Annoyed beyond reason and politeness

typed for your pleasure on 27 October 2005, at 2.15 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Bop scotch’ by Stereolab

AN OPEN LETTER TO MICRO$OFT

Dearest shitwicks,

I say this in all honesty, and without the slightest trace of insincerity: the lot of you need to choke down a cock, after which, you should crawl into ditches by the side of the road, and die. Tell me; if I’ve already bought a brand-new computer from a chain store that’s bundled with MS Windows, why in burning fuck does it not come with MS Office built into it? For free? I’m not talking about the ‘trial’ version, which is only good for 50 uses, I’m talking about full-usage Word, Access, Excel and PowerPoint being installed on the computer I just paid $1000 for. You know damn well people need Word at home, at the very least, and if you’re running any sort of business, I suppose the other three are useful as well. Once my classes are complete, I’ll probably never use Excel or Access ever in my life — much like algebra — but that’s irrelevant. Why are these not standard-issue programmes?

I was over at BestBuy this morning, checking on the prices for MS Office 2003 Student/Teacher Edition, as I was told by a classmate that it was only fifty bucks. Well, this just confirms that shouldn’t listen to my classmates at all, as she neglected to add a one in front of that fifty. And naturally, I was at the store with only $55. Apart from the fact that the basic, i.e. Student/Teacher version should already be in all store-bought PCs that run Windows — that is to say, all of them — if you insist on selling it separately, you really need to lower your goddamn prices. Christ in shitty knickers, $150?? For the ‘incomplete’ version?? So what all does the Professional version do that the cheaper version not do? I mean, if the Professional version is four hundred fucking dollars, there had better be a blowjob that ranks as a profound spiritual experience. Actually there should be several of them, and it doesn’t count if Bill Gate$ face is involved.

There is no reason why MS Office isn’t standard issue on PCs. There is no reason, if it’s not bundled with a computer, why it should be so horrifically expensive. No reason on earth. Bill Gate$, you need to stop being a cumguzzling profit whore for once in your life, and do what I tell you to do, you weedy little shit. Failing that, your dramatic and humourous self-immolation would be the only other thing I’d want from you.

And your money. That goes without saying.

Love,
Davecat

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Sordid graveyard of foodstuffs on July 25th, 2007

A blog is not a place for 'feelings' on April 21st, 2005

9 have spoken to “Annoyed beyond reason and politeness”

  1. KrazyQ writes:

    Yes, it’s called PROFIT MARGIN. They make gobs of money using a model people like to call the “Microsoft Tax”. Which is why my home computer runs OpenOffice which is FREE and just as powerful. Cheers!

  2. SafeTinspector writes:

    http://www.openoffice.org
    Version 2 is very nice, and is file compatible with Word.
    You don’t NEED Microsoft…

  3. Davecat writes:

    I’m looking at those screenshots, and already I see the potential for disaster.

    I think I’d be inclined to grab OpenOffice, if I weren’t currently taking a MS Office 2003 course. I’m trying to get used to the functions of Access, Excel, and PowerPoint as it is, and not having recognisable icons is probably not the best of ideas. ‘Hey, while you’re learning French, why don’t we throw some Italian at ya??’

    Heh, ‘the Micro$oft tax’. Yeah, that’s about the size of it. Bill Gate$ is a cunt, and I’d like to shoot him in the face.

  4. Zip Gun writes:

    Your title line should read “Annoyed beyond reason etc” instead of “Irritated beyond etc”, as irritation refers to a skin reaction, whereas annoyance refers to an emotional state. Yours pedantically, Zip Gun

    PS Unless you broke out in hives because of this, in which case I congratulate you on your word choice.

  5. Davecat writes:

    ‘Miffed’?
    ‘Irked’?
    ‘BOLLOCKED’??
    etc.

  6. Zip Gun writes:

    The wife corrected me several years ago when I stated that I was irritated by something, and she explained the difference. I have consequently been able to correct her on it a few times, and I enjoy being able to pass it along to whomever I can. Words is fun! And stuff.

  7. PBShelley writes:

    Hey D.C.,
    Very timely! I just received my copy of Word 2003 at the upgrade price of $109 or so. If you have a previous version of Word, you can get it at upgrade price. I don’t use the other Office components, so this is JUST for Word 2003. I installed it on my laptop (Lily’s book machine) and am about to try ALSO putting it on my desktop, and hoping that it doesn’t explode my PC because it’s a second install. I don’t put anything past them. Think I’ll disconnect this from the Ethernet first though…
    Note that this only works if you have the previous version installed on your computer (I have Word 2000).
    I went to the Microsoft Store website thingy and ordered it and got it in three days, not bad! But I’ll wait and see if I can install it on this desktop without butchering it (I was able to install Word 2000 on both without incident, but this one may be different, so YMMV…

    Best of luck 😉
    PBS (Lily is sleeping and dreaming of silicone sheep 😉 )

  8. SafeTinspector writes:

    I can’t fathom spending $100 for ANYTHING when there is a free alternative available with approximately the same features.
    That’s the kind of mentality that breeds Mont Blanc pens, Coach bags and Rolex watches.

  9. Davecat writes:

    ‘You’re paying for the name’; yeah, I hear ya. On the one hand, you have to beware of cheap knockoffs (‘R0lex’), but on the other hand.. you’re paying for the name. Which is especially horrible if this is a name that is associated with rushed, full-of-holes operating systems. Heh.

    If I manage to become Supreme Dictator of the Earth, people won’t have to pay more than $100 for a high-end computer with all mod cons. But then, I’m a notorious cheapskate, so who’s to go by me..

Leave a charming reply