On Summer

typed for your pleasure on 8 June 2008, at 8.41 pm

Sdtrk: ‘Walking in LA’ by Missing persons

That’s… almost body temperature. That can’t be good

Out of all the seasons we have foisted upon us, Summer has to be the worst, hands down. Autumn’s subtlety makes it superior; Spring’s never done me far wrong; Winter looks beautiful but it’s crap to be out in, but being chilly still beats basting in your own juices any day. The only redeeming thing about Summer is that it makes women reassess their choices in footwear, but that’s it, and that’s only a marginal reward, all told.

When I was younger and more willing to step out-of-doors, I remember developing a heat rash every Summer for three years running. Additional details are fuzzy, but I recall it was disgusting, as rashes tend to be. Then, of course, there’s the sweating, which, as far as I’m concerned, is a design flaw in Organik humans. Do you see cats sweating? No, no you don’t. Obviously they know something we don’t… And don’t forget tanning! Because making your flesh leathery and courting melanoma is always a worthwhile goal.

I’ll tell you: on the way to work Friday when I took the picture above, I saw a bloke geting his exercise in by running. Over the course of a mile, his body mass visibly shrank, as he was so overheated that he was rapidly losing weight. He went from probably about 185 lbs. to 40 just like that. Having stopped at an intersection, he was so weak and dehydrated that not only did he collapse, but the broiler heat of the tarmac reduced his frail form to a steaming paste within seconds, iPod and all.
Also, I saw a Pomeranian burst into blazing flames. It’s true.

In about a decade, when I am rightfully crowned First Grand Monarch of Earth, I resolve to put an end to this ‘summer’ ridiculousness; however, I’ve not decided how exactly. Either I’ll have enormous Bucky Fuller domes constructed over the major cities of the world, or I’ll have a fleet of gigantic air conditioning units flying in continuous formation around the globe, whichever’s more effective. Personally, I’m leaning toward the dome idea, cos if it worked for the society in ‘Logan’s Run‘, then there must be something to it, right?

Summertime. Clearly Nature’s biggest mistake

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Some random thoughts on the new Doctor Who on May 28th, 2006

Jeeves, fetch me my rocket launcher on August 20th, 2005

10 have spoken to “On Summer”

  1. Laura writes:

    Hun, try living in Florida.
    I hate it. It was 96 today. At least I have a car with air conditioning this year. And a job where I get to stay inside all day. But neither helps when you work up a sweat just walking to your car.
    I died laughing at the “Also, I saw a Pomeranian burst into blazing flames. It’s true.” line.
    I fully support your “Rid Earth of Summer” plan. And I call dibs on being your right hand man…eh woman.

  2. PBShelley writes:

    I agree about the unpleasantness of the summer heat, being an ex-Cali boy. Except living in Washington state has resulted in MAYBE two weeks worth of sunshine all year. Try THAT on for size. Talk about a bunch of grumpy people, jeez…

    San Francisco had the perfect weather. “Air-conditioner”? What is this “air-conditioner” of which you speak? Even on hot days the breeze would blow in in the afternoon, if you could make it that long. People just make fun of it because they’re… well, stupid; it was a great place to live. Too bad the yuppies took over *sigh*… priced me (and all the families) right out 🙁

    Anyway, when you are First Grand Monarch of Earth, how about just putting huge beanie-caps on both poles, gigantic beanie caps WITH PROPELLERS! It’ll probably save you a bundle compared with your other flying air-conditioners ideas, worthy as they are.

    I *am* a fan of Bucky Fuller, so that is my next-best chance for Saving The Earth. I’d make that my number one, but given the intelligence level and planning sensibility of the present gov’mints, I’d say that the propeller hats are more likely to happen than the domes.

    Regards and keep cool,
    PBS, Lily, & Eden

  3. Gina writes:

    I absolutely LOVE summer. I do not love the humidity but do love the sun, wearing less clothing and wearing flip flops or going barefoot, the pool parties and going to the lake, and being able to walk outside and have daylight til nine or so each evening. It has always been my favorite season.

    I suppose I love summer primarily because I get cold easily (even at 60 or 70 degrees I can feel cold) so the heat is a tremendous relief. If -I- was Monarch of the World, I would do away with winter and then do away with summer humidity. Yep.

