the Weekly Recommendation 03: Neckties

typed for your pleasure on 8 October 2004, at 3.36 am

No no; you’re mistaken, it’s always been ‘the Weekly Recommendation’. Always. What is this ‘Wednesday Recommendation’ you speak ov? No, the segment’s called ‘the Weekly Recommendation’. Weekly. Yes. DON’T QUESTION ME!

WHAT D’YE CALL IT? A necktie, a tie, a cravat, etc

A ‘NECK WHAT’? IS THAT SOME SORT OF DUCK? Nooooo, a necktie. I suppose, in a pinch, you could put them under the heading ov ‘accessories’, but I’d hardly associate them with hats, gloves & shoes

WHY ARE YOU RECOMMENDING THIS TO ME, THE SEXY AND NUBILE READER OF ‘SHOUTING TO HEAR THE ECHOES’? Because a tie can add up to +15 Coolness Factor to anyone. See what it did for these lads? A tie can do the same for you.

I would have to say that one ov the few positive things that I got out ov nine years ov catholic school, apart from a raging, unbridled hatred ov christianity (and a love for catholic schoolgirl uniforms), would be an fine appreciation ov the necktie. I think I was probably like any kid when I’d started wearing them, hating this thing, this bizarre & useless strip ov fabric round my neck. Well, actually, on my collar, as we were issued clip-on ties in gradeschool, which would understandably be enough to make anyone rebel against the concept ov ties, provided they didn’t know that real ties existed. But over time, and especially round late 9th grade, when my sense ov fashion started to congeal into what(ever) it is now, my affinity for ties grew. Since our school dress code required boys to wear shortsleeved Polo or imitation-Polo shirts, I often found myself wearing ties with my button-down dress shirts outside ov school, as wearing a tie with a Polo shirt is just fucking stupid. I tended to favour a burgundy knit tie with a squared-off bottom, then I moved up to a charcoal grey knit tie, which I still wear to this day. In my mind, a tie completes the ‘uniform’ dress sense that I still use and abuse at my considerable age.
I don’t own a lot ov ties — six, at current count — but I wear the shit out ov the ones I have. Part ov the reason that I don’t have an armada ov neckties is that I’m very particular about the type ov cravat I’ll buy. Being a child ov the 80s, the only ones I’ll don are skinny ties that are no wider than 2 inches. And no, I don’t have the one with the piano keys on it; even I have to draw the line somewhere.

Most blokes, by & large, abhor wearing ties, and once the clock strikes 4pm, they’ll rip that sucker off their necks as soon as they physically can. It could be argued that the necktie is synonymous with the workaday world, and once the work day’s done, it’s time to cut loose and par-tay, and you can’t very well do that with a tie on. Due to my naturally contrarian nature — heh — I personally find habitually dressing in a t-shirt & jeans to be rather uncomfortable and awkward, and since I don’t have enough necklaces and pendants to go round, that means it’s time for ties. Ties give a person a professional appearance, no matter what you’re doing — look at the film ‘Reservoir dogs’, or the Crazy 88s from ‘Kill Bill’, as examples — and I always think a nice slim tie on a lass is sssexy. Just because you’re sporting a necktie doesn’t make you yuppie scum, and thank Odhinn for that..

O, and I should mention that I will have no truck whatsoever with bowties. Bowties are an abberation, and are almost thoroughly useless. I hated them before I did a three-year tour ov duty as an usher at a movie theatre, and I hate them now. I would sooner wear one ov those hideous Don Cherry-style dress shirts with the heavily-starched oversized mutant collar before I wear a bowtie ever again

WHAT WOULD BE YOUR FAVOURITE BIT(S)? The, err, Windsor knot

SHOULD I EVEN ASK ABOUT A LINK? If I were you, I wouldn’t

NEXT WEEK: Vowels, rampant and unrestrained, battling a scourge ov consonants

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

Pretty unimaginable on September 3rd, 2005

Put some clothes on, sir; I can see you digesting on June 4th, 2006

4 have spoken to “the Weekly Recommendation 03: Neckties”

  1. Patrick writes:

    OH WOW, I CAN COMMENT NOW. AMAZING! UNBELIEVABLE! Un…What did you say? …I could comment before?

    fuck

  2. Davecat writes:

    It’s okay. As long as no-one was hurt. 🙂

  3. KrazyQ writes:

    No Ties! They are symbolic of the leashes we keep around the necks of dogs and how our jobs keep us at bay all day long with pay-cheques! aAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

  4. Davecat writes:

    Alright, don’t make me swat you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper..

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