Yes, I am talking to you

typed for your pleasure on 17 April 2006, at 3.18 pm

As some of you may have noticed, I’ve not written too much over the past week or so. I was waiting for the throngs of uninformed gawkers streaming in from a couple of Internet forums to piss off.

I’m considering packing it in as far as doing iDollator-related shoots & interviews for a while. For one, professional shoots can’t really be done where I’m currently staying, as the interior decor isn’t really to my liking and I can’t do a tremendous amount about it, which means going out-of-doors is the only option. I don’t really like leaving the house as it is, and since people seem largely averse to the concept of lifesized Dolls, taking Shi-chan with me is obviously a big risk for the pair of us.
As far as interviews, there’s too much of a chance of misreprentation. With Elisabeth Alexandre, Elena Dorfman, and Meghan Laslocky, I lucked out big time, in the aspect that things went pretty well (apart from the whole feminazi shitstorm, of course). They were empathetic, they did their research, and overall, they were nice, supportive people. But then, much like in day-to-day existence, for every one good encounter, there’s like thirty bad ones. More like, one bad encounter that’s worth about thirty bad ones.

I had thought about registering on one or both of the boards that are having a go at me in order to leave a comment, but I figured, why bother? As cynical as I am, I still have this underlying optimism that people will be reasonable, listen, and attempt to make even the smallest effort to understand people that aren’t like themselves. Bullshit. People either say they understand and empathise with you, when they actually don’t have Clue One, or they simply don’t want to make an attempt in the first place. It’s my belief that after a person hits the age of, say, sixteen, there’s pretty much nothing anyone can do or say to change that person’s way of thinking. Furthermore, the older they get, the slimmer the chances are for them to be open to other peoples’ ways of living and conducting themselves.
So why bother? I spend enough time and energy as it is on so-called worthwhile pursuits; what would be the point in me airing my views on their forums? Hell, I’m only one of the people they’re talking about!

One of the more level-headed people on one of the aforementioned forums concerned with my lack of romantic conformity had said, ‘Feel free to pile on the lonliest self-delusional nerds on the planet though. They’re used to it and I’m sure only reinforces their need for a doll.’
Apart from the first sentence, I could not agree more. I’ve always said that one of the most attractive features of a Doll is that they don’t judge.

Between the past couple of weeks at my dodgy job, this recent parade of self-righteous cakefuckers, and just a general lack of drive to write about anything, Doll-related or otherwise, I’m taking a break. Those who wish to contact me already know how to do so.

See you in a month

Random similar posts, for more timewasting:

I laughed until I cried on August 26th, 2004

No habla shitwick on July 22nd, 2004

28 have spoken to “Yes, I am talking to you”

  1. test writes:

    I came across your site from one of those internet sites linking here and to one of the stories you mentioned. I only want to offer some advice: keep trying to meet people. It really can work, just try aligning your interests with the activities. It’s hard to meet people you like, but it does happen. You have to work at it, though. You can try new things, such as exercise and sports things, volunteer, professional and skill-building groups, etc. The problem with taking a doll as a friend is that it keeps you as a sort of emotional slave. With it, you can’t develop as you can with actual people. Everyone fails with dating and relationships, but that is what you need in order to learn about who you are. The longer you keep that doll the harder it will be to leave it and develop real relationships. I suggest that you read some books on relationships and finding out about what you’re about. You will most likely find that you have lots to offer people. good luck.

