Sdtrk: ‘La porte a coté’ by Christine Delaroche
Since I have such incredible problems managing my time, I have opted to use an electric shaver, as opposed to the razor treatment, cos it’s considerably quicker. For the past couple of days, I’ve been on the hunt for buying a new shaver, and I’ll tell you; the whole process is striking me as being ridiculous beyond all reason.
The last shaver I bought was a Remington SF3 MicroScreen 1, a rechargable jobbie that I purchased around 2003. Recently, I’d noticed that repeated passes during use just ain’t cutting it anymore, pun intended, so I thought, well gee, I have to finally go buy some replacement blades. I get to Meijer, and all the replacement blades & screens for Remington shavers are for MicroScreen models 2 and 3. Furthermore, I don’t think they even make the model that I own anymore, which honestly wouldn’t surprise me.
So I’m thinking, fine, I guess I’ll just buy a whole new fucking electric shaver, you bastards, so I begin peering at the other shavers that were on offer. Now, I don’t know about you, but I go so long between buying shavers, that I keep forgetting how expensive they are. I remember distinctly when I bought the model I have now, I was with someone at the time, and I was annoyed at the prices back then, and she was like, ‘Well, if you have to buy one, you have to buy one’. So I’m looking at the shavers, thinking, ‘A new electric razor should be about $15 – $20’. Nope! The cheapest model was $30, which was $20 more than I had on me. Jesus.
I admit, I’m a bit of a cheapskate when it comes to some things. I’ll grouse if necessities cost more than I think they should, but for ‘luxury’ items, price sometimes isn’t a deterrent. How much do I think a top-of-the-line German-made electric razor should cost? A rechargable one with triple hovering rotary blades, a multi-speed moustache trimmer, a soothing gel dispenser, that flashes a series of LEDs while simultaneously playing ‘Upside down’ by The Jesus and Mary chain? $30. Replacement blades? Pack of three, $5. Yeah. I’m the Best Consumer EVAR!!1!@
The reason I’m mortified, really, is that the result is inevitable: I’m gonna trek back up to Meijer later this week and buy a brand new ‘cheapie’ $30 electric shaver, and I find that fact hateful. But this is something I have to have. I must have a shaver, as my patchy facial hair makes me look like a common criminal. I suppose it’s the fact that I need this object, colliding headlong with my unwillingness to lay out $30 that could have gone towards some sushi, or a couple of DVDs, that really irks me. Until I can make enough money to afford laser hair removal (I’m serious), I’m gonna have to use a damn razor when I shave every other day. I’m gonna have to go over my face several times, consider myself done, and then 20min later when I’m out the door, I’ll end up running my hand across my jawbone and find that I’ve missed like five or six spiderlegs, and hiss under my breath.
If I had my druthers, I’d purchase a straight razor, cos if you can use one of those effectively, you automatically get the title of badass, but my hands are so markedly unsteady that any effort that I’d attempt would result in at least eight severed arteries, guaranteed