foam-related needs!
    DAVECAT’S WORLD OF FOAM. OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, LOCATED JUST OFF THE I-23 TURNPIKE

    Desiree –
    The Missus agrees — she would look stunning on the coffin couch. 🙂
    Gods, now she’s got ideas in her head…

    I think we do have similar decorating dilemmas! Probably fashion, too. Shi-chan’s more Goth/Mod, whereas I’m more Mod/Goth. Deafening silence Plus looks like it was fitted out by IKEA, but 95% of the furniture and shelves and whatnot are either black, or grey. Over on one shelf, you’ve got a life-sized glow-in-the-dark model of a skull; in the kitchen, you’ve got a vintage 1967 op-art bedsheet covering a wall. With these design conflicts, by rights, our place shouldn’t exist. And yet it does!

    …or does it??

    SafeT
    OH SNAP

    Also, a bent pipe? Did Dr Freeman take your crowbar or something?
    Upon reflection, if you had that, a wee bit more hair, and some glasses, you could probably pass as a convincing Gordon Freeman. You’ve already got the goatee!

    Mahtek –
    Yeah, exactly. ‘We can’t be expected to bury our loved one in this! There’s a slight ding at the base! What would our loved one’s undead neighbours think??’

    The funeral industry’s a little, o, what’s the word… insane, though. There’s this jaw-dropper of a book that I’d once read called ‘The American Way of Death‘ by Jessica Mitford, that details her delvings into the funeral industry, and those people are not just brim-full of unnecessary pomp and circumstance, but they’re greedy, greedy tossers. So having them reject a ‘substandard’ casket isn’t completely out of the realm of possibility.

    Also, OH SNAP

    Sir PB of Shelley –
    You’ve answered Mahtek’s question! But TROD HEAVILY ON THE DREAMS OF ME AND THE MISSUS. 🙁
    Perhaps we can buy one plot, and start staging takeovers? We’d need a clan. We’d need a tartan! Maybe we can get one cheap from a Bay City Roller; it’s not like they’re really using them anymore.

    I’d forgotten about ‘V for Vendetta’! Knowing Alan’s teeth-gritting history of films being made of his material not meeting his specifications, I wouldn’t be surprised if his name were omitted from that as well. If the Comedian does forgive them, Rorschach sure as well won’t…

    I still have to read and watch ‘V for Vendetta’! Yadda yadda list of films I have to see as long as your arm, etc etc

    Laura –
    Keep in mind there are some people out there that find errant organs in their couches, that don’t have a Coffin Couch. ew.

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