  2. Jeff "Wolfgang" Lilly writes:

    Oh, now THIS is amusing…
    Here’s something you can take back to the forum you came from- stop judging other peoples’ relationships and start concentrating on your own.
    I’ve known Davecat for approximately half my life. Here is an important fact about Davecat that is also often missed:
    He isn’t unhappy.
    He doesn’t need relationship advice.
    Davecat has no problem with women. He has been with women before. He enjoys their company now. His relationship with Shi-chan is a matter of CHOICE, not the result of any inadequacies.
    Davecat is intelligent, witty, and kind. He treats others with respect and (how odd!) expects the same in return. He is a loyal and true friend, a stand-up guy, the kind of fellow I would trust my firstborn child with.
    Just for the record, also, I am not an idollator myself. I am married to a flesh and blood woman, and we have a loving relationship and a pretty regular sex life. My interest in Dolls extends to their amazing technical specs. They are beautiful works of art… but I, myself, would never wish to pursue a relationship with one.
    However, I don’t hold my relationship to be superior, or better, or more “normal”. People are all different. The only thing I wish for Davecat is that he be happy.
    And guess what? He is. Despite all of the absolute, thunderous bullshit that’s being written about him, despite the snickers and stares and evil thoughts, despite the mouth-breather suggestions that Dr. Phil is the “cure” for his “condition”.
    My wife and I are of different races. Thirty years ago, our relationship was illegal in half of the United States, land of the free and home of the brave. We are STILL considered “odd” by some… white folks should marry white folks, and Asians marry Asians. Right? Funny how attitudes change…
    Someday, I hope that all people might be able to pursue the kind of relationship that makes them HAPPY… without all the judgment.
    The fact is, Davecat is happy. Those who criticize him, who snipe at him, who give him advice to “read some books”, are the unhappy ones. They cannot STAND the idea that folks can think differently, act differently, and love differently than themselves.
    In the end, you are only responsible for one person’s happiness: your own. I do not fault your desire to bring happiness and good advice to my pal. But I say to you- it is not needed. Save your energy and work on your own happiness, and your own open-mindedness. Davecat can handle his own.

  3. Wanda writes:

    Hi, WG,
    I think the person meant well, but just doesn’t grasp that having a doll is not a substitute for a person. You have a doll because you want a doll. I haven’t known DaveCat long, although I have read his posts for I guess about two years. But he is one of my favorites, I love our e-mail exchanges, I enjoy his blog, and would love to have him give me a foot massage with the appendage of his choice.
    I just got through a hassle with a bunch of British morons who attacked me as a man-hating dyke (Bwahahahahahaha) with a “blow-up” doll. JHFC.
    I feel sad that DaveCat is not gonna be around for a month, but I hope he comes back refreshed, happy and ready to rock and roll. He’s my kinda guy!

  4. SafeTinspector writes:

    “It’s my belief that after a person hits the age of, say, sixteen, there’s pretty much nothing anyone can do or say to change that person’s way of thinking.”

    Don’t write everyone off, DC. Just ‘cuz there’s a lot of intractible dicks out there doesn’t mean there’s nothing but intractible dicks.

    Would it surprise you to know I was a right-wing, homophobic, religious conservative until I was in my mid-twenties? Now I’m a proudly liberal gnostic with a deep and abiding hatred for the right.

    I hated tomatoes until about three years ago.

    Maybe I’m the exception to the rule, but people can change.

    Now the real question is:are the people worth the effort of changing them?

  5. Wanda writes:

    Uh, maybe change is possible for some, in certain things. But it has been my personal experience that if you deviate from the norm in any of your personal behavior–especially your personal sexual behavior–you are going to get slammed up against the wall pretty hard. Repeatedly. Relentlessly. Without mercy. That is guaranteed.

  6. PBShelley writes:

    Well, even though the top-poster is obviously well-meaning, it is this kind of “thinking” that is so assumptive and “you’ve got to do it this way or you’ll be a loser forever” that keeps the possibilities re: dolls from becoming actualities. And Jeff, you hit it right on the head; right on!
    Loved your response.

    They just can’t/won’t/don’t WANT to get it. They lack Imagination. We aren’t all recluses and deviants, you see, despite what their limited understanding tells them how to regard us. I know, shocking *rollie-eyes emoti*…

    Many doll-owners are married, have no intent on “giving up” on relationships, not slagging off the human race etc, (except for those fools who just HAVE to have everyone do things THEIR way, which does seem to be the majority). God save me from those always judging, advising, looking down their noses., mocking and so on. “Dr. Phil” -LOL! RIGHT! HE’LL make everything all better! Give me a break.