    Yay summer! 🙂

  4. Laura writes:

    I would also like to add that Florida’s heat is very humid. To the point that most days it’s a hard to breathe. And that we have 10 months of Hell on earth heat and 2 months of bitter, sub zero winter. No such thing as Spring or Fall.
    My natural paleness and inability to tan used to bother me. Until I realized I put a lot into my skin (moisturizing and such) that there’s no way I was about to destroy it by tanning.
    So yay albino indians!

  5. Davecat writes:

    P to the B to the S, yo –
    If you look at it one way, beanie caps are domes, after a fashion. But I’ve never seen a beanie cap that wasn’t in that atrocious rainbow colour scheme. Any extraterrestrials seeing that from space would want to vaporise our planet immediately, due to our seemingly vulgar aesthetics! And with good reason.

    So Washington state is constantly shrouded in mist, then? Sounds like my kinda place. 😉

    Gina –
    Aww, you just get too cold too easily! Invest in cardigans! A cardigan is for life, not just for Xmas! 🙂

    But ugh, consider the excessive heat and the sweating and the UV radiation — none of that’s any good, no matter who you are. Being sufficiently warm, I have no problem with, but having to mop your brow every couple of minutes or wring out your clothes is no way for people in a first-world nation in the twenty-first century to live…

    You can wear flip-flops in the Spring and Autumn months, too, y’know! But I would say that. 😉

    Laura –
    The Pomeranian thing is true! Pomeranians are like 50% hay! 🙂

    No Spring or Autumn in Florida, eh? Well, count me out. That’s hideous. No wonder the nation’s elderly love that state. But you’d think with the stifling humidity that they wouldn’t like that so much…

    I find that as I get older, I’m more prone to being affected by heat; I seriously can’t stand anything above 70° anymore. Too much of it, especially if it’s humid, either destroys my inclination to do anything at all, or saps my will to live. If it weren’t so cost-prohibitive, I’d be running my air conditioner 24/7 from the month before the Summer solstice, all the way up until October…

    And I’ll need a right-hand woman! You called it, so I guess you get it. 🙂

  6. Laura writes:

    *does happy dance* ……it starts to rain 😛

  7. PBShelley writes:

    It rained today.

    It is June-uary.

    It has not been 70 degrees ALL YEAR.

    It is rumored that Summer is just around the corner.

    I would at least like some Spring so I can apply it to my step which is more like a limp these damp and cloudy days.

    There is also a rumor going round that the sky is actually blue. Feh. I’ll believe it when I see it…

  8. Mahtek writes:

    Crazy as Hell, I haven’t had the AC on yet this year! Obviously, a thick, insulating layer of blubber works both ways! 😀

    But seriously, I’ve spent so much time working outside in the heat, that when I finaly come in I only have enough energy to shower before passing out in bed!

    Fear not though! When you arrive on Saturday the house will be chilled to perfection! 😉

  9. Davecat writes:

    Mr Shelley (and lasses) (and kitty) –
    It’s not even reached 70° there? Alright, you know what? We need to initiate a Weather Exchange Programme, to tide us over until my global monarchy begins. You ship your damp, beginning-of-Spring-like weather here, and I’ll send you our sweltering oven heat. Also, I’ll throw in this June 1973 issue of Redbook. I’ve no idea why I have it, and frankly, no-one else wants it. Deal?

    Mahtek –
    You haven’t activated your AC at all? Well, doesn’t your place 1) not really face the sun, and 2) have tinted windows? That’s gotta help tremendously…

    Fab, we’ll be chillin’ at Mahtek’s! Yuk yuk yuk

  10. PBShelley writes:

    Redbook…Redbook… If I remember correctly, that might be the very magazine and issue that my father asked me to pick up for him for something to read, only when I returned with it he was aghast, as apparently it wasn’t quite the same Redbook that he had in mind.

    I got the impression that this new one was, in fact, something dodgy, and my dad was not one to allow such materiel in the house! (Good thing he never searched my bedroom LOL) (well, actually he did, but that’s another story 😛 )

    In any case, I’d love some of that sunny weather! We actually got some today before the sky clouded over once more. There was this brilliant round thing way up in the sky; for some reason I felt like worshipping it, or something, but there’s a scarcity of stone rings around here…

    Ah well, we shall live vicariously 😀

    PBS & the etcs

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