    If the dolls give one happiness, which they assuredly DO, then that is what life is all about: the pursuit of happiness. Look at the rate of divorce, the hideous pairings due to Society’s imperative that you MUST be in one to be happy (and BUY lots of things to sustain it LOL), beatings, game-playing, manipulation, head-fucking etc etc etc that goes on in “normal relationships”. Is it any wonder that some of us enjoy a break with companions that are non-judgmental, accepting, present, and soothing to have around? These drama-junkies that we -no, THEY- have become is sickening. To borrow an old saying and twist it, “Society is a Ass!”

    Wandababes, you got it right… and to change oneself to please others is hypocritical. Change must come naturally and because you want it and are ready for it, not because some holier-than-thou says you must. I love change and will do it on a whim, but never because someone ill-informed instructs me to.

    I would suggest to “test” (and I am not slamming you for offering apparently caring advise; you sound just like my brother LOL) that YOU read “The Loner’s Manifesto” by Anelli Rufus, and see that there are others out HERE who are perfectly capable of finding their way on their own just fine, thank you. Davecat is an excellent individual, emphasis on “individual” who doesn’t need classes or books to help him find a relationship. I’ve met few persons who are finer people. Egad.

    Safe-T, you are right about changing. DC doesn’t need to change, and your last line speaks to why 😉

    Davecat & the ever-lovely Sidore-chan: I’m bummed about your break, but perhaps you feel it necessary. You have as always my full support. I agree that we lucked out with our E & E & Meghan interviews, but the rest are slowly coming along, I think/hope. A bit too slowly, to be sure, but this is not a surprise, no? I totally understand your gun-shyness; I am awaiting the U.K. interview to come forth and then see what I feel about the “interview thing”; their intent seems n

  7. ray rentell writes:

    Well I seldom post here cause I have troubles stringing sentances together in a intelligent way but this has made me POP out of the woodwork.

    You are what you are and if your truly happy as can be with yourself and life thats all that matters.
    All I can say is see the erudite , warm , even loving posts from people who have known DC far longer than I have.

    Theres always someone who wants us to conform to what ever they consider “normal” if we all did that it would be a very, very grey world.

    Would there ever be art, music and millionares, of course not, ever seen a “normal” millionare or artist.
    To see life from a different perspective is …………… words fail me ………………… good!

    If only I could put into pictures what Im trying to say!

    Basically what Im trying to say is that I enjoy reading and hopefully knowing you because your not the NORM thank goodneess and long may that fucking well stay that way DC, your an artist with words.

    Recharge those batteries for a month and then come back punching buddy ,dont let the barstards grind you down.

    Phew, did I really write all that, blimey!

    And talking of dolls as we arnt, theres some pics for you over at the TDF so if you have time over your month off have peep.
    A doll can be so much more .

    may the onions be with you.

    RENTELL and far anninonEmouse

  8. PBShelley writes:

    Hi Rentell & ladies,

    (It appears that Halo-scan chopped my blathering a bit, so it’s probably well and good you kept yours succinct! ;-))

    So, um… WHAT YOU SAID! 😀

    DC & Sidore, pop by TDF & TDG and catch up on what you’ve missed; that should take you about a month 😉

    Regards all,
    PBS & Lily

  9. Wanda writes:

    Who luvz ya, babeeee!

  10. Lolly writes:

    Have to say, I was brought to your site originally because of the insanity at Pandagon over the Salon article. And I’ve been checking in faithfully ever since…

    It must be amazingly hard to deal with the vitriol directed toward you and the gorgeous Sidore. You don’t see such heat about other random sexual behavior/interests/whatever; methinks there’s a large jealousy factor present. It’s one thing to declare yourself a liberal thinker, and another to actually apply it.

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know there are those of us who will miss your take on things (and on Sidore-chan! meow!) while you’re gone.

    *fades back into the woodwork*

  11. PBShelley writes:

    Hi Lolly *looks behind the woodwork*

    What they hate is the Individual, the Free-Thinker; we represent a challenge to the status quo, which they are more than comfortable with perpetuating because it is their “safe haven” away from all the scary people LOL
    Fear is their comfort and uniter. And yes, a little bit of jealousy too 😉

    Thanks for popping out of the woodwork; I thought it was termites 😉

    BTW all, I put the wrong title down for Anneli Rufus’ book (and THIS is the correct spelling of her name *blush*); it’s called “Party of One -The Loner’s Manifesto” (see Amazon for samples). If anyone knows someone who is “tagged” with that Loner label (again scaring the scaredycats LOL), advise them to read this book. It will help them understand, and also will do the same for those with those tendencies who are wondering about themselves. It really is a wonderful, thoughtful, and illuminating work.

    PBS & Lily

  12. Hannah writes:

    Dude, if you choose your Doll, that’s your choice and I respect that. I’m sorry so many people feel the ned to judge you on a situation they don’t understand. (I can’t rightfully claim that I completely understand it either, but I think if it makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anyone else, then go for it.) Good luck dodging the assholes.

  13. Cole writes:


    You aren’t hurting anyone. Your pursuits are your own business and perfectly acceptable in a liberal political conception.

    Unfortunately, your pursuits are unconventional which is always a barrier to acceptance.

    Anonymous message boards, by their very nature, are the home of people that get pleasure out of making fun of people.

    Further, I’m more considered about cross-cultural relationship, such as Jeff “Wolfgang” Lilly’s, that could be based on racial stereotypes such as the exoticized other of Orientalism and can result in reinforced stereotypes. A greater concern is the domestic violence among traditional relationships.

    Compared to these issues, you aren’t hurting anyone and are courageous in that you are willing to discuss your choices. This can result in further acceptance, but requires thick skin. While I do not advocate attempting to convince those that would mock you, by giving up the blog, you are not showing the courage and it may be construed as an admittal that you are doing something wrong.


  14. Penda writes:

    Awww – look at all the wonderful well-wishers.

    And you say you’re not loved.

    Yeah the 1st commenter sorta missed the bus, tried to catch a connecter and ended up in a bad neighborhood frequented by Dr. Phil and Oprah clones who clearly beat the sense out of him/her.

    Oh well. It happens.

  15. L40 writes:


    It’s a doll.

    You can’t have a “relationship” with an inanimate object.

    Do what you want behind closed doors, no one cares, but don’t pretend it’s a “relationship” or should be treated as “normal”.

    Mixed race couples does NOT equal having sex with a doll.

  16. Jenn writes:

    Okay, so the doll thing is kinda weird. But hey, weird keeps life from being boring, and gives us ‘net geeks something to talk about. So weird is good.

    Don’t take any crap from anyone. As long as you’re happy (and your friends seem to think you are), and you’re not hurting anyone, enjoy your freaking life! It’s too short to really worry about what other people think.

    And if people want to get all het up about doll-love, they should hear about the emotionally destructive relationships my friends get in all the time. Now that shit’s crazy! Your situation is absolutely sane by comparison.

    Take care…

  17. Jeff "Wolfgang" Lilly writes:

    Hey, L40…
    The internet is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? In the old days, cowardly shits like yourself couldn’t mouth off, because you risked getting your ass handed to you. Now, of course, you can pop in, blather, snipe, and generally foul the air with your self-righteousness, and then leave, feeling good about yourself and your tiny, fragile ego, protected by your coward’s anonymity.
    Being married to a person of a different race doesn’t equate to a human-synthetic relationship? Wow… in addition to your sparkling personality, you display an incredible ignorance of history as well. Not too long ago, my relationship with my wife was described as “unnatural”, “sinful”, etc. (using, strangely enough, the exact same language that other self-righteous types currently use to try and keep gays down… but that’s another story). Do you know how folks of different races have been described through the years? As animals? Sub-human? Tools? Less valued than inanimate objects? Hmm. While this sort of hate speech has gladly diminished, it has not been extinguished. At least that lucky Klansman with his “Dutch Wife” isn’t breaking the laws of nature by laying with a damn n—-r.
    Sentience is an issue now, it’s true. A “relationship” in the traditional sense cannot exist when only one partner is alive. But I don’t recall any of these folks wanting to marry their dolls, or be legally recognized… they just want to tell their stories.
    Dolls are indeed inanimate. They certainly don’t have what I look for in a woman… but if my friends get joy and pleasure and fulfillment through them, then why the hell should anyone care?
    Is being with a doll a “real” relationship to you? No? Then don’t have a doll. But don’t go around telling my friends that their relationships are illegitimate, that they are weird, that their feelings are wrong, that they are lesser people just because their mode of finding happiness does not mesh with your own.
    Bigotry is bigotry is bigotry, L40. Sorry to disappoint you.
    Most importantly, if you hate these people so much, then why take the time to write on their forums? May I suggest the “Mouth-Breathing Coward’s Forum”, or something similar, L40? That seems much more your speed.
    For all of the other first-time and only-time posters out there who have supported my friends, thank you. Open-mindedness is a wonderful thing.
    To all of the viewers out there deciding whether to join in… You can be curious, you can ask questions, you can even decide that it’s weird and not for you… but before you jump to that side of the fence, at least hear everything out.
    Thank you.

  18. Patty O'Furniture writes:

    So, are you worried that Ken will break up your relationship with Barbi..uh..”Shi-chan”?

    Do you wax “her”, or just use a good plastic polish?

    If you pull the string at the back of “her” neck, does “she” laugh at loud at you?

  19. PBShelley writes:

    ^ …yet more evidence of the truly stupid and inane “mentalities” of the trolls and creepers come out of the woodwork LOL

    Thanks for proving the point, dimwit :-/
    Why don’t you go hunt up a barfly or two, that should make you feel all manly and stuff. Or “womanly” as the case may be.

    “Patty” probably = big fat guy with a sweat-stained wife-beater smokin’ a cigar LOL

    It’s people like you, etc etc ad infinitum ad nauseum

    You and those of your ilk are too ignorant /insensitive/clueless to understand anything other than your narrow-minded world view (assuming you even have that), so stop embarrassing yourself.

    No, wait, don’t. We’re all laughing at YOU, shit-for-brains.

  20. SafeTinspector writes:

    Patty, what with his clever association of Barbie dolls with Realdolls, is really the most clever poster in this comment thread.

    I mean, who would ever have thought of that cool joke about Ken trying to get with Davecat’s synthetic companion?

    That dude should have a syndicated column. It could be called “Poorly thought out Metaphors and Inappropriate Similes for Lame Comedic Use”

  21. Matty_the_Damned writes:

    Whatever honey. Now you’re famous to a realm of constipated nerds and angry loners. If the most shocking thing I learn today is that someone out there fucks an inanimate doll – it’s been a good day.


  22. SafeTinspector writes:

    Matty, I visited your “homepage.”

    For shame, dude. A gay man shouldn’t be passing judgement on another person’s sexual preferences.

    I was so surprised when I found out that a flamer was dissing Davecat that I re-read your post to make sure I wasn’t misconstrueing it.

    I once knew a Macintosh proponent who drove a Volkswagen Golf but is also a member of the NRA. I think you are actually a bit more anachronistic.

  23. Matty_the_Damned writes:

    For shame, dude. A gay man shouldn’t be passing judgement on another person’s sexual preferences.

    Oooh SafeTinspector! How remiss of me. I bow to your superior sense of moral rightness. Your timely criticisms of my manifest nastiness sees me chastened. I will no longer walk along the path of naughtiness.

    Seriously, Given the camp counsellor tone of your prissy response – I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that you’re still all cut up over the the big boys who teased you in high school. What was your particular freak quality? Extra toes? A hare lip? No, I can guess – you were crossed eyed right?

    You know, I wasn’t so much judging this poor fellow’s particularly banal “preferences” as remarking that he shouldn’t be so sensitive when a bunch of ne’er do well dorks like the crowd at make fun of him.

    If you don’t want people like the knuckle dragging mouth breathers on shock sites to tease you mercilessly – one probably should post one’s sad sexual antics on the internet for all to see.


  24. SafeTinspector writes:

    Matty:If you’d actually taken the time to read this blog before spouting you would find the content competely bereft of sexual “antics” and merely full of news items related to Davecat’s interests.

    And as for the puerile and pathetic attempt to get a rise out of me by drawing attention to my obvious physical defect (I have a blackened ear which smells of back-bacon. A physiological affliction to which I am genetically predisposed), well I continue to stroke my finger at you.

    Honestly, as soon as one minority achieves a modicum of approval by the general public it seeks to thicken its legitimacy by growing bigotry of its own.

    (This is very similar to a good Roux causing a yeast infection. Trust me, it can happen. One look in my pants and you’ll know its true)

    If you don’t want people like the knuckle dragging mouth breathers on shock sites to tease you mercilessly [..]
    Oops, I’m sorry, I must’ve misheard you. It sounded almost like you called yourself a knuckle-dragging mouth-breather. It’s ok, man. Sinus conditions are a bitch.

  25. Belle Epoque writes:

    I came here via Salon, via Mistress Matisse’s blog (she’s a dominatrix from Seattle who did not presume to make judgment, simply commented on the novelty of your kink. And I have to say, my interests – I collect playscale sized Japanese fashion dolls, customize them, and pose them for internet ‘fashion shoots’ of a G to PG rated fashion – strike me as similar to yours. That the assigning of national background, history, personality, and likes/dislikes to a human-shaped construct can cause so much wank by bitchy girls on the internets. . .it’s pretty amazing.

    I have no idea where I’m going with this, besides. . .do what amuses you, and fuck ’em all.

    Also, kudos on the photography.

  26. Annir writes:

    This is a completely foreign sexual preference to me, but I’m all for people doing whatever makes them happy, as long as they’re not hurting anyone. The photography is really cool, it’s hard to tell that what’s being photographed was constructed instead of born.

    Something I’m curious about: Would you feel that developing AI and robotics in the constructs (a la Chobits, I suppose) would be a good or bad thing?

  27. Davecat writes:

    Hi Annir –
    Well, thanks for having an open mind. 🙂

    O, I’m completely and entirely for the concept of building full-fledged Androids and Gynoids. Any beneficial use of technology that helps the human race advance as a species, I’m all for it. In particular, Synthetiks can be developed as partners, friends, or lovers, for those who require them. I don’t believe in paranoid ramblings that ‘making artificial people is akin to playing God,’ or ‘if you make robots too intelligent, they’ll take over,’ etc. Utter bollocks. People that say things like that are simply afraid of unconventional thinking, and afraid of progress, as far as I’m concerned..

    If you poke round on ‘Shouting etc etc’, you’ll note that a few of my posts deal with Dolls and Synthetiks. Well, about 75% of them. 🙂 Stick around!

  28. linnea writes:

    Anonymity on the internet can be both good and bad. On one hand, you have ignorant jackasses who take advantage of their faceless pseudonyms to bash others. I can’t handle the negativity when I read comments on blogs.

    Then again, it’s also possible to find communities of awesome, cool people who are kind and not-assholes. I just wish there were some sort of filter to prevent the assholish comments from being viewed. Why do people feel compelled to type a message when they’re contributing absolutely nothing?

    Davecat, you are not hurting anyone and I cannot fathom why people would get so up in arms about having a RealDoll and blogging about her and taking photos. It is your life, don’t let the negativity or haters get you down. Sidore is beautiful and you just glow when you’re around her or talking about her. It’s nobody’s business what makes you happy, even if you do post about it on the intarwub.


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